Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Ainat266 · 12/11/2014 12:22

somehow I've managed to miss a whole bunch of posts twice today! I keep forgetting to refresh the page on my phone. Oops. just catching up.

Welcome clueless

I'm nearly at the end of my lunch break. :-( I'll have to reply properly later, probably once I get home..

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 12:30

Ahh honey letting the team down!!!

Still spotting slightly from AF :( She's unrelenting this time, fecking witch!

gaggiagirl · 12/11/2014 12:30

ainat im in the waiting for AF club too! since the witch has left jellys fanjo it must surely enter ours!

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 12:30

my lunch today consists of air...

gaggiagirl · 12/11/2014 12:33

Cross post with jelly there. Oi bitch witch fuck off away from jelly and take me on!

mountaingirl01 · 12/11/2014 12:40

Gaggia no! You're not out yet! This time last week I felt the same, went home and ate cheese and drank wine. Bfp the next day.

I am currently hiding in the posh toilets at work too. I'm SO tired. Might have a little nap on the floor..

lildottie · 12/11/2014 12:44

a nap on toilet floor mountain u must be desperate!Grin

Khbutterfly11 · 12/11/2014 12:44

that sucks jelly i always have a day of spotting the day after i think AF has done one - wish she'd fuck off with her long goodbyes and just go when she should!!

I agree gaggia still not out, you could be having a marathon cycle and are still to ice!

Welcome clueless we're mad here, you're gonna love it! Grin

mountaingirl01 · 12/11/2014 12:51

It is the posh toilets lil ;)

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 12:55

Erm, stupid question time. Apologies in advance.....

So, dtd every night this week since Sat. Dh is away tonight. Should the jizz stay in the fanjo until he gets back tomorrow, or will all useful soldiers have made it through the cervix already. Therefore rendering fanjo soldiers useless.
We can dtd again tomorrow night. Surely all those soldiers that were going to make it through the cervix from last night's sesh would have made it into the womble by now?

Am I even making sense? Confused

ChatEnOeuf · 12/11/2014 13:00

Wow, another Kitten BFP?! What's going on here?? Congratulations, Number3 - we maybe should have guessed you'd be speedy given your name Wink

Gaggia I'm sorry - have some Wine and just keep swimming...the wtf cycle is such a headfuck.

My auto correct knows all of your names - when I type * the next word is one of you lot without fail :)

Mountain, Dulcet. I completely agree with you both. Naps anywhere and obsessive pants-checking here too. Today we are pregnant Thanks Although, tell me more about these posh toilets?

Welcome Clueless, join the fun!

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 13:00

Tink I am no way an expert in this, but as far as I know most of the good soldiers get through your cervix pretty much straight after ejaculation, and can last in there for up to 5 days. So it shouldn't be sitting around in your va-jay-jay (DP's name for it...) like some sort of soup.

Mountain what makes these toilets posh?

Ga I wouldn't wish this AF on anyone! I might still try to convince DP to DTD today (if I can peel him away from his bloody computer game), though not sure he'd be in the mood if I'm spotting?

TMI btw, the spotting is very...clotty? Anyone had that post AF from hell?

Khbutterfly11 · 12/11/2014 13:11

i too wish to know details re posh toilets.

I work from my sisters house (BIL's company) on my own while they're at site and i have my own version of posh toilet, being upstairs or downstairs - the differance being that i don't freeze my ass cheeks when i use the one upstairs cos it's warmer - that count?!?! hehehe!!

I've just outed myself there if anyone lurks that knows me so in the interest of full disclosure jelly my sister told me recently that her DP hates dtd with even the slightest hint of AF around so she never used to tell him and jump him and by the time he realised it was too late - gross but true lol!!

Jcandy · 12/11/2014 13:13

Hehe soup! Hmm

Oh honey you broke your stretch! I think you probably deserve a break though lol

What are these posh toilets people speak of? I work in a hospital so only really horrible toilets here!

middles809 · 12/11/2014 13:18

Realised this morning that contraband is the way forward for me - my sleep is so disrupted all the time that temping probably won't be accurate.

My somewhat inaccurate app + guess work + shagging will have to do!

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 13:20

Oh dear Viroids, look what just arrived! glorious contraband

May need a hefty hooya.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 13:21

Photo now attached!

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
Khbutterfly11 · 12/11/2014 13:23

oh dear lemon how many do you have there?! lol

Leela5 · 12/11/2014 13:25

I just nearly pooed my pants

In work.

They closed toilets on my floor so had to run downstairs

honeysucklejasmine · 12/11/2014 13:25

I'm sorry Jelly Sad Mr Honey wanted to take a break, his awesome penis is feeling a bit worn out after the bonk fest of the last week.

Frustrated now. DH hasn't set the printed up on the new wifi and I can't use it. I desperately need something to print for work and having no such luck. Grrrr. (Disclaimer: he told me last night that he'd changed to settings on all the wifi devices over to the new internet.)

Leela5 · 12/11/2014 13:26

Hooya lemon!

DulcetMoans · 12/11/2014 13:27

tink - what jelly said Re: sperms. That's my understanding too.

So, my posh toilets. Firstly, they are upstairs so less used and therefore cleaner. They are up where all the important people live so again, cleaner. They have ceiling to floor walls and doors which is important to me. I am funny about weeing with people I know. Once closed you are on your own. Good for crying, pooing or MNing in work time. They have proper soap and the Dyson. There is no sofa or smellies or anything but they are better than the loos the rest of us get.

I've gone for a lunch time walk and now it's raining, would still rather sit out here than go in though...

Does your body really make a mucus plug this early?!

OP posts:
LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 13:31

It was a bulk purchase on Amazon, the link was provided by one of you contraband aficionados

A tenner for 20 frers and 50 OPKs! I luffs a bargain I does.

Leela5 · 12/11/2014 13:32

Tink - what jelly and dulcet said

Sperms can live 5-7 days, egg 24 hours. You want to shag in days leading up to ovulation. This bfp was conceived through dtd day before

Leela5 · 12/11/2014 13:33

And day of ovulation too obviously

Swipe left for the next trending thread