TTC for 10 months, and all the rest. 10 plussers welcome.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread full of the most amazing women.

Oh how fabulous, two boys joy :) :) how many weeks is this now? This must be very, very good news if all is still going well. Do you feel anymore reassured?

Oh Joy I've been tentatively checking in all day. That's amazing. And boys . I am so so happy for you. Impressed they could tell already, how far along are you now?

Oh I so hope you can start to enjoy things a teeny tiny bit now. Is it likely you will feel movement sooner with twins?

Critter, hoping all is quiet with you.

Today, it appeared to be Bring your Newborn to the Supermarket day. And I was looking at all these babies just feeling detached. Like they're an alien species living life in a parallel universe, where people Have Kids. I am definitely still in protection mode.

Oh, I POAS today for some reason. Mid afternoon I just got the urge. It was dark way before the dye even reached the control and is much darker than the control, so I feel reassured even though I know HCG, by now, isn't a guarantee that things are ok. I am getting the odd dizzy spell and the odd womble pain but otherwise remain resolutely symptom free. Joy I think of you and your no symptoms every single day. I hope that's not weird .

Ladies I hope the pregnancy chat is ok on here? I know I've always found it so, but I'd hate to upset anyone. There's just no way I feel ready for Grad status. Oh by the way Joy, the ante-natal thread reading was because I am soooo clueless; and up to now they've been quite calm. However as I'm due very end of July there are some nearly 4 weeks ahead and they are starting to sound rather more confident than me, so I might have to step away. There are people in maternity jeans at 7 weeks .

I'm fine with the pregnancy chat. A bit like your supermarket experience nelly, I feel detached from it so I have no real concept of what you're at lining about I'd be sad and very lonely if you left us.

Talking I mean.

I've no real concept of it either Ray . It's so far just endless medication, and a few pink lines where previously none were to be seen. I have no intention of leaving you, ever, but I can certainly hold off the chat if it's upsetting. Everyone has carte blanche to tell me.

I am still grinning like mad at Joy's twin boys [fgrin .

Oh I mucked it up and now it looks like I swore.

I think this thread would die out if the grads stopped posting. There are very few of us still actively trying now.

Ah thanks ladies. I love the idea of boys but as you all know I dont think any of us could care less what we have as long as they arrive safely and healthy. I did suspect boys although on day4 the embryos weren't morulas and were quite behind what they should have been so I also wondered girls at points. I have a feeling they would never have made it to blast in the dish. I am 14+2 so I didn't realise they could tell.

Nelly - are you eating lots of protein and keeping your blood sugar levels balanced because that is a good way to keep ms away? I would very uncomfortable about those threads as it becomes too easy to compare and I know I would freak which I don't need help with.

Ray - I feel reassured today but it doesn't last long. I guess it's a self protection thing but also bad memories not that I got this far before.
I am feeling hopeful for you and your next round ray.

joy I thought boys for you congrats glad the scan was reassuring for now

nelly only 5 more sleeps for you I never related to the ante natal threads, the whole buying a fecking pram at 7 weeks, I just wanted to shout, there is no guarantee you'll get a baby !!!!!!!!!!! But realised I would come across as more irrational than normal and not be welcome, so I luckily went from the egg thread to the ivf one where I felt comfortable, I struggle listening to preggos who are too stupid to procreate naive about things, I have a lovely work colleague, she is super lovely and was the first to admit she was a bit silly about some things, like thinking she wouldn't need maternity clothes seriously very few women get away with no stretchy trousers, I think she is going to in for a bit of a shock when the baby arrives

sam hope you are getting suitably pissed tonight

Just a quick Hurrah for Joy's boys :)

Boys for Joy, lovely lovely news! I've had to step off mumsnet for a bit as I've not been in a good head space with ttc and needed to forget about it all for a while. But I've sat this morning and had a good read back and send continued good and happy thoughts for critter and nelly.

Ray your comment smoked me out, I'm still trying and still here! Grads please do stay and talk of all things, I'm glad we're all still together. And ray you may well be the next grad
Sorry for not being a good poster. Birthdays/Christmas/thought of ivf no 3 and all the other ttc sad things have made me rather poor company. But I've thrown myself head first into silly yoga/running/joined a gym/meditating and reading 'self help' (least effective) so trying to be resourceful to deafen out the barrenness.

Ha daily yoga not silly yoga. I'll be sucking not ducking next

Nelly - pregnancy chat is fine by me... If anything it gives me hope!

Af arrived this morning, 16dpo so the temperature drop yesterday was completely accurate and I will never be looking at pg tests after the 10 minute time limit again.

Will be lurking on here still but going to take a step back until I get my appointments through and need some advice on that. Hope that's ok with everyone, I just want to enjoy Xmas and thinking about ttc all the time is stressing me out and affecting my relationship with dh as we both feel like all we ever talk about is babies.. Or our lack of them!

Hope everyone's well, and I will keep up to date with all your news for when I return :). Xx

Hey grads, please don't stop chatting on here. You guy's have helped me hugely. at least please stay til the new year when my first round will be complete as I would like a little holding hands please? All of the other threads I have read seam a lot more dramatic and fairy dust and I think I might slap someone!

thanks x

Fox, I could have written your comments about not posting much. I have been a bit miserable recently and didn't want to ruin any happy vibes on here with a moany post. Also agree that we need the benefit of grad wisdom.

Nelly the pregnancy chat is fine, it's interesting to read about how it feels (and how hard it is to enjoy when you have been TTC for so long) but I also feel completely detatched from it in a 'this may never happen to me' kind of way. I know what you mean about seeing babies everywhere, sometimes I stare at mothers in Sainsburys with such hatred that I must look like some kind of unhinged psycho. Glad things are still ticking along for you, Critter and Joy (yay for twin boys too!)

Sam, sorry to hear about your false alarm BFP and that you feel you need to step back for a bit. It is very, very hard not to let this affect your relationship. After 4 years of TTC our sex life is pretty much ruined (to the point where the last 2 months I have had to practically beg for it as Mr Starfish has had enough of on demand requests )

Fluffy I am following your progress with interest. Our second appointment at the fertility clinic is tomorrow afternoon (if you recall I was told to bugger off in June and keep trying for 6 more months). I am not sure what I should be asking for/expecting at this appointment, but I think I am just going to beg to go straight to IVF, do not pass Go, do not collect £200 etc.

Fox - also, what daily yoga are you doing (app, You tube?) and what books are you reading? In the interests of 'woo' I've been doing acupuncture for past 12mths (30 mins of 'therapy' chat and 30 mins of pins) but think I could probably do more...

Fox - sorry about the bad headspace. But it's good you are chucking yourself into things. I found when I went through weeks and months like that I just ate and became reclusive until I could pull myself out. Trying to navigate these dark days is bloody hard. We are here for you.

Star - if it's any consolation I still stare at mothers with hatred and also women who stroke their big bumps. I can't bear it. I think once you've spent years going through these emotions and the animal like treatments, you can't just let that go. And I really hope you are referred for ivf tomorrow. Isn't 4 years long enough for them? Make sure you don't take no for answer. Cry if you need to. And sadly the pressure can ruin sex lives but it will come back.

Fluffy - well that's one thing you won't get on here and that's fairy dust. we are here to hold your hand through this cycle and beyond.

Star and fox, I don't feel positive in any way so you're not alone. I have sometimes felt that my negativity is a bit of a down blip in an otherwise positive run of thread posts. But, i think we know each other well enough that it's ok to say how we are really feeling.

The truth is a natural cycle ivf isn't very likely to work (the dr put a figure of 10%) but it gives us a chance to try picsi for free and also to do the genetic test on the embryo. I really don't think I will be the next grad.

Sam, stepping back is sometimes helpful. I hope you have a relaxing Christmas.

Fluffy, I sometimes lurk on other threads but they're not for me. Far to much baby dust and all that jazz.

Evening all.

Ray I'm really pleased your natural round is nearly here, and Joy is a good poster girl for not feeling particularly positive about doing a round and getting a great result. You never come across as overly negative - I'm sure I rate your chances a lot higher than you do though.

Joy I am overjoyed for you to read yesterday's news! Twin boys. I hope that the fact that you were able to find out and also post it on here are both signs that you are starting to believe in this. I'm sure it must be incredibly difficult to get excited about but this is all completely different to what happened before isn't it. Anyway you don't need to feel excited, I just hope you're not in complete fear all the time.

Nelly you definately don't need to hold off the pregnancy chat, we're all dying to know how you're getting on if anything. I am really looking forward to reading your news after your scan this week. Massive good luck, am sure all will be fine. I've heard the theory that girl babies give worse ms than boys?

Fox the keep busy activities sound like a great plan. Distraction helps when nothing else does, hey? So sorry for the emotional fog.

Critter oh no at the scary bleed. I'm so glad the doc was able to scan you quickly and reassure that the blood was not coming from twibling. Am praying you have a smooth time from here on in. That twibling is now ahead in the growth stakes is fantastic news, it must be a strong un.

Loved the story of Art and Doll meeting up and mini Art's wig!

Excuse the lack full catch up. Waves and good wishes to the rest of you. I have been in an odd place, I think a mix of this time of year, thinking about this time last year, pre Ivf nerves and also hearing of some sad family news. On the Ivf front I did have the Chicago blood immune tests done and it came back with one thing, slightly raised antibodies to progesterone and estrogen. So the plan is for me to take gestone daily and estrogen in suppository form to give higher doses. Also in stimming I'll be doing a mix of 2 stim drugs. I'm pleased to do something new at least. I have an appt tomorrow to see when I can get started.

Ooh the festive emoticons are out. These seem fitting as I've spent most if this weekend doing christmas activities.

Ray, I've never taken your comments as negative. I just love everyone on here as they are just honest, really helped me keep my head and keep on even when things are going wrong.

Star, good luck with the appointment. I would be stern now and say I've done what you've asked now let's get on with things. I assume you've had the 3/21 bloods and oh had his boys checked, so discuss those results and push for the next step because even that can take time.

I've been reading three other threads but perhaps I'm just too old for them. still interesting to lerk. I really hate seeing the preggers in supermarkets, you just know they've taken it all for granted.

today has been really difficult, my gramp's care home is being closed and we have to move him, but his health isn't the best and the stress is really going to affect his health. They say they want him moved within the month, in my head I'm thinking I'll just fit that in between scans, ec and xmas. but my oh is really supportive and we've both said we won't let this stress us (any more than it is) and if we've not found anywhere they will have to wait. a lot harder said than done!

fox,you'll have to share with the yoga tips to help me relax

thanks all for letting me off load x

fluffy that is hard to move people after a certain age, it takes time to find the right place that they will feel happy and secure in, a month sounds a long time but isn't really when you have so much going on

cos ooooh I am excited about your next cycle

Gosh Critter, I am sorry you are having such a scary time of it. Hand hold for you. It must be completely terrifying. It's good news that you are measuring ahead though.

Fluffy you sound like you're coping brilliantly with the IVF. It sounds very hardcore. Sorry to hear you have the extra worry with your grandad.

Sam sorry about the BFN. It really is shit. Taking a step back and thinking of other things can be really helpful.

Joy I am so pleased for you! Twin boys, how amazing.

Nelly not long until your scan now. I hope you are hanging in there. I'm absolutely fine with the pregnancy chat on here. In fact, I enjoy it. The worry doesn't end when you get a BFP so why should the chat?!

Fox sorry you've been feeling low but it sounds like you're doing some good, proactive things.

Ray, you're not negative, just honest (which is what we should all be free to be on here).

Cos, glad that you've got a plan. Sorry to hear you've had some sad family news though. I spent the weekend doing festive activities too. I surprised myslef by quite enjoying it.

I had the consultation for the hypnotherapy on Saturday and I'm going back for another session on Thursday as she said a lot things that made sense to me! it's the day before I go in for my lap so even if it just relaxes me, that's something!

Sorry for this 'me, me, me' post, but we have been given the green light for IVF! We saw the head honcho at the clinic this afternoon who was brilliant and basically said let's get cracking. No need for any further tests. Our next appointment is in January to sort out programme dates. Will be doing long protocol - on buselerin and menopur. I know it is just the start of the road, but it has taken us so long to get to this point, it feels like a real achievement. First time I've been excited about TTC in a long, long time.

Cos - you had an appointment today didn't you? How did it go?

Berry - glad the hypno suits you. I've got a hypnotherapy app I've been using (once you get past the slight cheesiness of imagining your womb as a pink ball of light, actually quite relaxing). I'm back at acupuncture Thursday.

Ray and Fluffy - hope you've had a good day. The sun was out here which I think always makes a difference to the misery of these short winter days.

Nelly, Joy and Critter - hope you're hanging in there!

Star that's great news! Such a shame they've made you wait so long, but it's on its way now. Hurrah :). Is that NHS? What is the waitlist, do you know? It's sad that this has had such a negative impact on your sex life. It gets bloody difficult to maintain enthusiasm after such a long time.

Cos darling I'm sorry you've been feeling reflective, this time of year certainly brings it out. That's interesting about the immunes. So did this explain what the impact would be, and does it explain why you got pregnant when boosting progesterone? How did the appointment go today? Hope you have got the go ahead - lots of rounds going on soon - you Ray, Fluffy, Star, Toes soon I think.

Berry I'm glad you found the hypno helpful. I know I was scathing about my own, but at the end of the day, you have to do whatever works for you, and having someone to talk to and relax you is definitely a good thing. We will make sure we are all around for your Lap-spamming session to keep you company .

I'm sorry about your Granpa, Fluffy, and all the extra stress this adds. Certainly when you are full of drugs and focussed on the IVF, it's hard to take on any other problem. I'm sure it will all work out but I know it's hard to see that from the midst of it. Don't worry, there is little chance of grads leaving the thread, it's been part of everyone's life for too long. We're all here for the long haul.

Ray, there is no way you should feel like your posts are negative and a downer. Even though there's been good news lately, you may notice that none of us are skipping around buying prams! We do reality here; and for many of us, for much of the time, the reality is a long hard slog with only tiny glimmers of optimism. I would hate to think that anyone avoided posting because they felt their own worries didn't fit with what was going on with others. Post whatever you want, you know that :).

3 more sleeps now Buzzy! I'm starting to panic get nervous. Sigh.

Oh lovely Fox I hate that you are still feeling these awful bouts of sadness. I know you need time, but I promise that the feelings of barrenness are fading (in amongst the increased fears of beig a crap preggo); even though I'm technically still barren, I already know it won't matter a jot so long as the current stripy hobnobs turn into an actual baby. It is all going to be ok. But distraction and doing things for yourself are all very good plans. Hope today was a good day :)

I hope I don't inadvertently stroke a bump Joy. I'll feel like I've let you all down .

I understand the need to step away Sam. Hope you can enjoy Christmas and get a proper break.

Hope you are starting to feel better Drizz. I forgot to mention before

Thanks for all the reassurance on the posting about pregnancy worries. I will certainly keep you up to date with scan news, and will probably require lots of hand holding before. I still cannot believe there will be anything in there. My tummy does look bloated today, but then I have eaten a Lot. Is being greedy ravenously hungry a symptom? Everything here still the same, no spotting, no obvious symptoms, just the occasional womble feeling. I'm exhausted in the mornings but I'm not sleeping brilliantly, think that's just worry; that and fighting the cat for the duvet . THe rest of the day I'm ok and still just keeping busy.