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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Ainat266 · 12/11/2014 07:18

Haha, just caught up on last night's antics!

jelly I was on bernadette cerazette. which I have now found out seems to be the worst one to be on. so why the fuck did the doctor suggest I switched to it? was on it for about 2 years.

I want to know what comes up when you Google cunthawk. since joining mumsnet my predictive text on my phone has automatically added a whole heap of acronyms. gaggia the latest addition to my predictive text word bank is cunthawk. thought you'd like to know.

Leela5 · 12/11/2014 07:31

Good luck aina yeah my phone recognises all your names plus shagging, viroids, Cunthawk, POAS :)

Ainat266 · 12/11/2014 07:33

cross posted with jelly now I don't need to Google it. ;-)

I got my number 7, now just waiting for them to start calling people which they should be doing any minute. hope they've had their coffee this morning.

jelly I'm always jealous when DH has a day off work without me. I'm looking teacher so I get the school holidays, but I tell him it doesn't always count as I'm normally planning or making resources or something.

any time for getting the cape on this morning jelly ? I fell asleep pretty early myself too last night.

Ainat266 · 12/11/2014 07:35

HeHe la my phone is definitely headed that way. I usually post from my laptop though as it takes me longer to post from my phone.

DulcetMoans · 12/11/2014 07:43

You should get to work on time if you're 7th ainat, shouldn't you?

Right, you are all turned in by the weirdest things! I love a a good spot, so does DH, but boils?! Where are you all even getting these boils from?! I can only think I've had one once.

No waxing here either, au natural! Well except my own intervention. Tried waxing my leg once, put two strips on, pulled one off, wanted to cry so tried to ease the second one off with hot water. Never again!

Shhhh... I haven't told Nigel he's not a seagull yet...!

OP posts:
Fleurchamp · 12/11/2014 07:43

Oh my goodness ladies, this thread has had me in tears!

Off to find kato's bollicle.....

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 07:49

Haha same for the weird words now recognised, viroids being the most amusing one.

No time for a morning shag unfortunately, my morning routine is normally pretty hectic. And tonight's off the cards because he's up playing a bloody video game all night that comes out today (WoW expansion). Bless him... Angry

Leela5 · 12/11/2014 08:02

My fanjo is burned. Burned I say! Went in shower and it blooming hurt!

wilmabedrock · 12/11/2014 08:02

Dulcet it's less painful if a proper waxy person does it for you. Would never attempt it myself.

I agree. You lot are minging. I don't even like spots.

KatoPotato · 12/11/2014 08:10

I officially HATE my 'D' H. Am I in the right place?

Disclaimer: I am a bit hormonal and sensitive but I think he's being a dick?

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 12/11/2014 08:28

Kato! Do join, and tell us viroids what ails you.

We've just been revisiting your bollicle Fred and having a little guffaw or two. You don't still have the pictures, do you?!

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 08:33

Aaah, my dh has escaped. He was supposed to shag me this morning... I wonder if I slept through it?

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 08:36

Haha Tink that made me chuckle. DP has told me if I want a shag tonight is has to be between the hours of 10-11pm, no later (due to his bloody game!).

Hey Kato, what are you doing over here?

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 08:40

kato you are in entirely the right place! Has yours escaped too? If you think he's being a dick, you're probably right! That is something I live by.

Number3cometome · 12/11/2014 08:42

Ok so it turns out that the cheapy ebay tests are shite!!
I was feeling a bit yuck yesterday so did a FRER - got a very faint line. This morning it looks darker and the ClearBlue digital says Pregnant 1-2 Weeks

Woohoo!!

Obviously still VERY early days, but pleased to have conceived naturally after not too long trying Smile

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
Indigoblue2 · 12/11/2014 08:44

Wow congrats number that's amazing news!! Well done you guys! ThanksThanksThanksThanks

KatoPotato · 12/11/2014 08:45

Well he's apologised and I quote 'sorry for being a dick about the fridge door'

Vindicated I feel.

KatoPotato · 12/11/2014 08:46

whoops! Missed your post number3 wowser trousers! Congratulations x

gaggiagirl · 12/11/2014 08:46

BFN. As predicted. Wine tonight!

lemon did you sound the klaxon for your hotel boil? I seem.to remember such a thread.

kato what's he done?

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 08:47

Wow congrats number :) Guess trading in that new model worked for you eh! :)

jellypi3 · 12/11/2014 08:47

Sorry x-post, Gaggia hugs hun.

TinkerBlue · 12/11/2014 08:53

Congratulations kitten number Grin

gaggia sorry about the bfn Wine

gaggiagirl · 12/11/2014 08:55

number huge congrats!!

Leela5 · 12/11/2014 09:00

Congratulations number!!! X

lildottie · 12/11/2014 09:21

congrats number.

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