Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

I read that post as well.
As well as a few Negative Nellys I did see SO MANY supportive people pointing how a fit and healthy a 40 something can be compared to an unhealthy 20 or 30 something.
I also really enjoyed the 'mind your own &$@#ing business!' Comments. Hahaha! I totally agree! We aren't asking other people to pay for this or to care for our children so why ask their 'permission'?!?
Sorry, mini rant over! Basically 'our bodies, our choice'
Xxx

And....there were so many women who had had babies in their 40s!
Inspiring!
Jessie, It sounds like fibroids aren't a big problem from others experience. I hope this makes you feel better. X

Happiness - hope your DH is rising to the challenge of the hounding!Good luck.

I really liked how you put this:

If the circumstances had been different and I'd been lucky to be able to have a family in my late 20's and early 30's I'm sure I would have been too dim to understand my own current plight. We have a perspective they don't want.

and you're right Daisy there are a lot of positive stories on there too, for some reason when I looked it was going more the other way and/or I was determined to focus on the negatives!

Thansk for the fibroid story HS26, I do feel a lot better now. IUI doc has also confirmed that we can go right for that when my next period comes....though as DH helpfully pointed out last night we have no idea when that will be now. I'm OPK-ing away (ordered 100 of the things ) so hopefully things will get back on track soon. Maybe we'll get another pre-IUI BFP....

Am feeling much more positive today.

Hi all

Annie huge congratulations! That's wonderful news, I hope you are feeling good and succeeding with the subterfuge!
Sorry I'm not around on the thread much anymore and am a bit behind. Currently not trying to ttc due to a very challenging real life situation that makes it impossible right now. Just trying to get through each day positively and doing healthy things to hopefully preserve fertility until things change for the better. I'm still popping in though and its wonderful to see good news when I do!
Jessie don't worry about the fibroids, they're so common. I had a friend with a huuuuge fibroid, but it didn't stop her conceiving on the first month she tried at the age of 43 and a half…pregnancy was fine and she has a beautiful son now.
HS26 I know what you mean about now noticing things you may never have noticed before when ttc. Every little cramp makes you wonder if its implantation or not… wishing you luck that yours is though!
Hello and very belated welcome Daisy, cityzen &charlie!

Hi Ladies, hope you are all well.

Congrats to Annie! . Jessie, I hope you are doing ok, have been thinking about you. x

I'm now on day 39 with no AF (usually 25/26), BFN (x3) never missed a period before. Saw GP who basically implied I have early menopause. Not sure how she came to that conculsion based on one 'possible' missed AF!

I think I just wish I'd gotten AF, at least then I would know where I am! :(

That's so confusing, Charlie. It's strange that this has never happened before, isn't it? Maybe it was an anovulatory cycle?

Really hope you get back to normal soon!

Hello, Toastedcheese! Oh, please do keep popping in here every now and again. I'm so sorry things aren't good for you right now. That must be really really stressful and frustrating as far as ttc goes. Keep thinking of your friend who managed it at 43 with no probs!

Oh, and how are you, Annie? :-)

Hi HS,

All v strange. You can normally set a clock by my AF! I am hoping it was just an anomaly this month, next AF is due 17/5. I have blood test/GP appt 21/5 so can see where I'm at then. But very strange that happened this month.

Thanks for the welcome Toasted, I hope things get better for you soon. x

charlie how weird. looked back at your earlier posts, had forgotten that this was your first cycle ttc. It would be an awfully big coincidence for your cycle suddenly to go haywire as soon as you start- unless you just came off some hormonal contraception? I am impressed at how easily you have been able to dismiss your GP's far-too-swift conclusion that you must be in early menopause- if you told her you were ttc that is a shockingly insensitive thing to say to you with no blood tests or other investigations.

How many dpo did you do your first test? I am wondering if you have had some sort of chemical, in that the levels were already low by the time you tested but your body is still holding on to something? Just a thought based on my recent experience where the conception that failed v early resulted in a much lighter bleed, wonder if it could even cause no bleed at all?

Will be interesting to see what your blood tests throw up (if of course you choose to share .

Oh and hi toasted sorry you are facing difficulties in other parts of life, always nice to hear from you though.

PS toasted thanks for the story about your 43 yr old friend and her massive fibroid! I think I am spooked as a close friend of mine had huge ones, had to have an operation and tried to conceive for many years without success. But then her DP was also a massive twat who refused to have sperm analysis so maybe the fibroids were a red herring...

Hi Jessie. That's what I was thinking... so strange that this is coming about now?!

I couldn't believe how insensitive she was, I would have thought that a female DR may be a little more understanding and that is she honestly believed it was EM she would have been a little kinder to me. First thing (and probably just about only thing) she asked me was what age my mum was when she started the menoause! No idea! She had me at 39 so reckon I might have been a little too young to notice!

So after sitting in my car crying before going back to work and my best frined telling it was codswallop I Pulled myself together and decided yes it prob isn't menopause!

Happy to share any findings, BT is next Thurs and follow up 21st May.

Haven't been on pill for about 3 years now. Looking back at years worth of AF all 25/26 days.

Think I did first test day after AF was due, not entirely sure when I ovulated, got a pos OPK 12/4 11 days maybe? Had a bleed last Mon/Tues which was red but watery. Nothing since then.

xx

Guys, I'm so stupid, I'm not ovulating late, I miscalculated, it's right on schedule .

Hi Charlie, stick in there. That GP sounds terribly unprofessional. They are generalists so it's not really surprising how little some GP's know about fertility issues - although the things they come out with can be quite shocking / brutal. I seem to get a different GP every time I go and they're all so different - worth shopping around until you find an understanding one. Sounds like you're having a WTF cycle after coming off the pill. Your hormones may be all over the place for a while and that will make you feel more fragile and upset. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi everyone else!

Nothing to report here, it's only been a week since I found out. I'm home now from our trip away and it's beginning to become more real. Hopefully I can get an early scan to check for a heartbeat so I don't have the shock of early miscarriage again. Sorry to sound so down about it - I just have to protect myself from the shock of it all. Still a strong line on internet cheapies and I've ordered some CB digitals from Amazon to test to see if I get a 3+ reading. I've had 1-2 weeks and 2-3 weeks so at least I know the HCG has increased up to now. Must try not to drive myself totally bonkers!

sorry I mean I'll ask for an early scan if I get to 6 weeks - not now - so far far too early. I'm already ahead of myself and need to get a grip on reality!

Hi Annie, I think you are being sensible about by not getting too ahead of yourself, although all sounding great so far! How many weeks are you?

I wish I could put down to WTF cycle after pill, but haven't been on it for over 3 years. Agree on GPs, thought going for female GP would be better.. Wish I'd gone for male DR instead!

sorry Charlie I totally didn't read your posts properly! Hmmm weird that you had a bleed last week and then nothing since. Have you been testing since? Did GP do a blood test? Sorry if you've said all that already.

Have you had any tests done to see if you're ovulating?

I'm only a teeny weeny 4w5days.

Great news, Annie! It's really good that you saw the 2-3 weeks thingy on the digi test. Goodness, isn't it all so nerve-wracking?! I've been terrible so far even without a bfp, so goodness knows how I'll cope when/if I eventually get one! :-)

Charlie, I had the feeling my GP didn't know all that much about fertility, either. I felt like I knew more than her. I'm sure I didn't, but I bet I've been reading more about it than her lately!! Haha!

On the other hand, she's really professional, I like her, and so I'm going to make sure I get her every time I need a doc. I agree with Annie that you should try and figure out who you like best at your surgery and stick with them. Easier said than done, I know ... :-)

Thanks HS. Good that you trust in your GP, even if fertility knowledge isn't quite there! Think I will see woman booked in with for next appt as internal exam.. Then will switch to much kindlier male doc.

Brilliant news Annie about the 2-3 weeks. When I tested at 5 weeks it was still at 1-2 and so I sort of knew game over, whereas you have that extra reassurance. It's just (yet another!) waiting game now. I know what you mean about getting ahead of yourself but it's only natural. I have to say that those 7 days when I was briefly pg felt like the longest of my life and I was already picturing giving birth on Christmas Eve...

We all have our fingers crossed for you too! Please do keep us updated with symptoms .

charlie so sorry to hear how much your GP upset you. But at least she has referred you for tests. I bet that your funny cycle this month is from a very brief chemical - which is good news as it may mean you are more fertile (disclaimer; all my medical knowledge is from the internet!).

Thanks Jessie. I did have a wonder myself if this may have been what's going on. Yes, you are right, we must take the positive angle in that hopefully means we are more fertile. How are you doing? Did the doc say if you can start trying again right away? Apologies if I have missed this on the thread.
x

Next AF is due around 18/5 so will guess know more then.. assuming she makes her appearance!

Had a silly dream last night. I put my finger into this strange thing and it turned out to be some kind of weird pregnancy test. It pricked my finger and tested the blood. The result was positive.

Then I woke up this morning (af a day or 3 days late, depending on how you look at it) and took a real test ... roughly 16dpo and whiter than whiter than white.

So expecting af today. Already seen the start of it I think. So yet another strike-out for me this month.

Each month is getting harder ... and crueller with seemingly later and later afs. Trying to be brave today, though, and just get on with things.

Big sigh.

HS26 - sorry you are feeling really down. I totally understand. I am fed up of being brave and optimistic and am just getting very impatient whenever af turns up. It's also frustrating when your cycle is very confusing as well as this just makes things harder doesn't it.Hope you can have a good weekend relaxing and taking care of yourself.

Charlie - how are you today? Sorry about your wtf cycle too and hope your tests go ok.

Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend.

Congratulations Annie on your BFP - how exciting!

Hi Cityzen, I'm doing ok. Still have no idea what's going on! 16 days late, did test today and BFN! Just wish AF would either come or get bfp.. not knowing where I'm at is driving me to distraction! AF due again in about 10 days, hopefully get an answer then.. Thank you lovely.

HS, sorry to hear AF may be here. Sending big hug. x

Yes I hope you get an answer then Charlie girl. It must be really frustrating not getting af but then getting bfns as well. I'm not surprised you are being driven to distraction! Let us know how you get on.

I am in the 2WW but according to the clear blue digital thing I ovulated really late. I thought I was ovulating as normal on about day 10 or 11 as got all the usual signs. We dtd around then but didn't get the smiley face until day 13 and then haven't dtd since so obviously have no chance at all this month!! Big sigh!! Must do better next month and remain positive.

Hello all,

There's a lot of frustration around at the moment.

Charliegirl, that is so late, how confusing. I hope you get some answers soon.

And how annoying Cityzen. I think amazing sperm can live for something like up to 4 or 5 days but as I say that I realise I come across as a freaky super positive lady. It's hard to dtd on cue.

And HS, if I'd had your dream that would really have messed around with my emotions. I had a dream once that a baby had been left in an abandoned car at a petrol station and I and a friend, who was also ttc, wanted it. I love this friend and in RL we have a wonderful strong friendship but in my dream I jealously made sure I got the baby. In real life we both became pg and she "won". That dream and my poor unconscious behaviour still haunt me.

Jessie, it made me smile that you ordered 100 opks. They are so cheap on line! At times in the past I've tested up to 3 times a day. It's an odd position to be in being on AF watch. Hope it comes soon.

Annie you are our flagship, look after yourself!