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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Leela5 · 11/11/2014 19:17

Just kidding you know I'm as bad as the rest of you - if not worse!

Leela5 · 11/11/2014 19:18

Lil when are you POAS? I missed that if you've already said...

gaggia how's your bum? Is it healed? Are you speaking to dh yet?

Just had bikini wax. Ouch!

Leela5 · 11/11/2014 19:20

And lil you will never be intruder, we all love you too much!

Indigoblue2 · 11/11/2014 19:27

la I get all my waxing done as a package for £25 at the most amazing salon, bikini wise I now get a Hollywood which is everything off, nothing left, nada Blush Good to know you enjoyed the reflexology and GX my outcome is the same!

I poa OPK today and got the faintest line!! Was so exciting! Never seen a double line on anything in my life Smile On CD7

TinkerBlue · 11/11/2014 19:35

lils big day is the 15th la not that it's etched on my brain or anything! I loves it when poas days are due! I have lil and gaggia in my sights at the moment! scary stalker woman Grin

Leela5 · 11/11/2014 20:00

I also love POAS days! I always wake up and check phone to see if anyone's posted their news! I really really am crossing all my gingers that this is your week both gaggia and lil!

My ROC has changed - threw shampoo lid away to be replaced by a plastic cup. Shampoo lid was a bit manky after 16 months...yuck!

indigo 'all your waxing'?? wow! What else do you get waxed?? I hate waxing but get bits done because it looks nicer. It's all a bit sore at the moment...

jellypi3 · 11/11/2014 20:18

Ahh I'm excited for your peeing ladies!

Annnyway...drum roll please......

AF has left the fanjo! My cape is being dusted off big time! Wink

My ROC has always been a disposable cup, I thought it had to be super clean, or am I just being stupid and could use any old container shaped item?

Leela5 · 11/11/2014 20:22

jelly af has left the fanjo - that's amazing!

I wash it out after use and put it upside down to dry...

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 11/11/2014 20:38

Mine is drinking glass that I am tempted to give to MIL when she visits... Wink

lildottie · 11/11/2014 20:45

OK a lot happened when I was at the gym!

indigo egg collection - they insert a needle through cervix then go through top of womb into ovary to retrieve the follicles. if they go too far they could hit major artery and put me in surgery! apparently never happened at my clinic in its 16years open. phew. the first injections get the FSH going, the second one dies something else. matures them maybe. apparently they put embryo up high in uterus when putting back but have to be careful not to hit top and make uterus contract so they do a practice run for transfer at collection. I'll be all but knocked out for egg collection and dh has to watch and OK everything going on.

tink lol at you remembering my poas date. although AF due 15th so probably wouldn't poas until 17th earliest. I have no unimagined symptoms so dont get too excited.

gaggia guessing games sounds good, but I think the main guessing game will be "is lil upduffed"!! Grin

jelly I do same as la. sits on my bath side! lemon lmao. I have a mil like that.

DulcetMoans · 11/11/2014 20:49

Phew. I think I am caught up. Stupid job got in the way again!

I defo need a new ROC. Like your la, mine is looking a bit skanky... I want something exciting like the pineapple thing though. Was that popz?

Loved your cross stitch chat, looked great!

gaggia, what are you doing to us?! How have you not POAS yet?!

lil, will they give you updates on the progress of the eggs in the lab? I know my clinic do on set days after retrieval. Its just another kind of waiting for you to get used to!

OP posts:
Ainat266 · 11/11/2014 21:05

It's been another busy day in the JS fred. :) Just spent ages catching up on everything!

Still no AF or signs of AF over here... now on day 72. Getting more and more fed up by the day... Grrr...

I'm going to get up super early and go to the hospital to get these blood tests done. Not sure what exactly they are meant to show seeing as I seem to just not have a cycle. But hey. I tried to have them done this morning, but got there at the time I was supposed to and ended up being 22nd in the queue! There was no way I would have got to work on time. The receptionist was also pretty rude. I wasn't happy. Take 2 tomorrow.

I'm loving the crafty-ness of the earlier posts. I should really make time to craft more often. I love it. But just don't have time right now. I can cross stitch, and I love to make cards and scrapbook. I can't knit or crochet though, but I'll teach myself one day...

jelly I love that statement - AF has left the fanjo! Looking forward to being able to say that after the witch puts in an appearance for the first time!!!

Ainat266 · 11/11/2014 21:15

ooo... Just found 'In Time' on the t.v. I've found something to watch. Not normally the sort of film I watch, but it's a great film. And I found it only 8 minutes in.

TinkerBlue · 11/11/2014 21:20

Good Luck tomorrow Ainat hope they get their arses into gear this time! I wonder what bloods they are doing? I guess checking all your hormone levels? I cant imagine your frustration at a 72 day cycle. Jelly (hope you don't mind me saying) also recently had a huge wait for AF after giving up contraception and is living proof the witch bitch always descends eventually! gx you get a visit soon.

gaggiagirl · 11/11/2014 21:20

dulcet I can't possibly be upduffed, I've got no symptoms. If I poas it's like pissing on 20p.

I want AF to, as jelly puts it, enter my Fanjo so I can't get back to normal and GX ovulate.

gaggiagirl · 11/11/2014 21:24

la my A.hole is recovered from its generous penis visit Grin. I let Mr G back on Sunday once downton Abbey had finished. I allowed him to give me all the sex. Outstanding performance it was too.
I lost the battle though CuntHawk will be arriving next week Angry

DulcetMoans · 11/11/2014 21:25

Jeez! I'll give you the 20p!

Also that second bit did make it sound like you were sharing AF. All kinds of wrong...

I'm a pussy magnet tonight! Wink Bitches love cuddles with dulcet!

OP posts:
lildottie · 11/11/2014 21:27

gaggia I'd have sent him straight back out again on the cunthawk announcement. forget the sex, I wouldn't be talking to him!

DulcetMoans · 11/11/2014 21:28

ainat, I'm always surprised annoyed by how many people get to the blood suite where I go before doors open. Bloody OAPs who have all day to go but get there an hour early because they don't sleep anymore and make me late! Getting there at 6 tomorrow then?!Wink

Ok, I'm kind really.

OP posts:
TinkerBlue · 11/11/2014 21:58

gaggia cunthawks imminent arrival plusthe generous penis/broken ahole incident is definitely deserving of a kitten in my book!

I wrote on the bottom of every shopping list I gave to MrT:
"2 kittens
1 yacht"
For about 4 years! Still waiting on the yacht! Hmm he also doesn't offer to shop very often anymore.

Still being a sex pest here. He goes away for the night tomorrow and I need use of the awesome penis tonight and in the morning before he goes to get in my icing quota. Methinks I need to be inventive with the cape donning Hmm

honeysucklejasmine · 11/11/2014 22:02

Ah, internet is back! Thank goodness. And now its super fast flashy internet. Woo!

So I realised that vivid dreams are a preg symptom for me. I had loads last time. Not that I'm having any, just I think La mentioned them. So I told DH, all excited. And he goes "yeah I know. I thought that at the time but didn't want to get you hopes up." Angry Bloody know it all! Wink

honeysucklejasmine · 11/11/2014 22:04

Hahahahaha that's awesome Tink! I agree with you though, Gaggia should totally get a kitten out of this deal.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 11/11/2014 22:10

Gaggia I see you love a bit of sporn too...how about your DH repays you for the cunthawk with a kitten and a pussy boil? Get him to grow one for you.

gaggiagirl · 11/11/2014 22:12

Get that cape on tink give him a shag to remember. No bum sex though!

Yeah viroids where is my kitten? Or at the very least a chocolate Labrador puppy. With blue eyes.
I did give him a full and comprehensive list of what I want for Xmas from him today though. Bet he regrets asking for that big time.

gaggiagirl · 11/11/2014 22:16

lemon you are my sporny soul mate. He does let me at his back once a week with my black head tool. It's pure bliss.
I once had an arse boil when it popped it was like the best thing ever!.
Pussy Boil ....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!