Struggling to conceive No.2 after getting pregnant easily first time round

[Metalhead]

Still here, still struggling on, still hoping to get there in the end. Come on ladies, we'll all get our BFPs in 2015 (if not before)!

I have to listen to endless tales of my sisters two children ( very close in age and easily conceived in her 40s) which is lovely of course but when I am feeling low just breaks my heart that DS won't get to experience a sibling/friend).

I think I need to accept that once upon a time I considered my Mum my best friend but she isn't anymore. All she wants to do is tell me things, never listen, and if I dare to talk about TTC she just shuts me down by saying that various psychics say it will happen, so therefore I have to believe and just wait.

We have a farcical conversation once where I said each month I get my hopes up and then feel totally devastated when AF shows. She said I was silly to get my hopes up and I should just be putting it to the back of my mind and getting on with stuff. Another 100 years passed and I said something along the lines of, there is no hope anymore, every month I just assume AF will appear, and got berated for having lost hope and having a negative attitude, apparently I wasn't allowing it to happen, I just needed to be more positive!

It's head fuck city all round really.

OH has gone away overnight on a business trip so it's just me and the boy. Checked FF this morn and can't believe I am 6/7 dpo!! This cycle is rushing past. I have one hpt in the drawer but I don't want to use it as a BFN on Christmas Day will be heart breaking.

One positive thing is OH and I have managed to DTD throughout the cycle so far, not ceasing after OV like usual, and it's definitely been much better and brought us together. Only prob is last night I fancied a long leisurely not trying for a baby shag and instead got a quickie. Was not happy lol whereas usually I'm just over the moon we have had well timed sex.

Anyone remember their non-TTC sex life? Mine seems a very long time ago.

Metal That's a really low rate, 35 is not old, I'm 38 so there's very little chance for me but to be honest we couldn't consider stretching to it. A girl at work conceived her second at 36 straight after coming off the pill - didn't even have a period

Loves I think you've hit the nail on the head its grieving every month for a baby that is not there and the sibling your DC doesn't have yet! I always wanted more than one child as I never wanted my DC to be an only one but it doesn't look like it is going to happen now. I don't think anyone can understand the pain of TTC for so long unless they have been through it themselves.

New How great would it be to be able to put it to the back of our minds each month and not get our hopes up! I certainly can't do it, I've tried to think about other stuff but my need for a second baby just won't go away.

Part of my problem is the lack of DTD, we did manage to DTD 4 times this cycle in my fertile window but OH was too tired on the vital day! Also the stress I go through of having to get him to DTD can't help either. He totally doesn't get how AF's arrival effects me every month so I can't talk to him and I have no one else to talk to, I'm just glad I can chat to you ladies on here.

We didn't have a sex life before TTC, when I conceived DD we weren't together very long so we had a much better sex life but I think once he held our DD for the first time a part of his love for me died and he never came anywhere near me until we agreed we wanted another one in January last year and since then it's been a struggle to get him to DTD and we don't ever DTD at any other time. He won't even cuddle me!

I'm on 5dpo and the pre-AF spotting is due on Sunday and we're off out for the day so, great eh!!

Nobody that's really sad . Why do you think some of love he had for you died once he had held his daughter? I don't think that's how these things work.

It sounds to me like he has a low sex drive.. My DP does too and I have to say I miss past relationships where they couldn't wait to rip my clothes off, however DP and I have a lovely friendship and all round relationship and I would take that over sex every day!

Bobsy not Nobody!! Stupid autocorrect!

Agree loves it's like a form of grief but most people don't seem to understand that.

new that does sound like your mum is quite insensitive! I can't remember what it was like to just have sex for fun, but it would certainly be nice to get to that point again! (Though if I ever manage to get pregnant again I don't think I'll be having any sex for at least a few months!) I always set out with the intention of not stopping dtd after ov but most months I just don't feel in the mood during the 2ww.

bobsy I was really stunned at how low that rate was too! Apparently it ranges from something like 12-26%, but even that highest rate wouldn't be very good. I'm sorry your DH is being so horrible to you, I can't imagine going through all this shit without a supportive partner and it makes me quite angry on your behalf.

I've just had my fortnightly acupuncture session, and she thinks it's working. She said that she would've been quite concerned if I'd gotten pregnant the last few months as apparently my body wasn't ready, but now it is. So there you go, both Western and Chinese medicine have given me a clean bill of health, no reason why I shouldn't get pregnant! Now I just need my stupid body to get the memo...

Metal I have to say I was quite sceptical about acupuncture initially. But my cycles have got longer and my aches and pains have gone. I also feel less hot (I have rosacea so getting burning red cheeks very easily) and generally feel more balanced in myself.

I also feel as though I am in a better physical state now and if I did fall pregnant my body might be able to hold into it.

I totally agree about IVF stats being shockingly low. You should look at IUI rates, 1% at my age!!! In a way it helps as it's just not worth doing if you have the capacity to fall pregnant easily.

New He never went near me for about 2 years after we had her and only then to TTC for #2. He never shows me any affection, and he and DD do have a close bond as she's a daddy's girl. My ex was like that couldn't wait to rip my clothes off, we'd even have afternoon sex which is something me and OH have never had! It's only ever in bed at night with only ever me to instigate it. We haven't really got anything else which I know sounds terrible, there is just no affection there, even if I'm upset about something he won't put his arms around me. TTC has really not helped our relationship.

Thanks Metal It is really hard and I've had a melt down again today about it all. That's positive about the acupuncture sounds like you could soon be getting your BFP. It's making me think that I need to try it, it's just the cost of regular treatments that's bothering me but I might have a chat with OH and see what he thinks.

That sounds really bad bobsy, has your DH ways been so cold? I'm not sure what to suggest, but I really hope 2015 brings some happiness for you .

I've got little doubt now that there won't be a BFP for me under the Christmas tree. 8dpo today and temps and cm looking exactly like any other cycle. Bah! Guess I'd hoped that the tube flushing might have worked some magic, but no. Oh well, this month would've given me a pretty inconvenient due date anyway, and at least I can now stuff my face with pate and Brie and wash it all down with some nice fizz at Christmas!

We're off to the in-laws tonight for a week, DD is very excited. She'll be having her first sleep over away from home at her cousins'.

Metal what is your cm normally like at 8dpo? I'm either 7 or 8 dpo today (cd21) and yesterday my cm was thick and white but kind of stretchy. Definitely the same as last month so nothing to interested by. But the stretchy aspect always worries me as it has that kind of oestrogen texture about it even though the white is clearly progesterone dominated.

If my cycle stays at 25/26 days I am due my period soon. That's so weird. I always assumed once I moved my ovulation later in my cycle my cycle would lengthen overall. But instead I'm just losing days off my LP. Total head fuck.

ok so im just checking in... Im cd20 and managed to dtd last night. I ov last cycle on this day but as cycle wss 5 days late prrhaps it will be later this month. had 2 cb ov tests left from last month so thought id do one this morn to check. big fat no smiley face but I think I read somewhere that they reset themselves so first test you do will always be empty face. I will do other one tomorrow and see what happens. We are out tonight and inlaws stsying night to look after ds as be late home so dtd tonight is out of question but hope to dtd sat and sun. fx.
Metal-its not too late you never know look what happened yo trees. Have a good time away.
Trees- how are you by the way hope all ok with you.
Bobsy- your oh sounds like a nightmare. Perhaps after xmas he might he might start changing his ways. Big hug sent your way.
New- I have to admit it does sound confusing for you but ive got my fx for you af doesnt arrive but a big fat bfp does.
Someone has to have a bfp in time for xmas surely. xxx

I think it's since DD was born Metal it is hard & things have been really difficult recently.

Well I'm on 7dpo & not a sign of implantation . Well at least when I went shopping I stocked up on pate, cheese board & got plenty of mulled wine & Buck's Fizz. We'll also be having prawn cocktail for starter on Christmas dinner, I'd still rather not be able to have this stuff because I'm pg. Oh well.

new I usually have clear-ish, gloopy cm with white bits in. When I was pregnant last year I had very creamy white cm, almost like hand lotion, so that's what I'm generally looking out for now, but no sign of it.

Thanks lovemy, I hope you enjoy your night out and get your smiley face tomorrow.

Thanks lovemy hope you manage to time DTD right & enjoy your night out tonight.

Someone here is sure to get a Christmas BFP

Well I'm off on a girlie day out canal cruise with mulled wine & mince pies, shopping & lunch so should help to take my mind off things a bit.

Ooh that sounds nice bobsy! Have a lovely time.

Metal I had exactly the same. Then the other month I had that long CP/MC i had loads of watery white cm constantly, just gushing. So even though id had AF I tested and got a faint positive.

So I know what CM goes hand in hand with pregnancy and I know at the end of every cycle when i'm dry as a bone I am not pregnant. Yet I still like to play mind games with myself and think every pregnancy is different and maybe i'll get no good signs but still test positive etc etc. So boring and always BFN.

Have a lovely time Bobsy

About to get in the car and head to the airport, feeling a bit Christmassy and just wanted to make sure that I wished you all a merry Christmas. (I normally get tied up in family stuff and don't go near my PC) Here's hoping we get a few Christmas BFPs but if not then here's to 2015 being our year. Thanks for listening to me moan this year you are all wonderful

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year

I don't think I'll be in the running for this month. According to tests I ovulated on day 20 or so which seems late. Have mild cramping so expecting af to arrive by Monday. I'll be 42 by next cycle and wondering if I should just enjoy what I have and give up. I get so optimistic at start of cycles but my age doesn't give me a huge chance. Bah

Thanks ladies, had a lovely time

I've had to have a serious word with myself as I managed to convince myself that I was pregnant by stupid things that I'm imagining! I think it's because I've been looking for signs of implantation & if there isn't one there make one up grrrr!

Anyway I've decided that I'm out of the running & to stop winding myself up, we've a nice family day out planned on Sunday, then it's Christmas next week so don't want any of that spoiling. It does worry me a bit that third cycle of soy hasn't worked as I should have had a strong healthy egg but I thinks it's because we missed DTD on the vital day & at my age we need to DTD on the vital day.

crispie I use to ovulate around day 20 or 21 until I took soy, now I ovulate around CD17. My GP won't do anymore tests for me as she says at my age (38) my eggs are poor quality & I'm not producing as many, but then I've read about people getting pregnant easily in their 40's. When I first joined mumsnet I was on a thread where a lady of 40 got pregnant very quickly. Fx for you that AF doesn't arrive.

loves Merry Christmas, all the best. Have a safe trip

New I also do them mind games that every pregnancy is different!!

Good luck to everyone else on here, I'm sure at least one of you will get your Christmas BFP if not more!

Thank you bobsy. I have my fingers crossed for you too. Let's vow to have a good Christmas with our wee ones anyway.

Had a really lovely morning with my gorgeous man and DS. We've just been messing about and eating toast and generally being together before he takes my son to MIL and I feel really happy (I had a cry about my Mum but that was good to just get it out too).

Got some shopping to do today, just in the bath before I try and look acceptable (horrible bastardisation cold and snotting for Britain).

Have a fabulous weekend everyone. Would be fab to have a Christmas BFP for is all, fingers crossed xx

bastardisation lol, my autocorrect is so formal!!

OMG I have a second line!!! Im only 8/9dpo and i have a bloody second line!! on a Tesco sodding test!!

I am beyond gobsmacked!!

A tesco pregnancy test?! If so -amazing news!

Yep, think its 25miu test!! i will post a photo when I stop screaming