The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Poorly TWH is now out for the count curled up beside me. He really didn't have it in him poor thing. He did give it a try but his todge refused to even slightly play. Not even a hint if it. Sigh.

shitty timing, fnarr!

Blue I'm with you on the menfolk living on a different planet. Just got into bed and said '4 days to go'. DCW responded with 'just two weeks until I'm on holiday' . Then saw the look on my face and hurriedly said 'but 4 days is very important as well'

Fab I reckon if he can manage to bash one out first thing tomorrow it'll still be a winner . Sod's law of timing though, eh? Ever feel like everything is conspiring against you?

Got everything crossed for juicy follies on the scan tomorrow .

Ta for the fish slaps and sympathy hags. I do have meditation tracks from the catching rainbows lady. I remember them when I'm feeling calm and serene and I don't need them. When I freak out I forget all about them.... Must try and use them next time I freak out!

Been awake an hour pondering how/when to test. Got two frer waiting and lots of internet cheapies. So tempted to test tomorrow. That will be 12dpo. But then I have to face a day at work afterwards. Considered pissing in a pot and saving it so I could dip when I got home. Was quite disappointed I didn't keep the extra sample pot the gp gave me as I could have used that to collect my own sample! Or thought about dipping the test then running to work, coming back to read the result later. I'm going a little crazy.

fab hope there is more luck this morning with clearing out his tubes, come and check in after the scan . I think you asked earlier about hormones - I'm on cyclogest twice a day.

Don't do it barking! Honestly my advise isn't really to be listened to but I reckon if you do it earlier and it's a bfn it will drive you crazy not knowing if it's accurate or not. Shoulder punches a plenty - this is hardcore.

Oh poor fab and Mr fab (can't scroll down to remember his actual name!) it'll be ok lovelies. I'm going to give kisses to all xxxxxxxxxxxx I can't help it, don't banish me!

Argghh, we aren't going to make it on time! He's still in hotel and our appointment was 10 mins ago - they are going to cancel it in 5 mins! I can't stand this, it's too much!

He's just in there, and claims I didn't tell him there was an appointment time! What the actual fuck - how could he not have listened to anything I've said about this!! And why the fuck didn't he check with me. So all that time I've been sat in the car thinking oh he must be really struggling to do it - no he's just fucking messing about because he's always late for everything! Why did he think I went and sat outside in the car for 40 mins?? Fuck me this is a fucking farce!!

Fingers crossed they still let it go ahead - fish slaps needed hags

barking, I'm with blue - don't do it. Especially if you have to go to work.

Blue - jeebus, that sounds...difficult. Keep us posted - here's a fish slap for you. Pilchard of Intestinal Fortitude, perhaps.

So, I'm booked in for prog and AMH for Friday afternoon. It does mean that I'll have to cancel a meeting, but I don't really care. Given that I've been increasingly feckless over the last six months because of this "troubled fertility" shite, I guess that's not surprising. Himself is ringing in for the jizz test today, and then I'll have an ultrasound in a couple of weeks, once my cycle starts again.

Hags, thanks all for the advice re prog test - I'm pretty sure I'm past ovulation now. Assuming I'm in fact ovulating at all, of course. Fab, this is all private, as I'm not in NHS jurisdiction.

Aaaargh Blue just aaaargh! Have the Perch of Persistence. What happened in the end? Now admittedly I'd struggle to wank to order but, BUT, this is the only thing they have to do. And they do get the benefit of a happy ending! It is one of those things though unfortunately - A LOT of men really struggle with the thought of what may be said about their manliness. They are so scared of what the result might be that they would rather put it off and cause an argument than actually do it. I have no idea why! We women also have to struggle with the knowledge that our womanly bits are failing to do the necessary but I'd rather know then move on and do something about it than bury my head in the sand. TWH took about 6 months before he would do his spaff test and even then there was A LOT of cajoling, bullying, begging, pleading and just plain nagging. Even now he failed entirely to do his spaff test for this round of ivf claiming to have lost the form about 10 times and then saying it made no difference anyway, it's all about what happens on the day. Hmmmmm.

Good news is that having had a considerable fever at bedtime (tshirt soaked through and beads of sweat on forehead and very heavy sleep) I woke up throughout the night to check on him and thankfully his fever broke and he felt much better this morning. So I jumped on him and made him capitulate even though I was totally not in the mood as I could see he was aiming for the 'I ran out of time' excuse. Seriously? I haven't gone through all of this bollocks so that you can deliver rubbish sperm sunshine!!!

Rant over. Well not quite. Barking??? Really??? Your husb gets the prize for insensitivity today. I just don't think they get it do they. Or rather, I know they don't get it! Aaarggh. But don't test please. Give the sticks to your husband to hide away somewhere so you can't test until the weekend. Whatever the result is it will fuck with your mind and work will be a struggle so save it until you have the time to digest it and then whatever happens you'll be able to be together, go for a nice walk etc and either dream/menkul about the next few weeks or go out, eat a bloody steak, some blue cheese, a bottle of red and the finest gin you can find.

Bad, great news about the blood tests and whilst it's total pants you can't do this on the nhs at least the whole rigmarole will be a lot quicker! And bugger the work meeting, life is more important

Blue I feel your !! Give us an update!!

Fab good work this morning hag . Got to get the prime swimmers whatever it takes!!!

bad fuck work, this is more important .

I tested at 12dpo after the last iui and got a faint bfp on a frer. Apparently it's 99% accurate at 12dpo, so a bfn pretty much would be.
Hmm ignores all the very sensible advice given

HAGS! I miss you! Work is mental!

Blue Had a similar experience when we were going for the very first 'we've been trying for ages, what happens now?' appointment. Won't bore you with details but we had to postpone SIX WEEKS as result and it's a fucking wonder I didn't become a widow that very day. So frustrating! ARRRRGHGHGH!

Barking I would say, wait till Saturday. But then I'm the queen of testing on 12DPO so I just wish you a big FAT BFP whatever you do.

Fab Sorry, I did laugh a bit at the squits story. Poor you and Mr Fab. But well done for showing no mercy this morning , so to speak So frustrating. And why does it always feel (or is it me?) that we are asking them to do stuff? Last time I checked, Mr Erica wanted a baybee as much or more than I do!

Badb Good luck with tests, lovely! And what everyone else said, screw the meeting for now!

Bloody men, hey? But I do at least feel better knowing your men can be knobbers sometimes too

You hags are bloody amazing

He did get in for the test on time, "you must have got a jobsworth, it was fine" - really? She's a jobsworth for suggesting that if you are 15 mins late for an appointment you might not be able to have it? Ah well, all done now (and I've been trying to get it done for 1.5 years now so yay!!)

Much love hags (sod fish, I'm just luffing you)

Well done Mr Blue (and Blue for getting him there!!!) finally. At least it's done now .

Erica - I hear ya!!!

Scan done and egg collection will be on Saturday so crafty jump attack on TWH this morning was just the ticket and we're all good for perfect timing of jizz. Thank the lord and hallelujah! Trigger on Thursday night so Friday will be my drug free day - whoop!

Barking. Step away from the piss sticks. Listen to the BESH!!

Great news on the successful jizz timings Fab and Blue and Whoop! for the follies and EC on Saturday Fab

It's lunchtime but I work in an office of mainly young twenty somethings and I have nothing to say to them. They have no idea what it's like in my head right now, I'd rather be antisocial and catch up with my hags on my phone .

So happy for you Fab and Blue ! Whoop! Have the lobster of luck energetically thrown at you!

Hags. A full time position may come my way. I think I'm going to take it. Occupying myself without being overly stressed is not 'giving up', is it?

Barking I know what you mean Barking. Hanging out with the BESH mafia is pretty cool, even if it's through the phone screen!

Another pregnancy announcement....

One of those 'we had just booked our first fertility appointment but never made it because I got PREGNANT. So fair enough, these couple haven't had it easy... but when it's our turn for one of those 'oh silly us, we just needed to relax about it' stories?

Someone fish slap me, please!

Omg I have no idea how many of those early ironidiff stories I've heard along the way and the ithappenedtosomeoneelseitcouldhappentoyou stories. They are great for them but after the first few just not what you want to hear really!

Hags I luffs you guys too - the thread keeps me sane

Erica you are the only one who can answer that one I'm afraid - I ended up taking the housewife route as it was impossible to keep on with my old job but too difficult to contemplate a new one when I was going to do ivf and end up taking loads of time out. It's a very personal choice.

Fab The more stories I hear, the more I think 'not EVERYONE can get an ironidiff, so the more 'other' people get them, the fewer my chances...'. I know, I'm such a lovely person :(

I know what you mean re: work. I have to really think about it but generally speaking, I think the fact that I work for a 'social' organisation and that my boss has been TTC for years, would mean they would be sympathetic if I was to go through IVF in a few months? But you never know I guess...

Going for a different role in the same company would probably be a lot easier than going to a different company Erica. Have a sniff round the role and see what comes up. Just remember that whilst they are sympathetic they are ultimately out to support the company and not you. You must look out for you!!

Fab That's wise advice. It's a different role within the company so a bit easier. But as you say, I must look out for me and not take decisions just based on 'I am so fed up of waiting to have a baby' restlessness.

Or think this could be my ironidiff :)

Oh hag, Saturday is so soon! Exciting times!!!

Erica if I recall correctly you weren't planning on living where you are now forever and ever, so if this could be seen as a short term thing in the grander scheme of things, would it be so bad to just give it a go? You'll be off on maternity soon enough anyway, not going to be doing it more than a year [grin.

Friends of ours went to the fc same month as us for their first appointment. She then got diffed with twins before even seeing the consultant. Said twins were born when I mc'd our first, and are now walking. I hate ironidiffs.

Feeling tired, listless, and lacking concentration. No symptoms. nada. Going slowly cuckoo. Can it really be worse to know it failed than to not know at all?

Good point Barking ! I do love your 'You'll be off on maternity leave...' Can you imagine??

Twins? WTF. Seriously.

I read somewhere that if it's too early to test, it's too early to have symptoms and it's been true in my case.

You should try and wait till Saturday but you know that, don't you? Sending you sole of strength!

Barking hang on in there . You've done really well so far and isn't it better to know for sure than to test early and have a maybe to add to the menkul. Bugs tested early and it nearly drove her over the edge. Cyclogest also adds to the menkul - I love that a side effect is 'worry'. No shit Sherlock! Talking of which I've just remembered that one of the things you're supposed to do in the 2ww is laugh. As much as you can! So as I seem to recall that it's not a laugh a minute on the big screen at the mo, I think it's time to check your amazon prime/net flicks/sky movies box office accounts and get to downloading some funny films for you to chortle at. And get some chums over and primed for fun times. Get some laughing therapy down you instead! Quite pleased I remembered that actually - I think a rendition of 'dance monkey,dance' to TWH might cheer me up in the 2ww too!!

I'm the opposite - I would rather have a couple of extra days in PUPOland than have my bubble burst and potentially have to accept the reality. I'm not ready to think of that one yet. You hags will be begging me to test and threatening to poke me (gently of course!) in the kidneys by the end!

And damn the twin ironidiffer (wish it was me!!)!