The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

ooooh fresh meat James Spader eh? That only counts as embarrassing if you're talking present day! Emma Stone is my current girl crush, so totally on board with that. On the simple basis you're a refugee from the land of huns and baby dust, I think you'll fit right in.

I am Rain, 33, married to RAF since 2011 (Real Ale Farts/Fan) TTC since March 20 fucking 12. Unexplained infertility, one natural BFP end of 2013 ending in miscarriage, now just waiting for our first appointment to kick off NSH funded IVF.

barking sorry you had a less than calm day yesterday and that I wasnt around to add my voice to the always sage and wise advice of the others. Loving the jam analogy from fizz, and I'm sure those swimmers are safely encsconsed in the tubes waiting to pounce on Madame Egg.

Blue hopefully you can squeeze a go in - as barking says you get a good 5-7 days grace with sperm and most clinics don't want more than 3 days abstinence for a sample (although obviously check this with them if you haven't already!)

fab definitely a sign . I don't often dream of babies but the last one I had involved me basically stealing one. Probably also a sign...

chez I hate popping pills, I'm just doing folic acid and Vit d at the moment (combined). Do most clinics prescribe additional stuff or is this a zita thing?

Had a lovely day out albeit massively tiring. Today was my dad's birthday 'party' (just us and the neighbours!) so much more relaxing. Off for a swim in a minute then it's beans on toast and bed. I've lost nearly 9lbs since the start of Jan, feeling most proud of myself!

Rain, full James Spader lust is reserved for Secretary, but I do still have the hots for him in The US Office and Blacklist.

I've been reading upthread to try to get a handle on who/where everybody is. I'll get the gist of it over the next few days. Immediate reaction - barking, what a day you had on Saturday!

I have not left the house all day, and I am still wearing my pyjamas. I think I smell a bit. Himself is away for the next week (at a most inconvenient time as well, so I might as well add another month to my ttc count), so I've basically been slobbing around and eating cereal. I did eat some broccoli and a couple of clementines as a gesture towards the healthy eating buzz I should be on. Also, I'm supposed to be working, but I've mostly been watching YouTube videos and googling the shit out of the tests I'll be subject to in a few weeks. Fun times.

I could not be more apathetic about work at the moment.

Ooo, get you rain!
Blue my acne is currently both hideous and painful. It's better today than it's been for the last two weeks - obviously an objection to all the extra hormones I've been injecting. Dianette is the only thing that ever kept it at bay (tried a course of Roaccutane after every antibiotic and cream going, but even that didn't work). So I've been spotty for 3 years now, feel like a teenager. Really saps the confidence.

Hello badb, have you got an idea what might be wrong or are you clueless? (I'm 'unexplained' but in my opinion my typically 7 day luteal phase was a fucking obvious issue that the medical profession wouldn't give the time of day).

Oh Barking, thanks for being acne ridden with me weirdly this makes me feel much better.

My stats - Blue, nearly 36, TTC 2.5 ish years, no tests as yet so let's go with unexplained for now. Currently directly related to the fact that we haven't had sex at the right time for the last 3 months! (It's been a bad time)

Hi barking, nope - no real idea. My GP is a little bit blasé about everything, and I really had to push him to refer us - he wanted us to wait a bit longer (his reasoning is that I'm not "over 35" until June). He did check my thyroid and did a full blood work-up, and nothing showed up. I've been charting temperature and ovulation sticks - based on that I think I've been ovulating anyway, with a fairly consistent 13 day luteal phase - I usually get a clear temp shift. I've been freaking myself out with Dr Google, of course.

They really didn't pay attention to the 7-day luteal phase? Sometimes I honestly think doctors see us as just hysterical wimmin. I had to restrain myself when my doctor practically patted me on the head and told me to "relax" and to not "overthink it" when I showed him my charts.

oh bad - I feel your pain! Telling someone ttc to 'Relax' is the equivalent of calling them a cunt in these parts (except we like the c word, so feel free to use at will )
I'm guessing (literally just based on my own experience) when you meet your gynae you'll be sent off for day 2/day 21 bloods (fsh, LH and progesterone), chlamydia and then maybe a HyCoSy or the other long H word one, to look for blockages, as you don't have any obvious 'problems' as well as spaff for your OH, obvs! 'Unexplained' is such a fucking ball ache, I like having problems I can work on fixing, but unexplained doesn't give you any mileage on that front whatsoever.

I've been apathetic about work more or less since we started ttc - first cos I thought I'd be on mat leave in a shake of a lambs tail and then because all I could focus on was WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEE.

blue another spotty one over here!! Like barking the pill was the only thing that ever kept mine in check (Dianette then Yasmin). My spots are 100% hormone related, so I've just had to learn to cope with them (and have become a devotee of Laura Mercier makeup). I'm over a third through my life and have the skin of a pubescent girl. Tis wank!

Oh! Ace for my spotty ladies, it's very very odd but I genuinely feel better to have you along side me in this

HEY!!!

Go Barking and Fab!! This 2015 clusterdiff is not going to start itself, go go go go!

I wouldn't mind twinz at all! Ideally, we'd like more than one child, we think, so it would be fucking lovely not to have to go through TTC hell again.

Welcome badb ! My doctor is great in many ways but the best thing about him BY FAR is that he never once told me to relax. And thank god, because at least one of the fertility issues happened to be asymptomatic endometriosis, which, last time I checked, doesn't go away but taking deep breaths

Hags, I'm away this week but I shall keep an eye on all of you and pop by to say hi. Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that early ov didn't t happen sob sob so I am out for January too. Meh.

Barking Have you watched the Bridge or the Killing (the original Danish ones) - I find them super gripping and a great distraction! Good luck, lovely, totally rooting for you!

Erica I shall do my best. Only because you're asking mind .

Hags, I am so tired. And grumpy. I've probably been very rude to a number of colleagues today. Just want to go to bed. Had planned to go out to a talk on bike maintenance for tonight's distraction (distraction for me inevitably means leaving the house and doing something rather than watching TV) but I'm struggling just sitting at my desk at work.
Had more cramps this morning. Surely something is happening? You don't get cramps until implantation though do you, so maybe it's just the progesterone pessaries messing up my bowel system. Nice.
Maybe I should just stop thinking about it.

Someone wake me up when it's all over. And when I say all I mean the bfp, the pg, the labour. Just bring me back when I've got my baby....

Fuck. Just got home and went to the freezer. Two drawers worth of food is partly or completely defrosted. What the fuck? It appears to be switched on, and it's cold. I don't understand. If someone left the door open (and it wasn't bloody me, and if it was left open, someone must have shut it? Again, not me) then surely all the food would have started to defrost?

I don't know what to do now. I'm not sure if some of the food defrosted and then refroze, or if just the partly defrosted stuff has been affected. Obviously eating re-frozen food is a bad idea. But do I chuck out the entire contents of the freezer just in case?
All those bulk cooked healthy meals I froze for easy cooking..... .

I know nothing about this stuff but stuff that's not meat or eggs should be fine, right?

(My mum has previously eaten mouldy meat, I have no proper anchor for this stuff)

Someone had knocked the switch by the plug, it was turned off. On that basis I figured anything that was still frozen was ok...

barking, could there have been a power cut? Or - and this has happened to me - could something have got caught in the door seal, thus allowing a microscopic opening to defrost everything at the front of one of the drawers? I would probably be inclined to throw away anything with meat or rice.

What a day. I'm so behind on a report I'm supposed to have finished by Friday at the latest. Have I started reading the 164-page document I'm supposed to write the report on? Have I fuck. Some late nights in my future, I fear. Right now, I have to go home. It's almost 7.30pm, and I sat down at my desk at 8am. And yet, I've only managed to cross a measly three things off my to-do list. Well, one of those was a five-hour task, in fairness.

There is nothing for dinner at home. Cereal, maybe?

barking what a pain in the arse. I'm quite gung-ho about food but I too would chuck anything that's not vegetables, and any rice. And nuke the remaining food in a microwave until nuclear when you do eat it! Don't worry about the cramps easy for me to say

bad that does sound like a long day. Def cereal for dinner. I sometimes think that if I didn't live with GFBW I would default to porridge for dinner.

erica nice to see you. Are you away for hols? Have a nice time if so.

I'm another spotty BESH. It's a glamorous life, eh? Spots and wrinkles. Have dramatically cut back on dairy since new year, and have been taking zinc supplements, and between them they seem to have improved things. Sod's law says I'll get on top of them just in time for our next ivf cycle!

Oh, and re the twinz thing - I would def be happy with a twin win. I wouldn't be too worried about looking after twins )though I'm sure its bloody hard work). But I am apprehensive about problems carrying twins (I'm quite small) and about things going wrong during birth. I know several pairs of twins who have had lifelong problems as a result (as well as pairs of healthy ones!) If when we get to FET we will transfer two (if there are two still going on day 3/ day 5). The clinic normally strongly discourage dual transfer but I think they are happy to throw everything at it!

I had two follicles. We had to sign a disclaimer before the treatment to say we were aware of the risk of twins. Personally, I'd prefer a normal, straightforward pregnancy with no added risk! My best mate had twins when she was 22 . And she already had a toddler and a twat of a useless boyfriend

Another day down, another day closer. I hate wishing my life away like this.

Hey up hags, how hangs it? Barking have the sardine of scrutiny and the cod of calm to accompany your every twinge. Hang in there dude, it's so hard! Are you working as normal too?

I'm really undecided about how much time to have off over our next cycle. Two weeks off at short notice is tricky to clear my diary. To rest completely or just take it easy...? What will I Regret most?!

Anyway newby in our midst! Welcome to the gin palais bad. I'm Chez, married to Rock of Coconut Household (ROCH) 35, TTC since Aug 2012 which was abruptly halted when certified barren with POF in 2013. Failed round of DEIVF Oct 2014, matched again and gearing up for #2 towards the end of Feb.

Soz Fizz I thought you were also cycling at the moment, did I get that wrong?

Bring it on for the OMGIVFTWINZ win then right? I have to say the best thing about abysmally low hormone levels is the clearer skin after suffering with spots for years. It's pretty much the only benefit but silver linings and all that... You can keep your super duper energy levels and clear thinking, pah!

Sniiiiif - do I smell fresh meat?? Welcome to the BESH Bad. Grab a twat cushion and settle in. We're hoping for a clusterdiff at the moment so this fred is fairly racing along at the mo. :)

Intro time - I'm Fab, 42 - the old gal of the troop, married to Toasty the Wonderhusb (TWH). Ttc since nov 2010 - ivf #1 BFP then mmc at 8wks, ivf#2 bfn. Ivf#3 cancelled due to family shit. Now in the middle of ivf #3.1 with everything and the kitchen sink thrown at it due to autoimmune ishoos.

Barking, have the fathead skulpin (proud research moment) of fortitude - oh the bastard bastard slow time of the dreaded 2ww. Hang in their hag (and avoid those dodgy defrosted meats and rice!) - you can do it. Can you take any time off or would that make things worse for the waiting?

At the risk of being pelted with shrimp I am one of the few who knows she is ridiculously lucky to have never had a problem with spots. I thank my lucky stars on a regular basis.

Chez I took the 2ww off post egg collection off as I had a super stressy job with a boss who was positive about me doing ivf but no fucking idea when it comes to reducing the stress he out me under so it was just easier to not be there. This time I'm not working so I'll just lounge around at home looking for distraction I'm sure!

Am back oop north and mum is definitely improving but it is a slow process. Back home on wed as I have scans and infusions on thu-sat. And then hopefully I'll know when egg collection will be. Eek. (C'mon the twins).

Oops, forgot to introduce myself and to say welcome, bad. You sound like you'll fit right in here.

I'm fizzy. TTC since dec 2010 . I'm 34, married to GFBW (green fingered book worm). One mmc, two ectopics, no tubes left. Endometriosis and poor ovarian response. Ivf in nov 2013 but paused due to thin lining. Five frosties in the freezer!

chez I'm doing a mock cycle at the moment to see what the deal is with the lining. We will still have to do a medicated cycle because the frosties were frozen so early in their development, but hopefully it will give more information about the level of drucks they start me on. Not sure we will be able to go for the FET next month due to being on hols, but might be starting early March. Eeep!

'Allo Fizz, you lovely hag! It's a work trip, and a nice one at that, but unfortunately bang on my ov time. MEH!

I also forgot to introduce myself - I am Erica, TTC since november 2011. I am 34, married to Mr Erica. 2 mcs, 1 cp, surprise endo and two laps later, we are going to try naturally for a couple of months from March/April before investigating IVF options.

Barking I hear you, lady. If, no, WHEN, I get diffed, someone give all the pregnancy friendly tranquillisers in the world all the way up to the baybee being out! (I know they don't exist but one can dream). But will cross that bridge when we get there!

Fab Glad to hear your mum is feeling better. Go twinz!

fab and chez - did/will you take holiday for post EC or did your work give you time off? given we're still waiting for our IVF appt it's still early days for me to be worrying about this however I am going to have to sit down with my boss fairly soon to let them know the deal and don't know if I should be angling to petition for time off if/when needed or expect to use all my holiday days to sit on the sofa!!

barking and Erica - sod the tranquilizers, someone just give me a magic time machine!

P.S I like to think of all of us doing our obscure fish research!!

sorry, I meant post EC and also post ET

TIME MACHINE!!!

Rain You are a genius!!

How did we miss that one considering the theme of the thread, hey?