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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 09:28

Sorry to hear that gags, are you still waiting on icing do you think?

CluelessDil · 12/11/2014 09:30

Morning just shaggers!

Can I please join? I have a period tracker app on the iPhone but that's all I promise!

So lovely reading this thread- for me deciding to start to ttc has been so exciting but I'm desperate to chat about it and in RL doesn't feel appropriate somehow. I just started a new thread about my first ever 2ww but looking around here I'd love to join in if you accept absolutely naive newbies!

Name clueless
Age 31
Ttc nov 14!
Dc 0

Also, massive congrats number Flowers

Jcandy · 12/11/2014 09:37

Congrats number and Thanks for gaggia

tink feel you may need a better bed trap for your dh in the future!

Well we made it to 6 dtd this month! Very pleased with our progress and think I iced yesterday so gx we timed it right. 3 days in a row is unheard of for us!!

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 09:37

Welcome Dil :) Anyone can join our shagging fest, so long as you are totally anti contraband like we all totally are.... Deffo didn't temp this morning

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 09:39

Hi clueless welcome, welcome! I concur, if we talked about alot of this stuff in rl we'd probably get banged up! Grin

Duvet day for me - lost my voice Sad going to delve back into katos bollicle, as it were! Smile

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 09:40

Hi dil (waves)! No, nobody uses contraband here.

That's good news candy GX you hit the timing spot on Smile

Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 09:42

Impromptu day at home for me too tink, but not due to illness, more weather related. What jobs can I catch up on laze around all day online

CluelessDil · 12/11/2014 09:45

Haha tinkerbell my thoughts exactly, it feels like a relief to know this place exists! Hope you feel better

jelly the only reason I am not temping is I'm not 100 per cent sure what that requires at this point! Honestly clueless, feel like at 31 I should know better Blush

I think I'll be doing a lot of googling over the next few months!!

Thank-you for the lovely welcome Smile

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 09:45

Well done candy [high five] sotm competition is hotting up!

la I've had the burnt fanjo from a pro wax before too. Hence me doing my own these days! It's very satisfying when it peels though. You may need to provide lemon and gaggia with a running commentary - depending on their level of depravity!

jelly we never manage it straight after af either!

DulcetMoans · 12/11/2014 09:49

Congrats number! Fab news.

Sorry for egging you on to POAS gaggia, 'twas selfish but I was hopeful! Hope you're ok.

Welcome clueless, apps are allowed. All the other stuff we talk about isn't but you wouldn't think it!

Just convinced myself the bleeding ha started so trotted off to the posh toilets upstairs in case I needed some alone time. Sigh of relief though, no bleeding. Just CM! Then, as a little treat, I got to use the Dyson hand dryer.

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 12/11/2014 10:01

jellypi3 hahahahaha!!!

Thanks ladies!! sending lots of shagging power and luck your way!!

Fleurchamp · 12/11/2014 10:04

Sorry Gaggia

kato your bollicle had me in hysterics. No wonder that thread is infamous.

DH bought me a digital test like yours number I think he needing it spelling out, bless him. Huge congrats to you!

Another day, still no work being done....

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 10:04

Whoop number!

Tink, I do love a good running commentary. As for the waxing, I use Nads sugaring stuff, which is awesome and v.easy to use. I'm very close to my sister, so she waxes my fanjo and bum hole.

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 10:09

Oooh, dulcet I wonder if your body is building a mucus plug? Hence the cm I mean? Love the wrinkly hands from a Dyson!

Leela5 · 12/11/2014 10:24

All of you talk too much, no time for work.

Anyone on here who claims they don't use contraband is a big liar! Grin

We just pretend not to!

dulcet mantra - 'today we are...' sending you positivity!

gaggia it's the wtf cycle I'm sad for bfn but really don't think you're out.

Hi clueless welcome to the gang!

Will give you blow by blow account of any peeling don't you worry. Same thing happened at pre wedding wax! I peeled in the Maldives well if you gotta do it somewhere...

Just got my take that tickets. Boom!

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 10:26

Clueless I am TTC month1 too, and am loving to contraband for working out when I'm icing. Indulge!

Khbutterfly11 · 12/11/2014 10:31

Wow another kitten BFP!!! congratulations number that's fantastic!!

Weirdy MN hugs gaggia enjoy that Wine

What's up with the fridge door kato am intrigued? or have i just missed it?? :-/

had a nightmare morning, had the DSD's last night, am supposed to take them home at 7am so they can get ready for school. DH called at 8am and woke us up!!!! Got them to school for 8.50am but eldest will now have a detention on Friday cos it was her 3rd late since being back from half term!! Have just ordered them a new alarm clock! :-/

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 10:49

Work? What's that La? Wink

honeysucklejasmine · 12/11/2014 11:06

Congratulations number! Amazing, so many kittens!

Welcome CluelessDil!

Sorry gaggia Flowers enjoy your wine!

Kato i am now going to have to search for your bollicle story.

Dulcet i love that you treated yourself to the posh bathroom!

La that sounds painful!

Ladies.... I did not have sex yesterday. Would you believe it?!

gaggiagirl · 12/11/2014 11:40

Thanks for the well wishes viroids.
Welcome clueless
indigo I have no idea if ive iced or am due too. Either way I'll keep on shagging.

CluelessDil · 12/11/2014 11:46

I resent having to go back to work now I've found this thread, I'd rather stay home and talk to you slightly bonkers bunch!

Thanks again all of you for the lovely welcomes, I can tell I'm going to enjoy it here

honeysucklejasmine · 12/11/2014 11:50

Omg Kato i want to see dear Gym!

Ainat266 · 12/11/2014 11:57

congrats number another bfp this Fred. :-D

i got to work on time. Not much leeway though. But good enough. Let's see what happens with these bloods. come on af. come and visit me!

gaggia make the most of it and enjoy the wine. X

mountaingirl01 · 12/11/2014 12:11

Congrats number! And hello clueless (so imagine you with long blonde hair now..)

lildottie · 12/11/2014 12:16

Thanks gaggia keep shagging

hi dil if you find the last thread I explained temping on there.