Struggling to conceive No.2 after getting pregnant easily first time round

[Metalhead]

Still here, still struggling on, still hoping to get there in the end. Come on ladies, we'll all get our BFPs in 2015 (if not before)!

Well done crispie, sounds like you deserve a week off!

I'm feeling pretty crap today, only 4dpo and I'm already obsessively analysing my chart and comparing it to the previous months to see if I can detect anything different. Plus I've got a headache and feel like I'm coming down with a cold, which I've probably caught from DD.

This is my last week at work for the year and I just can't believe I'm still here in my crappy job, with no baby and no prospects of anything changing anytime soon. At the end of last year I was happily pregnant and looking forward to a great 2014, instead it's all gone to shit. . (Sorry for the depressing Monday morning post...)

Oh Metal - it's no wonder you're having a bit of a downer - that's pretty shit. When was the m/c - was it a mmc found at your scan? Horrible either way, just when you think you've got things sorted. And I'm totally with you on the feeling of being stuck in a crappy job because you're hoping to be pregnant. My job's basically ok, but if I wasn't hoping for another baby then I'd have been in a different place for sure. This was my easy-after-mat-leave job to tide me over for a bit until I got pregnant again. But I'm still here. Grrrr. I remember when I was pregnant the first time, or maybe it was between doomed pg 1 and 2 that a really perfect job came up that I didn't go for thinking I'd be on mat leave so soon. Then I wasn't and really regretted not having gone for it. It would have been such a gorgeous job! But hey ho - we are where we are - and after a good old wallow, we'll just pick ourselves up and keep ploughing on. I'm impressed with Crispie's stamina this month! That surely must work?! Not sure I've quite got the energy to do the same but will do my best

Bless you metal mondays are shit at the best of times. I haver nothing useful to say here but didnt want to read and run xx

Thanks for the sympathy ladies, it's good to have a place to moan! DH is really stressed with work at the moment so don't want to offload on him.

little yes it was a mmc; I basically had two early scans (due to messed up cycle), at the first we saw a heartbeat and were told everything was fine, but I knew it wasn't as was measuring far too small for my dates, so paid for a private scan two weeks later where it was found that baby had died, probably pretty soon after the first scan. That was in February and we've been ttc again since March.

Fuck I've just lost a long post . Can't be bothered to rewrite.

So sorry Metal. Huge hug.

3dpo for me, AF due Christmas Day would you believe.

Mine is too New. What a lovely present that will be...

Oh Metal sorry you're feeling so bad . I've stopped taking my temp now FF has confirmed ov because I'd be the same & I've had 2 temp dips already.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

AF for me is due Boxing Day but the pre-AF spotting is due on Sunday so I'll know then . I'm past thinking/hoping its implantation last few cycles have been spotting at 9dpo!!

Hi Ladies,

Can I join?

I'm only on month 4 of TTC, but I stupidly thought it would be so easy! I already have a DD who is in school now, she was a very happy surprise conceived after DTD just once that month. This led me to believe that I was clearly super fertile and that we'd obviously get caught straight away.

It's so frustrating! I think we are doing everything correct? I track my periods and have done for over a year, we DTD in the lead up and on the day of ovulation, but i'm guessing we may not be doing it enough? I don't know about all of you, but it's horrible having sex when you can't be arsed, it's such a chore, but I think we need to step our game up and make sure we are doing it every other day perhaps throughout the month?

I have PMS a good week before AF arrives, so I never have the 2WW. I had zero PMS symptoms when I fell pregnant with my DD so it's heartbreaking when those cramps start and my chest gets tender. I'm on my period now (day 2) so I should ovulate around new year. Hoping and praying this is the month!

Oh yes. I too thought I was super fertile!! What a difference two years makes ( in our case). Welcome Village, hope your stay is very short xx

Ha - me too. 3 pregnancies in 7 months to get DS - thought it'd be a piece of cake this time! Now no pregnancies in nearly 18 months. Grrrr!

It's just so infuriating, isn't it? With DD we caught 2nd cycle, then last year was 4th cycle and now I'm on cycle 8 and nothing! It just doesn't make any sense to me, I know age matters to a degree but I've only just turned 35 and surely it's not like a switch is flicked the minute the clock strikes 12 on your birthday and it all goes to pot?!

I think from next year I will focus on sorting out my career and just assume that we won't have another DC, I'm so fed up of everything being on hold and the constant 'what if'...

I wouldn't worry about dtd more often village, it sounds to me like you've got it pretty much covered if you're doing it before and on day of ov.

hi all. im on cd17 and due ov this week although no sign yet. we have only managed to dtd once this cycle. really need to start dtd this week its just we are at xmas partys wed and fri which is not convenient so in hooing to dtd tonight. I have come out in a cold so will have to try and cover it up otherwise oh wont come near if he tjimks he catch a cold.......
Metal- im sorry you are feeling down
honey.Try and stay possative and enjoy crimbo.
Village - welcome to the thread.
I conceived ds between xmas and new year so in a wsy im not that too worried about ttc this month as id rather not have 2 with same birthdays. if it happens though I wont be dissapointed of course. xx

Metal- sorry your feeling down. try stay possative snd enjoy crimbo.
VIllage- welcome to the thread.
so im cd17 and only dtd once so far this cycle. hoping to dtd tonight though although I have a cold come out so will have to disguise it as oh wont come near if im carrying germs.....
Not going to stress this month though as ds was conceived between xmas and new yesr and thst would mean 2 with birthdays days apart. although if it happened I wouldnt be dissapointed obviously.

oops sorry sent same thing twice as lost the first one and didnt think it posted but it didnt. xx

I feel awful when I see how long some of you have been TTC, it's only 4 months so far for me, but because we are doing everything "right" and it still hasn't happened, it feels like a lot longer.

I never realised what a complicated process it could be. I'm also like some of you & having a bit of a shitty time with career stuff. I feel I need to have another baby as soon as possible, so then my child bearing days are behind me and I can focus on my career & trying to provide for my family.

Time seems to operate differently when you're TTC. So we have been actively trying for about 19/20 cycles. 6 of those I wasn't actually ovulating as I was breast feeding so I guess I could discount them and about five of them I was pregnant/recovering from miscarriages so again, I guess they don't count. So probably 8 ovulatory but non pregnant cycles in that time which doesn't sound quite as horrendous as 19 months TTC.

But my head over that time has gone from ridiculously hopeful and then devastated to now not particularly hopeful at all and upset. You do get over that initial devastation as each cycle passed you by and kind of wander down the road of apathy. Its a funny thing.

I'm not very hopeful at all for this month, so far my chart looks exactly like every other month (and why would it be any different...). On top of that my cold suddenly got about 100 times worse last night so I didn't sleep much, and am completely bunged up with a streaming nose and aching face today. Bleurgh!

Metal I've had two colds in succession ( thank you darling son) so I feel your pain. I swear by Beechams ultra strength or Lemsip high strength powder. There is something about drinking cold remedies, particularly when you have a sore throat, that just totally hits the spot. I add extra honey and lemon, sit down in front of the TV and just go 'aaaaaaaaaah'.

Don't worry I've also discounted this cycle as being exactly the same as all my non pregnant ones. I think I'm 5 dpo and I get shiny cm when I wipe. To me it's a sign my progesterone isn't high enough but when I had my blood work back it was in the 50s. Anyway whenever I see shiny CM in the 2ww to me it's a dud.

I wish I could just slob out on the sofa today new, unfortunately got too much work to do. Will have to send out DH in a bit to get more tissues and Lemsip! (And should probably stop DD from giving me kisses on the lips when she's full of cold in the future...)

Whoops. Bad afternoon here. Had a very emotional acupuncture session (she does an hour talking therapy before the needles come out), covering some intensely painful stuff and I cried a lot.

Picked my son up from my Mums and we were meant to be then going to the Supermarket up the road to buy some bits and have a drink. Well somehow one five minute journey and a parked car later I was asking my Mother to vacate the vehicle and fucking off home in the most almighty mood, seethingly angry. She really is the most astonishingly insensitive woman at times. I was trying to tell her some of the things that came up and how emotional I became and instead of just letting me talk she pipes up with some bullshit that triggers off another load of bad memories and if course an argument ensues.

Perfect timing just before Christmas

Sorry to hear that new, hope you're ok. I'm sure your mum didn't mean to upset you further. Hugs x

Thanks Metal. I'm sure she didnt mean to either but I think this afternoon was a culmination of a year of TTC in which she has become increasingly insensitive and unsympathetic.

I am to believe that she 'totally understands' the pain of infertility because she had to wait a few months each time to concieve myself and my sister in her late twenties/early thirties. She is no stranger to difficult life happenings but she does not get infertility and seemingly cannot find any helpful words whenever I am in pain.

I guess i just snapped. It's been a funny old day.

Sorry to hear about your fall out with your mum New I've not even told my mum as she's the least diplomatic person I know. TTC is an extreme trying time, I know I've become so much emotional & get so wound up over things that I wouldn't have done before.

I was feeling a tiny bit hopeful about this cycle but not anymore as checked my chart & CM is exactly same as the last cycle. I stopped temping after FF confirmed ov as I knew I'd be working myself up over that. This will be the third cycle of taking soy too! This is really going to take the shine off Xmas too because what should be a happy time will be over shadowed by the impending arrival of AF. I know there's a few of us due AF at Christmas AF arrived just before Christmas for me last year too! So I've spent the whole of 2013 TTC & now the whole of 2014, surely 2015 can't be like this too! With each passing cycle I feel it's that less likely to happen.

Well I've had to go through a job description for my colleagues impending mat leave great eh!!!! Also a girl who works in same building brought her 10 week old baby in, that was hard for me.

Sorry I just needed a moan!

I think it is difficult for people to understand the constant ups and downs of long-time ttc and the toll it takes emotionally if they haven't experienced it themselves. Not that that's an excuse for being insensitive!

I know what you mean bobsy about feeling like it's never going to happen the longer it takes. I read somewhere yesterday that with timed intercourse (i.e. dtd during your fertile window) 80% of couples conceive within 6 months, which to me just proves that there must be something wrong with me. I even looked into IVF yesterday, but our local clinic has an average success rate of just 18% for my age! So you're not even doubling your chances and paying £5k at least for the privilege... I couldn't justify that.

Sorry to hear about your insensitive mum newera other people just don't 'get it' I find. I don't really know why, I always find I'm being dismissed as slightly batshit crazy if I try to explain how hard this year has been. 15 cycles of disappointment, grieving for something I don't have yet, grieving for hopes and plans I had, grieving for my DS and the sibling bond he doesn't have yet. It makes sense to me why I'm upset I don't know why other people think saying 'it will happen' over and over again is going to help untangle all those complicated feelings? personally I don't think we are the crazy ones!!

I'm feeling the same as you guys not hopeful at all about this month I'm on CD25, 8dpo. Getting over a horrible virus that brought me out in a rash (probably an element of stress in there too) I'm very tired of it all and I can't wait to go on holiday. I have two weeks off from tomo and I really need it. There is something about ending this year TTC same as I was last year that is just making me very tired and grumpy, not emotional as such just apathetic.

Fuck the lot of them (apart from you lovely bunch) anyone who asks me about TTC over xmas is going to get a Paddington bear stare.