Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Sorry, I haven't worked out how to tag people yet

There's no tagging as such, the convention is generally that when you mention another poster you put their name in bold by typing * before and after it, but no hard and fast rules.

Interesting about the supplements, might look into that.

Thanks, Jessie
I'll look up the cheap OPK place you mentioned too, thanks.
You mentioned you had to show medical certificate for treatment, did you have to show it for fertility tests too? I'm thinking about having tests if nothing happens in a few months.
I am not married and am not sure how strict they are about their archaic law!! I saw a newspaper article recently questioning the relevance of that law in 2015....hopefully the beginning of much needed change in HK!

Proof of marriage is only needed for assisted conception, not fertility investigations. My friend did IVF with donor and her doc here did all the preparatory tests and antenatal care after she conceived but she had to go abroad for the actual IVF.

Thanks Jessie
That's good to know.

I might be asking you for HK doc recommendations in a while!

How are you feeling today? X

Welcome to the thread daisyboo !
It's lovely that you and jessie are both HK-ers .

I'm in a bit of shock here ladies...

I'm in the Lake District for a few days before huge reunion with uni mates at the weekend. AF is due on Monday but I totally caved in an did a test this morning and thought I was going crazy seeing a shadow of a line. Anyway I went and bought a clear blue test when nobody was looking (pretended I was buying nail varnish!) and it's a positive!!!

I'm in total shock. I haven't told hubby yet he's sitting opposite me here in a tea shop... I'm scared to tell him or anyone incase it goes away.... No idea how I'm going to get through this without being found out and it's far far too early to tell anyone in RL although DH is going to guess tonight when I dont have wine... OMG I really hope this one lasts!

AF is due Saturday not Monday I've no idea what day it is!

Woo HOO Annie- I quote myself above " fx it's just a precursor to some positive news". Can't believe you are mumsnetting it to us while DH sits opposite you blissfully chomping on a scone!

So if AF due Monday then that's a BFP at something like 9 dpo? Bloody hell! Twins?

Alright, now recent experience obviously tells me not to get carried away hug I am THRILLED for you. fingers crossed very very tightly. And just have a small glass of wine tonight anyway, most women would not know they were of this early and won't do any harm till the placenta grows a bit more.

Ah cross posted. 11 dpo still pretty early though!

" hug" above was actually meant to say " but" however I would indeed hug you if I were there in person

Thanks jessie! Yes I think a wee glass of vino would be ok this early before AF even due. I'm 13dpo today as my periods are around 31 days.

Don't know how I'll manage not to tell DH.. I think I'll wait until tomorrow and see if it's still there.

Yes I'm the same as you being careful to get excited, If I could get my way I wouldn't tell a soul in RL until then.

Who knows .. Could be 4th time lucky but almost expect it to either fade away or god forbid another mc.. Sorry that sounds so pessimistic...

Please please please let this be the one healthy egg that sticks!!

I mean I wouldn't tell a soul in RL until past 12 weeks .. I can't put them through that again.

Wow! I was away from here for a few hours and things got all exciting!!

Annie, so exciting!! I know we can't get too carried away, but it's still good news.

You've done good, girl! Good luck with telling DH tomorrow :-)

How long have you been waiting for this +ve test?

Hi hs26 I've only been waiting 2 months as I had a chemical in feb but we've been ttc since July 12. I've had 2 miscarriages in that time so that's why I find it hard to be excited. I just hope so much this is it!

Wow! How exciting, Annie!
Especially as you mentioned coming to terms with the way things are.
I hope you have a great trip and it keeps your mind happily occupied.
Happy thoughts and wishes to you!

At 11DPO I know I shouldn't but I'm having 1 glass of wine to celebrate the long weekend before heading home.
How does everyone else fall on the 'drink til its pink' 'sober til it's over' camp? Especially considering the stress of trying for a while.
I'm still undecided. I have cut right back to a couple of glasses a week. I want to be my healthiest in case I get lucky, but also realise I have to live my life.

So fa. I have been continuing to drink until getting a BFP (and even had a glass of wine to celebrate getting mine at approx 15 dpo). Now of course things have hardly worked out amazingly for me (though I refuse to blame my early loss on that glass of wine) so I am perhaps not the best example to follow but frankly all the waiting would be unbearable without being able to have a drink. I try not to get hammered though. May have a rethink if I don't get another BFP soon
and would certainly not have been drinking if we had gone ahead with the IUI as planned.

Hcg levels have gone right down to 3 now but I never had a big bleed, so doc is suggesting a scan next week to make sure "everything is completely cleared out". Can't get my head round how a post BFP bleed could be lighter than a normal period. She said we could start trying again once the clearout was confirmed, so I am facing the prospect of having to use contraception for the next week or so...not sure I can bring myself to do so, I suppose the worst case scenario is conceive again but doesn't stick due to lining all being messed up and then am stuck in an endless cycle of messed up hormones.

Anyway off for a beer now and a long boozy lunch tomorrow-Daisy and I have our Bank Holiday on the 1st. Thinking of you Annie.

No, Jessie, I don't think a glass of wine or two is going to affect outcome. X
I hope the 'clear out' goes smoothly so you can get back to normal cycles.
I'm at 12 DPO now, trying hard not to symptom spot (ignoring the 2 days of mild cramps which subsided this morning and the dizzy feeling the one glass of wine gave me!).
I read someone describe the effects of progesterone as the evil sister of AF, tricking us with BFP symptoms. I'm trying hard not to be fooled!!

Just checking in quickly by phone.

Hope yu don't need that scan Jessie, can be unpleasant. Hope your boozy lunch is a good one. How are you?

Daisy - are you going to test? WE could use a good news item!

Oh! Annie! You ARE our good news item!!!!!! How are you feeling? Totally get that you're being measured emotionally, how are you feeling ohysically?

I think we missed the boat this month - think I ovulated ridiculously early - although I don't feel too knocked by it as a bfp would be so unextected.

Happiness, I don't know about testing. When I read all the stories from the lovely ladies on these forums about how long it can take to get a bfp and the heartbreaking struggles, I think this can't possibly work out after a few months of ttc. Then I think about all the people who get pregnant after a short time or a one nighter and all the women I know over 40 who have easily become pregnant and had a healthy baby. My mind then implodes. !
Luckily I live on an island with no shops that sell pregnancy tests and I'm not getting a busy ferry on a public holiday weekend! So I think I am just going to just wait for period on mon/tues.
I'll keep you posted! X

Hi ladies
Quickly checking in from weekend Reunion! Told DH on thurs and he's over the moon. Arrived here yesterday and my old friend started chatting about me ttc and saying it's great that you've accepted things and you've got DH etc.. Then she got a jug of pimms out and I had to chuck it onto the grass when she went to the loo!! Anyway I ended up telling her because there's no way I'll get away with it all weekend. Managed to drink sparkling water and elderflower last night and get away with it. Will just tell the rest of the girls tonight as they're going to notice I'm not having a cocktail.

Feeling v emotional! Xxx

Annie, it's wonderfully exciting. Just as you'd started to come to terms with the possibility of it not happening, too!

I think it's lovely that this has happened while you're away enjoying yourself. It's like the (super amazing!) icing on the cake! Or actually I think the bfp is rather the main event and your little trip is the icing on the cake!

Need your thoughts, girls. I've had mild 'periody' cramps & slight nausea for a few days already, but af not due until next Wed or Thurs. Keep getting this each month now. I don't know whether this means it's all over already though when I start feeling like this or whether I would get those feelings whether I got a bfp or not because the same hormones are at play. Surely at 9dpo or so though (when I start to get these pains and feel horrible) implantation wouldn't have already happened, so how could it be all over?

Just worried that if I'm getting cramps so early then some kind of uterus contractions must be going on and so implantation would be hard. Massively over-thinking it, probably. This only started happening after suspected chem. preg at beginning of ttc.

Mentioned this to the doc but she didn't really say anything about it. I should be getting my referral to the fertility clinic soon so might mention it then. I'm a bit worried there could be something wrong, like endometriosis maybe (?) and this will stop me ever getting a bfp [very sad face].

Just worrying aloud, I guess. Anyone ever experienced this before? It's horrible. I feel like I'm on my period for a whole week before af, and I've never had this before - only since beginning ttc.

I haven't had this experience so can't comment on it, although I will say before ttc I would have sworn that I only get cramps 30 mins before period. Now ttc? I have suddenly discovered cramps at many different times after ovulation. I don't think I am imagining it, but I never had it before. I think I am just aware of every twinge now.
Definately mention it at fertility clinic.
By the way, AF arrived today ?? booooooo!

Hello all. Sorry you're out this month Daisy. I always think of it like a game of snakes and ladders. I felt like I climbed a massive ladder last month but have slid down an even longer snake...

Had scan this afternoon, doc said she couldn't see anything remaining in there which (when I think about the very light bleeding) suggests it was the briefest of brief pregnancies. She did however point out some fibroids, which she said was nothing to worry about but has of course got me worried. I knew from a previous scan (that I just got for a routine medical, about a year ago and pre ttc) that I had one small one measuring about 1cm, however she says more have appeared. Even though they are very common and definitely benign I really don't like to think of that sort of shit going on in my womb...

I've emailed my fertility consultant (the one who set up the IUI that we never had) to see if he still recommends going for that next cycle. He'll probably get me in for a consultation so he earns a few $$$$ helping me decide.

I'm also depressing myself reading that thread in AIBU with loads of smug women weighing in about how 42 is far too old to have a baby. Really getting myself worked up about potential birth defects and things now. I think I may limit myself to this thread and this thread only on MN from now on.

HS I can't say I have noticed any extra cramps mid-cycle and agree with Daisy that you should def mention to the fertility clinic, even though it probably is just a hyper-awareness thing. I think implanatation could happen at 9 dpo ( I've read 6 to 10) so maybe it's failed implantation that you are feeling?

What sort of contraception were you on before? If it was the pill then your cycles wouldn't have been natural ones anyway so it's not surprising they feel different.

Annie hope all is going in the right direction for you. We need a poster girl!

Hi Annie, it's great reading about you sharing your news!

Hs26, like Daisy I have noticed so many things since ttcing. I get pings pre ovulation, whereas before I only ever had an ovulation related piercing feeling. Ovulation cramp goes on for a bit, a day or two. Then for ages before AF I get a variety of twinges. Pings, Piercings and Twinges. Could be the name of something great - only I've decided to have a BH glass of wine and being a light weight it's spoiled my thoughts!

Sorry about your AF Daisy - I raise my glass of sainsbury's finest merlot to you.

And also to you Jessie, I'm sorry the fibroids have worried you. I'd be like that too. I realise now that I don't really know what fibroids are so will google that next. Whatever you do not go near those other threads. They are for the ones who (for most of them, and for the rest, for the moment) do not have to contemplate ttcing later. If the circumstances had been different and I'd been lucky to be able to have a family in my late 20's and early 30's I'm sure I would have been too dim to understand my own current plight. We have a perspective they don't want. You mentioned the thread was depressing - how are you faring?

I have ovulated late, got the pos opk today. In a number of hours I went from, "oh, that's unexpected, think I'll give it a miss this month and see how it feels" to hounding my poor oh. I think I've been a bit low since af started and while I'm not teetotal the wine tonight is definitely self medicating as I try to bear the highs and lows.

Hi again everyone. Hope you all enjoyed the long weekend (if you were in the UK!) Had a great day myself today out in the countryside and feel so much better for it.

Sorry about my mini panic post the other day! Don't know if you picked it up but it was a bit of a rambly 'worrying out loud' post on the back of a downward spiral type day!! I know you all understand!

But thanks for all your thoughts ... It's funny that you mention that when we start ttc we may start to notice things that were there before, but we just didn't notice. I do think things might have changed a bit for me since my possible early miscarriage, but I guess that makes sense - I've heard people say that their periods change after pregnancy, so why not after early miscarriage.

I've also thought about whether I'm often experiencing attempted implantations around 9dpo, Jessie. Could be. The weird cramps and horrible hormony feelings always seem to be worse around 9-11dpo and then are off and on until af arrives, sometimes on time, other times a day or two late. I sooo wish we could see what's going on inside us!!

I wasn't on the pill before ttc, Jessie, as I didn't want to mess up my cycle as I knew we'd be starting ttc. So I don't think it's that ...

I'm about 13dpo now, I THINK ... who knows any more! I feel like every other month, like af is well and truly coming. But I guess you never know. Just need to wait and see. ;-)

As for the fibroids question, Jessie, I honestly wouldn't worry too much unless the doc has told you it's an issue. I have one too (just one medium-sized) and a gyne I saw told me he sees them all the time and virtually scoffed when I asked if it could be a problem in pregnancy. He said they sometimes grow when you get pregnant because of the increased oestrogen, but it's temporary and usually isn't a problem. When I was first told, I panicked too and felt down about it for ages, but I've had another scan since and the fibroid hasn't changed. 3 docs have now seen it and not suggested it's a problem at all. I read somewhere that by menopause 80% of women have them ... (then they tend to disappear!)

Glad to hear everyone else's updates.

Oh, and Jessie, yes, do stay away from the negative comments. I started reading some negative stuff the other day too and I think that contributed to me feeling so despondent. That just won't help us. My dad mentioned today that his mum had him at age 44 (and he doesn't know we're ttc). So let's just try to think about that sort of thing instead! ;-)

Sorry, mammoth post again!!