The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Barking Definitely POAS!

You a strong team blue rain or was that a typo?
Will you withdraw the good wishes if she pops out a pink one?

11dpo is a little early to poas. If nothing shows up tomorrow morning I might be using up one of the hundreds of Internet cheapies I still have in the cupboard. Just for shits and giggles.

Sounds like a nice chilled Sunday for you Barking apart from the menkul Maybe hold on another day or two if you can. . Did you ever see the acupuncture lady?

Rain hope Rainycat pulls through with all the tlc she's getting. Poor wee soul.

As for wishing for a son , we aren't fussed either way. Just wish he/she would bloody hurry up! Thanks for all the sneezy thoughts ladies.

Oh bloody bloody phone! Yes, that was a typo although who knows, maybe a premonition too?! I meant to type 'soon' obvs. barking I am totally with you on the gender typically clothing etc. tho. If we ever manage to procreate there will be no colour code!

Just made a massive batch of cream of broccoli soup. Into Week 2 of weight watchers - had to buy new scales yesterday tho as our old ones are evidently defective. They reckoned I'd lost 5lb in one week! I am no expert, but I am pretty sure that's physically impossible and also my jeans do not agree!!

Blue good to have you back! I have put on over a stone since our Ttc woes began so I totally hear ya on the comfort eating. I'd happily be continuing but I figured as IVF is now in our immediate future if I'm ever going to bother making the healthy living effort, it might as well be now. Totally expecting to fall off the wagon as soon as I'm offered something tempting enough to eat!
Speaking of which fab what is a hummingbird cake? Do you mean hummingbird bakery? Their rainbow layer cake is amazing!

Hope everyone's enjoyed lazy relaxed weekends. Keeping my fingers crossed now for optimistic news for Rainycat this week, but also trying not to get my hopes up. Dr. Google has convinced me its lymphoma :-(

Saw her last week fankle. Was going to send you a message but was hoping you were going to be a little bit busy!!! She was very nice .

Barking your restraint is killing us all, take a poke in the kidneys with a wet fish lady. Fankel your cervix can take one too!

Hags how can it be Sunday already? I don't wanna go to work in the morning! Le steed has a poorly leg, he has overdone it razzing round the field like a nutter and playing stallion horse games with his mates. He needs me to take him for little leg stretches and hose it with cold water to reduce the swelling. Pwease don't make me go

Ongoing get well wishes for Rainycat, all our good vibes for the vet visit this week. Poorly pets are no fun :(

Come on the healthy eating hags, may the collective willpower be with us, we can do it! Our bodies are baby ready temples of perfection COWs, cluster diff ahoy!

So Fankel do you have any guesses/inkling what flavour miniFank will be?

Ha ha ha!!

So. I go into the bathroom and have a look in the drawer. I've got 16 hpts in there that go out of date sept 2015 anyway. Fuck it, why not. Even a bfn means nothing as it's only 11 dpo, right? And not fmu either. I can still tell myself it might be a miracle.

Piss in pot. Dip stick. Wipe small rummage just to check Oh. There you go.
Put hpt in bin. Hello start of droid.

I shall be calling the clinic in the morning! Fingers crossed they're not going to tell me it's too busy (paranoid because they were closed over Xmas, so potentially quite a backlog of people waiting to start?)

The droid was just waiting to mock me, wasn't it?!

Still, a 10 day LP is better than I've ever had. And starting this late in the evening means cd1 is technically tomorrow, so really an 11 day LP, right?!

Ahhh balls barking - that happened to me once, funny how you can feel humiliated even when you're all on your own in the bathroom eh? Great that tomorrow you can call the clinic tho, time for our first BFP of 2015 please.

chez I hope your horse's leg is on the mend. Definitely sounds like a good reason to not go to work tomorrow!

Ah Barking. The fucking droid. Once (when I still bought expensive Superdrug tests ha ha), I BLED all over the stupid test. Nearly threw it across the bathroom but you know, I would have to clean the mess myself.

Good luck at the clinic today! And a 10 day LP is good, hag!

I was going to say the same as Rain - we need the 2015 clusterdiff to start asap! I would volunteer, I would really :) but I am stuck in the waiting room till end of March-April.

Ok, all this chat about yummy food ... would you recommend any recipes/cooking apps for Mac?

Ah bollocks Barking - had that happen too many times but well done for finding the silver lining there Hag and good luck today! I start my downreg drugs today so you are now officially about a week ahead of me - let's go cluster diff! (oh please please please let it be my turn this time)

I have loads of fabulous healthy recipes but don't know any particular apps for them I'm afraid - I tend to be old school and have them either in a book or trust in them having been popped onto t'interweb at some point for easy access

I had a lovely weekend and a lovely TWH family gathering yesterday however I made the extremely stupid decision of having a tiny weak full caff coffee at about 6 (it was that or water after a very filling meal and I'd had loads of water already and really needed that after dinner coffee (why oh why don't I take my own with me??). Couldn't get to sleep until about midnight, woke up at 4, back to sleep at 6, awake at 7. Oh god I'm tired. Not the best way to start a productive week!!

Hags is it me or is your feed being swamped with other people's friends popping sprogs this month? I must have seen about 20 babies so far - what the hell happened in April last year???

Oh and well done Rain on the weightloss - go you!!

And ongoing snuggles for rainycat and Chez's horse too.

It's not fucking here .
Had a proper rummage in the shower and nada.

This is exactly how it started last time we did iui. Spotting, not knowing whether to call the clinic or not, and ending up having lots of scans in case that was the droid
. Not even got any more spotting this morning.
Arghhh!
And just in case I suddenly get a deluge I've put my mooncup in, but that means I'm not going to know if it has started without faffing about with it at work. Did I mention ?

Fab I feel your pain. I love coffee and I used to drink it like water and I could happily go to sleep after having a full caff. Then, for non-TTC related reasons, I had to cut down and now I cannot even look at the stuff after 2pm. Sucks.

Tell me about FB fucking announcements. Doesn't help that my would-be due date is approaching. January, be over already!!

Oh Barking how fucking annoying. I'm for you. I presume the test you droided on yesterday didn't have a sneak BFP on it??

Yes I used to drink caffeine like water and never a problem. I thought I might just get by with a weak instant. FFS zzzz.

Oh and here's a hummingbird cake recipe - it has so much fruit and nuts in it must be healthy right?? www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/recipe/hummingbird-cake/

Just had a look. Still nothing. Not even spotting.
Called the clinic and explained that my cycles weren't exactly reliable and sometimes I can have spotting for a few days then one flow of blood then nothing. I said I had spotting yesterday and didn't know what to do. I've been booked in for a monitoring scan and blood test tomorrow. If I get no more spotting today I'll poas tomorrow morning before going in. I'd be 13dpo by then, which has never happened. If I have no more bleeding by tomorrow morning and no miraculous bfp either I'll feel a bit stupid going in though.
What a mindfuck.

Erica getting past the due date is a bitch, I hope you've got some fun things planned for around that time to take your mind off it. That's what I did, and in the event the date itself was totally fine - it was just the menkulling in the lead up to it that was the killer.
Afraid I don't know any particularly amazing Mac recipe apps (although i did have the BBC Good Food one for a time which was alright!).

Fab caffeine is the one thing I just can't quit. I'm not a huge coffee drinker but i am addicted to tea! I've managed to keep it to 2 cups a day mostly, which I don't think is too bad? Sorry you had a bad night's sleep.

Barking that droid is a fucking menace. I'm glad your clinic will see you anyway, and hopefully by tomorrow it'll be more present. In the meantime, go for a run/have a screaming orgasm, not necessarily at the same time tho unless that's your thing....

Rainycat seems comfy for the moment, although I've just been reading about pet euthanasia and have only just stopped snivelling. I've had cats since i was a baby but have never lost one due to illness, it's total shit. Really hoping the vet pulls a mini miracle out of the bag tomorrow. I've attached a pic of her in happier days!

Rainycat is gorgeous, Rain! Really hoping the vet does his magic tomorrow.

I feel reasonable ok about the due date. I think it was harder with the first mc. What a consolation, eh?

But seriously, I am nearly happen I can't TTC this month because I think TTC while grieving the baby-that-was-not would be too much. But then, not TTC-ing if it was possible it would feel like such a waste...

Barking I am sure that at the clinic they are used to pre-droid spotting, irregular cycles etc. I do hate the pre-droid spotting though. When it stops, I start hoping against hope, taking 'is this your period or implantation bleeding?' quizzes on the internet (for real) and menkuling like there is no tomorrow. And then the actual droid arrives (sometimes all over my preg test) and I feel the disappointment all over again.

Sorry for the EMOness. It is Monday after all!

I'm driving myself insane. Just realised I haven't had the usual nasty cramps that would normally signal droid arriving the following day .

Erica my 2nd edd is approaching, but I was so ridiculously careful after the bfp to not work it out (after the date of the 1st one was branded with a hot iron into my memory and I was a complete mess at the thought of it and the day before it I totally fell apart) that all I know is that I was due at some point in February. I reasoned that I couldn't possibly be a mess for the entire month of February...

Good luck for the vet tomorrow rain, can't see the photo as I'm on the app!

Have a shrug of scallops Barking - that is one horrid bout of menkul you're in. Bastard bastard bodies.

I'm on the app so I can't see your lovely rainycat I'm afraid. I shall just trust that she's gorgeous

First injection over and done with - I'm on the bus! Now it's all COW!

Chez did you survive Monday and how is your horse doing?

Bloody hell barking, that's a headfuck and no mistake. Secretly crossing everything for you here!

fab whoop whoop on getting the first injection done! COW! I have forgotten what protocol you are on - are you downregging?

rain your cat is adorable. Hope the vet has good news for you.

I have taken to my bed despite the fact that it is only 9.20. I just cannot deal with any more Januaryness I thought I was getting better with pg announcements but had one today that actually hurt like a physical pain up under the ribs. This is some friends who got pg with their first two years after we had started ttc. TWO YEARS AFTER! And now having a second. Snot fair.

Anyway, enough wallowing. I have to stop typing now as am being head butted an pawed at to ridiculous degree by cat number 2!

Yep I'm doing long protocol so am down regging at the mo. C'mon the menopause, hot sweats, sleepless nights and mood swings!

Fizz it's time for some silent fuck you high fives. It really is heart wrenching when you hear news like that and so bloody unfair. Have the squid of solace and enjoy your cuddle with Fizzcat.

I too am in bed by the way. We have lovingly renamed our house The Shithole or The Pit of Dispair and it means that our sitting room is cold and we also have only shitty free view and rubbish wifi so we are better off currently in our bedroom where it's warm and we can get mostly ok wifi and then watch Netflix or amazon Prime. So we are a couple of saddos tucked up in bed early doors every night! We hopefully will get to start on the knocking down of walls in spring and finally start our refit....if we have any cash left after ivf that is!!

Fab COW!!!!
We had the same thing last year doing up the lounge and it was all back to brick, no sofa and no radiator. Straight to bed with his and hers screens and headphones!!!

fizz that fucking stinks. Nothing I can say to make that one better. Arse.

I've just got out of the shower. Nowt happening. But cervix seems low, so droid should be here?! But I'm 12dpo despite never getting past 8, and had no cramps, which usually start the day before. I've not had my usual irrational emotional outburst which is the other failsafe sign. BFN, as obviously I tried again.
I'm so fucked off right now. Why? Why couldn't I just be fully droided up and heading to the hospital tomorrow knowing the next stage was underway? .

Oh, and got a face full of acne, another droid sign. So where is the goddammed droid?!