Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Good news crispie hang on in there!

hs26 got my fingers x'd for you that AF keeps away.

Harry ..go on.. Be pushy and get that number! It's got to be written in the notes somewhere. Or request copies of results that's what I do.

Inshock73 ... thank you so much for popping in to encourage us all like that.

It's easy to think that it'll never happen after you've been trying for a while, isn't it? It's important to have these little reminders that it will probably happen eventually ... or there's a very good chance, at least. :-)

Hi Annie :) I can't believe I'm due in April the time has just flown by! xx

HS26 I used the digital Clearblue ovulation test religiously for a year, gave up alcohol and caffeine, reduced my chocolate intake, exercised etc and then decided to give up because I was obsessed and it was taking over my life and then bingo! I've since had my hospital consultant and midwife tell me they hear this all the time and both think stress interferes with conception.

That's an important reminder, inshock73.

This is the first month I've managed to relax a bit more about the whole thing and I'm feeling quite proud of myself!

Still got a bit of work to do, but at least I'm making progress ;-)

Thanks for the tips inshock! I've done most of the health measures you did apart from increasing exercise (bit lazy in winter). Have taken a cycle or two off ttc and am loving the idea that this could actually help (hubby and I not liking the timed sex much!) Huge congratulations on your pregnancy too!

So sad today. I had a lovely BFP yesterday but it's now a BFN. So cruel! Not doing ivf again but I think I'll keep trying naturally. It works for so many people over 40, my GP said that too. X

Oh no Annie was this one an ivf and is it worth testing again? I got a faint positive and a negative later that day with this pregnancy

Xx

Yes it's a frozen transfer. I'll keep testing but it's gone from faint pink line yesterday morning to v faint pink line last night to v v v faint pink line this morning to no line at all this afternoon so I think it did implant but just couldn't hang on in there.. Oh I'm so sad, I'm trying to be ok (at work) but really just want to fall apart. It's so hard knowing what to do next other than work on accepting it's not to be. But I've learned that acceptance is fickle. I just can't believe this is me. This ttc journey only started after I'd just turned 39 and I'm going to be 42 in May with 2 miscarriages and this failed IVF behind me.. Its all happened in a flash.

I really wish I had someone professional looking after me and telling me what to do. It's so hard making these decisions.

I'll stay here for now anyway as you are all lovely xxx

Oh Annie so sorry to hear that, but I'm still really hoping it's just diluted urine and the Bfp will be there for you tomorrow am? This TTC business is such an emotional roller coaster.

Oh Annie so sorry to hear that, but I'm still really hoping it's just diluted urine and the Bfp will be there for you tomorrow am? This TTC business is such an emotional roller coaster.

Thank you toasted, that's what DH is hoping for but you know when you just know. I tested a few times today and nothing. Feeling a bit better now. Can get through this .

What a roller coaster you must be on Annie. The disappearing bfp is probably more depressing than it not being there in the first place. . Perhaps the natural route will be more positive after all

Btw I have an unopened twenty pack of clear blue ovulation sticks - the dual hormone ones if anyone would like them. If this one doesn't stick I think we'll call it a day and anyway the months I didn't use them were the times I got pregnant.

AnnieHoo, I'm so so sorry. I totally get the horrible roller coaster that this ttc business is - I think most of us here can identify in our own way. I'd say don't make any decisions just now. Leave things for a few days until you know for sure what's going on and take it from there (it's so easy to give advice, isn't it, but much harder to know what to do when it's you!) Hope it helps you a little to know we're here and 'get it'!

Crispie, I'm not really using ov. sticks any more either. I feel like I know more or less when I ovulate as I get a distinct ache so they don't really tell me any more than I already know.

No worries! Ov sticks now gone! Xx

Aw thanks HS26 , feeling remarkably ok tonight. Lovely valentines roses helped! You're right, i do need to take a bit of time out before deciding what's next. I have to say that after so long it's AMAZING to find a group of 40+ ladies ttc No.1.... It makes me feel that I'm not mad / alone xxx

Have just been whizzing through having a quick read of this thread & remembered I'd posted late last year about being a first time mummy at 43.. .I really hope you're all ok, for all those still TTC stay positive & strong & for those ladies who are soon to welcome their little ones into the world congratulations... you have a great supportive thread going here! Good luck everyone xx

Hi eveyone, I thought I might have been experiencing an implantation bleed this week, but it's turned into AF which is a week early, so this round I am out. It's amazing just how focused (or is it fixated) I have become about getting preggers. I have an awful feeling that it's just not going to happen for us, so Annie, sending you my best, as you must feel crushed after the ivf. I guess that after all my adult life my cycles being like clockwork, that this is my body's way of settling down after the miscarriage. Good luck everyone, fingers crossed xx

Hi, Lilymog and other girlies.

I need to join the 'down in the dumps' crew today. Af got me this morning and it's been a particularly hard day with more than a few tears as I was nearly 2 days late - which never really happens. Or not since starting ttc anyway. I let myself get my hopes up again, especially as I've had awful PMS this time, to the point where I thought they just must be pregnancy symptoms. Nope. Disappointed again :-(

Also just wanted to ask you all about Pregnacare Conception vitamins or similar. I've been reading today that they can cause pregnancy-like symptoms and lengthen your cycle, which is exactly what seems to have happened to me this month. I'm wondering about laying off them for the time being and just taking folic acid to see if that makes any difference or not. Does anyone have any thoughts about this?

I'm off to the docs this week, too. I think I will feel more in control if I get the ball rolling on some tests.

That's really hard HS26 your body letting you get your hopes up like that. I am on CD 30 now so AF is due any minute and I think it's only a matter of time because I tested yesterday and got a BFN, and have familiar pre AF feeling today.

It's like snakes and ladders isn't it? Always hated that game, no strategy whatsoever involved....

Got my FSH result back and it was 18, which is bad, but I was confused as doc had said it was fine, then I read a bit more and found out that to be a useful measure of fertility it should have been done on CD 3, whereas I had it done on CD 16, and I know I was ovulating then as had got a fixed Clearblue digital smiley that morning. I am annoyed as it was private so a bit if a waste of money, though I think doc's reasoning was that it was a blunt check for premature menopause in that it would have been off the scale if I was already menopausal, regardless of CD.

Whatever. Numbers don't really change anything. Tonight I need to tell DH that this month has been a no go so he is not off the hook on giving that sample- need to get that test ticked off pronto.

That's 5 cycles and nothing. Keep telling myself even fertile young couples sometimes have to wait longer than this, it's just the stats. Only 20% chance each month. Really really just want to move on to the next stage of life though! had a lovely hol last week but frankly I need more in my life.

That's weird that the docs did the FSH test at the wrong time, Jessie. I suppose they wouldn't react kindly to you pointing that out and asking for them to do it again?

I think that even though I've been adamant until now about not testing until a missed af (and beyond actually because I didn't test this time after 2 days late), I might start testing 1 or 2 days before I expect af. I'm a bit worried that this time we might have conceived and I had a very early mc (also happened back in Sept). I had a whole week of cramps this time plus feeling tired, slightly nauseous and generally crappy. If you don't test, obviously there is no way to know for sure though. You can only guess.

My next step though is definitely going to the docs. I need to get that ball rolling ... and then just keep plodding on forward, step by step!

Oh, and Jessie, on a more positive note ... while crying all over my mum yesterday she reminded me that 7 months is absolutely nothing, as you say. Even for much much younger couples. She reminded me that a friend of ours took 2 years for no apparent reason and is now struggling again after 1 mc. Also told me about a friend of my sister's who got preggers at 43 - perfectly healthy daughter.

Got to hold onto the good stories!

Hello ladies, still blank tests here and I've done about 100 of them! So just going through the motions waiting for blood test on wed and probably won't get result until thurs or friday but i know I'm not pregnant so it's gone beyond hoping for a miracle now and well into acceptance. Thank you so much for being so supportive : )

HS26 so glad you've got your mum to cry on. So do I and I don't know what I'd do without her. Keep it coming with the good news stories HS26's mum!

Hi Jessie yes it's like snakes and ladders, that's exactly it. Up up up and then all the way down.. As HS26 says we just have to keep on keeping on. Step by step and we'll get there.

I don't think your FSH result is bad though, your doc is right, it's in the 'normal' range for ovulation (4.7-21.5). That means your definitely ovulating and not just getting high LH but no egg released. So that's good.

Thanks for the encouragement Annie, you've had such a tough time compared to me and I hope that whatever next step you take is the right one for you.

DH did his thing this morning (while I sat downstairs with a cup of tea trying not to think about what he was doing ) and handed it straight into the lab, so just need to wait for that result. FX that all good, the last thing we need are issues from him when I am already past my use-by date.

does anyone know anything about egg quality and whether it can be improved? My initial impression was that quality is just age related and they are what they are, but I have read a few things that suggest that quality is related to how good the hormones are in the follicular phase as it matures so there are things that can influence that. I am trying not to think about the idea of donor eggs, really don't think I could carry the child of DH and someone else.

Hi, Jessie. I made an appointment at the docs yesterday to start the ball rolling with these kinds of tests, too. Felt nervous just going to book the appointment but also feels good to be proactive.

It's funny that you should mention eggs and egg donation etc. because I was having that discussion with my mum yesterday. I don't know anything very scientific about improving egg quality but from what I've read just extra healthy living and exercise can improve them. I've also been feeling encouraged by the fact that although we may take longer to get pregnant because of lower egg quality, we still probably have many good ones left so it's just a matter of waiting for them.

Told you I didn't have anything very scientific to add ... haha! ... so would definitely be interested to hear if anyone else has anything ...

As for the whole egg donation thing, I find the idea weird and it wouldn't be my preference, but I think I would go for it if that became my best option. It's tough though because at what point do you decide to do that rather than just waiting it out a bit longer? My mum was also telling me about a lady she read about who started trying at 41 and got pregnant at 43. It took that long but she did it. Maybe that is really the 'norm' and we need to be more patient?

Just thoughts ...