Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Re: Sainsburys advert sorry.

italics fail

Think you'd be right! Ask her if she likes Pombears.

One of my friends said 'cuntpuffin' today and I wondered the same thing honey. Not asking though!

I got told off for not enough dairy and find that hard. I have a yoghurt for breakfast at work every day now so hope that helps. Has to be less than 10g sugar though which can be hard. They are sugary bastards mostly!

Would you ever snack on berries *lil? Or peppers and cherry toms? Those are my work snacks now.

Evening viroids! Mad busy today, including my gynae appt...

Lil Boo to the witch, but great that you can crack on with the bcp :)

La your dad sounds like a daft bat who doesn't want to use Those Words I'm sure he didn't mean to sound as insensitive as his did.

Thanks for the festive decor, Zing, really feeling it now!

So my womble has a lodger :) :) 8+3 indestructabean is looking lovely. And the gynae dude seems like a lovely chap. He was an SHO with one of my old bosses, so we had a chuckle about their quirks

Viroids, I think I found JSing1!!

dulcet cherry tomatoes, yuck! Tomatoes should be cooked imo! As for berries, that's what i'm going to start with i think. I'm thinking strawberries and banana on my weetabix, then maybe switch it up to blueberries and banana. then when i get bored of banana blueberries and starwberries?! lol. Shopping is going to be different tomorrow!

Oh shit I've been taking EPO every day for the last few months. Should I stop?!?

Also pissed off at DP. Tonight when I think I'm getting fucking EWCM I'm pissed at him and don't want to shag!!! FML!!

Haha love the old school JS Fred. They all seemed so naive back then!

chat that is awesome, that kid is gonna come out smoking a fag and shaving!!

lil there's my weekend reading sorted I hate blueberries vom face!! Try some stewed rhubarb and strawberries kept in the fridge for with yoghurt, although if you have gas issues it won't help. Dh high fives me when I fart so I don't care

Children in need makes me weep loving the s club reunion, although I think they ought to get rid of pat butcher and let jo back! (Haha)

oooh tink how do I do stewed rhubarb and strawbs? I've got loads of rhubarb in the freezer to use!

wow, been out tonight and just had an epic catch-up! so sorry to here that lil but Yey on moving forward with the plan!

chat fantastic news!! indestrucabean is rocking it!!

ok viroids! my first hooyah is required!! I have spent the evening out symptom spotting!!! I'm 6DPO ffs!!! :-/ I think it's cos it's DH's birthday and I really wanted a BFP for him. stupid I know! xx

I have to blend fruit to try and get more of it in to my diet. Still don't really eat enough though... :S

I had an epic cranberry fail today. I had a little pot of dried cranberries in my bag, not quite sure how but they ended up everywhere. Everything is sticky. :( That's not really a good kind of sticky you want to experience.

I am feeling better after my aqua zumba class this evening. Was fun. I have that 'slightly achey' post work out feeling all over my body.

Tink I loved the S Club reunion too. Though have been in tears a couple of times too.

Jelly it always seems to be the way.

I had an unintentional fast day today. Had such a rubbish and busy day that I actually just didn't really have time to think about eating. Decided I'd just have a small dinner and make it a fast day.

Yay Chat! I guess that answers my question! Woo for indestructabean!

Great bean news chat! Hoping for a smoother ride from here. Was 8+3 what you were expecting?

la - where are you? We need to hear about your reaction to your Dad! and I am starting to feel bad about the twattish comment. Need to know you aren't mad!

Hooya for kh! Little one though, we all do it. When is DH birthday?

Its annoying you are getting to the expensive time of year for fruit - especially berries. But all worth it lil.

Typing from the toilet - there is no oversharing anymore, right?

Down another 1lb 8oz. In my head that doesn't sound like much but have to remember it in terms of bags of sugar or the like. And also be happy its still going down! and not eat lots of cake at the fayre

Had a really annoying email yesterday from someone being a total hypocrite. I know they are talking nonsense and to ignore them, but I can't stop thinking about it. Grr.

Honey that's brilliant! Nearly 2lb!
Well done girl x

dulcet noooooo! Of course he was a twat! Not mad at all. I said to him I thought he should work on his sympathy and he then said he doesn't believe 'in looking for sympathy' yes that's exactly what I was doing and that people should just get on with life. This is the man who regularly goes on about how the death of his mother and father affected him. I don't think he shouldn't, but it's a bit hypocritical.

He redeemed himself by buying me dinner and getting happy about the new pregnancy. All good.

What's happening all? I had a day if stretchy pains yesterday which was comforting but also slightly unnerving. It feels like I've pulled a muscle in my womb. Womble pain.

You guys don't half talk about food I love good but it makes me hungry!

Mini hooyah kh it's too early

Love chat about minichat being resident

jelly if you take epo you need to stop after ovulation

Hang on...fanjo sausage?

Oh damn I didn't know that! I'll stop then!

Morning all!!

la I'm glad it turned into a good night! It sounded like it might have turned into one of those awful nightmare family evenings! Your poor womble, it's stretching I guess to make room for bean?

lil just pop your prepped rhubarb in a pan with some lemon and brown sugar and cook until almost soft, then add your strawberries and keep cooking til soft! Use a medium low heat so they don't dry out. Keeps in the fridge for ages!

I am poorly sick should not have gone back to work yesterday I hope this won't affect my chances this month?

thanks for the hooyah sanity restored!!

dulcet its DH's birthday tomorrow. I had quite a short cycle last month and ff predicted I would ice the week before so is set my heart on the timing....

I've just gone to JS1 and followed the links through the 1st few Fred's but I had to stop cos my OCD couldn't cope - why did they not fill the Fred's back in the day?! it's going to play on my mind! might have to go back and post rubbish on each one!! can't do much about the one that has 1001 posts though- how did that happen- ok so I said sanity was returned, maybe I should have said it's redirected!!

what have I missed with the Fanjo sausage?

Isn't it someone's birthday today?

The Fanjo sausage! There was a thread earlier in the year...photos included of what looked like a penis/sausage/alien that fell out of the OPs Fanjo. I think it turned out to be a decidual cast.

morning all.

thanks tink I'll give that a go tomorrow. will it work if I leave the sugar out? or maybe if I just used a tiny bit? I'm cooking roast for my family tomorrow so going to make the most of being in kitchen and make soup and stuff.

fanjo sausage makes katos bollicle sound tame!

Is it Zyla La?

Fanjo sausage? How did I miss this? What's a decidual cast?

Morning all!

I think fanjo sausage was referred to on the 'I just coughed up...' thread. Search for it at your peril.

Reading JS1 at the moment and it's lovely, they really do not partake in any contraband! If I'm not preg at the end of this cycle I ,ought take a leaf out of their book. I feel at the moment that using OPKs is helping, because I've never had to pay attention to my cycle before.

What are we all up to today?

Yes, Dulcet, 8+3 (4 now!) is about right I guess. And it is all guesswork . Means that my very faint BFP was probably only 14 DPO (estimating ovulation = conception date). Bloody late ice, on CD 24!

Honey that's another good loss - slow and steady is the best way for it to stay off.

Fanjo sausage?!

Hope you're feeling better soon Tink