The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

chez I've got meetings today and I'm out of the office this afternoon so I can't work from home today. I'll call the gp this morning and see if I can get an appointment after work.
Still don't feel good.

Bad - I believe you're talking about The Fear. Not something the BESH tend to have to worry about due to lack of copious gin drinking but oh I remember it well. Just hold your head up high and hope for the best.

Barking it doesn't sound right - did you manage to get an appointment?

Chez - ooh the excitement ramps up - think you'll be scratching when I'll be getting a result (if all goes according to plan of course).

I do feel very lucky that we've been able to have a close relationship with our nieces and nephews. We get to have the fun of kids and then pass the back! And also have excited little people running to give us cuddles which is wonderful and makes up for our lack. A little bit anyway.

I've got an annoying friend. We've been besties since forever but she moved away to be with a bloke who is quite frankly a knob so we don't see that much of each these days. She has always been anti children - didn't see the point in them, boring, never wanted them etc although always made a point of having a boyfriend with children already. Her partner's child now has 2 children and every day she posts pics of her with these children. Every blimmin day. It's just so annoying! She didn't even want children and now all she does is obsess about these bloody kids. It seems so unfair! I wouldn't mind if she wanted children but she never did!!!! Bloody jealousy is ugly isn't it

On the plus side (and because I am evil) someone else made me laugh by commenting on her latest fb pic with the kids - 'go go granny!' She's 41. Mwahaha.

Maybe she likes other people's kids - all the fun and none of the responsibility...

I've got a gp appointment at 4.10. I want to know what the hell is going on .

Still clueless. There were signs of an infection apparently, they just couldn't grow a culture. I asked whether I could be having side effects from the antibiotics and he said that was a possibility. He dipped a stick in another sample and it showed the infection has cleared, so he said I could stop taking them (had one day left) and see if I felt any better.
I'm swinging between deciding I'm knackered and nauseous because I'm pg please ignore the impossibly early symptom spotting and stressing that my body will decide to block any pregnancy because I'm ill and therefore not fit to carry a baby .

Menkul....

So, I'll see if I feel any better by tomorrow.

5 days left until d-day. Tick, tock, tick, tock.....

Ah barking - it's not being made easy for you is it?

Had to come on to post the latest almost comical preg announcement - my SIL is pregnant - 25 weeks pregnant having only just realised because her husband has had a vasectomy!! Seriously hags, over 2 years of using all the tricks I can throw at it for me to get upduffed and they've managed one following the used of permanent contraception! Come on, this a a little funny, no?

Omg Blue that is insane! Seriously, what are the chances of that happening? Will they get to sue the doc who did the vasectomy??

Barking what an unsatisfactory result. Have the Monkeyface Prickleback of Menkul. I have nothing to say of any use and have no answers whatsoever but I feel your pain.

Another day another scan for me. I have 12 follies in total now with 6 in the lead and the others trailing behind. Next scan on Wednesday and hopefully the follie growth will have evened out. Plump round healthy follicles is my mantra.

Plump round healthy follicles ... Plump round healthy follicles ...... Go, go go!

(excellent fish name by the way)

And nope, apparently when sign the paper work for the operation you agree that it's not 100% effective so there is no come back but still ... Seriously now??? I'm actually pretty laid back about it but if I wasn't Id be furious ... Surely that's my baby, I was actively in the queue for but instead it's been thrown to someone who wasn't even in the baby shop!

Fuck, blue that's just insane. And yes, laugh or you'd cry . A fucking vasectomy?!
Reminds me of our first fertility clinic appointment when I explained to the consultant that we hadn't been able to DTD that month as DCW had had a vasectomy 2 weeks earlier and still had stitches in.
It took me a while to register the confused look on the faces of the nurse and the consultant before DCW explained that I meant a circumcision.....

fab COO!!!!! And nice fish, I'll remember that one .
Have a Flavescent Peacock Fish to fatten up your follies .

Jesus Blue, that's incredible! Just goes to show how much the baby making is about luck (or lack of thereof) ...

Barking 4 days to go!! Hope you are feeling better today. I could have thought about this a couple of days ago, but I just remembered that the first time an UTI (which developed into a kidney infection, ugh), the meds made me super sick... I felt like crap for days before going to the doctor and saying 'mmmhh.. is it normal to feel like death?' and they were, like, eye rolling 'well, YES!'.

I would suggest that you take acidophilus/eat all the yogurt to replace the good bacteria that the antibiotics would have killed along with the bad. Nothing to do with TTC, but it may save you some stomach upset!

I guess what Mr Erica and I are 'doing' for this few months is try to relax and take a break and prepare for TTC again. That said, I feel as chilled as I am ever going to feel now (i.e. not much) so ready to go. Another lesson on patience!

Fab Crossing everything for you for Wednesday!!

Waves at everyone else! Sorry, having a bit of a crazy week, which is nice, I have to say! Working part time gives me too much time to go waaahaa baybee waaaha. May consider a full time position again... (shamelessly fishing for an ironydiff here)

-The first time I HAD an UTI - I can't write!

Morning all. I've read through the thread, but I must have missed something - what's with all the fish. I like 'em though. Are they edible?

Fab, good going on the plumpening follicles. Good luck on Wednesday.

barking, agree with Erica that natural yoghurt would be a good thing.

Blue, what the actual fuck? That is bizarre.

I'm having a shitty week so far. The Fear finally dissipated, though I had a sneaky resurgence of it yesterday when I bumped into one of the girls I was out with. She was lovely about it. I'll be meeting the other tomorrow, though I like her less and don't think she'll be as nice. So the lesson is: do not drink again. I've barely been drinking since September, I don't know what the hell got into me. Anyway...

My temps have been all over the place, so I don't even know if I ovulated. I didn't use opks this month, since Himself was going to be away anyway. Though now I think I should have. Grr. Still no word from the clinic, though they said they'd be in contact in a few days (10 days ago!). I left a phone message this morning.

I need to get my hair did. It is a disgrace.

Badb I have to say, I am not super keen on 'friends' that make you feel bad about (occasionally) being a silly drunk, specially if they are unsympathetic of the Fear. So yay for you lovely friend and 'whatever' to the not as lovely one.

So the lesson should be, in my opinion: don't feel bad for being daft when drunk every four months, and ignore friends that don't understand the Fear.

Do you get to TTC in February?

Barking How are you feeling today, lovely?

Thanks Erica, I prefer that lesson. Re TTC: we had a go when Himself got back, but I might have ovulated on Friday, according to temps (but can't be 100% sure), so the egg had most likely flown the coop by then. Wait, what? Mixed metaphor alert.

In other news, I finally got word from the clinic, and we have an appointment for the end of February. I need to get progesterone and AMH tests done beforehand, and an ultrasound, and Himself will need an appointment for some sexy-times with a plastic container. Hags, I could do with some advice though - the letter asks me to get the progesterone test done 7 days before next period is due. My cycles have been a bit erratic, usually between 27 and 32 days. For the last three months though they've been bang on 28 days. Should I just work on that figure? That means I'll have to schedule the test for Friday though. Hmm.

barking, hope you are feeling better?

Feeling better today. Not 100%, but as close as I've been for a week!

Wish I could say the same about the menkul . Am I pg? Am I pg? Am I pg? And then this morning I decided I was (my left boob was tender when I prodded it very hard, classic symptom) and within minutes I was imagining my 6 week scan and then I was in tears as I saw it all going wrong again . I can't fucking stand the 2ww following treatment, it stinks .
Got woo needles tomorrow, hoping she can install some calm....

bad do you track ov? As long as you go for the test after Ov it doesn't matter on the exact cycle day. Round here they state cd21. I tried to tell them that I often ov'd on cd22 but they wouldn't listen. I had to go on cd21 anyway, then I got a call from the gp asking me to come in for an appointment because my tests showed I wasn't ovulating. I explained (again) that this was no surprise to me and if they redid the test it might show differently. It did (yawn). So they're obviously a little more clued up near you, a good sign already!

barking, I do normally track with temps and opks. I stupidly didn't use opks this month, because Himself was away and I didn't see any point. Usually the temp shift is fairly clear, but I've had some unusual temp spikes and dips this month as I haven't been sleeping very well, which means that fertility friend is only giving me dashed lines for Friday past, but the temp shift isn't really clear. I think I'll ring tomorrow and try to get in on Friday. Hope they can fit me in.

When do you test?

OTD is Saturday. Trying to stop myself considering poas on Thursday. Shitting it.

Urrggg Barking, I know this must be driving you crazy. I think maybe just accept the menkul, it's bound to there?

Sorry bad - I know nothing about this stuff.

Am in a shitty hotel in a shitty town so MR B can do the spaff test early in the morning. Things like this that makes it suck - don't babies come because of dirty weekends in lovely hotel? Not shitty hotels and shitty tests (and I can't even jump him for entertainment! )

Blue that seems extreme for a spaff test - are there no clinics nearer home or ones that have a Wanking Room (technical term)? Good luck!

Barking, hurrah for finally feeling a bit more human. Are you taking any hormones etc as well in the 2ww? It is such a horrible menkul time, I truly hope your woo needles lady is able to help you find your calm space. I can recommend Zita west's meditation cd for relaxation. (I would be even happier if I could access my copy (in the back of the garage with all the rest of the CDs) or get access to the soft version that is currently situated on a computer somewhere in the house that TWH has yet to access for me. I think a well timed meltdown next week will help find that one!).

Bad, what Barking said. Day 21 test is to make sure you ovulate so as long as you've made sure it's after that and before your next droid you should be ok, as I understand it anyway. The AMH will test to see what your ovarian reserve is - are you getting this done privately or nhs? I haven't had a GP that will test for AMH unfortunately so if you are that's great news!

I'm in a quandary. TWH has had a bad case of the squits and is feeling as rough as a dog. He's supposed to have his last wank today so that he will have optimum sperm for egg collection on Friday (tomorrow if EC is Saturday). We won't know when EC is until after my scan tomorrow. My gut feel is that it's all been so slow that EC is more likely to be Saturday but I also don't want to risk it. But he feels like shit and the last thing he wants to do is have a wank. But if he doesn't and we have EC on Friday then we won't have optimum fresh jizz as the last time he did was on Friday and that would mean it will be a week old which is too old. Is it too much to demand him to have a wank???

Argghh! And I told him not to drink and to keep his water levels up. He's insisting that I didn't - of course I fucking did, this is all I fucking think about, you can't fuck the fuck off if you think I fucking didn't, I'm not being polite on this one. Knob

Oh god fab - I know it's not actually funny all but I did have a genuine LOL moment at poor TWH's wank/squits dilemma. Perhaps he could do it on the loo in case of any accidents? I think it is important he do it if at all possible. Bribe him with something?

barking sounds like such a headfuck, I am really not looking forward to a post-intervention 2ww, it's bad enough on 'normal' months. Rosy barbs of restfulness (ps bad, no idea on the fish q - not been here long enough to know that! Possibly from the whole Monty Python-escue fish slapping scene?)

blue that is commitment to the cause, we're lucky to have our path lab only a 20 min drive away. I'm guessing by the use of 'shitty' that you can't even entertain yourself with nice room service or a swim in a pool?

fab extra loud COO for tomorrow!!

I know right?? The comedy is not lost on me but it also makes me want to cry a little too with the frustration of it all. Fingers crossed for transfer on Saturday is all I can say now. He's had a go and it ain't happening!!

Fish slaps are because the BESH are well'ard innit. We don't do cuddles (only in extreme circs!), Hun, babydust (iiick) so we do shoulder punches and fish slaps instead. They are particularly good when we are having a total menkul and need to pull our shit together . Nods of appreciation given for particularly unusual names.

Blue - what's he done? Has he been boozing?

Aaand breathe Blue. Yes of course you told him because we have all this shit down to the last obsessively ideal T. But do they listen, no. Because they have male brains that have neither the emotional or physical capacity to get to our heightened stress levels over this. Get some water down him now and try not to worry. What's done is done and plenty of drug and alcofrol users still father chillen it will be fine despite its imperfection.

Fab good luck hag, COO! I think if this is the day to knock one out for optimum jizz then he might have to go there, cruel as it sounds. Time to think of England if this could be the one wank that makes the difference.

You have every right to be bricking it Barking the TWW is the mother of TTC angst. Whatever the result brings we're all here for you. Glad you're feeling a bit better and there's some indication of what was going on. Jeeez I've got everything crossed for this to work out for you.

Oh fab you poor thing. Maybe do a sexy dance and see if he literally rises to the bait? ah it's all such shitty timing isn't it, hope you figure it out.

There is no wankroom here and the sample needs to arrive within the hour. He's apologised by the way, and come back with a glass of water. Stupid men (sometimes)