Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

ok sweetie, thanks. I hope your body will get back to normal soon.
I'm glad you are eager to get on with it and admire your strength.

that goes to all viroids actually.
come on eggs and sperms, pull yourselves together - may there be lots of Christmas BFPs!

Yay zing shake those Pompoms for us viroids and sprinkle some bfp dust on us!
Give lil a cheer for being awesome in the face of AF!

Well I for one would love a Christmas BFP!! I know I said I was away but am sitting in departure lounge checking in on you all... feeding the mn addiction

Hugs gaggia, I hope that's the last of it too

Yeahhh let's all write to Santa and tell him we've been good girls and ask nicely for BFPs for Christmas!

festive enough?

I bought mine and hubby's advent calendars on Wed - I'm ready!!

Oh lil, sorry you didn't get los BFP, but now you can get focused on your super bean.

What sort of things do you like to eat? Think tink & wiggly are the food & health buffs but I'll search out some offerings if you give me an idea of what you like? As long as you're 'good' most of the time don't beat yourself up, we can all only do so much. And have a big squish too x

bat the ladies are right, EPO from cd1 until you ice & lots of water helped make/spot EWCM. Also you will notice it after a poo!!

la pretty traumatic dreams?! I get some awful dreams when stressed (and you'll be worrying no doubt) but also week before when briefly upduffed. If you allowed Bachs do herbal drops (think its white chestnut) that seem to help me

Glad you know where you are gaggia with AF

indigo have a lovely weekend

Aww, thanks zing!

Thanks zing , liking the glitter!

noniks when I'm good, i'm pretty good really. Problem i have is feeling i have to have a staple with every meal, like pasta/rice/potato. Without that it doesnt seem like a meal! I know i need to replace my cereal bar snacks with fruit nuts and seeds, and I need to add more veg to my lunches. Also planning on ditching the flavoured in favour of natural with fruit to flavour it instead. Aiming to get my 3 wholegrains by having oats/weetabix for breakfast, ryvita's as a snack and including one with dinner. Have switched to whole milk on my cereal as 2 portions of full fat dairy also supposed to help, but struggling to get from 1 portion to 2 without overloading my calories (also trying to lose a bit of weight). So far i've done a plan for 1 of my 6 weeks i'm hoping to do. Planning to start monday.

With the evening primrose oil - what happens if you take it after you've iced? I am only on 2nd cycle since coming off the pill so only have 1 to go on in terms of knowing cycle length. So I wouldn't know when I ice really. Last month I had reeeeeally sore nipples on CD19 & 20 - googled it as wondered whether it was related to icing and apparently it can be a sign that you have iced so maybe I did ice on 17 or 18? Cycle was 31 days. So maybe if I do take evening primrose oil I should stop on CD15 just in case. Or is it not as effective if you stop taking it before you ice? Questions questions!!

lil if you feel like you need a staple then you probably need one. Try the whole grain rice and pasta and switch the spuds for sweet potatoes sometimes. Carbs are really good for you, if you're hungry without them it means they are necessary to your diet. Listen to your body. It's too easy to get hard on yourself about food but if you're hungry, eat.
My best recommendations are for homemade snap ( yes even bread and hoummus - I have no life) and for something sweet I bake a cake on a Saturday that we eat all week. It's the processed stuff that is awful for you, homemade and organic where poss is best.
And yes to full fat dairy, margarine is the devil!!

Taking a bit of my own advice lately and lost another 2 lbs this week.

Books by Dr. Ali are the best imho. (He also recommends fast days).

Thanks for the glitter zing mine has got mixed up with my shot and is smeared up my face!

gaggia I've had a white one of those before! i never fished it out if the loo to inspect, you are all liars!!

*snot!

i'd go with stopping at cd15 for now bat until you have a better idea. You have to stop after icing as it can cause uterine contractions. Bit like the pineapple core

Ok gotcha lil thanks - off to buy some EPO tomorrow! No idea what the pineapple core is but uterus I've heard of

thanks tink. I think the key is being organised and planning ahead, which i've been bad at lately. I'm not a fan of fast days. I don't agree with them really, particularly for ttc/ivf. Just my opinion, i don't see how starving yourself can be healthy. And I'd never survive on 500 cals, i'd head straight for the cake.

I agree with tink on the munchy front. Brown rice/pasta taste pretty similar. Quinoa is good too - still get a carb hit but better for you than couscous & has more protein in it. Clean & Lean basically advocates what tink said - less processed food and artificial stuff. For more exciting drinks half a fresh lime in soda water is yummy. Death to margarine!! It also tastes like arse

atm i generally have weetabix with whole milk for breakfast, a cereal bar mid morning, a cheese and mushroom omlette for lunch and a yoghurt, then something like curry, cottage pie, carbonara for tea. I switched rice and pasta to wholemeal about 12 months ago. I actually prefer them but dh doesn't like the brown pasta. Been buying organic pretty much since we started ttc wherever we can, particularly meat. I don't eat alot of chocolate/crisps/processed stuff unless dh buys it or we are out or af shows up! I don't buy it in the weekly shop so it's not in the house so we don't eat it on a daily basis. I think i just need to do the things i know i need to do and get over my hatred of fruit!!

I guess the other thing is to do more exercise so I can get those extra calories in, esp the full fat dairy portions!

Eek I'm on 3dpo and still taking epo! Will stop now until next hopefully never cycle.

Just finished setting up for the fayre tomorrow. I'm tired already! Doesn't bode well... We must have about 500 tombola items, certainly won't run out!

You know you're TTC when you spend your Friday nights unable to see the tv because you've got your arse in the air waiting for the sperm to dribble in further...

Lil glad the clinic got back to you so soon! Gx for super bean!

Chat when is your gynae appointment?

Yay lemon! Lift that bum!

This Fred has successfully made me hungry. But I did have a fishfinger sandwich for tea. Don't be jealous!

Pineapple core is meant to be too acidic over ovulation time so to be avoided. But it is good for implantation so advised in second half. I was having it - but mainly because I love pineapple - but only well into my TWW. Like week before AF

lmao lemon!!

honey I like "super bean"

That'll be me next week lemon!!

lil you're already pretty good! Maybe ditch the cereal bar as a regular (prob high in sugar) and consider swapping the cheese for peppers or something in your omelette on some days to balance calories of whole milk? Will look out some curry recipes if you like that are nice but not naughty

Just seen the following on Facebook re: JL advert. Think they are a MNer?

If you can't see what is wrong with this advert on so many levels then you really are fucking thick...an idiot of epic measures ....a baffoon of the highest order ...a colossal cockwomble!!!.... And sainsburys and its shareholders are rolling around laughing and pointing at you while they plan where to go on holiday with all the profit they will make from brainless twunts like you!