Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Hi
Good to hear you're going to the docs HS26, definitely worth getting any help if you need it.

On egg quality, From what I've learned I believe that there is nothing we can do to improve egg quality. DNA defragmentation through ageing is fixed and can't be reversed. We have a pool of eggs - healthy and unhealthy - with far more eggs turning unhealthy as they get older and they either won't fertilise at all or will but won't develop past 8 weeks because of defragmentation in the chromosomes due to age. It's a lottery.

I do think there ARE still some lovely healthy ones in there though!!! We just need to keep going until our number comes up !

I got sucked in and took pregnacare Conception, omega fish oils, fresh royal jelly (££!) and CoQ10 600mg a day a few months before I did IVF just incase it did make a difference. I've been taking vits for 2.5 years now and drinking 2 litres of water a day. Makes me feel like I'm doing something although I'm sick of it now!

I asked my IVF consultant about supplements and nutrition and he only recommended drinking lots of water and taking folic acid.

I'm so boring!!! I used to have a life !!

Thanks AnnieHoo ... I actually find that really encouraging. That the healthy ones are still in there - we just need to wait for our number to come up!

I definitely don't think any of us need to think about giving up just yet. There is still PLENTY of hope.

I will let you all know what the doc says at my appointment on Thurs. Never seen her before so let's hope she's a decent doc.

My GP was really positive about women having babies in their 40's so I'm clinging on to that.

Feeling positive today I think this has helped.

If you scroll down on this page there a dot chart of ovarian reserve that helps to visualise the good ones:

www.advancedfertility.com/eggquantityquality.htm

Gosh there's a lot of detail on that link Annie - I have just spent far too long browsing pictures of eggs! I am not sure I am all that comforted by the dot chart (or the idea of dipping a soup ladle in my ovary ) but I agree it helps the visualisation.

So I guess that the fate of the cycle is sealed as soon as the body decides which egg to mature (and I think the site said that the quality doesn't determine which ones are selected for ovulation) If it's a dud then game over, it's just that we don't know for minimum 30 days, maybe even 12 weeks.

I would so love to know how many eggs in our cycles of trying so far had actually met sperm and had the chance to be fertilised.

I'm sorry jessie maybe it's a bit stark that graphic. I've seen another one like it in a book and there were far more green dots so we should be visualising more green dots than that .

I do think you're right and sperm probably does meet egg but most months but egg just doesn't fertilise for whatever reason or does but can't develop long enough to get a BFP.

So it's just a matter of waiting patiently and having a full, happy, healthy life in the meantime. (Easier said than done!)

We just have to keep dipping those ladels until there's no soup left!

The green dots red dots thing is so interesting! Although I agree a little bit depressing as there are so few green dots for the 42-year-old!

Still, there are SOME green dots, and also we are all individuals ... and also miracles can and do (and hopefully will for all of us) happen.

Chins up, girlies!

Olivia Coleman has announced she's expecting her third at 41. I luffs her. If she can do it...

... then so can we!! :-)

I went to the docs yesterday. Nothing much to report, really. She seems like a good doc (and is quite a bit younger than me, I'd say ...) She didn't really give any encouragements or judgments or anything, just got the ball rolling with all the necessary tests. So off I go for blood tests etc. next month.

Was really hoping I'd be lucky enough to avoid all that, but I suppose it's par for the course ...

That's nice news Annie. I still think of OC as baby-desperate Sophie in Peep Show, she was meant to be getting past it and she managed to get knocked up too . Actually I do think every now and again about David Mitchell's real life Mrs, the lovely Victoria Coren, who is our age and was v late 30s when they married. I read in an interview that she was keen on kids but no news from them yet. Hope they get there eventually too.

DH's sperm test came back OK, no numbers yet but doc emailed to say it was "fine". I suppose I should be glad we don't have any male factor to contend with in addition to my ageing eggs, but if I am honest a teeny part of me is a bit depressed by the fact that it really must be all me then.

I have had a horrendous cold the last few days- it's public holiday here so have stayed in bed, but awful sinus pain, hacking cough, blocked ears and sneezing - not flu as no temperature but feel tired and very run down, and to top it all I have AF as well. At one point I had a nosebleed from all the sneezing so was simultaneously bleeding from two orifices. Lovely.

I promise my next post will be more upbeat !

Lilymog sorry I didn't reply to you to say thank you for thinking of me, I've been wallowing all week and as a result I've completely neglected everything! Hope you are feeling a bit better about things this week. Your cycle does take a while to settle back after miscarriage which is just so annoying because you need to get on with it.

shootingstar - thank you so much for popping on to encourage us! It's good to hear from those who have been through this time and had a positive happy ending : )

skitterscatter how are you? Hope you're feeling this week after your weird AF.

Don't feel down about having the tests done ladies, it's not because there's anything wrong, it's just like an MOT for fertility. Afterall we are machines!!

Jessie good news on ST results. It's good that your man is ok and you've ruled that out now. I know what you mean... My DH goes on about his super sperm and thinks he's off the hook with having to do anything other that the deed. That's annoying! Sorry AF got you and you've got a shitty cold. I had that a couple of weeks ago and it really drags you down into the doldrums. Just hide under the duvet and get DH to look after you a bit this weekend and you'll hopefully feel better soon.

Hs26 - ... Yes we can!!! your GP sounds on the ball, I've found the young ones to be to far more proactive and non-judgemental. Good luck with tests next week.

waves at toastedcheese!

Hi to everyone else : ) - sorry if I've missed anyone I'm on my phone and trying to memorise things!!

AF arrived! I'm feeling please to see her for once.

Hiya all - hope you don't mind me popping by. I had a quick read of your lovely thread and wish I'd found something similar when TTC my first, as it felt like a lonely place at the time. Perhaps I can share something in the hope it might be a little encouraging.

At 42, I had some hormone tests done when we were first thinking about TTC. These were all fine, except I found I had an underactive thyroid, so we didn't 'try' while it re-balanced with meds. Then, as I was 43 and (unecessarily) panicking like a loon, we thought we'd crack straight on with IVF, at the clinic where I'd had some of these initial investigations. Except new tests showed my day 3 FSH was now 19.5 and my U/S AFC was really low. I was told, rudely, it was 'impossible' I'd get pregnant, but maybe come back next month and look again, although not to be hopeful. That same month I conceived my DD naturally. She was born almost on my 44th birthday. Bizarrely, since I've had DD, my FSH and AFC have been significantly better - despite being older - so go figure.

I don't think getting pregnant at 43 was tremendously remarkable, lucky, unusual or whatever. That's not to say that I don't feel the luckiest person alive to have my particular DD, as I idolise her, but don't all parents feel like that? But getting pregnant at 40+ seems relatively ordinary, and no reason why any of you shouldn't do the same. If you look at many of the threads on 'how long did it take to conceive' you'll see anything from 20 minutes (ha ha) to 18 months and beyond. I think its maybe that time at 40+ seems to take on a different significance ....

Someone asked about things to improve egg quality. This book has been posted about on Mumsnet a fair bit (so I'm not pretending its my original idea) but a great source of tips is 'It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF' by Rebecca Fett. link to Amazon . It talks about how eggs take 90+ days to go through the second stage maturation process, so you have a 3 month window to influence their development prior to ovulation. It helps you tailor an approach for you, and when discussing the various supplements, includes contraindications e.g. don't take if you have PCOS, which is all good.

Oops - sorry for the mega long post. But good luck!

Hi, ChewyGiraffe.

What can I say but THANK YOU so much for popping by and leaving such an incredibly encouraging comment. A lot of 40+ threads can be all full of doom and gloom but I think this one is a healthy mix of reality and hope.

I think most of us here are between 40 and 42, so it's even more encouraging that you were older than that when you conceived your DD. Our suspicions are confirmed ... there IS hope for us!

Thanks for the book recommendation, too. I'll look into that - I thought I'd read something along those lines (the 90 day thing), but I've read/heard so much now that it all gets a bit muddly!

Yes, thanks chewy! I am feeling a bit down at the moment for lots of reasons, and your post has both cheered me up and given me a new book to add to my reading list...I always feel better with a book to consult.

DH and I have definitively decided to move back to the UK from Hong Kong where we met and have both lived for over 5 years. DH's job is the main reason. So tomorrow I have to resign from my job. My colleagues are going to be very very surprise/disappointed; I am pretty senior and just got promoted. I am hoping that taking some time out will help us with ttc (not to mention make ivf much easier if that's how we have to go). But of course I can't tell them that...

PS HS? "a healthy mix of reality and hope"- nicely put!

Post above reported.

Thanks chewy. Good to hear from women who have managed to carry full term at 40+ despite all the odds.

Some of us have a longer wait than others but it will be well worth it when a good egg comes around .

Oh, that's tough, Jessie! I wish you all the best for these next few days, then ... sounds like you'll have some different and conflicting emotions going on there.

Try to see it all as an adventure, if you can. My husband is Australian and I lived abroad myself for a long time, so we're in a bit of a state of flux, too. At the mo we're in the UK but who knows how long that will last?

Stating the obvious, of course, but at least you are together .. and you can ttc wherever you are! (& like you say - being in the UK & having some 'time out' might make things a bit easier)

Let us know how you go with! :-)

yes Jessie, also wishing you all the best and thinking of you with your big life changes in the new few days. xxx

Hi everyone, so much has happened on here!
Jessie good luck with your impending move and all the planning, that's hugely exciting. Hope you're not too stressed by it all. At least you're coming back to a country you know so a bit easier than somewhere completely new for you both?!
Chewy thank you for the encouragement and the book link, I will check that out. As I've been reading more and more I'm thinking that the mc I had in Nov was just not a good enough quality egg to get past 8 wks, so any info on how to improve my chances next time is great.
I haven't been ttc but may have a chance of being in the 2ww with you all as haven't been preventing anything either. We only dtd on CD16 so not much effort but who knows!
Having a weird stressful time here, my husband is from a non eu country and we are having visa issues. Funnily enough my husband and I have been discussing moving countries too. Like you HS26 (& Jessie ?) because my husband is from a different country and I've also lived abroad myself, I don't necessarily want to/think we will live here the rest of our lives. We wouldn't be returning to my husbands home country btw, but somewhere new that works for both of our work. Would be such an upheaval though!

Anniehoo your green dot, red dot graph scared me! Showed it to my husband though and I think he finally got the message that we actually need to try every month, because it isn't a given by any means that we will actually be lucky enough to have a baby! It was definitely a reality check??

Hi, toastedcheese ... isn't that funny that a few of us on here have been living abroad/have foreign hubbies? We seem to have more similarities than just age!

The green dots thing scared me a bit too, but also gave me hope as it helped me to realise that it's normal for it to take a while. Doesn't mean it won't happen at all.

I explained the soup ladle thing to the hubs last week and he got a bit annoyed and told me to stop obsessing over the statistics etc.! On the other hand, I feel like this is the first month that he's been as on board as I am with ttc. The penny seems to have dropped that it isn't just a case of 'let's start trying' and it happens.

I must say though we're struggling with the 'on schedule' thing. We're trying every other day, but hubby really doesn't always, ehem, respond that well when it's all so 'necessary'. Still, I'm grateful that he's now a bit more on my side.

Think I'll be into another 2ww again by tomorrow. I've got everything crossed that af won't be late again this time and mess me up ... both physically and emotionally.

Hello all. Have delayed the job resignation till Monday for complex reasons and guess what, Monday is ovulation day! Perhaps there will be some weird karma that will also make it the day that I conceive....

Nice to see you back toasted and maybe you'll fall into that seemingly common "it only happened when we weren't really trying" demographic.

Yesterday a much older male colleague came into my room and started burbling on about some other colleague who had found herself accidentally pregnant "at 41 would you believe!". I'm not sure quite how old he thinks I am, but he is the type who had a wife out of university and 3 kids before he was 35. I just nodded and smiled.

Turns out my brother and his wife are also ttc. She is 38 and they had previously been very firm that they didn't want children. However she was then told when test were done for more general gynae issues that she appeared to have had premature ovarian failure and suddenly realised she did want a child after all....so they are now looking at medical intervention. I have no idea if my SIL knows my bro has told me all this, and I have only been quite vague to him about what DH and I are doing. So it made me laugh when he felt the need to explain to me on the phone that a follicle was where the egg came out from .

My DH is indeed from a different country from me toasted....but only cos I am from Scotland and he is from England!

Fingers crossed for you for Monday, Jessie (on both counts!!)

Isn't that just the worst when someone makes a thoughtless comment like that? My hubby's elderly aunt (who's actually really lovely) once said something like this while we were talking about her grand-daughter who was ttc at the grand old age of 36: 'I think women are leaving motherhood far too late. Fancy having a baby in your late thirties!' And there we were, just standing there, instantly feeling ashamed and like bursting into tears well, I was at least ...) ... such a seemingly innocent little comment and yet like a knife to the heart! She didn't know we wanted a child, of course, but still ... infuriating that people don't think a bit more before speaking! :-)

Have a wonderful relaxing weekend, everyone!