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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

999 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2014 13:00

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

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JessieMcJessie · 22/04/2015 09:54

Bad news - had a blood test today for Hcg and it's really low - doc said she'd expect 400 and it was 44. She said when they took the blood that if it was under 50 she'd expect me to miscarry very soon.

When she emailed the result she said she wanted to repeat the test on Friday (would have repeated then if had been OK to see if it doubled).

I don't think I can face it though, may as well just wait for the inevitable.

Back to square one then.

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TheHappinessTrap · 22/04/2015 10:23

Aw Jessie. Maybe you'll feel differently Friday, but this must be a hard time right now and I won't try to spin it.

HS26 · 22/04/2015 19:59

Oh Jessie ... nooo! I wish I could think of something to say to make you feel better.

I'm just so sorry you're going through this.

Just know we're here for you. We understand.

Let's see what happens on Friday, Sweetie. In the meantime, it sounds like you have a very supportive hubby there, and that counts for a lot.

:-(

AnnieHoo · 23/04/2015 00:51

Sorry to hear this Jessie. Shit news. It's just so fcking unfair. As HS26* says, we're all here for you xxx

JessieMcJessie · 23/04/2015 03:06

Thanks ladies. I suppose that it is still a step in the right direction, but it's galling in that it means we have missed the chance to do the IUI until things get back to normal, so unlikely to be before we leave Hong Kong and we'll have to start all over again with a new clinic. Maybe it's the Gods saying "just get on with IVF" because the IUI is really designed to improve the mechanics and they seem to be OK; what we need is to weed out the crappy eggs.

I guess we'll try again naturally in the meantime, some stuff I have read says that the body is more fertile after a miscarriage (though I think that what I am experiencing is more accurately described as a chemical pregnancy). Not that anything is happening - no bleeding, no cramps but no pregnancy symptoms either. I'm not going to torture myself with any more pregnancy tests, will just get the bloods done again on Friday and hopefully get the confirmation that I can have a glass of wine and wait for a very late "AF" to arrive.

Annoyingly DH and I are catching up with a very old friend of mine tonight but I had better not drink just on the tiny offchance that everything is actually OK. I never don't drink Smile, so he'll suspect that I am pregnant. He's had 2 of his own and will know the risks so sure he won't ask but I will find it a bit odd knowing what he is thinking and also knowing that it's not going to lead to a "big reveal" in a couple of months' time. Oh well. Life eh?

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crispiecrunchie · 23/04/2015 07:33

Oh no jessie how disappointing. I had an early miscarriage last year and it's so hard after the elation of your bfp. On the plus side I think it's great news you got that far naturally so fingers crossed it happens soon. xx

toastedcheesesandwich · 23/04/2015 11:53

Oh noooo Jessie, so sorry to hear that. The waiting and not knowing is so hard. Look after yourself, I know how upsetting this is.

charliegirl74 · 23/04/2015 13:41

Jessie, I am so sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you. xx

I'm not sure what's going on my end.. feel like I'm going slowly mad! AF due yesterday/today. Have been spotting on and off since Monday now. No usual PMS cramps or symptoms. Some gurgling type feelings in my tummy but nothing like usual period pains and feels like I just need a wee!

Also, haven't got the usual PMS psychotics! Just one attack of the grumps last week. Feel generally settled in myself.. apart from confused.com!

JessieMcJessie · 24/04/2015 11:42

Went back for the second blood test this afternoon, they said results possibly today but more likely tomorrow morning. It's now 6.30 pm so I think it will have to be tomorrow morning. I am pretty sure it's all over but haven't had any bleeding or anything so had better not crack open the beers yet, just in case. Shame, as I could really do with a drink right now.

Fairly reconciled to the situation, not feeling too sad in the grand scheme of things. My friend in NZ has just texted to say that she and her DP got married yesterday - they have been together 10 years and have 2 kids but she was a bit upset he was prevaricating about a wedding; seems that my visit was a kick up the arse because after I left they planned the whole thing in about 10 days and took the kids down to a vineyard in Queenstown for a little family ceremony. That has cheered me up.

I wonder how long it will be until the bleeding starts? I'm assuming it will just be like a period but am a bit worried it will be heavier and I will be caught short somewhere. I guess it will be a learning experience.

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HS26 · 24/04/2015 13:16

Still got my fingers x'd for you, Jessie. I know you've been told what to expect in all likelihood but you never know with these things. It isn't an exact science.

Sounds like you're dealing with it really well. You're an inspiration to me actually because I'm always such a cry baby!!

I had a suspected chem preg. first month trying (sorry, probably told you that a million times already!) and it was more or less like a normal period but a bit heavier, clottier (sorry, not a word!) and more painful. I knew something was different but it wasn't horrendous.

Anyway, glad you're relatively OK. You have the right attitude, hon, but thinking of you this weekend all the same ...

TheHappinessTrap · 25/04/2015 07:04

This might be an odd/awkward change of subject so apologies in advance if so. Something caught my attention yesterday, we all know that stds can cause infertility.... It made me wonder. I looked up the symptoms of a symptomless one and it might explain a weird health phase I went through ages ago during which I was in and our of the gp's surgery constantly. I've never been to a gum clinic but am thinking I will try to get an appt ASAP. If it turns out to be an std 1) I'll be so angry and sad and 2) I presume that will be the proper end of the road.

HS26 · 25/04/2015 09:32

Sounds wise to get checked out, Happiness, but I wouldn't presume the worst. :-)

JessieMcJessie · 25/04/2015 09:44

Well, doc kept me waiting till 2.30 pm for a result which was a bit of a pain even though I wasn't really holding out hope. It was exactly as I had expected, Friday's level was 42 so game over. Bizarrely about 5 mins after the email I went to the loo to find bleeding had started.So far just like a normal period, no cramps or anything. doc has said to go to hospital if I get sever pain but I think that the embryo stopped growing pretty much 2 or 3 days after AF was due, so suspect there will be not much difference between this and a normal period.

Happiness, I think that infertility caused by STDs is often blocked tubes rather than any sort of long term effect on hormones etc, so that is fairly straightforward to check out. If you think you may have had an STD a long time ago then you've likely no longer got it so not sure the STD clinic would be able to clarify much for you, but perhaps your GP or consultant will be able to?

When you say "angry" do you mean with yourself for not being so careful before your DP, or are you worried your DP may have been cheating? Hope you're not making yourself too anxious over a theory.

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HS26 · 25/04/2015 10:29

So sad for you, Jessie. I know you were expecting it, but of course it's still a huge blow.

I might be wrong about this, but it seems like this has happened to quite a few (most?) of us here. Obviously it is very very common, for women of any age as I understand.

I'm even tempted to not do a preg test until about a week after af due from now on because of this. When it (probably) happened to me I missed af by 5 days (absolutely unheard of for me) and af started then, but was heavier etc. as I l already said. My preg test from the previous day was negative (hsg had probably already fallen to undetectable on a test by then already), but ovulation tests were strangely positive for a while after af came. I've heard they pick up pregnancy, too ...

Anyway, I guess this has taught me not to count my chickens (literally!) too soon. I bet when/if it comes to it though I will still end up testing!!

Sorry to ramble on! Make sure you take care of yourself this weekend and again, really sorry to hear this bad news. :-(

JessieMcJessie · 25/04/2015 11:18

I think I will still test when AF is due, though absolutely not a day before. However I will make sure I only see a BFP as a very early step in the process and wil try not to think of myself as definitively pregnant till 6 weeks. I was sort of thinking that way this time but it's still been a learning process.

How did you manage not to test till 5 days late that time HS?

I liked this blog from today's MN front page- DH and I watch a lot of American Idol so the analogy resonated with us Smile

glosswatch.com/2015/04/23/early-pregnancy-like-the-x-factor-and-not-in-a-good-way/

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JessieMcJessie · 25/04/2015 11:19

PS looking forward to beer and wine tonight!

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TheHappinessTrap · 25/04/2015 17:34

Just reading your link Jessie, this made me smile, "I tell myself that if it was that easy to end a pregnancy, women wouldn’t still be fighting and dying for basic reproductive rights. An unwanted pregnancy could be solved by downing a couple of espressos and jumping up and down on a trampoline while eating brie and yelling “I’M PREGGGGNAAAAANNNNT!”. I tell myself that.

TheHappinessTrap · 25/04/2015 17:45

Jess, that was odd timing, starting bleeding 5 minutes after getting the results. If it doesn't sound mean I'd like to say I'm at least glad you didn't have to wait any longer. Look after yourselves, hope af passes quickly.

I actually came back on today so apologies for my early morning rambling. I think I'm still a bit morose and had landed on this as THE REASON, and in doing so became a bit unreasonable!

By angry I just meant that I would be angry to learn that the heartache and trauma of losses were pointless... but really I'm just a bit angry at the moment. It will pass.

HS26 · 26/04/2015 10:34

How did I manage not to test until 5 days late? Hmmm ... being a total wimp!!

It was our first month trying, but I already couldn't bear to see a negative. Silly really, though, because in the end I had to test, and did see a negative :-(

Cityzen74 · 28/04/2015 08:58

Jessie I'm really sorry to hear your news - take care of yourself.

AnnieHoo · 28/04/2015 09:24

Hi ladies just checking in to say hi and hope you are well. Still in tww here until AF due on Saturday.

I'm away on a break in sunny England to visit friends and catch up with uni friends and their partners and kids for a reunion at the bank holiday weekend.

We do it every year but I haven't been able to cope for the last couple of years because I've been so down with fertility treatment so it hurt too much being the only childless one. Feel strong now and on top form now that I'm fertility drug free Smile. I think I've truly come to terms with not having children and feel ok about it being just the two of us.

How are you doing jessie? Stay strong, not long before you can get back to trying again and like you said it is a positive thing that you are able to get pregnant, a good sign that the mechanics are working ok on both sides. As you also said it definitely is better to find out now rather than at the 12 week scan or later. I found out at 8.5 weeks both times because of cramping.

I cling on to the belief that it's just a numbers game and at our age some of us have to go through a few imperfect ones before we catch a goodie.

That doesn't take away from the fact that a mmc is horrible and shocking and feels like such a waste of precious weeks/months. Be gentle on yourself and let those who know in RL take care of you a bit more for now xxxx

Daisyboo1203 · 29/04/2015 03:50

Hi All
I've been lurking on a few forums and posts similar to this one. This is the first one I'll felt comfortable posting in.

I'be just turned 41 TTC #1. I am healthy, regular periods always 28 days. No health issues. I understand the fertility issue forums are a great support for women, and I may be there in the future, however, at the moment with no known fertility issues I've been looking for other chats.
I'm currently 10DPO, no signs except sore boobs earlier than usual. Avoiding symptom spotting!
Looking into ubiquinol to improve egg quality, buying in shop or online at healthspan today!
It's great to hear the positivity here. Sending love to Jessie (I'm also in Hong Kong!), that you can get pregnant should give you some hope for the future xxx

JessieMcJessie · 29/04/2015 07:29

Hi Daisy, thanks for the good wishes and glad that you thought we were a nice thread to join! How long have you been TTC?

Nice also to hear from another Hong Konger - I had not heard of Healthspan - just googled and see they are a UK site, do they definitely deliver to HK? I find the choice in Mannings and Watsons pretty dire to be honest. However I have found a great online source of very cheap OPKs and HPTs - google "Stepken Shop", it's great and delivers within 24 hours.

Fingers crossed that you're joining us right on time to report a strong BFP in a few days. I'm OK, went back to doc for another blood test today and should hear today if all the HCG is out of my system, but doc says I might need a scan if it's not going down fast enough. I never had much bleeding, it stopped totally after 2 days of very light flow so I'm wondering if there is more to come before things get back to normal.

Went out for drinks with a friend last night (she's about 32) and turned out she had had an almost identical early loss about 3 weeks before me. I knew it was common but that was an odd coincidence.

Annie glad to hear that you're feeling a bit more at peace with things and fx that it's just a precursor to some positive news.

Happiness, HS, Cityzen, Charliegirl, Toasted hello and onwards and upwards Smile!

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HS26 · 29/04/2015 08:11

Hi Daisyboo! Really happy you feel comfortable here, too. I think we're all pretty much in the same boat, going through a lot of the same feelings and experiences and it really does help to share and rant!

I'm 41 & TTC#1 too. I'm on about 8 days DPO of a 26-28 cycle too, so we're 'on the same schedule' ... lol! Trying not to think about it so much this month as I've really worked myself up into a not very nice state several (ok, many) times already.

Jessie, glad you got the chance to chat things through with your friend. That is indeed coincidence and not a happy one as such but it's good to have someone to talk to who totally understands.

I've been thinking through the possibility of trying natural supplements/hormone regulators etc. but am hesitating. Something tells me just to go with the flow and keep generally healthy if nothing specific has been picked up as wrong. I don't want to 'mess things up'!

What is ubiquinol, Daisyboo? Never heard of that one!

Daisyboo1203 · 29/04/2015 12:56

Yes, Jessie. Healthspan do deliver to HK. ??
Some things that are considered 'alternative medicine' they don't, eg Milk thistle.
I order my regular vitamins from there as, even with the 5 quid delivery fee, they are cheaper and better quality than most available in HK (also many suitable for vegetarians).
I am currently taking their pre conception vits, veggie omega and cerebrum.
ubiquinol is a superior CoQ10. It's meant to be more easily absorbed by the body.
Research has found it can improve egg and sperm quality especially for women over 35.
Reading on the fertility forums, it seems many fertility specialists are recommending this.
Also it seems to be something that is good for you with or without TTC. I have not found any worries concerning it affecting hormones or cycle length (like,for example,
Vitex). I would do your own research though for your body and any concerns.
natural-fertility-info.com/antioxidant-ubiquinol.html

I have also been researching, and started taking Macau (obsessed much?!? Lol). Google 'Maca and fertility'.

Again, it's a nutrient rich supplement so it won't do any harm! Lol
Due to circumstances I have a few months to research before any TTC action (can you tell?!??)
I have only been trying a few months. So I am expecting to be here for a while...

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