Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

I finally got a pos opk, phew! If I have a normal length cycle it will be too short to bed in but I think the vitamins will have lengthened things - by at least 4 days. I will be drumming my fingers big time this 2ww. Argh.

I think the discussion about whether and who to tell is interesting. I've always told all and sundry. But then I became the one who must be pitied and some friends haven't let me move on and be more than my mcs, so I would keep a future pg to myself and feign over eating for as long as I possibly could. I would hope to make it to 24 weeks or longer. I don't want the conversations about... any of it.

Hi Toasted - share your new found wisdom with us!

Hi exciting all your tests HS26, good news re your fibroids!

I know what you mean theHappinessTrap. I haven't shared with too many (just good friends and close family) because I don't want the wondering and questions.

AF got me today - a day early after my 2 days late last month. That makes it 8 months now ... the time has flown but at the same time been excruciating! :-(

Had my usual semi-meltdown this morning with tears rolling down my face on our morning walk, but I think I'm over it now somewhat, which is very slight progress from last month!!

I had a day 1-5 FSH & LH test booked for Monday, but have just managed to change it to today (would have preferred day 2 or 3 but they didn't have appointment tomorrow and then it's the weekend ...) I wondered if day 5 would be borderline too late (a lot of Dr. Google sites say day 1-4, with day 3 being perfect) especially as my ovulation seems to be quite early.

Aren't I the expert now! lol!

So anyway, off I go today for my first blood test. Hubs is going to get an appointment booked to get himself checked out too. I think he is a bit worried that he is the problem.

Will let you know my results of course but I'd imagine it'll be in a month or so after I've done the end of cycle progesterone test, too.

Hope you're all well and keeping strong and ... have a great weekend! (glass of wine or 3 for me!!)

Was in and out for my blood test today in about 20 seconds flat! It was one of those that's left my arm a bit bruised ... ouch! :-)

My mum told me on the way that my grandma (who I never knew) had my dad by accident at 44!!

Good gracious ... if she can do it by accident, surely we can while trying really really hard like we all are!!

HS26, that's rough, although I do prefer a sooner rather than later AF. If it's going to come then get on with it! I've never had the progesterone test. Fingers crossed for you and let us know how today's test comes out. Wine will def help that bruising and your unwanted guest!

I'm getting a cold, I was ill last ttc time, and I think the previous two months but I wasn't really paying attention then. It's not always the same illness but I'm beginning to think that my body is against me!

God I am fed up waiting. 8dpo, feel quite emotional today but is probably just a combo of a tricky week at work and usual menstrual cycle. I don't really give up drinking in the tww, wonder if I should? It's the only thing that makes it bearable though. I probably drink too much full stop, DH and I often polish off a bottle of wine between us on a Friday night, half a bottle is binge drinking really. Rest of the week I might have a beer or a glass of wine or two on about 3 nights out of 6. So not scandalous but would be a bit silly if boozing was what was stopping us conceiving.

HS will be interested to hear how the tests go.

The drinking thing is a tricky one.

I've been drinking just really small amounts since starting ttc, but I'm not going to totally cut it out when I don't know how long ttc is going to take!

Maybe you could start sipping really slowly, Jessie!

I agree the alcohol issue is a tough one. I have cut back significantly but not stopped. As soon as I near af time and am certain I'm not pg I usually have a sad little binge. I know someone (I know, I know! ) though who gave up alcohol and caffeine and went for acupuncture and had a successful pg. I'm considering acupuncture! But, do any of you ever have this thought, I sometimes think if I have to be so incredibly careful and special about diet and everything then is that pg likely to be strong enough anyway? Do you know what I mean?

Hope the weekends brings you some respite Jessie.

Hi everyone
No positive opk here yet though could still be a few days early now my cycle is no longer regular grrr!
HS26 good luck with your test results. You are sounding very expert now. Thinking about it, I started this journey so naive, these last 6 months have been a real eye opener.
The it starts with the egg book is well worth reading Happiness. It's quite short too, so can digest it in about a day. Basically it tells you how to improve egg quality with lifestyle changes. Bye bye nail varnish and gluten for me. Also sugary things Also embrace a Mediterranean type diet (but without the wine sadly!) I decided to order some Zita West supplements for DH & I too as a friend recommended them.
Happy weekend everyone!

Hi Everyone, I too am 40+ and TTC for #1 (40+5 in fact). We have been trying for 16 months now. So far I have had scans to show my womb is healthy, my tubes flushed so I know they are clear, a cyst removed from one of my ovaries and a progesterone blood test. My OH has had a sperm test too. All have come back clear but still nothing. The last time I saw my Dr she said that there was nothing else we could do other than fertility treatment but at my age and as my OH has 2 children we would need to pay which we just cannot afford. So Mother Nature it is.

I have read some posts where people talk about being tearful when they come on. I know how that feels. Every two weeks there is pressure of some sort - I should be ovulating right now/AF is here again. My cycle can fluctuate between 25 to 28 days. In the last 16 months, once a cycle was 21 days and another was 30 days but they were nearly a year ago.

Then this month, after DTD on 19th, 21st and 23rd over my predicted ovulation window, I have had really strong period pains, especially in the middle of the night, and expected to see AF. But it is now day 31 and no period. I have felt nauseous at points the last few days too and terribly tired late afternoon. I tried a Clear Blue Digital this morning but it was very definite in its message of NOT PREGNANT. I do not know what to think. My plan is to try again in 3 days if there is still no AF. I feel like my body is playing tricks on me. Very confused but also trying so hard to stay level headed, not get upset and keep calm. Any ideas from anyone please??

Hi Alil, welcome! I've also just joined and its a nice thread. I don't have any advice re your cycle fluctuating, hopefully someone here will.

As for me I'm now in the 2ww. Had pos opks for two days but have been ill and didnt note dates, how stupid! And being ill I'm awake at silly o'clock with sore throat and mning. I'm learning all about how Madonna was on TV and someone being slated for finding receiving flowers a chore.

Hi Ali and welcome to the thread!

Hope you're feeling OK, all of us here know how frustrating and confusing this whole ttc business is so feel free to vent here and try to figure things out.

Not sure if you mean CD19-23 or 19th-23rd March... either way do you think it could be too soon to know? Hang in there!

Do you use ovulation sticks or temp?

My fertile period was supposed to be CD13-19 this month according to Fertility Friend. I was beginning to think I'm not going to ovulate at all this month and then this morning I had a positive on an internet cheapie ovulation stick today at CD23!

Off to get the lamb out of the oven for Mother's day dinner. Celebrating with my lovely Mum even though I'm not a mummy myself I'm so grateful for having the best mum in the world.

I know it is faint bit could this by any chance be the best Mothering Sunday present ever? I was going to wait a week as my test yesterday was negative but I had some strips so I thought I'd just try. Fingers crossed I'm right to be happy.

Sorry Ali I can't see if there is a line or not from the photo

Welcome Ali, glad you found us! Your symptoms sound so promising, did you see a faint line? I can't see it on the photo yet but its hard to capture on camera I know!
I'm on CD14 here but still not ovulated. Normally its CD 10-14 for me so not sure whats going on.

Thanks for the welcomes. There was a slight line, hopefully it will be stronger next time. I have shown my sister the photo and she thinks so too. Although this evening I feel achey like I am coming on. This has been going on for about a week but seemed to improve over the weekend. It's just a waiting game now.

Hi, Alil75!

Look, I totally, totally get how you must be feeling. I've had that sort of situation too since starting to ttc ('only' 8 months so far but it feels like an eternity!) and it's such an emotional roller-coaster.

I haven't seen a line yet though - even a faint one - so I'd say that if you've seen a line then you've seen one! It also does sound like you're much later than you've ever been before, which has got to be suspicious - in a good way!

One thing I've learnt lately is that it is very 'normal' for it to take a very (very!) long time to conceive 'at our age'. Those who conceive earlier comparatively are the lucky few, it seems. I find that both frustrating and depressing and comforting. I love that the odds are that it will probably happen - we just don't know when.

Anyway, thanks so much for joining us and please do keep us updated! I know you don't have any certainly yet about what's going on, but all my fingers are crossed for you. I think it's definitely 'your turn' after waiting all those months! :-)

Oh, and my mum told me the other day that there was a woman on 'One Born Every Minute' last week who was 41 and just giving birth to her first child. It had taken them 18 months to conceive! (my mum is full of these encouraging stories, bless her!)

toasted, have you taken any more tests? Just in case ...

Thank you HS26. As we all know, it's such a strange mix of just wanting to know for sure but when it's a negative you have that moment of wishing you still didn't know. X

Fx for you AliL75. I hope you wake up to a stronger line tomorrow.

HS26 I saw that lady on OBEM, it gave me hope she coped brilliantly with labour (from what I could see!). Your mum sounds fab

So, 11 dpo today and it's also DH's birthday so I did a test this morning thinking it would be cool to have some good news for him today. It was most definitely negative .

I suppose I am still in with a chance but there is a site that tells you what % of women get positives at each dpo and for 11dpo it's 75% likely you'll get a positive if you are pregnant. So not holding out much hope.

One of my oldest friends now lives in New Zealand. Decided to splash out and go to see her and her kids over Easter. Booked the flight last night but I fly on what FF is saying is the day after I ovulate. Can't be flexible on the dates as has to be over the public holiday. DH isn't coming on the trip, so if my cycle gets behind even one day next month then we'll miss the window. I think it will do me good to see my friend (she knows all about us ttc, she was my BBF from age 7 and we went through puberty together so we can talk all about it!), and in a few months I'll be twice as far away from her as I am now. But I feel like every month we don't conceive is another month closer to game over. The flight is refunadable, I could cancel it if cycle looks unfavourable closer to the time. But would be stupid to put my life on hold for the sake of one month wouldn't it?

Hi Ali. I am afraid I couldn't see a line on your pics but fingers crossed for you. I'm sorry to hear that you've been trying so long with no obvious explanation. Have you looked at IVF clinics in Cyprus and the Czech Republic? That might be much more affordable than in the UK.

HS thanks for staying on message about "it will happen eventually". I'm now closer to 42 than to 41. I really really hope it's not too late.

Go, *Jessie, GO!!!

I know how you feel, but you can get plenty of dtd in before you go ... tbh we miss loads of key days for this reason or the other ... you say you could ov. late this month, but you could also be early. They say day before ov. is best anyhow!!

GO! (just my two-penneth ;-)

Definitely go Jessie! It'll be so much harder to make the trip when you're pregnant or have a baby!
HS26 I read something yesterday saying positives can take 6 wks to show, so tried to do another test this morning along with an opk test. Epic fail, the opk worked (not ovulating) but don't think the preg test got wet enough No control lines appeared. Will try to improve my dual stick technique tomorrow!

Oh jessie I know how hard it is to make that decision when every month is so precious.

Once you're on that plane it's out of your hands so you can just totally enjoy yourself and release all those happy hormones. It will be so good for you and you deserve it! A lot of ladies seem to get a BFP after a holiday....

If only we could invent a portable sperm freezer. I've wasted spent a bloody fortune on flight changes to get back to DH early because of a stupid smiley face and still no babies.

Oh and jessie make sure you DTD just before you head for the airport. They last up to 5 days so you should be covered