The home of sporn lovers and cunthawks; make sure the ewcm is coming from the right hole and don your capes (but don't put parsley up your chuff!) ... for JUST SHAGGING Part 33

[mountaingirl01]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Oh no honey she really is a wankbadger for you.

I'm 12dpo la my lp is normally 12 or 13 days. I'm sure your symptoms will be back soon, remember the mantra

honey jelly candy so sorry girls

jelly as la said, your body is probably just settling, can't believe you spent so long waiting for af and now she won't leave you alone, fat bitch! X

candy not out til she shows her face, gx.

honey boo, hiss lovely xx

gaggia can't believe you're all wrapped! That is super organised! I have nothing done except the menu is planned we love Christmas here too, although it starts the day we hear Mariah Carey for the 1st time! So not quite yet, maybe later in the car crosses everything that some dj plays it!

lil drink some water I'd love to share my charts with you but wasn't on ff and am not charting at the moment. If they put me on Clomid I'll sign up and whatever you don't mind...

la hope you're ok. You must be tired after working so late so I'm sure your body is focusing it's energy on growing baby rather than giving you cramps and nausea! Stay in bed and drink tea

Still creamy cm but back cramps here, never had them before. Am also not thinking about axe murdering or divorcing dh which is unusual for this late in my cycle sooo hoping it's my turn! Trying really hard not to think about it and not get my hopes up. Af due Thursday

Thanks ladies. Gosh, i was a wreck this morning at church. On the stage too as it happens.. Hid behind my music stand with some tissues. Now I'm going to languish in bed watching trash and crying periodically.

sounds like s plan honey

tink by all means! I like being nosey helping you all out.

Awwww honey I'm sorry :( she's a bitch that witch

candy you're not out yet. Gx

Eating cookies on sofa whilst cats refuse to go out coz it's raining.

lil drink some water!

tink back cramps were one if my first symptoms fuel the crazy!

oh yes damn it water. told dh to get me one and he didn't! I'm doing it now!

Argh, feeling crazy! What happened to my good mood from this morning? Now I'm feeling pissed, and ready to bite someones head off. DH is in my bad books, I'm blatantly ignoring him hiding in the spare bedroom (office). I don't know if that's for my sanity or his!

I'm also extremely tired all of a sudden. I was fine up until about an hour and a half ago. I've almost dozed off with my head on the desk a couple of times.

THIS video made me cry bucket loads. I tear up at things all the time, and normally I would have teared up at this, but today I was literally balling my eyes out crying. It's a beautiful video, but I've given you a tear jerker warning if you watch it.

I really want a cup of tea, but have avoided it for 45 minutes just because I don't want to go downstairs. I feel like a stroppy teenager.

Sorry. End rant.

Oh I saw the new hunger games film last night it was bloody amazing.
Whilst at the pictures a man mistook me for his wife. He came at me from behind outside the gents. Grabbed my arse and cuddled in. I leaned into him thinking it was Mr g. Turned my head and went aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......sorry.... when I realised it was random bloke. Random bloke froze, apologized then headed towards a furious looking woman wearing a very similar outfit to me. We had the same hair and glasses too. Although random blokes wife was a different ethnicity to me and a size zero.
Mr g was momentarily concerned when he came out the gents and witnessed the odd tableau and a random bloke chasing a furious woman saying "babe I thought she was you".

ainat rant away! It's a shitty day for the viroids today booooo. Shall we cheer each other up with Ian macshane pics?

Haha love it gaggia! Thought that stuff only happened in movies.

Oh ain I'm gonna give you some whilst hiding behind a chair so you don't throw them at me hope you're feeling cherrier soon. Tea will help

J that's what I thought! Or like the specsavers ad where the woman kisses the wrong man at the train station.
At least I know I was rocking the current fashions, angry wife looked fabulous in her ensemble.

Gaggia that's fucking hilarious.

gaggia that story made me laugh, thank you!

And Candy thank you for the flowers. I'll put them in water, I won't throw them at you I promise!

I have tea now. It's helping. And 'millionaire bite' pieces. DH asked me if I was mad at him or if he could have a hug. I gave him a sort of weird one armed hug as I had the box of millionaire bites in the other. I'm still mad at him.

Gaggia that is brilliant!

I've watched Tangled, now on to the Secret Garden. Dh made me crack toast (marmalade on toast) to have with my drugs, and we're having takeaway for tea.

Ha ha! gaggia that's hilarious!

Aw viroids sorry to hear witch is in he building

Gaggia that is awesome

I'm on way to cinema. I'd quite like to be groped by a hot man

Oh God I never thought of that Lala, hope it happens to me too. Will need to wear an outfit in which I 'don't look pregnant from the back' as many people seem to think is a compliment. I'm presuming other people's baby bumps are somewhere inbetween their shoulder blades...

OK. Stopped crying for the moment. But this is crazy? Given I have only been trying since Aug, how can I keep it up? I need to not be so bitter about BIL and his knocked up gf, and with some of my unintentionally smug friends who get pregnant first time every time with no problems ever... Because I don't begrduge them really... I certainly wouldn't wish it on them. But I need some sort of distraction.

For those who don't know, I work very few hours (5!) a week because I have an autoimmune disease and when I worked full time it literally needed crutches and steroid injections to help me walk, couldn't pick up items like mugs of tea because of intense pain in my joints, couldn't undress myself; pretty much nothing else except work and sleep. Now I feel much better and can walk, but I also have a lot of time to obsess about things. Its not like you can turn it off. Having a baby is a huge decision, I can't just pretend I'm not really bothered either way.

So my question.... How do you keep your mind occupied, and what are your coping strategies when AF arrives? This is obviously not something I can control so any suggestions for other things I can micromanage?

Argh! Someone I know has just announced they have hit the 12 week mark and their daughter (3) is going to be a big sister on Facebook. Grrr... They are a lovely couple, and I am happy for them, but arrrrggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! The jealous bitch in me is thinking how come they get 2 and I don't even get normal cycles to even try for one!

Fuckety fuck fuck.

Believe it or not I very rarely swear when talking out loud to other people!

honey as you can see I'm not doing a great job of it myself at the moment so I'm not the best person to offer advice. When I'm feeling a bit more sane though I try to do things like craft activities, reading, watching dvds, going out with friends (my closest friends are not upduffed), though I must admit my job does take up a lot of my time. I work full time, and often have to bring home a lot of my work with me. Sometimes it drives me crazy, sometimes it's a relief to have something to focus on. I've only been off BC since August too. I hope this gets easier for both of us... Massive hugs (even though apparently it's not allowed... let's be rebellious!)

Well it's a another day, another positive OPK here in casa indigo. Have now moved the stress from "I'm never going to ovulate" onto "I'm going to have an inconceivably short lp".. Jesus viroids, the fun never ends.

oh dear, the doom seems to have set in. I don't really know what advice I can give. I think I only stopped obsessing once dhs sa results came back so bad. that's not to say we gave up or I didn't have my moments when AF showed. I think I just stopped expecting to get pregnant so because my expectations were lower it was easier to deal with. honey how old are u? sil was told to have children before 24yo because of lupus (she had latest at 26yo) so I'm wondering if you would be able to get investigations sooner than normal to put your mind at rest. you did get pg so im sure nothing is wrong, you've just been immensely unlucky I hope that dies t sound unsympathetic cos I don't mean it to be

my day has got so much better. my car has just broken down and I'm stuck.

honey - wine and food girlfriend!!!