The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Again I know nothing about this stuff but I thought most things were ok before 6 weeks preg (did I read something about placentas and no shared blood feed?) but it feels like forcing yourself to acupuncture might actually increase your stress which seems counter productive?

Man, I know nothing about fanjos or babies, no wonder I haven't been given one (baby that is, I do have a fanjo)

Damn, Blue, I was about to solve your infertility!! Lack of fanjo!!!

I can't imagine it's going to do any harm so will probably take another then leave it. Acupuncture is important to me not just because I'm a total skinflint and hate to waste money, but because it gets my pulse down, helps the blood flow etc etc - and because I did it before the last iui bfp so don't want to not do it this time or I'll poke the crazy....

I know, imagine .. Lack of fanjo

Fingers crossed that the wee stays where it should then, maybe she could stick something in you to help that too??

Ooh Lordy don't mess with a uti! Every time it get one it's instant kidney infection - not to be messed with - I'm glad you got some drucks on board - When I had that in December they gave me a pregnancy friendly one to be on the safe side (haha) so you should have that one. Did you manage to get to your woo lady? I'm sure she would have been able to help you relax too.

I'm home and will be now for a while so Mummy Fab will have to do without my harassment for a week or so! So pleased to be home - really in need of cuddles with TWH and home comforts as I'm now feeling decidedly hormonal and I've definitely got follicle growth going on. Achey ovaries!! COO!

Fizz how's your cycle going?

COO!!! Grow fab's follies!!!!! Have a flick of a fan tailed rag fish to get you going!

I went to woo needles. She stuck lots in my head for 'drawing up' so everything holds together and stays up there before implantation. And she stuck in a couple of needles to help my bladder as well. Now in bed with cranberry juice. I've stopped peeing pure blood now which is nice .

Good fish choice - thanks Hag . Your uti sounds pretty evil - can I suggest you pick up some cranberry tabs from the chemist tomorrow - you get way more cranberry effect from them than you can ever consume so you get a better result.

Well I can tell you, all this positive vibing I'm getting must be working because these follies are definitely plumpening (new word - proud) - thanks Hags! Scan today to check in size - will feed back - I'm sure you're all dying to hear!!

COO!!!!!
Will check in later for the update!
Came back to work. Wish I hadn't. Feel like shit.

Morning hags. It's baltic outside. Was at my desk at 8am, but so far have only managed to write a to-do list, eat yoghurt, and answer two emails. On my 5 minute pomodoro break now.

Fab, glad to hear the follicles are plumpening (great word, by the way).

barking, what a pain in the fanjo (also a great word). Lots and lots of water to flush it out, I suppose. Go home if you need to though, feck it.

How's everybody else?

Oh - I'm pretty sure I'm about to ovulate, I'm all twingy and pinchy on the left side. And where is Himself? Glad-handing a load of middle-managers in Toronto.

5 minute pomodoro musing: the only good thing about Himself being away is that I seem to have dropped three pounds pretty easily over the last week and a half. Mostly I suppose from just eating soup or cereal for dinner. Sadly, this will not sustain, as he returns on Sunday.

5 minute pomodoro musing: half way through 164-page manuscript I must write a report on. It's rather boring.

Badb I feel you. I am pretty sure I'm ovulating but away on work trip. Meh.

And next month, Mr Erica is away. Double meh.

I am a bit fucked off to be honest.

A very good of mine has just been diagnosed with low ovarian reserve and is looking into treatment. This infertility bs seems to be everywhere at the moment, gaaaah.

A very good FRIEND of mine. Can't write anymore!

Ha - I automatically inserted 'friend' into the post and didn't notice you'd missed it!

Chucks shellfish of sympathy at those hags that have work lives that insist in not revolving around their fertility cycle. Bloody adds insult to injury doesn't it.

Scan wasn't great - last 2 times I've had 12 follicles and this time only 6 and they've not grown as much as expected. Got to up my FSH drucks tonight and see how we go. Feeling a little deflated if I'm honest

I don't blame you, Erica. That's a pain.

A friend of mine was diagnosed with low ovarian reserve last year - she had two cycles of IVF, one ectopic and this latest one successful. People really don't talk about it openly I suppose (infertility I mean), at least not on a personal level. Of course, people just love to talk about it on an abstract level (mostly blaming women being old and hag-like when the 'get around' to children).

Oh Fab I'm sorry. Sending you 'FSH drucks do your work!!!' vibes.

When is the next scan?

I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel so tearful. I think I've been too busy with work and other stuff to obsess with think about the baybee thing but today it's hit me like a ton of bricks.

Oh, Fab - sorry to hear this. Hopefully the drugs will do the business.

Badb Yes to everything you said.

Another pregnancy announcement from a close relative today. Someone pass ALL the gin.

Got a scan tomorrow when I have my intralipids to make sure the increased dosage is doing the business then I'll have a scan on Monday and Wednesday and hopefully egg collection on Friday. FX

fab Oh that's so frustrating - but there's still time, there are more drucks, and at the end of the day it only takes one!!! offers face to be slapped, just the once mind Have a whole bucketful of the wonderful Galapagos Gurnard of Growth .

erica I can't drink gin as I'm still in possibly pg cloud cuckoo land so can you please drink another bottle for me? . I've just found out one of our many babied social group is expecting their second baybee. It hit me like a truck when they announced they were having their first, and now they're fucking expecting again? IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR. I cried.

I had an eventful day again. Snow chaos. Felt like shit at work, then saw all the snow falling. And falling. And sticking. And falling. Started panicking about being able to get home (felt too shit to end up walking). Got DCW to walk through the snow to my office and pick me up as I didn't feel well enough to drive through the snow either and went home early to continue working from home. Virgin chose this afternoon to do an 'update to improve your service' and there was no broadband . Fuckers.

Erica and Bad (I am going with you in this, I feel fucking miserable today, its actually not baby related im just fucked off)

Barking and Fab it's not gin but it's the best I can do.

The snow has been shitty here too, just slid out into the middle of a dual carriageway, him indoors thinks I'm overreacting as it's actually not snowing where we live but is a death trap only 10 mins away. Grrrr

Preg announcement can't fuck the fuck off and then fuck off some more. So can ill timed business trips. And especially UTIs.

fab I am going to chant COF and COO and COW and COD (drucks, obvs) and everything else I can think of.

I am just too knackered for sex - we ought to start tonight but I am wiped. Tomorrow night our nephew is staying with us, so that's out so it's Saturday realistically but that's like, day 11 or something. So lame. I just can't muster the will power. Called our gynae today - all our test results are back so assuming she's happy with them we'll get our referral form for signing next week and then it's a 4 week wait (ish) for funding approval and then God knows how long till the clinic can see us. I am optimistically hoping for April.

In the meantime I am having a crazy time at work, I really need to vent about it but I can't. It's all completely top secret so I daren't risk it. But seriously hags - I need a motherfucking rant!

Off to dorset for a few days on Sunday - again with the DNephew and DNeice, so not much shagging opportunity there either. I think I should just rule this month out.

Top secret you say, Rain? Are you a spy or something?

Bollocks bollocks bollocks to tiredness, UTIs, business trips, shit weather, Virgin motherfuckers and pg announcements. Fuck em. Fuck all of them!

COO for yoo, fab! Plenty of time for those follies to do their thing. Quality not quantity, yes?

More fanjo cammage for me yesterday. Lining has got a bit thinner (how?!) so that's a bit disappointing but hopefully not disastrous. Found out my nice consultant is leaving, which is a shame too. Next step is to book in for a real cycle, hopefully in early March!

Lots of protein for your womb lining Fizz - that's one of the things I seem to be doing ok with so far thankfully!

I must admit hags I'm feeling a tad nervous about my scan today. What happens if my follies haven't been boosted by the extra drucks?? Eek