Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Old broadband provider just phoned to do the "please don't leave" speech. Rather late. Perhaps they should have done it when I phoned to cancel last week. I had to say "thank but no thanks" in increasingly annoyed tones about five times before they gave up. Well annoying. Chucking special offers at me now will not help.

Argh! Sorry la and lil !

hmm that does suggest annovulatory though, but that's not uncommon a couple of times a year apparently. I'd try and time next months better for a more accurate result and go from there. were your other dcs natural conceptions?

lildottie yes! but long waits - DS 18 months (was only 20 at the time) and DD 4 years!! I am now 33 nears 34 so feeling less hopeful.

Not having AF / AF being late just pisses me off even more!
It's like a kick in the vagina teeth

Afternoon viroids. My WiFi doesn't feel like working today. Every time I try to post it just buffers. I've got total buffer face.

Gaggia the suspense is killing me, have you POAS yet?

I'm literally having the day from hell at work. Only been on MN for 5 mins! Shocking!

Yes gaggia what's the news ??

only 5 mins jelly! i wouldn't last!

GX for you gaggia
x

number i understand the frustration of waiting! 2yrs ttc and about to start IVF here. If you do a bit of research there are various things you can do to try and regulate your cycle, like soy isoflavones. I think someone in here was going to give them a go. various things go under the "can't hurt, may not help" umbrella! I've been quite lucky that my cycles have been fairly regular since stopping bcp. duff sperm seems to be our issue so hoping the IVF will work 1st time as all is fine with me.

chat i've just come onto web instead of app and seen your cross stitch. it's beautiful. I love cross stitch but haven't done any for about 3 and a half years. Been absorbed in scrapbooking and knitting but planning to start one in the new year.

gaggia whats the news? Have you iced yet?

honey are you back in the land of the interwebs yet?

I've never wanted a weekend to come so fast. I just want this cycle over so I can phone the clinic and feel like i'm making a start! Going to feel a bit like an intruder in here come next week :(

lil you will never be an intruder here, this is your virtual home! Hugs

Middle I would suggest some serious contraband to determine icing, just for a couple of cycles. I didn't think I iced at all until a few months ago! (Pcos) now I know I do, thanks to temping and opks and the advice of these lovely viroids!!

'Twas me having a bash with soy, no side effects. Usually ice today, not temping or opking so can't confirm but all seems normal. Certainly don't think the soy has done any harm, gx!

I guess it'll be the first time since I joined that I won't be using contraband! Unless bcp counts as contraband :P

lil you are the contraband queen of this fred, you will never be an intruder!! do you think you will find it easy to give up your habit though? (am pretty certain bcp doesn't count!!)

I could keep poa opk just for the hell of it? lol. Really though no, I am so fed up of peeing in my green not a penis beaker plastic cup, and I don't suppose there's any point temping with no hormones running through me! Though I wonder if i'll be warmer of colder on bcp? I have said when I get the HCG trigger shot (for the IVF egg collection) I'm going to POAS to see a 2nd line on a hpt just once in my life!

See your point!! time to chuck the beaker, i think i would probably be curious about the temp thing though but i'm too rubbish to remember to take mine!

I would take that hpt and then when you are officially upduffed you can wave it at us saying you got the earliest bfp than any of us!

Thanks for the gingers lassies. No poas today. I'm sure AF will come at some point. I just can't poas I don't want to know. I can't put it into words really. I'm weird .
Still no idea if I've even iced this cycle yet. CD25 today but I can't expect AF to arrive when it should in wtf cycle.

lildottie i've heard the soy is bad? is this true?

will try anything!! x

Hi number, don't think I said hi yet!

lil, answerer of all things reproductive... I know you're going to start stabbing soon, and I think I remember a few bits of what the plan is from there on in, but would you run the process past me again total science geek who loves to hear the details of how cool things like this work What's the BCP for, to put your body into limbo so they can time everything?

number soy is like natural clomid. cheap as chips in Tesco.

indigo you mean you aren't bored of me going on about it yet?! lol. ibgo on bcp to shut down my natural hormones and so they can control when ivf cycle starts from an admin POV. I start stabbing with one type of drug on 28th December for a week or so then add a second injection until follicles are ready. I have 3 us scans in that time. they give me an hcg trigger shot to take 36 hours before egg collection. has to be done at exactly the right time to prevent risk of you ovulating them! then they fertilise them that day and we find out how many fertilise the day after. embryologist decides if transfer done at day 3 or day 5 so we just wait to be called back in for transfer. then wait 2weeks to poas. I'm sure it will be worst twot of my life!

Ok so I presume the injections that you do develop the follicle? So then do you mean they actually take the eggs out of you before you ovulate them, and if so how? I know how they collect eggs in animals for embryo transfer but despite IVF being quite common I've never actually known the process! So they take the eggs out, fertilise them in the lab (?) then on the right day they put the fertilised egg back and you and it makes it own way into the uterus lining as normal? This is mega cool but omg the twot is going to be H.E.L.L.

lil are you excited? I think it's so amazing. I'll be excited for you too. That twot will be all kinds of fresh he'll but we will be here to occupy you. We can play games.

gaggia given recent events I think some may be a tad apprehensive about playing your "games"...

Yeah gaggia my mum told me about girls like you Still got everything crossed for you, take your time x

lil that twot is going to be bloody murder! So exciting though! Any plans to poas yet this cycle?

number soy is ok for some people (I heard 77% of women got their bfp 1st soy cycle but that is unverified) but not for others. You take it for 4/5 days from CD 3-9. I did 100g CD 4-7 to try and improve my egg quality. If you want to use it to get your body to ov, rather than improving quality, you take it slightly differently. If you take too much, or take it for too long it can stop you oving at all. Therefore a last resort really but after 6 years ttc I'm game for anything!

I'm very winky today!

Noniks if you're lurking, thinking of you x

ok no arse games then!
My game plan for lils twot........guess the film..........guess the place...fun guessing games. Fun will be had by all and lil will be too busy guessing films to even notice she's twotting. FUN!

Thanks Tink. I've never paid any attention to my cycle before now accept knowing when to expect AF. Couldn't tell you if I've ever ov'd - I guess now's the time to start paying attention! I started temping yesterday morning but that was on CD15 so it's not a perfect start but I guess it's something!

There's an awful lot of contraband chat on here lately