The home of sporn lovers and cunthawks; make sure the ewcm is coming from the right hole and don your capes (but don't put parsley up your chuff!) ... for JUST SHAGGING Part 33

[mountaingirl01]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Oh, and as far as the count goes...

1. Number 1. We were so drunk we thought it would be funny to have sex. It was.
2. The science teacher's son. Not good. But wonderful taste in music. He introduced me to radiohead.
3. Broke my heart. As in unravelled it bit by bit, pulled pieces off and stamped on them.
4. Elvin. Yes, you read that right. He was a drummer in a band, and wore vests and had long hair and a goatee. He was like Brad Pitt in Snatch - deliciously dirty trailer park gypsy. It was a fling.
5. DH!

I think that's it. I should add that 1-4 happened in the space of 3 years (15-17) and DH was since I was 17, till now! (9 years)

Oh dear, I'm sitting at around the 15 mark. Reckon I could count them all. Went through a phase in my late teens where all my friends were shagging each other, obviously joined in.

My dp has blatant wanks all the time and doesn't care that I know. We call it chugging, and if I tell him not to it's classed as a chug-ban..

lil glad to hear mr lil is following orders!

la sure it wasn't camel toe??

wow la it really didn't go in???

I was DP's first, bless him. First kiss too...what did that man do before me????

Zyla that's cute, DP won't talk about that sort of thing (claims he doesn't do it!).

Thanks for the support ladies, just a bit emosh today for some reason (cos it's a fucking monday is why)

I've no idea - too drunk. One we fell off bed then i told him to leave, the other he was terrified if me and couldn't get it up so I'm not sure if we did or not

Aww jelly sounds adorable!! Hope you're feeling a bit better

Ooh La are you terrifying?

Okay, so I think I give up. I counted up to 12 but think I am missing a couple of 'flings' in that. Ah well. All in the past now anyway!

Mildly apparently!

Aww Jelly, hope you're ok. I hate feeling emosh for no reason and not being able to control it. Chocolate for you.

Hope you're ok jelly

la I'm terrifying too apparently! Got myself the nickname little miss prada knickers when I first met dh!
jelly
Loving the jungle
mountain when you said you had your tubes washed out, is that the same as a dye? Gp told me after my scan I could push for a lap and dye, I know what the lap bit is and assumed the dye went through tubes to check for blockages? Does that wash them at the same time or does it require more force?

could be a sign you are about to ov jelly, all that oestrogen in your system.

Got some strange looks as I'm chuckling reading the chat!!

WAY back to DH's cooking I find the cupboard doors are left filthy - as if he's opened every door with food encrusted paws.

I told him the other week I didn't want any geriatric spunk and had to 'sort himself out' at least once during AF (mine is 7 days, urgh)

jelly is shit that you make this massive decision then have wait for your body to catch up & get rid of the faux hormones I have 28 day cycle but don't ice til day 16, no CM until maybe Cd 14 either

7 bed buds here, mix of BFs, a fuck buddy, holiday romance & a one night knob

Ha! chat nearly fell of the soda at cat aids!!

Similar tink the dye is inserted via a small catheter, if a blockage shows up it can be broken up with a thin wire being passed through the catheter. Not as bad as it sounds and I know at least one other person who got upduffed afterwards and had been TTC for 2.5 years.

la I'm probably as many as you.. But don't want to try count like ainait not sure I would remember all to make it worse, this was all before I met dh aged 19

Teehee just woke dh up chuckling at cat aids. It's just ewww when they do that!

Oh and funniest thing I've seen in a hungry orifice? .. A man with a wire coat hanger up his wee hole

Thanks mountain small wire is preferable to a hose pipe.

All my bed partners before dh were utter shite! I think that's why I sunk my claws in once we'd started shagging. Maybe if I'd have had more fun before, I'd have been more inclined to have more partners but 2 of the five were ( like la ) not sure if they were in!!! In fact I'm pretty sure 2 didn't actually penetrate!! They just rubbed themselves in the right area for a minute then rolled off! Dh blew my mind when we met, I had wet pants and palpitations for about a year

What what what? A wire coat hanger? The pointy end?

Oh my god Mountain, that's horrific. People are weird.

mountain what the absolute fuck!

A wire coathanger.... What!?

shut the front door! I just had a tiny tiny bit of pink when I wiped. Please be AF entering the fanjo!

cd78 its about time you put in an appearance. hope its you and not some twat playing that stupid knocking game and running off into the distance.

ainat woo hoo!!! Sounds promising, gx!

mountain did he have an itch? I can't understand what sexual gratification he could get from that? Also, did you laugh?

What a bunch of slut bags you all are!

Jk.

You lot have talked so much tonight! I was watching the hunger games second movie. Not seen it before. Really is a second movie. Highly unsatisfying ending.

Gx Ainat!

Fwiw DH is my first, and same for him.

Ouch mountain!