TTC for 10 months, and all the rest. 10 plussers welcome.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread full of the most amazing women.

Ray I meant to add, that's a good approach, I will do that!

Nelly - you're brave reading that thread. I wouldn't go near those ante-natal treads. i wrote one post months ago in a preg after m/c forum on the pregnancg board but I didn't even fit there as no one had done ivf or had tried for years. I think there is a different level of fear knowing that ivf is the only way to conceive. I hope the Gp gives you a prescription for all this clexane. It's for peace of mind rather than anything else .

Fingers crossed for sam. Definitely do another test with FMU tomorrow.

It is definitely getting chillier here too Ray. I am quite enjoying the cold weather though.

Nelly sorry to hear the worry is continuing. I completely understand how difficult it must be and, as you say, we all know our bodies can't always be trusted to tell us if something is wrong. Hang in there until your scan and then hopefully you will see a heartbeat and that will improve the changes of things going well so much.

Off out for the work Christmas party tonight. I haven't drunk that much in recent months so god help me! I'm not sure what people think about 'woo' alternative medicine on the thread but I am giving hypnotherapy a go tomorrow as I have got to try and get my anxiety under control. My stepmother has organised it for me with a friend of hers so it might be a bit tricky to say if I think it's a load of rubbish!

berry enjoy the party. I quite miss the UK piss up xmas parties. They are much more sedate affairs here. I wouldn't mind the cold if I didn't have to go out in it. Personally, I'm not really into alternative therapies but I think if something is designed to make you relax then that is worth it if it works. I only have a problem with the ones that make bold claims and then charge lots of money for them.

nelly and joy I thought of you both today because I met the most gorgeous boy/girl twins today. They are 2 and so delightful. Mum did look exhausted though :)

nelly I'll tell you the bit I know about clexane (which isn't a lot!). Here it can only be prescribed for blood thinning reasons. It is not licensed for any other use, I don't know about in the UK. But doctors noticed that women who were on them for blood clotting reasons and were having ivf were more likely to get pregnant than those who weren't. What they don't know for certain is if that has anything to do with blood clotting or if it also does something else. My doctors think it improves chances so they prescribe it when they can, but they can only do it if you are at risk of ohss and therefore more at risk of a clot, or if you have a blood clotting problem. One of mine was on the borderline and shouldn't be a problem at all but the doctor used this as an excuse to give me it. It didn't make a difference to me though!

Berry - nothing is too woo for us on here. I think a number of us have done hypnotherapy. I did it last year to help anxiety and negativity and also because apparently it helps lower nk cells??!! I get sucked in to anything. It didn't do much for me but I don't thjnk I went under. I think all these things are worth a try and it does work for a lot of people. it's a positive step in trying to combat anxiety. Let us know how it goes.

Hello all. I'm feeling quite reflective today.

A year ago today I was in an operating theatre having my eggs harvested for the 4th time in a year. They got four eggs. They phoned me the next day to tell me that three had fertilised fertilised (good). They forgot to phone me the next day to give me an update (argh). I turned up on the 8th December for embryo transfer to find that two of the three embryos had developed abnormally and only one was still going. It should have had eight cells by then, but was only five. The embryologist came and had a chat with us about using donor eggs next time. It was obvious he didn't hold out much hope. Somehow, that five cell slow coach embryo is now my gorgeous smiley 20 week old. I never thought I would get here. I am looking at her and feeling both amazed and very lucky to have her.

Keep the faith everyone. I want nothing more than for you all to have your own successes. x

Hi everyone

sam so sorry to hear of the BFN. It's always a horrible feeling when the glimmer of hope has crept in. I hope you can let your hair down a bit at the hen do and drown your sorrows. Big big hug.

nelly I occasionally lurk on the July thread but it sometimes just makes me feel ill, the cheeriness of it, I suppose. As joy says, most of those women are having a very different experience of pregnancy and it's hard to compare that with ours. Great that you're getting an NHS scan - do you know when it'll be? And I so hope you get your drugs prescribed to you too, would be nice to save some money.

berry I hope the party tonight is fun, and that you're able to have a reasonably nice time. joy is right, there is nothing too woo for us on this thread, we've had Mayan fertility massage, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, special 'brown diets' involving no sugar or dairy, and lashings of Chinese herbs between us. We love the snake oil and sometimes it actually even seems to work! Lots of love to you and I really hope the hypnotherapy is helpful.

ray hope AF shows up soon for you. And then goes away for a long time! I agree, I don't mind the cold so long as I can stay inside! I bet it's lovely and Christmassy where you are.

joy how's it all going? When is your next scan?

fox and cos and pout, thinking of you ladies and hoping you're ok.

fluffy how is the stimming?

AFM I had another panic last night as I had cramps and woke up at 4am to find blood on the sheets and my pyjama bottoms. There was blood in the loo too when I went to wee. It was red, but it tailed off and went more reddy brown and watery eventually. I went in for a scan as otherwise I would have been worrying all weekend and was able to see that the embryo is still ok, but the doctor said there was a shimmering area on the scan which could be where the bleeding is coming from. He also wanted me to have the rh negative antibody shot just in case. The dog trod on my tummy last night before I went to bed when he was hauling himself onto the sofa so was worrying he might have squished something. Ugh I wish it could be less bloody terrifying.

I remember that awful chat you had with the embryologist. I hold on to your story when I think of my poor quality embryos. Miracles do happen, but it's hard to hold on to that when everything seems so bleak at times. How is centime doing? Those cheeks are really something, she looks a lot like you. Do many people say that?

What a worry, critter but thank goodness you could have a scan and see all is ok. I wonder what the shimmery bit is, it sounds kind of magical.

It is lovely here but I have Xmas market fatigue if that's possible. We might get some snow soon which will add to the atmosphere.

Oh critter poor you. This is a nightmare. This shimmery thing, is it like a blood pool or a Haemotoma? In a way it's good they can see a source for the bleeding. And it's not effecting little bean is it?? I am so glad bean is still ok though. But this is not good for your nerves. I wish it could be easier for you too. I have a scan tomorrow. For some reason i am finding each one more nerve racking than the last.

Euro - lovely story and I am not surprised you are feeling pensive. She's a little miracle. And that embryologist needs a slap going around telling you those sorts of things.

Oh critter, what a worry. I'm glad you managed to get a quick scan.

Centime is doing brilliantly, ray. She is gaining weight at a rate of knots and is much more interactive now. I think she looks like my dad and people say that I look like him, so I guess she must look like me too, although I can't really see it.

I used to love the Xmas markets when I lived on the Continent. Gluhwein, mmmmm.

Euro I missed your post earlier. It just goes to show. If this is a stressful problematic pregnancy with a baby as adorable as chubby cheeks little centime at the end, I will take it. what a little miracle she is.

Ray ha on Christmas market fatigue - that is a funny thought.

Joy good luck tomorrow - they are stressful. You're out of the big danger zone although I know you won't relax until they are safely here.

He didn't say what the shimmery patch was. I didn't think to ask, I should have done. It wasn't near the baby though or the cervix so that is good and the baby is now measuring 4 days ahead after a slow start. Back on Wednesday for another scan and will ask then.

Oooh Gluhwein. Whilst I am very grateful for my current status, I am really going to miss that this Christmas will try to pretend the non alchoholic stuff is just as nice Centime really does look like you, she's such a cuuuteeeee! I will definitely never forget what your embryologist said. I know DE was never in your sights, but even if it was a possibility, as it was, and now is, for me; being told harshly that your own eggs are duff is incredibly upsetting. Especially right in the midst of a cycle. Those conversations are for follow ups when the hormones have died down. What a tosser. Are you going to go back and march into his office with Centime?

Ray I really really hope you can get a December cycle in. I am with you on the bleakness and lacking in optimism. Even moving onto DE just felt like a thing I was doing to prove I'd done all I could. In the moments where I'm not just panicking, and feeling a bit of stretching or tightness, I am mind-blown to think something worked. Every day is the most pregnant I've ever been. It's scary I know, but our wonderful thread is chock full of "it's never going to happen" mums. Doll and her 10 years of trying; Gin and the sperm issues, Euro and her "duff" eggs, Sar and her miracle natural conception, Mad and her threatened hysterectomy. The list goes on and it's going to add you, Fox, Pout, Cos and all our lovely newbies too. My two favourite ten-plusser comments here: Sar's "Open Heart"; and Critter's "The only way out is through".

Critter I can't believe you had another scare :(. Well done for taking the bull by the horns and getting the scan. Hooray for healthy bean but you really could do without it. Are you getting any rest/relaxation at all? I like Ray's interpretation of the shimmer :).

Joy huge vibes for the scan. I know it's terrifying but the odds are getting better every day and they've not given you anything to be concerned about which I know is completely irrelevant and you are going to worry anyway. As always we are here for you and keeping everything tightly crossed for good news.

Fluffy how is the stimming? Are you getting on ok? When is the first scan?

Berry I did fertility hypnotherapy. My honest assessment is it was a complete crock and an incredible waste of money. £60 a time BUT I am a huge cynic, don't like therapy very much, and have a bit of an aversion to really mince-y people, which she was a bit. Like Joy I didn't think I went under at all. I think go with an opening mind. The sessions were relaxing, but there are cheaper ways. I just didn't buy that I could improve my AmH just by willing it to be so, and she told me that 90% of her clients got pregnant on their first go with IVF. Guess which % I fell into . I have done acu and reflexology as well. Again I thought my particular acu lady wasn't great, just a bit too "head-tilting" for my preference, and left the room when they were in so again quite an expense for 5 minutes of her time! Reflexology was probably my favourite as I did find it relaxed me, and it was her I was seeing when I was at my lowest (AmH result). She was nice to talk to, and actually worked for her money [tightwad Scot emoticon]. The only other thing I would say is that I eventually found the logistics of getting to the appointments added to the stress as I was doing IVF and trying to hide it all from my boss. Location was an issue for me in this respect. All that said, an important thing is your mental state, so if you think any woo will help and add confidence, then do it. Enjoy the party tonight, have a drink for me!

Toes, talking of AMH, did you get your result back yet? Have you had your mock cycle?

Scan-wise I'm seeing the EPU/midwife/consultant combo on Thursday. Only 6 days to wait . I've taken the day off and a few after, mostly co-incidentally, but just in case. We were supposed to be having the private scan on the Sunday, but I've arranged to push it back a week. So all being well, I will have the NHS one at 7+2 then the private one at 8+5. That's our anniversary, I just realised . If both of those are fine [hahahaha] then I might try to wait it out until the 12+2 official one. Chances?

Right have some work to finish off so better stop procrastinating. I'm really busy just now but I'm so grateful for it as it keeps my mind off things. I am going to have to find a list of things I can do this weekend that aren't too physical yet don't involve me sitting around panicking....

Thanks everyone. Just a quick post to say that I'm going to test one more time in the morning, and then I'm giving up hope for this cycle.
Feeling very sad tonight, the fake bfp won't get out of my brain even though I know it cannot have been real.

Will catch up properly once I'm out of this black hole.

Waves to everyone, X

Good evening ladies.
i hope everyone is getting ready for the weekend. I plan to clean my house but I'm sure something will get in the way!

sam it must feel gutted having a false test like that. I've never seen one in my 3 years so I haven't experienced that glimmer of hope. still it may be different in the morning? no af yet so you never know. I remember doing an opk test for ov and getting excited thinking this is what a preg test stick would look like! sad eh!

thanks critter, Nelly and Joy for asking about my stimming. seams a doddle, there's an inch to pinch so I now have two dots. I think it'll get worse as it goes on. I'm taking 225 gonel f as she said i wasn't developing as well as I could so worth the extra boost. I'm having my first scan next Friday - day 8. I currently have a sore in my nose so not fun for my sniffing. that continues until trigger day. so I'm just still glugging down the water for head aches and full fat milk coz I heard somewhere it's good for you and plus I'm not drinking booze or caffeine so milks the next best thing.
so sorry I haven't said hi to everyone, I am so tired all of the time and memory like a fish, but hi to the nice newbies and the grads.
oh, and final question (sorry to go on) when I take out the needle I have a tiny drop on the end, should I worry? I'm thinking no as loads go in. any thoughts? thanks x

Fluffy, that's great the stimming is going ok. The needle is tiny really and I never had problems/bruises/scar tissue even after 16 days stimming! I nearly always end up with a drop of liquid, even counting to 10.

I was on 225 and it's a fairly high dose. I can't recall your full history but 8 days is a relatively long time to wait for a first scan. Is OHSS a risk for you? Please let your clinic know if you start to feel real discomfort. As I only had 3 follies at most I never had the bloated ovaries but I'm a little concerned at the lack of monitoring. Sorry to put worry out there! Yes loads of water and also protein to help the follies along. Huge good luck :)

Sammy any news?

Ray thanks for the Clexane info, that's really helpful, and interesting too. I wish clinics were more curious generally.

Joy good luck today, my lovely. Hand holds xxx

Love to everyone else. Fox and Cos in particular, I hope you are ok.

Fluffy, I had the gonal f pen in my first ivf round. I really liked it because the needle was so fine and it didn't leave any bruising. That's fine about the drops. You're on quite a high dose, I think I was on 125.

Sam, I think you're in the worst stage now because there is still hope each month and the disappointment is crushing. I'm sorry it wasn't a bfp. I think it's best to read them within ten mins and then throw away. Have you heard any more from the referral yet?

Joy, good luck for the scan. Do you have any signs of a bump yet? I guess it's still too early for that.

Nelly does this mean you'll find out if it's twins on Thursday?

Nelly, you could always have Kinderpunsch :)

Hi everyone, another bfn this morning and my temperature has dropped significantly so I think af will be with me any time now.
Guess I'm proof that false BFPs do happen.
I can't quite bring myself to delete the pic of the faint bfp in case it's the only one I ever get... I also feel like I need it to prove I didn't imagine it.

The only positive I can see in this is at least my cycle seems to be back to normal after last months wtf one... Fx anyway.

Dh spoke to the hospital yesterday and they were much more helpful to him. Said that we will hear from them within 8 weeks (so just 2 more to go) then follow up will be 4 weeks from then, and any treatment will be 4 weeks after that... I think that's what he said anyway! I feel like there's a plan now anyway.

Wish I could just hibernate this weekend but I have to put on my cheery face and head off on a hen do... At least I can drink now I suppose. Xx

Ray, I'd kind of forgotten about that! I'm not even confident of one being in there... But yes, I guess I will.

Sorry about the bfn Sam. Let your hair down this weekend. Hopefully you will hear from the hospital soon.

Christ on a bike. Amazon has figured I'm diffed, probably because I bought the book Bunny recommended. It's now suggesting I might like several books on childbirth, including one with an insanely graphic labour shot on the cover.

Well, if amazon says you are then it must be true. You can cancel the scan :)

ray you crack me up

sam sorry about the BFN :(

Sam - sorry about the bfn again. It's really crap. I hope you have a good hen to help you through.

Critter - I hope you haven't had a bleed today. Have a good time with your mum. I hope this helps alleviate some of the anxiety.

Nelly - roll on Thursday. Stretching pains and tightening all sounds very good signs. But don't forget I didn't have anything. When I bled i had cramps but that was it. It's just hard not knowing isn't it.

Ray - have you found out whether your clinic is open over Xmas? I think I have a bloat more than a bump. By the evening my tummy is really very bloated but it goes down by morning. I am actually looking quite fat at the moment rather than pregnant.

Scan was fine today. It's quite extraordinary how nervous and worried I was for the past week because I haven't felt stretching or anything to suggest anything happening. Anyway I have to try and have faith in these little boys....we couldn't resist asking.