Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

:( lil sorry lovely, that sucks. Hopefully you can get answer you need and get cracking on the next stage of the journey.

Meeting went well thanks!

Yes I also tell cm from having a ferret about up there

lil I'm so sorry lovely. I really hope that 2 days does not make any difference. It doesn't seem like such a long time? Treat yourself to a lovely weekend with lots of and .
I so hoped you'd get your los bfp. You are so deserving of it, you give us all so much amazing advice and are the fountain of all knowledge for the current band of jsers! Feel free to have a massive la style rant if it makes you feel any better!
I'm so glad that you have your icsi cycle to look forward to - give the bastards hell if they try and delay things! massive hugs x

Btw, I have a regular ferret too. But you knew that from my cervix confusion, let me know if any of you have a really low cervix. I'm still not sure if I'm normal.

Ah lil that sucks. I too was rooting for a los BFP, like tink said you absolutely deserve it I really hope it doesn't delay your IVF cycle, it's within touching distance!

tink I'm still finding your low cervix a bit of a headfuck! But like you said it maybe moves, although that's not easy to visualise either..

Glad the meeting went well la

Cakes sound tasty honey, you've been busy!

jelly hope you've been getting the old cape on or at least are planning to. Was it noniks who is the same cd as you?

I'm going to be away until Sunday visiting friends so won't be on I don't think ok should be able to sneak a quick few peeks so hope you all have a good weekend viroids and I'll catch up with you all Sunday night. Don't think there's anyone due to test but GX if there is and I've missed you.

clinic phoned. I start bcp on Monday. she is also phoning next Thurs/Friday to confirm all the dates.

no but I am having pizza for tea. will continue working on my ivf diet plan. hoping to start Monday. trying to keep focussed on the things I do have control of and not fret about the invasion of my fanjo rest.

thank you for all your support. it means the world. I shall be sticking around to cheer you all on though!

Yay lil so excited for you

My dad's come to visit. He just asked me 'are you over that problem you had yet?'

He means the miscarriage.

I don't quite know what to say!

Good news lil! Indulge yourself tonight, you deserve it xx

Probably something along the lines of 'did you mean to be so insensitive?' Hugs!

Hugs la, what lemon said!

I am spotting! AF is swooping in! Woooooooooooo! I feel all normal now.

I know he's your Dad la and everything but what a twattish thing to say?! Why would he think that was a good idea?! Do you think he just didn't want to say the word?

lil, how can we help with the IVF prep?! Diet support. We can eat what you eat! Lol.

la perhaps he wanted to ask if you were ok but halfway through thought better of it but had to finish the question but didn't know if saying it outright was the right thing to do. I'm sure he didn't mean to sound so insensitive. What did you say?

Dulcet , f you can find ways to make me eat fruit without feeling like I'm eating fruit that would be a great start. Oh and keep reminding me to drink more water. I reckon you lot reminding me will be more use than a water app as I seem to spend half my day on here these days!! I'm supposed to get more protein, and that I am struggling with. Beyond eggs I don't know what to eat for protein! Any ideas?

gaggia yay for af, I think? lol

Yay Lil I'm so happy you can still go ahead at the clinic, can't imagine how shitty it must have been to have been waiting for the day to come and then thinking you would have to wait another month. But no need!

La you poor thing with your Dad's comment. Not excusing him but I know my Dad would be v uncomfortable talking about anything like that - it is likely he would say nothing at all but if he did then it would probably be something weird like that. But it would be his way of showing he wanted me to know that he cared enough to ask but was too uncomfortable to be in any way touchy feels. So hopefully your Dad is like this too and wasn't trying to dismiss it as a thing that you can just get over like the flu or something. But I wouldn't have known what the hell to respond to that either!

Well just to add to my paranoias about not being able to conceive even though I've been trying for approximately 2 seconds and I really hope I'm not coming across as too ridiculous to the more experiences viroids all this talk of EWCM makes me worry as I don't really get any! Does this mean the little swimmers will literally be like fish out of water?! I thought I had some last cycle but......TMI alert......it was after a number 2 and I, ahem, think it came from a different hole!!! Just for the records I don't go feeling around in my poo for such eventualities - it just felt kinda slimy when I wiped! Oh god I'm so gross, I'm sorry!

I struggled with the diet lil - low carb, high protein - I can't think of protein without something carby. Really though it's meat, eggs and pulses. So like mixed bean chilli sounds great but then I'd want rice and that's carbs! Isn't there a Zita diet for fertility book?

Yay gaggia

Do you like soy products lil, tofu etc? Or maybe try chia or hempseed sprinkled on salads or muesli? I work in the food industry so get a bit fussy about this but there are some good protein powders on the market, also great source of amino acids?

I have the zita book, it's ok, some nice recipes.

bat I'd put money on that being ewcm, your straining has pushed it out. I get that too, also when walking the dog. As recommended by someone else (la?) earlier today, I'd have a ferret about, only way to get used to it. And don't worry about being gross! These Fred's have seen worse

Grr... rubbish day. I'm sure catching up on this lovely Fred will make me cheer up though... But will have to do it later as I'm just off to aqua zumba.

Ha thanks Tink - this is probably true that there has been worse seen on here - and they are usually the things that have made me laugh the most like the bum sex and how to tell the difference between ewcm and spunk! Maybe I'm going to have to start having a little poke around down there on a daily basis so I notice any changes.

I got shit on by a bird today, good luck??? Hubby is out on the piss tonight though so shagging v doubtful. Although it happened last night and WILL happen tomorrow so all may not be lost. CD14 so no messing about this week!

bat mine is most noticeable after a bowel movement too. The straining does push it out!! I wouldn't worry if you don't notice it otherwise, it will be there, but if you want to increase it try drinking more water (I know I'm like a broken record but it really makes a difference) and evening primrose oil too. Grapefruit is also supposed to help i believe but can't stand the stuff so never tried it.

I think it's OK to have carbs but best to have slow release carbs like oats and wholemeal rice/pasta etc. I.e avoid starchy carbs like white bread, white pasta, lots of potatoes etc. Trying to increase fish in my diet, and snack on seeds and fruit as well as add more veg to my lunches and dinners. I think if I never left the house I could do ok at it, but its times like going to my mums for dinner and eating out with friends it falls apart! Maybe I'll become a hobbit!

At least this is my last AF for 6 weeks. Hmm I normally get 5 in between anyway. I feel cheated!

Thanks Lil I definitely don't drink enough water so will try to up that. What's the deal with evening primrose oil, I feel like I'd read something about taking it at certain times of the month but not all the time - have I imagined that??

So grateful for all you experts! Can't believe I have inhabited this body for 33 years and haven't the foggiest how it all works, shocking.

TMI ALERT: something that can only be described as tissue has just fallen out of my vagina. It's like a small brown Autumn leaf or a piece of skin or something. Boak! sick face.

Ooh like the fanjo sausage on that other gross thread that someone posted a link to? the one I definitely didn't click on because it said don't click

gaggia

that's "old blood"

nothing to worry about. what you have to watch out for is bright red blood or blod clots.
hopefully that's the last of it (sorry bad choice of words)

Loads smaller it floated rather beautifully in my Piss in my ROC. I think that ladies Fanjo sausage was a decidual cast. Eeewwwwwee but also hypnotic.

zing yes that sounds about right. Don't worry about the choice of words I do hope it's the last of it so I can get back to a normal cycle.