ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

[chasingtherainbow]

Roll up roll up... onto a new thread. Keep those lucky bfp' s coming and unmumsnetty hugs all round.

lucy so sorry to hear this is happening to you again.

Congrats to brummie! Wonderful news....sorry to hear that you're going through mc again lucy how are you holding up? Im back on board i was four days late before af arrived this month....(finally came on friday) hoping that our third cycle will be our lucky one xx

finally braved joining this thread...i am in the midst of an mmc as we speak.

things stopped progressing at 5 weeks however i would be 12 weeks on thursday so just waiting to actually mc. only had it confirmed after a rescan on thursday that had definitely mmc'd so altho sounds like a long time it hasnt been for me as such.

anyway as with probs a lot of women in this situation i am massively focusing on my next bfp at this.point so thought id get on board.

so sad to see so.many people have been through the same. good luck to you all for future bfps.

hey guy, thought i would join after your recent update on other thread. hope you are ok this evening. glad you have managed to arrange to work from home think its for the best.

Whoops sorry everyone so far behind but ha a quick scan through...

Sooo sorry to the ladies who are going through MC :( sending love and hugs. Xx

Brummie !!! Ahh!! Congrats hun over the moon for you!totally get you being apprehensive but just try and enjoy the pregnancy as much as you can. Fingers crossed you hve a super boring uneventful pregnancy with a very sticky bean :) xx

Hope all you other ladies are doing well. Is anyone on the 2ww?

No news here, just waiting for af next week (hopefully!)

Morning all. Sorry to see new faces ginger guy lucy. Sorry to everyone going through a mc and all the shittyness it entails right now. My only advice is look after yourself and take as much time off as you need. The doctor or hospital should sign you off for two weeks, without question. Work can be a good distraction but peace and quiet and taking things easy is what I needed at the time.

brummie that’s just brilliant news. Your symptom spotting was correct! Congrats my love, you have had your bad luck now and I have everything crossed that this is the baby you get to meet.

I need you lovely people to talk me down of a ledge. I’m just really really struggling at the moment. I keep bursting into tears and feeling overwhelming rage at the universe. Sometimes it feels like my anger is a great big boulder that I could hold in the air and look at and I just don’t know what to do with it. The first time I got pregnant after 5 cycles. Then I got pregnant again after 3 cycles. Now I am in my 6th cycle post second MC and still nothing. Fast approaching my second due date. I feel like I’m only just now realising the nightmare I am actually in. I’ve got this huge, over-whelming fear that I will never get pregnant again. That this is going to be my story and I am never going to have kids. I know no one can tell me I’m wrong but can someone please spout some stats, facts or anything else at me about having been pregnant before meaning eventually you will be pregnant again. I’m finding it very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

monten, my friend had a similar experience to me with an mmc discovered at 12 week scan.

she tried straight away and is in perfect health, assumed it would just happen because of being extra fertile etc. it took her 9 months. she said when she finally eased up about it that was when she fell. previously to that she had been so focused and worried about it and like you was starting to think it wouldnt happen. her little boy is 18 month and beautiful.

i dont know how you get into the mindset where youre not pressuring yourself but worth a try. it understandable that youre angry, is there anyone you could talk to in rl or a gp?

i recently had counselling for another issue but could see from that how useful it would be through this horrible experience.

monten I know only too well how you feel. With DD I got pregnant after 2 cycles, then last year after 4 cycles though we only had sex at the right time with two of those. This month would be cycle 8, though we won't be trying now until I've had my Asherman's surgery. I hope you get some good news from Dr Lower at your appointment or at least a plan to move forward.

Having said that, I remember a couple of old timers on this thread when I first joined who got their BFPs after a year or so, so there is always hope! (Oh, and I really don't buy the whole 'just relax and it will happen' attitude - no offence ginger - IMO that's just another one of those old wives' tales people like to trot out and 'support' with anecdotal evidence.)

monten no wise words I'm afraid but you're in good company.

In both of my pregnancies, We wer pregnant within a month of "trying". So far it's 3 months since the MC and I'm struggling daily with the paranoia.
In in the 2ww at the moment, AF due on Wednesday and I'd promised myself not to test before then. Cracked on Saturday morning, which I know was too early - what was I expecting!!
Then wee'd into a sample bottle this morning before giving myself a good talking to and pouring away.

I'm planning to allow 3 months of tracked OPK sex, where we're hitting every other day in the run up then 3d when the test goes positive. This was month one and I'm going a bit mental already.

It's just all so unfair. With the MC My due date was just before my 40th birthday so now I'm getting all those wee voices in the back of my head that maybe it's taking so long because I'm too old now and a bit past it.

Sorry I cant be more inspiring - I'm trying to take a practical approach, having a plan and setting a date after which I'll allow myself to worry is helping a teeny tiny bit

Monten I'm so sorry, it sounds like things are incredibly hard for you right now.

I met with my neighbour yesterday and I confided what had happened. They had 3 children in 4 years we thought they were crazy she just seemed oober fertile. She told me she'd had 4 miscarriages before they finally had a healthy baby, naturally. Something she said really struck with me. She said "I honestly thought we'd just never have children"

It just reminded me that we just never know what our future looks like, she also said that once she "gave up caring" (i think she meant relaxing, accepting it and doing other stuff instead of it bring her only thoughts and purpose) it was like she couldn't stop getting pregnant!

I honestly started to believe I'd never ever see another positive pregnancy test ever. I literally spent 5 days peeing on sticks constantly and agonising over if I was imagining the 2nd line when it finally came soo unexpected. Ofc, that baby wasn't mean to come earthside, I know that. But just the fact that I'd physically held my own positive pregnancy test when I honestly and truly believed it would never happen again. I have to hold on to the fact that it's possible to be wrong and despite my worries, I will one day hold my 2nd child. I just don't know when.

Ahh ladies sorry to hear you're not feeling good this morning :(

Monten I wish I could give you some stats etc, unfortunately the only thing I can tell you is when I very first MCd the only thing keeping me sane was reading through all of the old threads of TTC after MC to find success stories and I came across a few (albeit very old) threads of ladies who had been trying for quite some time, one I remember was 2 years, and then fell pregnant, and they were late 30s/40s. It has helped me to think more positively in that as much as it would be lovely and ideal to fall pregnant straight away, I can't just expect it to happen and it may take some time but I should have my baby one day. The problem is in this world we aren't promised anything. So I can only hope we all get our babies, because each and every one of us do deserve it! Sending you big hugs and everything crossed for your BFP.

North Fingers crossed!! Hope you let us know ASAP if you get your BFP :)

Just wondering how long it took for people to have their first af after MC? If I was to have a normal cycle then af would be due on Wednesday. On Friday night I had a dull ache in my lower back and twinges in my tummy (very similar but much less painful than when I had my MC) and I was convinced it was my af coming, but nothing at all since then. I stupidly got it in my head that when I worked it out I could potentially have a BFP on Christmas eve, and now I've gone all crazy lady wanting my af to come on time lol. I know its my wtf cycle, but I also think I ovulated normal time this month. SO really just wanting to hear other's stories?

Thanks ladies, have just read that back and I sound a bit self-indulgent. I know I just need to stay positive. And in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty lucky and my life is good.

ginger I saw a therapist when my dad died and found it incredibly helpful. I had a very good relationship with him and have been considering going back again, but the fact he is a man is stopping me. I'm just not sure if he'll get it! That's probably an awful thing to say. Someone on this thread recommended a specialist miscarriage counselling service which I haven't tried yet, but perhaps I will in the new year.

Chasing thank you - that just shows you never know what someone's journey has been, do you? Poor woman. Am so glad you got your bfp x

amy yes that's the thing, in my better days I know I'll get my baby one day but I also know that nothing in this life is guaranteed and perhaps I will be one of the unlucky ones and won't. Once you've had a miscarriage you realise bad things can and do happen and there's nothing to say then won;t happen to you.

northdown I'm 37 now, I was 35 when we started trying. My clock is ticking so loudly I can barely hear anything else!

metal thank you. I feel relieved to have finally made the appointment, if a little gulp-tastic at how much it will cost! I just am really looking forward to being able to speak to someone about my fears - ttc and mc is a lonely business from a medical professional point of view. Thanks for your advice on the matter.

Hi ladies

I just wanted to give you a little bit of hope, I was on this thread back in 2012 after a mmc was discovered at 8 weeks I had a little break from TTC as I was in a bad place for some time afterwards, like alot of you I assumed I would fall very easily had done twice previously to cut a long story short it took me 14 months to fall again I am now just over 14 weeks, I too had some very very dark days and used to hate people saying it will happen stop stressing etc but it was true... I had sort of resigned myself to the fact I would never have another baby then went away for a long weekend to celebrate our anniversary and hey presto conceived. I am not sure if this will help anyone but thought I would share just incase it does, I know I used to love hearing success stories whilst on here... I wish you all the best of luck and hope 2015 will bring you all a much wanted baby.

Aww Monten you don't at all hun. I totally understand how you feel. I've woke up today in a much better mood than I have been. I spent most of Saturday crying over pregnancy announcements and pregnant women on facebook etc and just thought how bloody unfair it is, and if they haven't been through MC they couldn't possibly appreciate their babies as much as people like us would, although that's probably not true at all, I definitely think going through MC shows you a different side of life and feelings that you couldn't kn0ow unless you have been through it. I had a horrible feeling I would never be able to have children and I would just keep on miscarrying. I think it probably goes through all of our heads at some point. Hope youre feeling better soon xx

Chookford that's wonderful, congratulations! x

Thank you for coming on chookford. It is really lovely to hear positive stories.

Thinking positively, I have a question for anyone using the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor. Is it worth it? I've been using the Clearblue dual hormone digital OPKs and really liking them actually. I was worried I would get too obsessed but actually I am finding they make me feel calmer and I enjoy doing them because it makes me feel like I am 'doing' something every month. Which makes me think I might like the monitor. Would be interested to hear anyone else's experiences.

monten love, coming on here and expressing your fears is never self indulgent. We're all in the same boat! All I can say is what I remind myself of frequently, that everyone in real life I know who has had multiple MCs (unfortunately that's quite a few people) still has had children at some point.
I've never used the clearblue advanced, this month I tracked temps (which were all over the place so no help there) and used cheapy opks. Actually it was noticing EWCM for the first time ever that made me twig that it was time to be DTDing and we were lucky as I'm 5w tomorrow! It's taken at least 3 cycles after each MC to get preg again. I'm pretty convinced it just happens when it happens (although obv DTD at the right time is key!). I can utterly identify with wanting to throw as much as possible at it, so if using digi OPKs makes you feel better, then I say go for it! TBH the things that have made a big difference to me were counselling and acupuncture & massage 1x per week.
People who tell me to relax (and there are a lot of them) basically make me want to punch them in the face (how's that for relaxation?!) I just say, go with your gut & what works for you and try to block everyone else out!

Congratulations chook, that's lovely to hear! I hope the rest of your pregnancy progresses smoothly too.

Oh Monten I'm so sorry you feel so horrendous.

I know that feeling - my grief was blindsiding me. In the end I had counselling and I still am.

I know what you mean though about needing to do something - I found I liked the Clearblue opk's because I felt I could do something at the right time. We didn't use them whilst on holiday and I stressed about not DTD on the right day.

Stuff I also did this month - I used Preseed how it should be used - with the applicator rather just as a lube. I also took cough medicine and I also took evening primrose oil from start of cycle to ovulation.

Have no idea if worked or just random luck.

I've also booked my doctors appointment so I can confirm
It and get recorded. Feel like it's a race against time to get down there and registered before something goes wrong.

I also admit I've done something quite controversial - I've decided to start taking 75mg aspirin a day in case that was the cause of my last 2.

We have thought long and hard about this and felt that if we had a 3rd mc we would kick ourselves and say "why didn't we try the aspirin"

It's quite common to take in the US as a "take it and see what happens, can't hurt not too" although uk docs aren't quite like that.

Like you Monten I feel like I must do something!!!!!

Asprin? X

@chasing aspirin's a bit of a controversial "treatment" for recurrent MCs. There's not been a large clinical study done on it, so everyone has a different opinion. Aspirin essentially thins the blood so the idea is that it may help the blood flow easier to the uterus. But there have been study/s which showed that taking aspirin possibly increased the chance of MC. I think generally Docs prefer to establish that you have a clotting problem before putting you on it, but as it's over the counter it's really up to you. My 2cents - I asked my GP and she said absolutely not, so I haven't, but my last MC was a trisomy so not related to uterus or hormone probs at all. That's why brummie said it's controversial.

Brummie I've heard of Doctors telling people who have had 2/3 MCs to start takin aspirin when they fell pregnant but I can't remember the reasoning behind it... Do you know what its for? x

Ah cross post, thanks Charlie x

Ah cross post, thanks Charlie x