Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Oh, wow Daisy hadn't realised you were even considering donor eggs. Did it take you much soul-searching to get your head round the idea? My understanding is that the chances for us oldies are much higher with DE as it's the donor's age that counts, so really hoping it works out for you this time.
Nothing to report here, just biding my time till our next try. On CD 14, OPK is a bit faint but getting there so DH will be on every other day duty this week.

I think once I started thinking about and researching adoption and realised how long that would take and the limited options for single women, donor eggs was not such a big leap.
If I lived somewhere where I could do a few IVF cycles and get medication without considering the need to fly half way round the world each time, I would do that. Did I mention it is even illegal for me to go overseas for IVf?!? I could be put in prison!!!! Laughable! How to enforce such a daft law!!

A tandem cycle made sense in case I didn't produce any eggs, and donor eggs is what I have left now.
After reading so many sad stories on forums and from friends about miscarriages and chromosomal abnormalities, I am happy to try to reduce those risks.

I have also read so many women saying that they wished they had gone for donor eggs sooner to avoid the years of heartache and that they don't even think about it now they are chasing a toddler around or have a healthy sleeping baby next to them. At the end of the day it is a small dot, a cell, that your own body will grow into a baby.
I do still want to try with my eggs, but I need longer in Cyprus than my most recent holiday gives me.
Whatever works out is the way it should be. why not give myself the best chance?

Daisy. I can entirely see where you are coming from. However (and I hope you don't find this insensitive as I do realise it's a good problem to have) my hurdle would be convincing DH, who will never in a million years read any forum or book or even talk to anyone but me about it. Can maybe be done but drags the decision- making process out quite considerably.
anyway I have planted a couple of seeds and am parking it till 3 cycles have failed. Hope you will by then be an inspirational success story!

That's really interesting that you've decided on donor eggs, Daisy. I would definitely consider it, too. I would prefer to give it a bit longer (maybe a year or so?) to try naturally/ivf own eggs but then I think it would be time to move onto plan B.

I feel the same as you. Of course I would rather have a wee one with both mine and DH's dna, but if I went the donor egg route once I had that baby in my arms it really wouldn't matter. I would still have carried it.

I really like the idea that the ivf success rates are so much higher with donor eggs. Which means ... this next cycle for you will be really, really exciting since there's such a good chance you will succeed! I can't wait! :-)

Jessie, I got the CoQ10 (ubiquinol) 300mg from Amazon too! I must admit I thought twice about it, but then just went for it. At least if we both sprout horns or something we will know to stop!!

Mind if I join you ladies?

Always late to the party but hey!!

I understand, Jessie. I have a friend who is desperate for a child but knows her boyfriend will never go for donor eggs. If I had a partner ism sure it would be a different story.
Also, I can't remember, but I don't think your AMH is as low as mine, I don't think?

If I was in the UK I would try longer with my own eggs. But can you imagine me flying to Cyprus paying for hotel, medication (about 2000 pounds when you are on maximum dose), cycle to get no eggs! . Basically I don't have the money to do that many times, especially when savings were for having an actual baby, not just the trying.
Tandem made so much sense and it just so happens the frozen embryos I have left are donors. I didn't really make the big decision to jump for donor.
If this time doesn't work I will try my eggs again.
This is an interesting thread about it, which helped me with the decision.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/2308202-Would-love-to-hear-your-Donor-egg-ivf-stories

And re soul searching? As I said, after considering adoption, which I would be fine with if the process was not bias against single women (a couple of countries will let me adopt, takes longer and likely to get a much older or disabled child, and ironically would cost more than IVF!)
I guess with 7 frozen embryos in storage the question for myself this transfer is 'do I want my DNA passed down or do I want a baby in my arms?' I guess for me it is more circumstance this cycle
If I was starting a fresh cycle I would try to get a couple of eggs from me again, and will do at Xmas.

I took ubiquinol too, I got it from health span. If I do a fresh cycle at Xmas I will get more!
No side effects for me!

I know it's the Daily Mail, but still an interesting article
www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3259508/Scientists-hail-amazing-discovery-s-revealed-infertile-mothers-use-donor-eggs-pass-DNA-children.html

hello all, hope you are all doing ok. Nothing to report here. In 2ww now. Having a break from supplements, charting, sticks and just enjoying life. Feel very near to stopping, tempted to go on the pill next month. I'm really seeing the benefits of not having a baby at 43 these days, in a good way. Finding the thought of having a 7 year old at age 50 a bit scary.

Glad you're feeling good about it all, Annie. I would love to get to the point where I can just forget about it and get on with life. If it happens it happens sort of thing.

I don't think 50 is too old for a 7 year old, though. With people living longer these days and all ... that's the way I like to see it, although I do get your point too. For sure I would rather be 10 years younger so I could be around for my child's old age!

I'm actually feeling super frustrated about it all at the moment. Had another weird af where I'd convinced myself we'd done it this month. For a couple of days I really got my hopes up. I would have thought I'd learnt my lesson already, but no ...

Actually I feel quite angry, like I want to start throwing things around! Maybe it's the DHEA!!

Hi everyone

I'm new here and posted yesterday evening, but only got one reply so felt a bit disheartened. I then noticed this thread and wished I had just seen it first. Basically I am 41, been married 5 years, but only seriously been TTC for 2 years. Having a panic that I'm running out of time :( would love to share tips and experiences. here is my original post:-

Hi everyone, I'm new here

My DH (I'm assuming that's darling husband, right?) and I have been TTC for the past 2 years. I'm 41 and he's 35. It will be our first child. We are currently on the waiting list for assisted fertility, but I am still hoping to conceive naturally before then.

I have had blood tests confirming that I am still ovulating and I have regular periods and DH has had a sperm count which is all normal. Assuming we are both fertile, why aren't we conceiving? We make sure to DTD at least 4 times in the 4 day window ( I have very regular periods and also use ovulation sticks so am sure we are capturing the most fertile time).

Is 4 times in the window enough?

Thank you for any help

bee x

Hi Bee, welcome! You sound like you're in a similar position to me as regards having a younger DH. 2 years trying consistently without result does sound frustrating but you'll find plenty of help and support on Mumsnet. I too was convinced that having regular periods meant everything was OK but found out a few months ago that one of my tubes was blocked, so that immediately explained 50% of the unsuccessful months. I had no history of any infection or symptom so it really surprised me. If you are on the waiting list for assisted conception then you should ask about having an HSG which is when they put dye into your uterus and x Ray to see if it comes out of the tubes.
Other than that, unfortunately my understanding is that egg quality is not great as we get older. HS26 posted a good but scary picture on this thread once, with red and green dots showing the proportion of good eggs to low quality ones. The good ones are in there but probability each month of one popping out is low. If you get your AMH tested (about 100 quid privately, don't think the NHS do it until you are starting IVF) it will give you an idea of where you are with egg reserve. I know that Daisy and I were both surprised to get low AMH results despite everything being regular for us. There is a book called "it starts with the egg" by Rebecca Fett which is worth reading and a few of us are now trying DHEA and Co Enzyme q10 as recommended in the book to see if it helps egg quality. Could be nonsense but won't do any harm! All sounds a bit miserable, but we've had a few successes on this thread and lots of us know women in their 40s who have had babies. it's not over till it's over...
However if you can possibly afford it you might want to consider self funding IVF as time is really not on your side. I appreciate however that not everyone has that luxury.

HS how are you feeling? Sorry that you're miserable and angry at the moment. What's the next step for you on the IVF?
Annie glad you're feeling philosophical about it all. I do need to remind myself that DH and I did genuinely have doubts in the beginning about whether a baby was what we even wanted and that it is NOT the be all and end all. Easy to lose that perspective when you throw yourself so wholeheartedly into TTC.
As for me, we have done the usual DTD throughout the window this month and am holding out the usual hope and convincing myself I felt twinges of ovulation from the "good" side. religiously taking the supplements and making sure DH takes his.
DH made me laugh the other day. We were looking at houses in an area where there are lots of families with kids and he asked me if it was maybe not a good idea to buy somewhere like that in case it was difficult for me if we didn't manage to conceive... I thought he was going to say "I'm worried it might make you feel sad" but he said "I'm worried that living here might tempt you to steal a baby!". I am fairly sure I'm not quite at that stage... yet .

Daisy looking forward to hearing how you get on in Cyprus. I hear that frozen transfers may be better due to your body having fewer drugs in it. v excited for you.

Oh and Bee I am no doctor but 4 times over the fertile window sounds OK, as long as you are starting early enough - I was told by one doctor that every other day is better than every day to maximise sperm quality. There is an app called Fertility friend which is good for tracking your cycles and some women swear by the " sperm meets egg plan"- Google it.

thanks jessiemcjessie for your kind and thoughtful reply. I'm going to have a look at the app and will google the sperm meets egg plan. Xxx

Hi Bee and welcome!

Sounds like you're very much in the same situation as many of us here, so you've definitely come to the right place.

I feel a lot like you it sounds you feel - blimmin' frustrated at how long it's taking considering I haven't got much 'time left'. In the midst of the constant cycle of hope and let-down, though, I must say that this group has been a great support. It truly helps me to know that what I'm experiencing is somewhat normal for my age - and to have sounding boards that understand.

I think 4 times over your fertile window is fine, too. I suspect our problem isn't timing but just catching a good egg (and, to a lesser extent, sperm), as Jessie explained.

I'm OK, Jessie. The frustration hit me quite bad this month - I let myself get my hopes up a bit, that's all. Totally OK again now ... moving into yet another window and trying not to feel like there isn't any point trying!! ;-)

How's everyone else?

It's so nice to feel supported on this. I guess I assumed that because I'm producing eggs and He has good sperm then they should work if they meet, but I hadn't taken into consideration the fact that my eggs might not always be 'good' eggs

Quick highlights from my follow-up consultation with the IVF clinic yesterday. We saw the Big Boss consultant who is very eminent in the field. Extremely nice, encouraging but realistic:

• 4 eggs not so bad for my age.
• good that 3 fertilised but apparently fertilisation is no real indication of egg quality - even rubbish eggs will generally fertilise *most likely reason it failed was that the eggs were chromosmally abnormal so the embryos stopped developing.This is to be expected with age.
• It's unlikely that they'd have been good embryos but not implanted.
• (this is fascinating) in women with only one tube fertility does not always decline by 50%. It tends to go down to 70%. They believe that the tube ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE can sometimes pick up the egg from the ovary next to the blocked tube!
• next time we try (in November) I will have more drugs in the hope of stimulating more eggs and they may get enough to be able to keep them outside the body for 5 days and so let the strongest ones self-select. *Taking into account all my specific factors, we have a 20% chance of success on any one IVF cycle and 5% in a "natural" month.

AF is due next Friday, I'm not feeling remotely pregnant this month despite the opposite-tube revelation.

Good weekend everyone x

That's a great summary, Jessie, and definitely suggests reasons for quite a bit of hope. I've heard the thing about blocked tubes before ... it certainly is fascinating! It will be really interesting too to see if the DHEA/CoQ10 increases our egg quantity/quality.

Also, I had 7 eggs developing on my last scan which I was told wasn't very good, but maybe it isn't so bad for my age, then.

Another thing that has just given me a bit more hope is this thread: community.babycentre.co.uk/post/a10349165/thread_-_im_40_or_over_and_got_my_bfp?cpg=1&csi=2049371435&pd=-9

What I found most encouraging about this was the high number of ladies who eventually got lucky (naturally) in their 40s after quite a long time of trying (pretty typical seems to be 15 months to about 2.5 years ... but they did get there in the end).

I could definitely cope a lot better and feel less frustrated if I knew that I just had to wait quite a lot longer than average. It's the not having any guarantees that I find really tough ...

Still, plenty of reasons to keep the chin up! :-)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Jessie, sounds like we might be going through IVF at roughly the same time if you're going to be doing it in November. Think I'll be starting with the drugs round about then. We can be IVF buddies!! :-)

Hi,

Posted on MN a few days ago and someone kindly pointed me in the direction of this thread. Am 42 (43 in Feb so really feel like time running out) and been trying for 7 months and feeling a bit low so it's nice to find a thread discussing all the things going through my head. Saw a fertility specialist yesterday who said my AMH (one test at 4 another at 5) put me in the lower quarter - she would normally expect 5-10 for woman of my age. So that's knocked me a bit.. She gave me some clomid too but really just because I asked for it so am now trying to decide if I should do it. I guess I have to start thinking about IVF but hard to talk to OH as is still quite a new relationship. Sorry for the brain splurge, nice to get it out though.

Hi wotsits and welcome to the thread. sorry to hear about your AMH result, though if it's any consolation, from reading lots of IVF threads there are plenty of women who still conceive with low AMH and I suspect that the science behind the test is a bit under-developed so try not to get too hung up on a number. Easier said than done, I was truly shocked at how mine has gone down between January and July this year (it's now 3.3).
Interesting that the doc have you clomid- I am not sure if anyone on here has had that who can give you advice, but it certainly does work with some women.

Great that your DP agreed to trying early in your relationship- must have been a difficult subject to bring up early on but I certainly have learned that we have not a moment to lose. 7 months is not that long to have been trying though so fingers crossed you are one of those posters who pops in here briefly and leaves soon after as a success story (I wonder how Froginasock and stinkersmum are doing?)
Not much more specific I can offer you- there is pages of stuff on the thread so hopefully reading through it means you feel less alone. Best of luck and stay in touch!

HS if my cycles stay regular I will be starting IVF meds around the 21st of November, egg collection about the 5th December and test date around the 21st. Which is interesting as we are supposed to complete on our new house by the 18th...hmm.
Don't think I mentioned we'd found a house Offer accepted last Weds, vendors already had a sale fall through and want to move quickly, we are chain free. It is the house in the place where DH thought I might steal a baby . Lovely house, we are very excited. If I were also to get pregnant at that time Christmas could be pretty amazing this year...

Hey Jessie, that's amazing news on the house! As you say, it will be an amazing Christmas if the IVF works ... and if not, well, you will still have something happy to focus on! :-(

If you're starting meds around the 21st, we definitely will be in tandem, although they're putting me on the long protocol so the process will be a bit longer for me.

Still hoping for a pre-meds miracle!!! Well, you never know ... ;-)

Hello and thank you for welcoming me to the thread. Have been reading it all for the past couple of days as just feel so very very down about it all. You are amazingly positive women and it's lovely to hear. The clomid scares me as the fertility specialist just gave it to me because I asked for it. I chickened out of using it this cycle as needed to get my head round it and now of course am worrying that was the wrong decision. Scary to hear your AMH went down a lot between January and July Jessie, you seem so positive though that only good things can and must happen.
You're right that I'm lucky that new partner agreed to start early in relationship - he's not had kids either and is a bit older and just as sad about it as I - if I'm honest we haven't really discussed what we're doing (seems too monumental I think) just both secretly hoping - but obviously I want to have some discussions now as things not working and am just scared of how to broach it all. Sorry far too much info for a new poster - am just feeling a bit at sea about it all and nice to find this thread.

Long protocol, that's interesting. I asked the consultant why they went straight for short with me and he basically said that with such little oomph left in my ovaries it was best to work with my natural cycle rather than suppress it and create an artificial one. So your AMH must be quite a bit better than mine, which bodes well for you. I have to say am glad it's all short protocol, not sure would have the patience for long.
But yes, fx for miracles in the meantime. AF is due on Friday, I have no symptoms but there's always that little bit of hope, isn't there?