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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 17:10

Lol, sorry Tink, didn't mean to dishearten anyone Confused

This programme is honestly fascinating, though!

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 17:10

X-post jelly, watching The Great Sperm Race Smile

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 17:12

Lol lemon Just messing with you! It sounded like you were propositioning us = that's all Grin

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 17:15

Ahh lemon I watched that in Uni, it was hilarious! That's the one with the people dressed up sperm right?

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 17:18

jelly I'm with you. You only have to utter the word "tit" and mr indigo gets an erection. Has upsides and downsides... As in, used to be a massive pita, now we are TTC it's a bonus boner

Very funny gaggia, that one has to make the next Fred title for sure Grin

honey like you say if you're shagging as much as you who gives a damn when you ovulated. (Borat voice) High five!

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 17:23

KH I have an answer for you about your tubes...when you ovulate from the left, for example, your uterus knows this, and all muscular contractions move material to the left, in order to guide sperm to the correct tube. I assume that if you only ovulate from one, you'll ovulate from that one every month, and your uterus will always move the sperm in the right direction Smile

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 17:25

This is cool

www.babycenter.com/2_inside-pregnancy-fertilization_10354435.bc

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 17:26

mystery solved! leucocytes kill and break down our sperm so we never get full of cum

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 17:41

Now that video is amazing and stunning at how it happens...

But did anyone else feel sad when the winning Sperm just died and his head fell off? I mean I know that means a baby was being made but I still kind felt sorry for the little guy (and all the outside ones who suddenly got rejected)...

Life is so cruel...why the fuck won't the little soldiers do that in my body then

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 17:44

Here's another, may be even cooler!

I also feel sorry for all the also-rans, life is such a bitch (no pun intended)

gaggiagirl · 12/11/2014 17:50

tink fanny licking! WaaaaHaaaaaaaa!

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 17:52

Ooh I likey Indigo its the bit that takes them through the cervix that boggles my mind. How do they know where to swim for? If they are anything like my DH they'll stop for a cup of tea before they get as far as that! Once they are in the uterus - I get it (as per the video) but the bit before when they are in my tart tuppence looking for a hole the size of a pin head?? So much is against them.... poor little buggers.

In other news, still swimming down below! Soy seems to have given me a truckload of ewcm. Not sure if that's typical of soy but hey ho.

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 18:00

I like the 2nd one too indigo - esp hoe the egg is covered in birthday party balloons! Apt wouldn't you say?

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 18:03

tink they find the cervix because of our EWCM! The opening is far above them, too far to swim alone, but, at the right time of the month, the EWCM is created from a dissolved mucus plug which then comes down into the vagina in strands, giving the sperm something to swim up. Clever, huh?!

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 18:04

I can't watch the second one on my phone!

Spotting seems to have eased off! Just went to check CM (habit) and my erm...tuppence felt very spongy. After effect of AF?

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 18:10

What I can't understand is, how do they manage to swim upwards, I mean, we saying swim, but it's not like they are swimming thorough fluid. Yeah there's the ewcm but what about once they are through the cervix, what about gravity?

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 18:10

Tres clever - will keep aiding this process with the preseed where necessary. Always learning - very educational class! Well done.

does anyone else feel the need now to go and poke their cervix to see if its open, no? just me

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 18:13

Uterine muscle contractions, indigo Smile

For those of you who want to watch: www.dailymotion.com/video/x1cdwzv_the-great-sperm-race_tv

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 18:15

Tink I've never poked my cervix! Doesn't it hurt?

batfish · 12/11/2014 18:26

Well I've got a new found enthusiasm for shagging - last night the hubby (who is always always up for it) said he was too tired which would usually make me very happy as his sex drive is miles higher than mine......but I told him he had to jump on anyway, quite proud of myself haha

However I'm only 2 shags in to TTC and I'm already feeling impatient, can easily see how obsession could kick in!! Trying not to think about it too much as we could have a long road ahead.

So those of you who haven't told people you are TTC - what do you say if the conversation comes up with friends? You know, the whole 'so do you want kids? When do you think you will think about trying?' I have to totally lie and pretend it couldn't be further off my radar! I've told a couple of close friends because it is nice to be able to talk a little bit about it - but I don't want everyone knowing as they will look out for signs and wait for news and ask questions which I won't want if it takes a while. I feel bad outright lying to people if the topic arises but just want to keep it quiet!

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 18:26

What I can't understand is, how do they manage to swim upwards, I mean, we saying swim, but it's not like they are swimming thorough fluid. Yeah there's the ewcm but what about once they are through the cervix, what about gravity?

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 18:28

Sorry I double posted that!

batfish · 12/11/2014 18:29

Erm....I don't even know where I would find my cervix if I did want to check its open-ness! Back to biology class for me!

batfish · 12/11/2014 18:30

indigo I've no bloody idea - this baby making lark is a complicated business! The more I learn about it the more I think I have no clue how it EVER happens! The stars really have to be aligned!

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 18:34

lemon just started watching and I can tell I'm going to LOVE IT!! I can't get enough of biology SmileSmile

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