The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Blue I find other drivers the worst danger on the roads when it's snowy or icy - I'm leaving a good 10 metres ahead of me as it's really slippy, and the car behind me is about 5 cm off my bumper?! wtf?

Rain come on girl, you can do it! I've often opted for the super sexy 'start yourself off and let me know when you're nearly there, I'm knackered'.
Surely you can rant without compromising national security?! Just replace most of it with XXXXX as if it's one of those super useful government reports once the confidential information has been marker penned out Might be cathartic writing it even it will mean sod all to any of us!

fizzy what drugs are you on for the 'real' cycle and what are they for? Are you having woo needles? I swear that's helped my lining but am aware that might be bollocks I'm allowing myself to conveniently believe.

fab COO!!!!! Crossing everything for you and chucking over lots of feather gobys at your follicles Give us a scan update when you can.

I'm still feeling like shit. Woke up with cramps (obviously implanting a day early as it can't wait to get settled in, nothing to do with the UTI, the chinese last night, or the fact that I woke up needing the toilet). Could not be arsed with hauling myself into the office, so called my manager and basically said I was either calling in sick or I could work from home if that was allowed, but I wasn't leaving the house. He said I could work from home . On the sofa under a blanket in front of the fire and had the dog sleeping on my feet most of the morning. Getting loads done as well (officially on my lunchbreak right now, so not even wasting time on mn during working hours on the one occasion I could get away with it!!)
Right, must get back to it.

^ COO!!!!!

fab ??

Wtf??? Seriously??? I just typed a long message with one thumb (got a line in the other arm having my intralipid infusion) and it disappeared in front of my eyes. It was brilliant as well of course! Anyway the short version is that we have follicle growth - phew! Still not as much as they would like so I'm increasing again to the max dose. Grow my beauties! Thanks for all your wonderful support - you are amazing

Barking good for you for staying at home - you have important womble shiz going on - don't force yourself when you don't have to.

Slowly, slowy catchee monkey (or whatever the phrase is). They'll get there fab, they're just taking their own sweet time .
I have half an hour left of work, but I have totally switched off. Technically I've already worked my hours as I logged on at 8am and I usually start at 8.30, so should be able to finish half an hour early without feeling guilty. It's not like anyone will notice me walk out of the office....

Evening hags, not a happy post from me I'm afraid, but I'll try and keep it short. Turns out my 'calm' last week was the proverbial before the storm. We argued all weekend and eventually on Sunday evening reached the conclusion that we need to take a ttc break. I'm not happy about it but it's the only right thing to do at this moment in time. We've not put a time limit on it, and we're not using protection or anything, but my mental state was not coping well, so there you have it. This means no mumsnet, AT ALL.

I'm sorry I've been so shit, and I promise I'll be back. Un-BESH-ly hugs to you all, I hope I come back to find lots of bfps. Au revoir hags

Sorry to hear this Coops but you have to do the right thing for your relationship and you. Good luck on finding your equilibrium and come back when you're ready. Have a shoulder punch (and a secret hug too).

coop you may not read this given your post but like fab said, doing the right thing for you both IS the right thing to do. I did the same thing in the autumn, it did me the world of good. Hope to see you back when you're ready.

fab great news! COF! COO! Your follies are the tortoise from the tortoise and the hare, they'll get there in the end!

barking I hope you had a good rest today and can take it easy this weekend. It must be hard to downshift when you're a 'do-er' by nature and even more so when you want to keep the menkul at bay. Small mercy for me is that I am rather good at vegetating, although not so good at the menkul abatement.

fizz March will be here in no time, maybe we can be cycle buddies if by some miracle things go through quicker than estimated (very unlikely I know).

blue I hope today was better for you, some days just seem to bring on the blues more than others.

Ok so taking Barking's advice. I found out on Wednesday that XXX XXXXXXX XX XXXXX XXXXXX. Not a total surprise but also quite shocking. I am a XXXXX XXXXXX which is good but I am worried about the long term impact on XX XXXX and it's got me thinking about XXXXX X XXX XX XX XX X XXX XXXXX.
Hmm. Not sure if that helped!

Er... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS DOING ON OUR THREAD?!?! I can only imagine how Dr Joshua 'casts hus pregnancy spell'. I've got DCW to cast his spell over me thank you very much with a little help from the nhs

Anyway. Rain, loved it. I think the XXXXX shouldn't be XXXXXX and it's totally understandable that you are thinking of XXXXXX .

I still don't feel great. Still going to the toilet more often, and still feeling like I need to go as soon as I've been. Keep forgetting my midday dose of antibiotics, but taking them late isn't going to stop them working, is it? I'm wondering whether I should have continued taking the over the counter treatment as well, but once I'd read 'do not take in pregnancy' I took a second one to get me through woo needles and then stopped, thinking the antibiotics would start kicking in anyway.
No, I'm not much good at resting. Meeting a friend for a dog walk today, and another friend for another dog walk tomorrow. Tonight is the non baby shower for accidental differ that I never even rsvp'd to, just pretended it wasn't happening [blus . I won't be going to that.

coop if you're still lurking you do what you need to do. This ttc shit tests relationships to the limit .

Ooh what was it? Was it some bollox about how to get pregnant fast or summat??

Barking I'm sorry you're still feeling poorly. As it's the weekend (and you're clearly too poorly to attend the baby shower ) it sounds like it's time for dog walking and box sets and comfort eating. Be kind to yourself. And if you're still feeling poorly on Monday then back to the doc for you.

We have our two gorgeous nephews staying with us at the moment - they 'crept' into our room this morning with much whispering of tactics about how they were going sneak into bed with us until eventually we gave up waiting and jumped on them! So cute. Being an auntie is fun (especially when I can send them off to the soft play with their uncle for the morning as I have to stay in and wait for another druck delivery to keep me going until Monday!

Oo, has it gone? Someone was sharing their experience of infertility until Dr Joshua cast a spell over her two months ago and she felt a swelling in her belly. She would recommend all of us to go to Dr Joshua and left us his email address. Sounded like a witch doctor. Such a pity I didn't copy the email address down for you hags .

Fab that sounds lovely. DCW and his brother are not close, so we don't have that kind of relationship with their kids, but we do with my best mate's kids. My brother doesn't have any. His wife is 39 this year and I have no idea what their story is can you tell it's killing me?

Dr Joshua can fuck off too. fab we had our b nephew sleep over last night too! He's a bit older than yours by the sounds of it (11) - wrote us up with breakfast in bed, cheese omelette(!!!!) and a glass of milk, he's a little legend! RAF is taking him to laser quest later and I am taking my niece (younger - she didn't sleep over) to see the guinea pigs at the pet shop (basically cleverly disguised distraction while I run errands!).
barking I really hope you're feeling alright again soon. I've only ever had a uti once and I don't think anywhere near as bad as yours sounds, and it was still pure misery.

WTAF? Spells?? Yuck!

Ah I must admit I'm very lucky - I have 11 nieces and nephews on my side and 2 on TWH side! The youngest on my side is my nephew who is 14 and TWH's two (3 and 5) just adore him and he them, so our families mingle nicely fun (if tiring!) times. Have fun with the guineapigs!

Barking how can you hold back from getting the story?? I'd be desperate to find out!

Fab only because I know from this side how horrible it is to have someone ask the kids question!!!
I have dropped so many hints to give either brother or SiL the opportunity to share, and been very open about our own journey, but don't want to cross that line and ask outright. A friend of mine - the accidental differ in fact - did ask my brother outright and he said something about being open to adoption if it didn't happen, the assumption she made was that they hadn't started ttc but were aware of her age and the possibility of it not happening. She earns far more than him, not sure if they could cope on just his salary (she's self employed, no maternity).

Blimey hags, a couple of days out and it's all going on in here, fred hacked by a weirdo, treatment plans kicking on like a goodun, Barking floored in the 2ww Faintsaddled snake eels of fortitude to all.

Take it easy Coops, we'll be here as and when you're ready to return. Wishing you well.

I've been AWOL due to work and an unusually hectic social life... have finally returned to my sofa tonight to recover, I'm shattered!

COO for your follies Fab. I'm very envious of the relationship you have with your extended family. I'd love to be closer to my nephew and niece but we just seem to get them shoved down our throats instead. We went out for a meal enfamile tonight and SIL smugly announces 'I just love seeing MY children in their party outfits'.

Rain yours sound amazing too, so cute! Hopefully will go some way to making up for your shocking week. Whatever went down that sucks. Possible cycle buddies with Fizz though, now that IS exciting! I will chink my herbal tea with you at that, oh this rock and roll lifestyle I lead.

I have never had a UTI but after your description I definitely don't want one Barking. Bloody hell you've suffered over the last little while. I hope it's done with you soon to leave you free to menkul over other stuff. If it were me I'd need the dog walks to do the chillin afterwards.

I was out with the steed today, bloody hell was he on his toes! A chill wind and restricted turn out thanks to the weather = one sharp boy. All I could do to help him keep it together. Makes me wonder what I'll do to keep him sane when we start treatment towards the end of the month and I'm trying to take it a bit easier!

All starting to get a bit real for us now... My drucks arrived this morning, protocol starts on the 15th, scratch booked for the 23rd. Getting to the business end...

Wow, hags, one goes away for a couple of days and you all get up to all sorts of stuff!! Even being trolled by some witch doctor!

Sounds like it is all happening for Barking, Cherry Fab and Fizzy - Am I missing anyone? Go ovaries, linings drucks et al! Bring us some BFPs and all the good luck we didn't get in 2014. That must be double good luck, right?

Coop if you are lurking...what everyone else said. What is right for you and Mr Coop is the right thing to do.

Blue Hope you are feeling better, lovely.

I don't have much to report. I won't have much to report for TWO MONTHS and even then it will be, oh, I got a positive OPK, oh I'm going mental on the TWW etc. I am trying to be patient and positive etc etc but an actual baybee is starting to feel more and more like some crazy dream that won't actually come true (sorry for the cheese). Ah well.

Rainy Don't feel bad for not doing the seks on the days 9, 11, or whatever. We spent a loooong time stressing about having seks every day from day 8 or something and all that would happen is that by the time I actually ovulated (around day 15) we had totally run out of steam and we were fed up and resentful. I know the more you do it, the more chances you have to get preggers but seriously, we need to learn to give ourselves a break and accept that trying is good enough, we don't need to torture ourselves when it's not the 'perfect' trying.

Rant over. I obviously say this because I start getting stressed about this myself around the day my period ends! So I go from being devastated/pissed off about the droid to try and force myself to feel seksy straight away, every day, for a week. Healthy. Not.

I know,it's exciting (and scary and difficult too I'm sure ) times for lots of our lovely hags I've crossed all of my fingers so much they've locked up. promise you'll still come visit BESH land when you win your babies?

We're no good at the sex either, I hate that sex makes babies - it's so illogical, lovely dirty sex = cute baby, I think we both struggle to compute it (hence not so bad at the sex when it's not ov time)

Erica, I'm not winning a baby anytime soon either. Mr Blue has the spaff test this week and so my best ov days are out, (and I can't be bothered with putting some in the bank) so we will go with the natural method for the next couple of months but I've decided (in my own mind, without logical thought or discussion with him) that if I'm not upduffed by July then I'm gonna start paying for the private IVF. I'm bloody bored of waiting for the baby now!

Happy Sunday Hags (and to those who can, it's nearly midday - it's allowed!)

I know, Blue! I think any extended period of TTC KILLS the sex life.

We could be cycle buddies! I think we are going to try naturally till April or so and then reassess, so if we go down the IVF route, it will probably be in the summer.

I'm so bored too. My brain is shouting 'STOP THINKING ABOUT BABIES! I'M FUCKING BORED!!'.

Evenin' hags. It's Sunday, and I still haven't finished that poxy report. It's officially late now. I am completely unable to care. I got a little bit over-drunk on Friday night. I haven't really been drinking much over the last few months, and sort of overdid it on a night out. It was unintentional but I feel a bit icky as I sort of embarrassed myself in front of a couple of friends. Ah well, what is done is done.

I still haven't heard back from the clinic about scheduling an appointment. I will chase them up tomorrow.

Best of luck, cooperG - as everyone has said, sometimes you just have to take a step back. I'm sorry I didn't know you better - like ships in the night, we were - but I'm hoping that if/when you come back, it's with excellent news to share and then you'll be off again.

Firm and encouraging gestures to lining, follicles etc for barking, cherry, fab and fizzy.

The irrational and unreasonable behaviour of SiL means we're never likely to have a close relationship with DCW's niece & nephew. I'm really hoping my brother supplies me with some but not before I've had one please

chez is there anyone else who would step in and take cocohorse out when you need to take it easy?
Not long now until you join the egg goldrush .

erica can you start to make concurrent plans, as it were? So you feel like you're still doing something over the next two months?

badb is it going to be a late night session or a 'fuck it I'm going to bed' thing?

Hags, I'm confused. When I got all messed up yesterday morning and didn't know whether to take the cystopurin or not, I called the clinic to ask them. All the nurses were busy so the receptionist said she'd get someone to call me back. One of them did at 6 (bless her, they're supposed to finish work at 3.30 on a Saturday). She said no, don't take it (then when I admitted I took two on Wednesday she said it should be ok but don't take any more). She said the antibiotics should have kicked in by now, and she logged in to my records on the computer. Apparently, the urine sample I gave them on Wednesday (which was blood red) did not show whatever it is that signals a UTI. So What The Fuck is happening?? I still feel completely knackered, am going to the toilet more than usual (not every 30 seconds any more though thankfully, can last an hour or so...) and just generally feel 'eurgh'.

That is odd Barking. Did she not want you to get checked out - either at the clinic or somewhere else in the healthcare system to make sure you're Ok? I'm not a medical expert but the colour of your pee alone, never mind some chemical marker, would have me thinking something ain't right. There's more than a generous helping of beetroot going on methinks. Could you make a GP apt tomorrow to set your mind at rest and plan another WFH day? Have the whipfin ponyfish of water works my friend. I too am hoping my bro has kids soon but not till after us.

I'm feeling your pain Bad; I should have worked this weekend too but there were just too many better things to do instead. So I'm facing an early start in the morning, yawn. I luffs weekends so much I do.