Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Hi all. how was the scan HS?

Nothing to report from me. I am now 8 days past the three day transfer, which is 11 dpoin normal cycle speak. Have managed to resist testing so far but am pretty pessimistic as I kind of think I'd have swollen boobs by now if anything had implanted. They are fairly deflated .

We've just upped our offer on a house we really like, should know today one way or the other. If we don't get the baby this month please let us get the house....

Scan was fine, Jessie, thanks for asking. It's a bit of a trek to get to the clinic from my work, but doable. It was a bit weird when I got there though. It felt like there were absolutely no other patients there. The staff seemed exceptionally friendly, but the layout of the actual building makes everything seem a bit impersonal. :-o

Still hoping for a last-ditch miracle so we don't have to go any further!

Did you get the house???

Don't be pessimistic. Who knows what you 'should' be feeling by when? ;-)

Do any of you find it hard when you log into Facebook and see acquaintances posting about their newborns?

I know this smacks of the green-eyed monster, but I always find myself thinking 'I bet it was so easy for them ... they're so lucky.' Of course, it may NOT have been easy for them, but that's how my thoughts go ...

You probably think I'm a horrible person now, but at the same time thought you wouldn't mind if I said it here! I thought it would be better than speaking it out to DH ...

You're doing well Jessie, you seem really calm about it all. Can completely understand why you need your parents right now. It's such a vulnerable time.
Be good to yourself.

Hope the house buying goes well! Fingers crossed it all works out. What an unsettling time for you, you'll feel much better when you're in your new house.

HS26 sounds like you're doing well, step by step. It's hard going into these cold clinics, the waiting room in mine was deadly silent and there weren't many people around, lots of whispering going on! Hope you get that miracle ... it does happen! : )

And yy, Facebook is a nightmare for newborns - every week! but then that's the way it's supposed to be. It does seem to be acquaintances though who are much younger. I have found myself searching for pregnancies within my school friends. The last schoolfriend on Fb had one 6 months ago and there hadn't been one for a couple of years before that. It's crazy but when she popped up with her baby it gave me renewed hope/determination. It really shouldn't matter. The children of my friends in the village are off to high school and rejoicing the freedom!

Lily, v v difficult one trying to convince your DH, there is a quite a lot of debate about what to do in this situation across mn, but i don't know what I'd do. What does he say about it?

Don't think there's a miracle going on up in my wee corner of the world though. Feeling crampy all week and snow-white internet cheapie sticks at Day 29, possibly 12dpo but didn't temp so don't know for sure just winged it.

I'm going through a phase this week and it think it's hormonal. I've been feeling shamefully materialistic and went on an internet shopping splurge. Pangs of guilt as I confess this!! I'm going to the post office now to pick up my massive parcel full of make up, handbag, purse, jumpers, boots.. I'm sooooo bad. GREAT therapy though!!! Very exciting . I've also been coveting other people's watches. I really passes the time at work. I am usually NOT materialistic, i've been possessed!!

Hi all. Test date not till Sunday but I did a super-sensitive First Respose test today and it was undisputably negative. Since I am now 13 days post egg collection there is pretty much zero chance of a BFP now. Gutted. Had so much hope when they said the 2 embryos were good quality. But they just withered and died. Hope to get some semblance of a constructive suggestion at clinic post-failure follow up appointment.

HS I also feel like you do about Facebook, and indeed just interacting with friends' children. Even my 2 IVF friends now officially had an easier time than me. But I still have fingers tightly crossed that it works first time for you!

Ps Annie enjoy your purchases . Retail therapy is always good.

Oh and we didn't get the house either. Vendor chose to hold out for a higher offer even tho no others on the table, and we were only 15k under asking .
Onwards and upwards.

ah Jessie I'm sorry it didn't work for you. It's so hard all this. I hope you're ok. .

I'm really sorry, hon. It's a lot to go through, isn't it, only to be disappointed.

I'm going into mine knowing that there's a slim chance it will work - but going ahead just because I might as well.

If I were you, I'd just keep in my mind that I'd done it before (when you had your chem) and so you can do it again. You just never know, and that could happen any month, even a year or two from now.

You'll get a house you like, too. At least that is something you know you'll achieve eventually! Focus on the positives this week - there are/will definitely be some :-) :-)

Just had our consultation at the IVF clinic today.

The doctor was lovely, and actually very positive. It seems you can even freeze some embryos for more tries on the good 'ole NHS if you have some to freeze, although it was made clear that this doesn't happen so often (about 30% of cases only, the doc said).

My results from the scan and blood test I had last week though weren't so great, although just 'normal' for my age, aparently. I only had 7 follicles growing at the time of the scan (day 3 of cycle), which aparently is a bit low, and some hormone level thingy (just can't remember if it was AMH or FSH) was only 4 point something, which is also apparently quite low.

Despite all this, I still left feeling quite encouraged. The doctor was very down-to-earth and kept telling me to try not to agonize over it all and certainly not to beat myself up about the 'what ifs' i.e. what if I was younger!

Apparently though DH's spermies are in absolutely tip top condition, so that's one thing we don't have to worry about! I even got an 'It's my fault, I'm sorry' from him as we left (as I pretty much had to beg him to let us start trying ... losing us a precious year and a half ...) Grrrrr ... men!

How's everyone else? Are you OK, Jessie? Seen any more houses you like? :-)

Oh, and the doctor recommended taking a supplement called DHEA before the IVF, ideally for 3 months. Anyone heard of that? Apparently it can improve egg quality and chances of IVF success.

So now we have to decide whether to start on day 21 of my next cycle (in about a month) or the month after that, to give the supplement more time to have an effect.

Not sure what to do yet ... if we leave it for another month I risk doing the IVF over Christmas ... not fun.

Although that would give us another 2 months to pray (and work hard for) for a natural miracle!

Exciting stuff HS. Your stats sound v similar to mine but a bit better- they could see 6 follicles and my AMH is 3.3 ( it would def be your AMH they were talking about as FSH is bad when high, not low). As you know we got 2 good embryos so still plenty to work with. very interesting that your doc actually recommended DHEA. I had heard a bit about it but thought that it was a bit frowned upon by doctors, and also difficult to get hold of in the UK. Did he or she recommend a brand or a dosage?

As to whether to go ahead now or wait, interesting that you need to start in day 21 which sounds like a long protocol with down regging. My doc said just to start taking the stimulation drugs on day 3 of my cycle, so the whole process was only about 18 days from starting drugs to embryo transfer. She said no down regging needed because my cycles were regular.

As for doing it over Christmas, that's maybe not such a bad thing as easier to get the time off and plenty to distract you. Depends how much you can face Christmas with no drinking but seems a small price to pay and you will feel much healthier after the festive season than you would otherwise ( though will hopefully have morning sickness :-))

If your doc really believes in the DHEA then might be worth waiting. My concern would be the AMH going down further (mine plummeted from 9.8 to 3.3 in the space of 6 months) but sounds like your doc recommends waiting despite this risk?

We've viewed a few more houses but none have grabbed is as much as the one we lost- perhaps not surprising as it was really prices higher than we could afford! As you say, at least house hunting is more in our control than baby making, but it is still fairly impossible to get exactly what you want. I am also finding it a bit sad looking at so many places with kids' rooms and wondering if we will ever fill them.

AF arrived this morning. Buying tampons in the same place I bought my pregnancy test was pretty miserable.

Still need to call clinic tomorrow and report the failure.

Jessie, the doctor recommended that I order the DHEA (which I've already done) from biovea.com - she said I should take 75mg a day, so I've ordered 3 months supply (the 25g seemed to be the best deal - they didn't have 75g pills).

After doing a bit of my own research today, I've concluded that there is a bit of disagreement about whether DHEA is a good idea or not, but that it does seem to help those with low ovarian reserve :-(

I've also decided to take CoQ10, which it seems you can take at the same time completely safely. I read that you should make sure you buy Ubiquinol and not just the straight C0Q10 (the Ubiquinol is stronger apparently). I've actually ordered that from Amazon as it's the cheapest there.

I figure it can't hurt to try something new!

Oh, and a little encouraging story. DH got talking to a girl at work today who said her sister conceived after trying for ages at age 44. So we still have time for a miracle!!!

All the best with the house-hunting. Fingers crossed for you and keep us updated :-)

Thinking of you jessie, hope phonecall to clinic wasn't too bad today. Its hard having to phone them with the result when you know it's negative. The whole thing is hard. Makes me very sad remembering the crashing disappointment I had this time last year. I thought I was ok at the time but I know now I was very stressed with it so keep going but in the meantime try and do lots of lovely kind things for yourself like spa days, walks, escaping into a book, film, play..

Same for all of us .. I should take my own advice!

Sorry to hear it didn't work out this time, Jessie. Onwards and upwards!
I'm heading back to Cyprus for FET in October (speedy 5 day visit) and if that fails, perhaps a full cycle in December.

A happy story for the weekend, this couple, both 41, had been trying for 17 years to have a baby: www.independent.co.uk/news/world/man-weeps-uncontrollably-after-finding-out-his-wife-is-pregnant-after-years-of-trying-for-a-baby-a6676776.html

Of course my ovaries will be completely dried up if I had to wait that long but I thought it was a happy tale

Thanks Sparrow
Have got my next appointment on the 15th, but suspect they'll have nothing constructive to say other than "give it another go". Have started taking coenzyme q10 and DHEA but have gone back to drinking with some vengeance. Had to drown my sorrows a bit, and we have a big family celebration this weekend. Will rein it in from Monday. Just embarking on the fertile window for this month now, think it's probably a month I will ovulate from the blocked side but you never know, maybe it's not totally blocked or maybe it will be the other side, and with Dh's sperm apparently normal now that's one factor a bit improved.
Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend.

Yeah, thanks sparrow ... love to hear the old encouraging stories!

So you decided to take the Coq10 and DHEA, Jessie! I was really worried the first few weeks of taking it that I would suddenly sprout a beard and get a deep voice or something, but I've chilled out a bit about it now. Apparently a third of IVF clinics recommend it now for certain patients (i.e. oldies like us) so it can't be that dodgy. Just going to monitor myself and hope for the best.

I think I'm a couple of days away from AF :-( Had the most horrendous PMT again this time - just horrible. I asked the doctor at the IVF clinic whether that meant I was out when I started to feel the oh-so-familiar signs, but she said no. Still, I think I am out this time (AGAIN). The awful feeling is starting to drop off today, which I always assume means my hormones are dropping before AF.

Just so disappointing, isn't it, again and again and again and again ... big sigh. Going to go and drown my sorrows with some pre-rugby Netfix now ... followed by beer and junk food tonight.

Any news from anyone else? :-) :-)

Oops, I meant the first few days of taking it ... only been taking it for about a week!

After a boozy weekend I am now going for a sober October. Back to Cyprus for second IVF october 21.
After taking the pill for a month to regulate cycle, I should start period tomorrow, then start meds the next day

You're going again so soon! (Oh yes, I remember you told us!)

That's great news, Daisy. How long do you have to actually be in Cyprus? Is it 2 weeks?

Hi guys thought I would pop back in posted way back in May/June time.
This is our 7 month of trying and nothing yet. To recap am 43 been with DH 10 years married 1 and he has just said this year we can try. In fact last month when af arrived he sounded disappointed for the first time ever. Still taking Folic but nothing else. Just had whistle stop read of all of this thread couldn't remember if I had posted in here already lol and saw some of you are taking Coq10, which is the best to use?
If we aren't successful this month will go to the docs and see what they say.
Good to 'see' you all again :)

Hi neetie. Hello too daisy, gosh your second visit seems to have come around very soon! hope the injections are better this time round.

On coq10 I did a load of research and all seemed to point to making sure it is ubiquinol not ubiquinone. I think that unless it says it is ubiquinol you presume it is ubiquinone. Also the dose of ubiquinol is 300mg daily and most tabs come in smaller strengths. However I found one brand on Amazon, Pureclinica, which does 300mg ubiquinol tabs. That's what I am taking but who knows if making any difference, who even knows if the tabs contain what they say they do, the brand has a website but that doesn't mean much these days....fairly confident they are not dodgy Chinese diet pills though.

As its a FET, I only need to do the embryo transfer. I luckily found a doc that could give me the 5 cetrotide injections I needed in HK. As I am not doing egg collection this time I don't need as many injections and I don't stay as long. I will actually only be there for 4 days!!
I 'should' be starting period today and I am worried if it doesn't come it will mess up cycle and this will be a waste of time! Eek!
They planned the transfer on the day I arrive, so I hope if period is a couple of days late it will still work out.
Trying not to worry as it will delay period!!

Oh, hadn't realised you got enough eggs to have embryos to freeze, had in my mind for some reason you only got 2, must have mixed you up with someone else. That's fab news. I'm hoping that all this DHEA and coq10 will produce a bumper crop next tone, total wishful thinking but may as well be positive! Do you fly on Turkish via Istanbul?

Jessie, I did only get 2 eggs. Because my AMH is so so low, there was a risk I wouldn't get any eggs, so I was advised to do a tandem cycle.

So the FET is with donor eggs. Even the HK Doctor I saw, when doing follicle count test said donor eggs straight away. I have got my head around it now, and am glad I tried with my own first. Still up for trying with mine again after FET
If this doesn't work out I will try another fresh cycle at Christmas when I have more holiday available.