Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

It's fucking fascinating, I tell you! (Tempted to watch again, just because)

does anyone else find it disheartening that out of est. 300 million sperm, only a few dozen actually get a crack at the egg?!

bat Nearly everyone I know knows I want a baby but no one know we're trying. I've recently started answering the "when" question with we haven't decided yet. I hate out right lying so I try to say something like "well we still want to" and then changing the subject :-/

tink I will admit now that over the last 2 months I've tried to feel my cervix and I can't find it! (only slightly worrying!!) I know mine is up and to the left though and quite tilted so maybe my fingers don't bend right lol x

Oh my god you all talk! We'll be through new thread by Friday this rate!

I'm a biologist so I guess I got the full whack of reproductive biology. The ewcm or watery cm makes for a more welcoming environment for the sperm, aiding conception. They then swim through uterine fluid.

I can answer one Fallopian tube question - although you only have one tube if you have one removed due to ectopic then the egg will be picked up along the other and fertility rate doesn't decrease. They reassured me of that when I had suspected ectopic.

sperm is ejaculated at 28mph so no need to "swim" to the cervix. they get there! and the seminal fluid does the same job as ewcm until they get to the cervix.

My cervix is always low down. TMI Disclaimer (look away now sensitive folk)....
When I insert a tampon it has to go up the side of my cervix at the top. Sometimes during sex (DH has an awesome penis) I get quite uncomfortable as I can feel him at the side of my cervix.
I've had exams over the years and no one has ever intimated anything is amiss?? I think this is where my cervix hang up comes from. If he ejaculates to the side of my cervix - his poor soldiers have got to come down and round.

I'm over thinking this aren't I? Back to Just Shagging.....

Mind Blown.

Well viroids.

I just had my first ever proper lusty shag. Ours are normally in bed cuddling etc. This one was get home, undress (each other) and get in bed.

Phwoar I'm tired now haha.

We also tried out a new position, which I think is a bit counter productive to baby making but still very fun (no not bum sex)

TELL US jelly!

haha nothing too exotic don't worry :)

tink I'm confused... Surely your cervix can't be that low or you'd only be able to get a tampon lengthed amount of penis inside?

I can so see why sperm friendly lube helps after watching those videos. But I can't help wondering if it's a good idea to make it "easier" for the less than amazing sperm. After all, it seems like the voyage is so difficult in order to let only the best make it. But I suppose once they have negotiated the cervix there are other challenges to weed out the crap ones!

la thank you for that! that's really reassuring! still don't get how the tube one side picks up the egg from the other side but to be honest im just happy that's the case!!

just given the 1 sperm out of 300 million a little more hope! hhhmmm well if I don't have a tart tuppence that is!!

it all really is mind blowing stuff!!! obviously always known the basics from GCSE biology but never appreciated just how it all happens!! x

KH did you realise the Fallopian tube and ovary aren't connected? I didn't! So the tube is mobile. It must get attracted to the egg somehow, or maybe the egg is attracted to it. Did you watch lemons video?

Indigo I'm confused too, after a consultation with Dr. Google I think your cervix moves a lot through your cycle. Eg, last night - I felt quite spacious in there, ie. cervix high. During af - no room. Although I do poke at my cervix every now and again to check pant snot if I cant see any etc and this morning I could get my finger all the way round my cervix?? I haven't a fucking clue, what any of it means - I would imagine if anything was extraordinary some gynae at some point would have mentioned it? Also, DH was a big old tart before he met me so i'm guessing a man of the world would know if i looked/felt weird in there? Maybe I just have really long fingers and shove a tampon too hard??

Bah, WANK BADGERS!!

That is all.

My doctor had a mobile 3d model of the uterus with fallopian tube and demonstrated it floating about, it was fascinating! I've got two friends who had tube removed then got pregnant pretty quickly.

Blimey, absolute classic chat in the last few pages!

Gaggia LMFAO!

Chat I bloody well hope so! Might go for some more tonight!

Think I'll watch those videos tomorrow. Embarrassing as i am a science teacher... But I'm a chemist! I can do "how periods work" but "how to make a baby" isn't covered.

Tink fertility friend contraband app asks about your cervix. Options are position (high/med/low), texture (firm/med/soft) and opening (open/med/closed). Last one is odd... Its either open or it's not, surely? Unless they mean (closed/open/black hole). I don't touch mine (eugh sounds painful) do never recorded it!

Wow it got statstastic on here this evening! I suppose it is a bit bit better than all the contraband chat. No wonder it's so bloody hard though - female body seems to make it intentional impossible!

no I didn't know they weren't connected!!! all the diagrams I've ever seen make like it's all connected!! that's fascinating!! love leaving things like that!
I did watch lemons video... was it in there and I completely missed it?! am a bad student!!!

*learning things like that! stooopid phone!!

I wouldn't know how to find my cervix!!

I couldn't possibly finger my cervix my nails are way too long.

Gaggia I have found another thread that is more gross than sporn, but awesome. None of the rest of you look, you want cope.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2233885-I-haven-just-coughed-up-something-so-gross-I-had-to-photograph-it-ultra-TMI?pg=2

ok I looked! yes I am that person who touches when it says wet paint! couldn't read it all, saw the pic. and ermmmmmm no words!!!

Sorry KH! I did say! KLAAAAAAXXONNNNNN for all you others who think you should look!