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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
honeysucklejasmine · 13/11/2014 23:04

Aaah, Staffordshire people! Do you call everyone duck? Smile

We went to visit DH's best man a while ago, who still lives with his mum, bless him. We had a fry up for tea with oatcakes, pretty much tea on an IV, more oatcakes and bacon for breakfast, and called duck about 100 times. It was lush! Grin

Ainat266 · 13/11/2014 23:05

HeHe. Thanks kh Grin

I can't seem to drift off to sleep tonight. Probably isn't helped by my keep picking up my phone.. its been a busy day. I should be asleep by now.

Friday tomorrow though. Grin

Ainat266 · 13/11/2014 23:06

I miss oatcakes!!

cheese and bacon oatcakes. mmm...

Khbutterfly11 · 13/11/2014 23:43

oatcakes are the best!!! I don't call anyone duck, I grew up just over the Cheshire border so I didn't hear duck till later on, it's one of the 1st things I taught DH though when we met, If he wanted me to get anywhere with me I was not a duck lol!! he actually learnt quite fast!!!

might treat him to oatcakes in the morning though - proper birthday breakie :-)

lildottie · 14/11/2014 00:07

I feel like some of your posts are missing from my Fred. I had no idea what chat was on about and dulcet where the chuff did you get jelly not peeing until late afternoon from Hmm confused.com

gaggia if you put space then description before the ]] you get link as description without the URL. looks neater.

lildottie · 14/11/2014 00:08

oh and take the http:\ out if you paste from browser as that seems to stop it working

Leela5 · 14/11/2014 03:37

lil I had to scroll back for chat thing too - it was her talking about fainting during af, earlier on today.

Leela5 · 14/11/2014 03:47

And jelly pee post was 14:23 when she said she went to toilet for the first time today Smile

Khbutterfly11 · 14/11/2014 04:17

la are you up early or late? I can't sleep :-/ so glad I've got tomorrow off!

Leela5 · 14/11/2014 04:33

Early. Unfortunate side-effect of pregnancy, funky dreams then wide awake at stupid times. wil gets same thing so we end up on here vying for who can post earliest.

Restless legs is my new pregnancy symptom. They don't stay still, it's like I've been dancing.

Leela5 · 14/11/2014 04:34

Oh and I have a hugely important meeting tomorrow(today) so I really should be asleep :(

Khbutterfly11 · 14/11/2014 04:51

oh nooooo!!!! funky dreams and restless legs sound... ermmmm... great!!! :-/

feel bad for being smug about my day off now!!! gx you stay awake and don't yawn too much :-/ I recommend matchsticks for the eyelids! x

Leela5 · 14/11/2014 04:54

Don't feel bad :) you enjoy your day off

wilmabedrock · 14/11/2014 06:39

You beat me by 3 minutes today La.Grin

Enjoy your day off Kh.

I really need a wee but don't want to wake the toddler. Is holding it in good or bad for pelvic floors? Hopefully good and then I can count it as doing my exercises.

Ainat266 · 14/11/2014 06:52

wil I think holding it in is bad. when you're using your pelvic floor muscles it shouldn't be to hold in pee... I think...

La it looks from your posts you've been up all night! hope you're meeting goes okay, and that you don't work Saturdays so you can have a day off tomorrow.

I'm still lying in bed. and I also need to pee... listening to the rain hitting the window though, I don't want to get up and have to start getting ready for work.

wilmabedrock · 14/11/2014 06:55

Oh. balls. Getting up sucks. I need a back massage and breakfast in bed.

Leela5 · 14/11/2014 07:03

Got back to sleep only to have vivid nightmare about cat being run over. Woke up shaking. Eek!

DulcetMoans · 14/11/2014 07:06

Oh that's a horrible dream la!

Admittedly, the jelly comment about not weeing was hidden in a bunch of other text but it was so outrageous to me that I remembered it!

OP posts:
wilmabedrock · 14/11/2014 07:13

I can't imagine being able to do anything in the morning without going for a wee first.

Horrible dream La.

DulcetMoans · 14/11/2014 07:17

I've had two since I went to bed already!

OP posts:
Leela5 · 14/11/2014 07:19

2 so far thiS morning, expecting at least one more before work, normally two in morning (four now upduffed)

jelly how do you do it?

jellypi3 · 14/11/2014 07:23

Haha Dulcet sorry I caused you outrage lol! If I don't have a big drink before bed then I can generally go quite a while without peeing! Lol. It's if I have a drink before bed that causes me problems lol, I'm then up 3 times in the night!!

God you lot talk a lot at night. I had an early night last night, I'm so tired! still....

It's Friday!! Yay! Off to a pub quiz tonight with my almost-due-to-give-birth friends. Also no spotting on my morning wee this morning (had a drink last night!!!) which has pleased me.

No icing yet though according to OPK

Hope your meeting goes well la. I've had 8 meetings this week. So glad it's almost over!!

honeysucklejasmine · 14/11/2014 07:43

Woo, had a crazy dream last night! Grin it was a wedding and there was a table of old welsh blokes who kept bursting in to song (bloody good they were too) then I found out the bride hadnt been able to get her bits for the "super 500", which turns out to be beautiful white and lacey cuddly toys. Luckily I thought I had some so was texting a friend because I thought I might have left them at her house after we'd been away together. And we were eating a prawn and rocket salad, which had shit tonnes of prawns in it!

honeysucklejasmine · 14/11/2014 07:45

Gosh I'm odd!

Have a good day people who are going to work, especially on no sleep. Hope its a nice quiet day with no problems and plenty of opportunities for napping and MNing. Grin

Jcandy · 14/11/2014 07:58

Sounds like an amazing dream honey Grin