Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Hi Daisy - sorry to hear your update, too. I suppose it is harder to deal with when there seemed to be a little bit of hope at first. Of course though it was always worth trying ... I hope you are feeling OK! Big smile to you :-) :-) :-)

Same good wishes to you too, Jessie - it really does sound nail biting. I'm dealing with the prospect of going through it myself by pretty much putting it to the back of my mind at the moment. I'm going to just take each step as it comes and not think about it too much - I think that's the only way I'll be able to cope!!

I'm not going to do the tube check thing until after the IVF ... I will do it, though, just to know what odds (or lack of) I'm dealing with, because of course the results of that would change the way we moved on from here. I'm still hoping for success the natural way (as we all are!), although at the same time I just can't imagine it! I look at women with small children or pregnant and wonder 'but how did they do it? It doesn't just 'happen'' ... but of course it does when you're younger ...

Jessie, how has it been getting off work for your appointments? That's still the thing I'm most concerned about!

Hi HS. I was quite lucky in that appt 1 fell when I was between jobs, appt 3 was on. Sunday and appt 4 on the bank holiday. For appt 2 just said I had a hospital appt that could not be moved, no questions asked. For Ec I told a fib and said it was a gastroscopy (I have a history of having to have these and it's the same sedation) and the embryo transfer ( if we get any!) is my "follow up appointment to discuss the results". I'll rethink if we have to go through it again. Biggest problem is you can't plan that far ahead but I just blamed hospitals generally. Also I don't do much at the moment such as meetings that can't be moved. To be honest once you get going work feels very secondary and employers can't ask too many questions so you just have to brazen it out. Any news on dates? If they will do IVF without insisting on the HSG first then you're right just to go ahead as the only thing they recommend for blocked tubes now is IVF anyway, so would not affect the next step. Only issue is that I have read that fluid in a tube can reduce IVF effectiveness so you might want to ask doc about that given that you only have 1 go.

All the best tomorrow Jessie for egg collection. Remember all you need is one good egg. It's all straight-forward and painless and you'll get the best sleep ever afterwards. Plus you can have a glass of wine in the 'in between days'. xxx

Daisy I'm so sorry to hear your numbers didn't double, it's so devastating. It's good to start working on Plan B straight away and channel your energy into researching what to do next. It's so hard. Look out for crashing hormones in the coming days, they can really pull you down but if you know it's the pregnancy hormones crashing down then it helps a bit and you can have a good cry with a soppy film and some chocolate and wine under the duvet. take care xxx

Hi all. EC was fine, as you described annie. Feels weird that they were doing all that and I have no recollection of any of it. Did manage to un-cap my cannula in the loo and get blood all over the hallway floor, but it looked more dramatic than it felt! The hardest bit was probably not being able to have even a sip of water all morning- mornings are very boring without a cup of tea!

They got 4 eggs. I was hoping for 6 but knew in advance that one follicle was not so big so suppose it was never really in the running. No idea what happened with the 5th one. Embryologist didn't really try to manage expectations, even though when I asked she said that they had no way yet of knowing what the quality was. She was talking about maybe transferring 3 ( it's allowed at my age) but I'd be really surprised if we got three transferable ones when only 4 to play with. She was v nice though and certainly knows a lot more about this stuff than I do! Hoping hoping hoping for one good one at least- now begins the waiting game.

Great news Jessie. Four is good, keep steady.

Will you find out in the morning if they have fertilised overnight?
Hope you have a good sleep. xxx

Ooh, Jessie, the way you describe it, it actually all sounds really exciting! (apart from the canula part ... I'll pretend I didn't read that).

Enjoy that glass of wine it sounds like you can have ... can't wait to hear your updates! :-)

Hi All,

I am 45 + 3 months. Feel stupidly broody (never felt broody before 45) and hope to start ttc#1. DP thinks we are too old: he is 55. I still hope to convince him for ttc#1.
Or convince myself that I am too old.
I do not want to go donor sperm route and DP does not want donor egg either.
I still have regular periods and Clearblue tests show that I ovulate. Hope it means I still have good eggs.
Due to my age I would like to go IUI or natural IVF route.

So, two Top grade embryos are currently nestling in my hopefully welcoming womb, along with a third less good one that we stuck back in because there was no reason not to. The top consultant was on duty and did the transfer, said it "could not have gone better". My main concern was not weeing myself as you have to have a full bladder and I had followed that to the letter...certainly takes the mind off things!

So, this will be an interesting 2 weeks...

Hi Lily. What are you going to say to get your DP on board to start trying? Cherie Blair had Leo at 46, that's inspiration.

Sounds very encouraging, Jessie! You are actually helping me not to dread it all so much - it sounds pretty much fine.

I'm feeling af is close :-( Always hope by some miracle it won't come this time, but I think I'm probably out ... again. Which means it'll be a call to the clinic very soon for me too to get that ball rolling ...

Oh, and welcome, Lily. Great to have you along for the ride and good luck!

THREE! Jessie that is wonderful! Well done! I have been thinking of you all day. Have a super-busy 2 weeks filled with lovely distractions.

Yes HS26, it's really not that bad - get that ball rolling.

Welcome Lily, hope you manage to convince your DH. It's difficult. I'm 42 and I feel just on the cusp of being too old / better off without kids. This changes daily!

I'm in the 2ww now.. very unlikely that I'll be pregnant, Jessie's IVF experience is making me wish we'd gone for another round...

Could you still go for another round, Annie? :-)

I probably could but feel that my DH and Mum would say 'enough is enough' and I really need their full support. It's more the stress of travel and staying away from home than anything else. I live in a remote part of Scotland so it's a huge trek to go for treatment. I had to do about 4 return flights to Edinburgh at short notice and stay there for 3 weeks. I don't know... I could persuade them... I probably won't though.

If I lived in Edinburgh/Glasgow near the clinic I would do it again. The clinic I attended has closed down so I'd have to go through all the tests again for registration and that part takes so long and getting all the results from GP is quite stressful when you're against the clock. I'm fairly resigned to trying naturally now.

What stage are you at with things? Fingers crossed this is your month HS.. xx

Hi HS and Annie. I was indeed lucky that I live and work so close to our clinic and didn't seem to get too much by way of side effects from the drugs. I am also very blasé about needles and medical stuff in general ( I actually like going to the dentist too!). That said, if I ever am lucky enough to give birth I am not likely to enjoy that!

I did however feel pretty rough the day after the egg collection, very sore abdomen and uncomfortable to walk ( tricky as we had 4 houses to view!). It's only just wearing off properly now.
Now that the embryos are back in I am finding it conceptually weird- they could be dead already but I have no way of telling for 2 whole weeks. And without booze to take the edge off the anticipation!

By the way, all women over 40 are allowed 3 as long as the risk of multiple births is explained. However my third one was really low quality, something like 36 hours' development behind the other 2 and on the verge of arresting, so triplets was a tiny risk. Twins I would not be delighted with (from a pregnancy and birth risk perspective; we'd manage looking after them if they were healthy I think) but it was a risk worth taking as the chances at my age of an egg having a chromosomal defect that stops it implanting are over 50%.
As they were day 3 embryos they could tell less about the quality really; the big hurdle is day 5 when they become blastocysts. In the lab loads die at that stage so if you have a lot they culture them to day 5 so they can be sure of picking the strongest to transfer. Mine went in on day 3 as I had so few overall, the thinking being that the body is still the best place for them to grow. So highly possible that neither is very strong really despite top grade appearance at day 3.

If this fails I think we'd do it again but my blocked tube is the reason, not my age- it seems like one month in 2 we have literally no chance and that is very difficult to accept. However how many times I don't know- perhaps 2 more with own eggs, one with DE then draw a line under it.

So happy to hear this, Jessie! Sounds like it went perfectly!!
You're right, it will be an interesting 2 weeks.
I know people talk about IVF being gruelling, and I struggled with the first week of injections, but I think these 2 weeks emotionally are the most gruelling! Just up and down between, it's worked! To its not going to work!
Perhaps I was lucky with hormones, but that wait is more mental. exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. You'll do great, Jessie!
The way I ended up looking at it was 'it's nature's turn, was will be will be'

Fingers crossed, good vibes and all the other luck going to you.

Really appreciate your explanations, Jessie ... I didn't know about the 3 day or 5 day thing, or that you can have 3 implanted after age 40.

Twins would be a dream come true for me, as I always saw myself trying for 2 (that dream definitely died a good few months back, though!!). Triplets would be another matter, but it sounds as if there's an extremely low risk of that.

Anyway, as Daisy said, really rooting for you over these next two weeks, Jessie. I feel like one little victory on here would be a victory for all of us!!

Many thanks everyone for support. DP has a friend and a brother who had children when they were over 50. His brother's partner was 49 when she gave birth to her DS4.
I am still not sure how to convince my DP.

Goodness, good luck Jessie, fingers and toes crossed for you. To try to help keep everyone positive, I'm 30 weeks and having a super-dull and uneventful pregnancy, no blood pressure problems, no diabetes, normally growing baby (3lb last week). And I did an antenatal class the other day with five women all older than me, mostly natural conceptions. So it can and does happen, and even if you do need a bit of medical help, the pregnancy bit can still be straightforward if you're otherwise well.

Hi eastEndGirl are you a previous poster to this thread with a new name, or a new joiner? Thanks anyway for the positive story- how old are you?

Sorry, ignore that "anyway", sounds like I think it's compulsory to give full life story when posting! Glad to hear all is going so well for you.

Oops, sorry I did post a while ago; aged 40 natural bfp after a year of trying and the decision not to go for fertility treatment! Bit of an infrequent poster so not surprised it doesn't ring a bell!

Sorry I for got you EastEnd Girl! Not long to go now, you must be really excited. Here's to a birth that's as uneventful as the pregancy.

I'm just in limbo now. Strangely it seems like the egg collection was more than just a week ago, but this time last week I was just arriving at the clinic.

According to my reading the embryos should have hatched by now and, if they are going to implant at all they will be doing it today and over the weekend. I told DH this last night, he was barely able to feign interest. And last night we had about an hour to kill after work and before a house viewing and he said cattily "it's not as if we can go for a drink, is it?", then spent at least 10 minutes before dinner deliberating loudly about whether he fancied red wine, gin and tonic or beer. I hope it's just the progesterone that's making me pissed off at him.

We're away all weekend at his parents for his Dad's 70th birthday. We'll explain what is going on, I'm fine with that as PIL are lovely, but it could be a very long party without wine to help the time go by. Let's just say they play a lot of golf. I'm also violently allergic to dust mites and they live in an old, dusty house, but I can't take my usual steroid preventer spray as it's contraindicated in pregnancy. So I will basically be sober, sneezing and sick of hearing about golf. On top of the overall dread/impatience that goes with this 2 week wait.

I can't really believe that it's possible for an embryo to implant inside me and turn into a baby. Having read so much on this "journey" I know that there are so many hurdles to cross (in any pregnancy, not just oldies doing IVF) that I am continually amazed that we were all once sperm and eggs in a tube.

I haven't felt anything out of the ordinary, a few mild twinges but exactly like any other month, after the post egg collection pain finally wore off. I think I need to find myself a good and very absorbing book.

Hope everyone else is doing OK.

I also miss my own Mum & Dad a lot at the moment. My Dad died when I was 25, but he would have been 70 this month too. DH hasn't seemed to notice that this might be tough for me, banging on about his Dad's party and dispatching me to buy the present because he is too busy at work.

My Mum died in 2013, I wasn't married then and never spoke to her about the fact that I might want to have a baby. She had a hard time in the 70s with a stillborn child and difficulties conceiving my brother afterwards and I'd like to be able to talk to her about it, and what we are doing now.

Jessie, I really feel for you. It's such an emotional time. I'm not sure about you but I was really up and down at that time,
and does make you think of your own family and the support you may have got from them.
I went between dreading the result and just wanting to know to get it out of the way, and just hoping something was happening in there.
You will get through this. Have a peaceful weekend! Xxx

Hang in there, Jessie.

I totally understand about the DH 'thing'. It has literally taken me the best part of 3 years to get mine on side over all this, and even now he doesn't let me talk through things with him as much as I feel I need to.

Without wanting to generalise, I think we probably have to accept that they aren't going to 'get it' as much as another woman will, even though they are part of the whole thing.

I'm really sorry about your parents, too. That really is tough. Massive big hug :-) I think I remember you saying you have some siblings ... can you talk to them at all?

I've got my pre-treatment scan on Monday. I've managed to arrange it over lunchtime but am already fathing around trying to figure out how to get there on public transport from work and rearrange meetings. Oh gosh ... this is what I dreaded ... and I haven't even started yet!

Like you, Jessie, I just can't imagine it happening for me now. I know that isn't an indication of what will actually happen, though, so hope is still lurking deep down!

Just keep thinking that you're nearly there. I know it's tough, but just a few more days and you'll know and be able to move forward.

Another big hug!!!