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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
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Thread gallery
15
LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 19:19

Tink if I am you know you are going to become the JS clairvoyant, right? And I bloody hope I am, I've only been at this two weeks but I can see how easy it is to get absorbed into craziness and frering at 5dpo!

lildottie · 13/11/2014 19:44

the craziness does pass or its just become my normal!

Jcandy · 13/11/2014 19:50

2dpo here and feeling cheered up from another crappy day at work by reading you lovely viroids posts Smile

Glad the dtdathon is over coz I don't think I'm going to be long out of bed tonight!

East Mids over here Grin

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 20:28

no it does come to pass. I was the same on month one, obsessing over it :) now it's only a mild obsession!

Ainat266 · 13/11/2014 21:17

Time to catch up with you lovely viroids. Looking forward to seeing what you have all been chatting about today!

Hopefully it will cheer me up as dear husband is being a fuckety fucktard.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 21:22

What's he doing, Ainat?

Ainat266 · 13/11/2014 21:43

You viroids have had another busy day on the Fred!

noniks That was an epic catch up there. Sending my love and Thanks your way. Gx you can do a la.

My bloods should be back on Wednesday I guess. They said 5 working days. I'll call the doctors Wednesday to ask. In the meantime, apparently no news is good news...

I am in Berkshire, though right on the edge of it. If anyone ever asks where I am I normally give the answer 'just outside of London, not far from Heathrow'.

Not a Eurovision fan, I have to say. I don't really get it... How do the other countries vote? And I'm sure it's all political. And it's all a tad too weird.

To be fair lemon it could be me not being reasonable. We were mucking about a bit before. Just being playful, nothing sexual (though I was hoping to push it that way) and he suddenly got all snappy and wanted to go back to playing his stupid fucking football manager game. Apparently I had hurt his knee. I don't see how I could of. Almost wish I'd given him a big kick in the knee to justify him being a fucktard.

Feeling the need to go out on the town and getting pissed up. Not something I do very often at all... Though this is mostly fueled by my dancing around to clubby music before.

gaggiagirl · 13/11/2014 22:06

Sorry I've just worked out how to do a link on my tablet after a year.

honeysucklejasmine · 13/11/2014 22:17

How annoying Ainat! Talk about a sulky big baby.

I've had a decent day. Ended up about 750 calories. Dinner was too many... 522. For bloody skinless chicken, jacket potato and low fat coleslaw. just want a big fat burger now kinda annoying cause on slimming world I would have been pretty virtuous so feel a bit bummed that it was over target. Still, as it tells me, "if you kept at this level you would have lost 11kg in 5 weeks" so I guess at least I am going down nonetheless! (Thats 1st 10lb in old money. I only use kg as my scales default to it no matter how many times I reset it to stones, so i can't be arsed anymore.)

I think I'm going to keep at it, but not beat myself up about it. Try and stay under the 1500 ish goal on normal days. When I put in food for yesterday it was more like 2200... Which I guess is why I'm overweight! Wink

Hoping for another crazy dream tonight! Gx!

honeysucklejasmine · 13/11/2014 22:18

Is this because of Eurovision Gaggia?

Ainat266 · 13/11/2014 22:22

woop woop gaggia

honey were you on a fast day? 750 isn't too bad. I did a fast day today and ended up a little 500 calories but after the chocolate i ate yesterday I needed it!

DulcetMoans · 13/11/2014 22:24

Welcome back noniks, glad you came back in. We will do our best to cheer you up! Hope it helps to have some RL family to talk to as well.

I bloody love Eurovision! It's an event in my house. I can't hear the hate, no to Eurovision hate!

What pressies did you buy honey??

I think vivid dreams are a symptom, I know everything is when you google it but from personal experience too!

Oh, South Coast here, Hants.

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ChatEnOeuf · 13/11/2014 22:28

Lovely to have you back, Noinks and with that baking pedigree you are more than welcome here! We live in Brussels, but I think you all knew that endless chocolate and beer chat. I used to be an EMids gal, JC and will return there when I've tried all the chocolate houses.

Herbs up your chuff, now how will that help out with a tart tuppence?! Grin

Yep, Lemon you read it right. For the most part I'd come around by myself, but there were a few times I was discovered Blush. Cinema, work, my parents when I was younger and didn't understand or more importantly anticipate what was going on.

DulcetMoans · 13/11/2014 22:29

jelly how the fuck did you not wee until after 2pm? That's just not natural! I mean, I know I an too far the other way with a bladder the size of a walnut but that is incredible to me. Do you not have one when you wake up? I probably have 3 before I leave for work!

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TinkerBlue · 13/11/2014 22:32

Welcome terry I bloody love you. Children in need tomorrow with the delicious Mr. Wigan! Good shout gaggia Smile

Stealth shag was rebuffed. He said I'm like Monica from friends trying to be sexy with a cold! Confused
We have negotiated a face down in pillow shag. Hmm I'm not delighted, I'm not gonna lie. But needs must Grin

honey you are doing great! X

gaggiagirl · 13/11/2014 22:32

Eurovision is an event in my house too I totally adore it.

CD 28 here. Tried jogging on the spot and got a generous banging from Mr G. Had horrible cramps after DTD but still no AF. I'm in fertility limbo Shock

honeysucklejasmine · 13/11/2014 22:33

Yeah Ainat. Not much of a fast, but at least I ate fewer calories than I normally would have... That is a huge positive!

honeysucklejasmine · 13/11/2014 22:40

X post. Thanks Tink, I'll get there!

Bless you! Trying to be sexy. Wink Hope the cold starts to get better soon!

Back to the taking too long to DTD issue here. I worked very hard on a BJ and it was wasted as he spent too long dicking about making me come. I am such an ungrateful bitch, but I just wanted a shag! Sad

Khbutterfly11 · 13/11/2014 22:41

Wow non immense catchup!! so glad you're back!!

indigo feel like a better student now I didn't miss them not being connected! another amazing video thank you!! just wow!!!

tink I am a fellow Staffordshire-ite!!

has anyone felt an increase need desire for sex even when not icing?! am beginning to think that the more you get the more you want theory is true! got bob hope tonight though it's DH's birthday tomorrow so he's booked the day off and there's a new game out tonight at 00.01am so he's on the vodka redbulls to keep him awake for it!

honey we're close, I'm 5dpo and symptom sporting like crazy am think poas next Friday? :-/

Ainat266 · 13/11/2014 22:44

definitely a positive honey

the past couple weeks I've been getting vivid dreams a lot more than normal. not a pregnancy symptom for me though I fear. though does seem to coincide with when I started hanging out with you lovely people...Hmm

Ainat266 · 13/11/2014 22:47

can I be an honorary member of the Staffordshire club? I used to live there for a few years. In the Stoke and Newcastle area.

Khbutterfly11 · 13/11/2014 22:49

definitely ainat very close to me! we're quite a friendly bunch round these parts so always welcome lol!

DulcetMoans · 13/11/2014 22:52

Spent all evening baking for children in need tomorrow. Anyone else?

(In Eurovision related news, has led to an evening of singing 'I've got a cake to bake'!)

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Leela5 · 13/11/2014 22:54

Yo yo yo! La in the house!

Edinburgh chick temporarily displaced to the south east nearish Brighton

Funky dreams are indeedy a symptom! I'm knackered with the adventures I have!

Loathe Eurovision but love Eurovision parties