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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
mountaingirl01 · 10/11/2014 22:53

noniks ... where is our amigo ? hope everything is ok

Indigoblue2 · 10/11/2014 23:02

Thanks viroids! I clearly had correctly remembered around 50% of the information I'd read previously and bastardised the rest into something that only vaguely resembled the truth Smile

That's awesome lil, you are just fab, but it's one of those victim of own success things where the more you tell the more you get asked!

I'm so gonna be on it this cycle and nail down my ovulation date like a badass using all manner of contraband

Guys I had a reflexology session today. Felt like a bit of a cheat when I asked for the fertility stuff too and then told her I'd only been trying since July so it's just me then who feels like it's FUCKING AGES It was relaxing, felt like a foot massage. I've got to go once a week for four weeks. She asked me loads of stuff about my cycle. I'm sure it'll help de-stress which can't be bad, but I'm still a wee bit sceptical. But heard loads of good reports about using it when TTC and at £25 a pop it's worth a go Smile

Indigoblue2 · 10/11/2014 23:04

dulcet do you mean "That shit got weird"?

Indigoblue2 · 10/11/2014 23:05

Stupid MN changed my post... Should have read dulcet do you mean (American drawl) "That shit got weird"?

honeysucklejasmine · 10/11/2014 23:07

Lil when you say you're 99% sure... Is that based on temps? My chart looks very different. It slowly increases from around 35, maybe gets to about 35.8, then drops suddenly back down again, then next day usually goes up by about a degree and slowly drops again back to mid 35 by af. (i guess I'm cold blooded). I always get ewcn the day it shoots up, for about three days.

TinkerBlue · 10/11/2014 23:29

Mr. Tink just called me a sex pest! Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 10/11/2014 23:31

Well.... He may have a point? Wink

6/7 girls. SOTM here I come!

Indigoblue2 · 10/11/2014 23:40

honey you are filth personified Wink

TinkerBlue · 10/11/2014 23:40

Only 3 here, boo! Although my cycles are a bit longer so might catch up Smile

lildottie · 10/11/2014 23:49

honey what app are you using? can you link your chart and I'll have a look for you. I found looking through the charts gallery was helpful in the early days. it is u that has lupus isn't it? I know my sil has circulation problems caused by her lupus, if you do too (have circulation issues) then maybe that is affecting charts?

always happy to answer questions. and can now also impart some Zita boredom wisdom. Wink

Leela5 · 11/11/2014 06:15

Lil I'm trying to share my charts but it just keeps showing the latest one. How did you share all?

Leela5 · 11/11/2014 06:22

PS this is all very non jser!

honeysucklejasmine · 11/11/2014 07:34

Whole lot and last month.

They aren't very good on Ovia. The first month i was putting the temp in in °F than afterwards figured out how do it in celcius. Changed the units and it went a bit screwy.

There are two really high peaks... On both occasions i was not well ... Fever etc. Kinda hope it wasn't my immune system killing the egg!

The full length blue lines are ewcm. You can see that big temp jumps happen just before it appears.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
Leela5 · 11/11/2014 07:35

Morning viroids! I'm knackered been awake since 5!

indigo I had reflexology 5 weeks ago. I'm 4 weeks pregnant. I'm not sure whether it has any actual effect on fertility but anything that relaxes you is good.

Sitting in underwear on bed refusing to get up and get dressed. It's too early and too cold

Leela5 · 11/11/2014 07:37

honey it's quite jagged are you taking it same time every day?

DulcetMoans · 11/11/2014 07:47

Took my temp, was 36.0. Had forgot though, got out of bed and been downstairs already so not accurate.

Can't see yours honey but mine was all over the place when I first did it.

Sorry I didn't warn you lil! Thought it was a different book actually but still worth a read anyway. She just gets a bit hippy. And I don't mind a bit of that but still... Shit got weird as honey said!

Did you sex pest him tink??

OP posts:
jellypi3 · 11/11/2014 07:51

Morning viroids!

Well you are all terrible JS'ers, with all this talk of contraband and temping... took my first temp today Wink

If the witch finishes her assault on my body by tonight I'm donning that cape like a bitch! According to FF (which I'm guessing is wrong) I will ice Saturday so am already nearing the shag phase. Also might crack out the OPK's I hid in the bathroom

Happy Tuesday!! Oh and armistice day. I'm gutted because I have a 10:30 meeting just as the 21 gun salute goes off at the Tower of London and the last poppy is planted. Darn clients!!

DulcetMoans · 11/11/2014 08:03

I find that awkward jelly, meetings over 11am today. Everyone seems to suddenly realise and then feel like they should stop but you're all in a room together! I'm in training all day today so could be similar! Hoping they recommend a short break or something.

OP posts:
Leela5 · 11/11/2014 08:05

Look at what my mum knitted! She's so clever, she does an animal for every baby my friends have :)

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
Leela5 · 11/11/2014 08:07

We've got a special meeting at 11am as our organisation had 10 employees who fought and died - we are doing a remembrance thing and silence

honeysucklejasmine · 11/11/2014 08:10

Lil Blush No. I have quite disturbed sleep so there is no time to set an alarm and be sure i was asleep before hand. Instead i just take it when i wake up, which varies between 5.30 to 7.30, sometimes with random wake ups in the early hours. I know I'm a bit shit at it.

honeysucklejasmine · 11/11/2014 08:10

La that is so cute!

Leela5 · 11/11/2014 08:19

honey that's he 2nd time you've answered my question but said 'lil'. Are me and lil starting to morph into one on here? I know we've both been here a while... ;)

Yeah if you do it different times you'll get jagged chart. If i take mine at 5:30 I get lower temp than 6:30. It does matter so if there's any way you can set alarm?

RPopz · 11/11/2014 08:19

La he is so cute!! Hehe! X

mountaingirl01 · 11/11/2014 08:29

Lil that is just so cute. Slight nutter alert.. There is a shop in our local villwge which sells gorgeous knitted animals. I always told myself that when I get upduffed I will go and buy one. I'm going to wait until I've had a scan then I'm toddling off there :)

jelly I'm pretty certain you will still hear it!! All goes still and quiet for us (unless working in resus) it's a pretty incredible sight actually as it's usually mayhem!