ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

[chasingtherainbow]

Roll up roll up... onto a new thread. Keep those lucky bfp' s coming and unmumsnetty hugs all round.

Hi ladies.
Well, my ending to 2014 was rathe shit...I had an ERPC on New Years eve due to my MMC. 2014 was supposed to be our year, married in August, BFP first time around in November.....left feeling tired and sore and just plain sorry for myself.
I know it's one day at a time, but it's hit DH and I physically, emotionally...all of the above.
I do want to try again though, I just worry what if it takes a long time,what if it happens again - all reasonable.,silly thoughts for going through this mess.

What are thoughts of waiting for my first AF and then trying? Is there any harm in TTC before then? I think we might just see how I feel when I stop bleeding and go from there. Maybe not actively try, but just go with it?
Lots of mixed feelings at the moment.

I'm been off work for 3 weeks now and have another week off - that's not helping with the stress either as they've not ever been overly understanding.

Here's hoping 2015 is a better year for us all. Step by step really.

Sorry mrsb. Thinking of you.
Re trying again, as far as I am aware there is no evidence to say you shouldn't- it's just up to you. I did lots of googling and the main reason to wait is to be able to date a next pregnancy. I found some people who had been told that after erpc, the uterine lining is thin and could cause a mc if you didn't wait a few months. But there is absolutely zero evidence to back this up whatsoever and it's is a theory which doesn't make sense to me as you shed the lining every month anyway! Personally I decided to wait a month because I wanted to feel sure my body and mind has healed. Also I guess I felt that even though there is no evidence that you shouldn't try again first cycle, if I DID get pregnant first cycle and mc again, I would not be able to forgive myself for not waiting a month iyswim. It's totally up to you though- whenever you feel ready.

bumble 'young and stupid and didn't deserve to go full term'; please remove thoughts like this from your head. That isn't how it works. Plenty of young stupid people, or accidental pregnancies or pregnancies spent smoking and drinking go to full term. Equally plenty of perfectly timed more mature pregnancies don't. No one deserves to mc. Mc is just a thing which happens and there is nothing anyone can do or be to change it. Out of the several million sperm which are released, some of them are bound to not work properly. The cells don't divide properly and that embryo will never develop into a pregnancy- it never would have been a baby. It's a terrible thing to go through but it is just a thing which happens, regardless of circumstances.
I understand the feeling though. I got pregnant first cycle off the pill and was surprised. I had had a few drinks the weekend before and definitely felt shocked and not ready to be pregnant. When I mc at 11 weeks I was devastated and had the feeling that I hadn't deserved the pregnancy because I hadn't wanted it enough initially. But it just doesn't work like that.

Hi everybody, just checking in.I've got my scan tomorrow to check that everything has passed - fingers crossed for me. I'm so keen to try again straight away but so nervous too! I've read a lot of conflicting opinions about ttc in the wtf cycle - any body here have any experience of it? Many Thanks in advance xx thoughts to all who are sad or struggling xx

A sad welcome to bumblepops & mrsb
We didn't not TTC in the WTF cycle but had no success. OH wasn't keen but the dr said there was no need to wait a cycle, just until the bleeding had stopped.

Thank you for your replies

guy thankyou I feel silly for thinking the way I do but can't help reflecting on it in that way.

The situation isn't helped by DP who hates talking about ttc as he thinks we aren't in the position to ba having a baby and when he had his son it was all arse about face ( and his sons mother can only be described as a jackle and Hyde mimic!) so next time round he wants to do it 'properly'. Poor man doesn't get the my hormones and emotions can't wait for 3 years until he feels ready

Woke up feeling like my womb was swollen today. Not getting hopes up as an finished yesterday but we haven't been to careful when dtd and was t taking pill due to af. Feel really naughty for keeping my fingers crossed and dreaming that this will end in a BFP.

Epskie I also have my scan tomorrow to make sure everything has passed. FX for you, let me know how you get on.

Guy, have read that first AF after mc can be very very heavy and painful. Am dreading it but also want it to come so I can start ttc again.

Had a lovely friend and her family surprise me by showing up and taking me out for lunch today. Was nice to get out for a bit and just unwind.

Had quite a heavy bleed and cramping last night and today. Hard to describe, but different from AF pain. I guess that is to due with the ERPC procedure and everything being bruised/inflamed.
Controlling the pain with paracetamol and a hot water bottle, but still doesn't feel nice.

Good luck for those having scans, I hope everything is ok. Has anyone heard from Brummie? Sending hugs her way.

Definitely teenie ...but surprisingly ovulation was more painful than the first period. Wish someone had warned me!

That's interesting Chasing, I haven't heard that but thanks for the heads up! Not had any bleeding/spotting for a few days now but been feeling very AF-y. Will ask at my scan if ovaries showing any signs of gearing up for ovulation.

Teenie I had an eptopic so actually it may be because of tissue damage if I think about it. . . So perhaps that's why. I was very surprised at how heavy my first period was though I didn't realise there could be so much left

Ah I see, yeah it could be... Will have to stock my work bag full of pads and tampons just in case it comes when I'm there. Dreading it but also want it over with so I can start tracking my cycles and ttc again.

Coming to the end of first AF after MC today. Think I have an abscess on my gum. Taking another urine sample in tomorrow to the GPs. Physically I feel like a bag of crap. Emotionally... I have no idea if we'll continue TTC.

Oh stocking. Sending you a big hug. There is no hurry to make a decision about ttc again. Get your strength back first if you need to and then think about it later.

Sending love to everyone who is trying and everyone who is recovering from MC.

Desperate to TTC after having medical management for a missed miscarriage 16 days ago.

4 days ago I had lots of EWCM, but ovulation test came up negative. We have been DTD loads over the last week (as soon as I stopped bleeding). Could this have still been ovulation?

My boobs have been super sore the last two days and I've felt run down- exactly as I was before I knew I was pregnant last time, but I know it would be way too early to have symptoms anyway :(

Thoughts with everybody who is feeling blue today xx
I feel really sad today. It should've been my dating scan but instead I'm going to be scanned for remaining tissue :-( this empty feeling is awful xx
Hope this week is a better one for all of us xx

Not sure cremedecaco sorry. Our bodies take a real knock with mc.
epskie thats rubbish for you today..

Well AF got me a day late and I have stomach cramps and feel sick. Great. I think I can only give ttc a couple more cycles. Can't cope with the disappointment and forever increasing age of me and age gap of children.

Ah so sorry gr33dy, that's crap. What is the age gap? X

After much thought, I've realised that I am finding dd alot of work right now..I'm stressed and my weight has me very depressed. I think ttc while I'm getting such poor sleep etc is a bad idea. I have huge regrets and wish I'd ttc when dd was under a year. Now she needs me even more with school looming and I can't see me holding onto a sticky bean with such awful sleep. I want to be mentally healthy and gave a deep fear I might get PND.

So.. We are no longer ttc.

Thank you for your support guys. I wish you all the very very best. X

He's 6 next week and I'm 35 next with OH 45.

Thanks guy It doesn't help that DH and I can't discuss it. He skirts around the subject but I'm planning to sit down with him this weekend when my DDs are at their Dads and force a conversation, which I'm not looking forward to, but it has to be done because we have to be on the same page with this or it won't work.

greedy What is the age gap? I would have preferred TTC immediately after the wedding in Aug 2013 when my youngest DD was 2.5 years but DH wasn't ready till Oct 2014. Now we're looking at a 5 year age gap between my youngest and a baby, and 7.5 years between my eldest and a baby. Not sure how I feel about it tbh. I have stated to DH that should he want 2 kids I'd only be willing if he would agree to a small age gap (have always wanted 4 kids) around the 1.5-2 year age gap.

X Post there.

chasing Please check in with us once in a while, you lovely lady. I'm feeling much the same myself with the persistent infections and general feeling like a bag of crap, hence discussion with DH this weekend coming up. Sigh. Ultimately you just have to do whatever is right for you, you right now.