Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Thanks lil maybe we'll be able to start our own off shoot "just stabbing" fred. I'll see what they say. Anyway, more should be about you at the moment. How ya doin? And you have got nerves of steel, don't care what you say

Thanks honey I'd go for wallowing but I appreciate it!

tink come on lass! (Northern way of cheering you on)

Welcome kez where are you from? We've all disclosed where we live this week. Do share.

tink it's good that you're ovulating so perhaps there's a timing issue going on or something? Good luck for day 21 bloods. I remember you talking before about not wanting treatment, obviously it's personal choice. If you desperately want to conceive though they can offer so much help nowadays, perhaps it's something that you might come around to thinking about? Either way we will be here cheering you on.

kez hi! waves nice to meet you! Yes cycles will be all over the place at the start. Took 3 months for my af to return then they were erratic (still are!). Lots of experience on this and the grads Fred (no idea why he is Fred) so hopefully we can help and support you. We are all a bit outspoken, rude and find of tmi!

I dunno tink think I'm at the easy bit now. it was the waiting for things to happen that I hated most. now I have a definite date when I know I will be pregnant by pma so I feel OK. obvs a bit apprehensive about what I have to go through but I think if I can get through hsg the rest can't be any worse than that.

can I just have a rant though. I'm on a ttc 10m+ board and 2 ladies on there have got their bfp in the last couple of weeks on cycle 19ish. WHY ISNT THAT ME?!!! so fucking unfair. obviously I'm happy for them but come on universe! I'm further ahead in the process it was my turn first!

thanks I feel better now

Rant away lil, it is fucking unfair indeed.

It'll be you soon and you can wave your pissy stick from the rooftops to your hearts content

Evening all! Welcome kez, hop on in!

I think I've got a bladder baby - I've had so many wees! We went out to eat and I went 4 times in less than two hours.

tink, echo lils advice really, there are lots of steps before IVF. If you can find a good clinic you could go through the options. Or adoption as you mentioned. A guy in my office is off on adoption leave so he's so excited! Very cute.

Thanks for trying to search the Fred viroids! Not important though, just short memory.

Thank you all for the welcomes!

Sorry - I forgot to say in my initial post - I am in a very wet and foggy Derbyshire!

I wish I had never taken cerazette - my cycles were perfect before

I keep getting twinges in my left (not side, but to the side, lower ribcage....). It's so frustrating.

Well, DH is away tonight so I am currently watching trashy TV and pairing socks - ROCK 'N' ROLL!

Can I let you all into a little secret? (I'm going to anyway) - I had to call my mum and ask how old I am, as I was typing the first post on this thread.

lil it can be your turn next on this Fred if you like.
I don't fancy getting upduffed til after xmas now. Being pg makes me bloated. So there. I want new jeans, spray on tight ads size 8 topshop petite jeans! (Dreams).

I am also invoking LOS

Right I'm certain to get knocked up now....Yes?

Xpost lil. Those fuckers! Would it be easier for us if we had an orderly queue system? I wonder if it will be quicker or slower if there was a deli-style ticket system.

Seriously though, sorry lil.

kez do you call everyone duck too?

Was your mam surprised that you didn't know? It's ok I often think I'm older than I am then remember I haven't had a birthday when I thought I did

shit I just realised that sounds like I'm annoyed if any of you post a bfp but I'm not at all. i don't know why they bothered me, perhaps cos I don't feel as close to them as u guys. but no, don't be waiting for me until you get bfps. that would be a very dull 3 months!

Gaggia No haha! I don't I'm actually from South Yorkshire, where everyone says 'love'.... I moved into Derbyshire (only half an hour away), a few years ago. Not quite caught onto the 'duck' thing yet.

Yeah she was surprised! She knows how I've been feeling lately and put it down to hormones. I reassured her it was because I had genuinely forgot... Now I am trying to think of other instances I have had to give me age, and told them incorrectly!

So - contraband, being ov sticks, temping etc? I don't do either. I told myself I will start doing more monitoring if I am still trying after 6 months.

I always think I'm 33, but I'm 34

Sporn alert! My fanny wax burn is peeling!

kez sorry to break it to you but if you're anything like the rest of us on this Fred that's wind! Seriously though, you might find things settle down soon. If you've had one visit from af already that's hopefully a really good sign that thing will settle for you quite quickly!

Thanks for all the pma viroids, it's just a notch some days innit !!!

lil it is your turn. We are all here cheering you on. I have my pom poms at the ready!

dulcet you are about matching Mr.tink on toilet trips, he is like a racehorse!!

Now can someone please poas and give us some good news/inspiration? Who's next?

Wind... lasting 5 days? No wonder I am bloated! Jeez! I am sure it will settle down soon tink . My DH hopes so too because I have been in a foul mood all week together 8 years and he still hasn't realised its my main emotion

I'll poas if you like. it'll be a bfn but hell its been months since I poas hpt !

I was debating poas in the morning.... but it doesn't sound like it will be worth it so trying to convince myself otherwise.

Does back pain come as a symptom? Because the bottom of my back has been hurting since Tuesday too.

it is most definateky your turn lil and I don't think any of us took your rant as at us. sometimes ransom things really annoy me. my sil announced she was pg the 1st time at the same time as my friend, was overjoyed for friend and absolutely distraught at sil! go figure??! and that was before we were ttc!

welcome kez I was a cerazette prisoner taker only been off since August but seem ok so far which was a relief as I have read some women struggle for a while. made me feel proper poop when I stopped it though!

I'm not till Friday! there's got to be someone before me?

Oh kez sorry, totally didn't realise what you were getting at!
If you are the type that doesn't get blind sided by a bfn then poas! I don't want to encourage it if you don't think the chances are strong but if you're in a place where you just need to know then get a frer as they are the most sensitive. And good luck x

Lower back pain was one of my first symptoms. I say poamfs!

i vote poas too! :-) x

I might just do it. I've only got a sainbury's own one. I took one the other day (Tuesday) but I took it in the evening and I know the recommend doing it in the morning (eager).

To be honest I don't feel wounded if I get a bfn, as we haven't been trying that long.

The only thing playing on the back of my mind is that it could have been implantation bleed that I have had (I have read most is light, but I have also read of people experiencing heavy).

khbutterfly when in August did you come off cerazette? If I had known it would be like this coming off it, I wouldn't have gone on it in the first place. I've been on it 5 years.

OOoo I might just do one tomorrow then if that was a symptom leela

Like I say, I dont feel too disheartened if a bfn shows (currently). I imagine that will change if it takes longer than I thought it would.

it was the 23rd. is only been on it 10months. my drs insisted I change to it cos of my age, (I am restricted due to previous ectopic and migraines) but they knew I was going to ttc after my wedding in sept so feel quite annoyed :-/

Sainsburys ones are a bit crap. If you can get frer that's better - always with full moon unicorn at the start as it won't pick it up otherwise.

Gx!