Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

I have some Zita fact sheet if you want it lil. One was about what to eat and can't remember what the other was. But was from acupuncture lady who supports IVF. Just let me know.

Filling his balls with water honey...?!

Not seen her. Hope she is :(

gaggia I had EWCM just before the witch arrived.

Good news (and TMI so please don't read if you are eating or drinking) but just now went to the loo and it's the first time I've peed and not turned the water red or made a mess of myself! I think she's finally easing off. I've never been so stressed over a period in my life.

Ok TMI over. DP just made me laugh so much, he's made me a spreadsheet with all these analytical things for tracking temp, CM, period, shagging etc. it's so cute and so him (his way of being involved I guess) :)

Aww I was thinking about her too honey. noniks where are you? Everything ok buddy?

I started my OPK's today. Only on CD6 but not leaving anything to chance!

lil or anyone else, just give me a quick 101 on the temping again. I take the temperature in my mouth early in the morning before doing anything? Can this be just before getting up? So just remind me what to expect... It kicks along at roughly similar readings until what, it starts to rise for ovulation? Or rises rapidly all of a sudden? And how long does the rise last? And then does the fall confirm ovulation? And while we are at it because I wasn't paying enough attention the first time round the sticks... I piss on them each day around the same time, say 5pm... At some point I will see a line (didn't today), it gets darker each day and then BAM, it's as dark as the control and I shag, shag, shag? Is any of the above remotely accurate?

jelly what do you mean just before witch? Surely THAT's not meant to happen??! Glad the period from hell is easing off for you, bet you can't believe you ever wished the witch would return! At least your cycle is starting to play ball now

OK I'm going to respond but could take time on phone ....

Indigo technically you should temp at exactly the same time every day, having been asleep for at least four hours preceding the temp taking. Some people set an alarm for a certain time e.g. 6.00am, take their temp then go back to sleep. Depends how nice your partner is about alarms early in the morning! Yy to the ov strips. According to some sources you should see a faint line every day which is darker on two days which is when you ov. Other people will see versions of that, e.g. bugger all then a faint line. My source is the back of a pack of clearblue that I am too cheap to buy.

Indigo re the opk's I think we all respond differently, I get nothing then Bam, one good line, then faint or nothing. Always on CD 14.

Re the temping, I get 2 weeks of low temps: 36 - 36.2. After icing I get 36.4 for 2 days, then 36.6-36.8 for 2 weeks. Day before af arrives I get 36.4, then back to 36 - 36.2 for 2 weeks. Ad infinitum.

I take my temp at 7am every morning, or when I wake up at the weekend. I am lucky as my cycle is like clockwork recently and I never get deviations on my chart. Even waking up late doesn't affect my temps.

Same with ewcm, I get it the same days each month like clockwork.

Not bothering temping or opking this cycle as it gave me anxiety and tbh, as you can see it is rather pointless! My sole aim is to get a late period (usually due about 29th of the month) then PG test on the 1st of the following month at a couple of days late. Never happens!!

Even this cycle without the contraband and having taken soy, my cycle is spot on. Ewcm came on the same day, assume icing today or tomorrow.

Not everyone has cycles so reliable - and it means nothing as I cant get pregnant for love nor money. But hopefully gives you an insight as to what you might expect xx

so, good news is Zita says you can keep that thermometer in your gob!

temp has to be taken on waking (after at least 3 hours undisturbed sleep in theory but that hasn't caused me too much issue).

you have to take temp before you do anything else, so no getting out of bed. this is why mine lived on my alarm clock on top of the snooze button so I would remember to do it when I was woken by the alarm.

your temp is lower in follicular phase (time pre ov) and rises about 24 hours after ovulation.

ovulation is confirmed when you have 3 days of high temps.

high = above "cover line" kind of like the mean on a graph in maths GCSE. the apps do it for you.

ovulation dips are a thing but completely unreliable so don't waste your time looking for one.

same with implantation dips. they are a thing but if you get a dip a 7dpo it could mean you are pg or it could mean fuck all so don't do it to yourself. take it from someone who knows!

a day or so before AF the temp will drop. sometimes mine hasn't dropped until cd1 or cd2 so again no drop means fuck all.

this is why I don't temp after ov confirmed.

all the above happens because progesterone (released by the corpus leuteum (follicle egg came from) after ovulation) in your blood makes your body temperature increase.

similarly the drop in progesterone causing af signals oestrogen to come back into play which is why you sometimes get ewcm just before AF.

oestrogen is the pre ov hormone which opens the cervix and creates fertile fluid.

any questions class?

I'll try and post a link to my chart for you

oh and honey I've ovulated day after 2nd opk 99.9% of the time when I've had 2 + opks in a row

indigo here

ooh who uses ff....there is a friends list on there now! lol

X post with lil!

What lil said...

Bam - Facebook baby bomb! Rage face!

(I know I would learn a lot there lil, I know I have moaned at you a few times that I don't understand temping, but that seems like an awful lot of long words!)

I'm in it! Submitted my chart today

indigo I find baby centre really helpful and clear - good for charts if cm (yuck!) throughout cycle and symptom spotting

here

I got implantation dip first bfp and none the second so I second lil saying it's unpredictable

how la how!

dulcet no need to worry now eh dear! gave you not been tempted to temp to see how high it is pg? all I want is to see that bloody line go green and know what the app does after a bfp! I've paid for it for long enough!

What's happened on fb Dulcet?

Sorry dulcet bit carried away with links there! What happened?

I feel like I'm being bombarded with announcements just now on Facebook!

my charts since march 13 I think

Just a friend announcing their second due in May. Unexpected. All fine just big and first story there. And, ya know. Jealousy. Still, we are where we are! They are a nice pair.

The first cycle I did temp lil was when I got a BFP but my temps were so all over the place that it didn't really show anything. Took it to acupuncture lady and she said it wasn't a good chart. Lol. I did it a few times this month and it just didn't change, to extend I thought it was broken. That was probably more like how it should be but wasn't dedicated enough. Can check in the morning though, out of interest'

haha. I don't think you should dulcet. I don't want to be the source of unnecessary worry if u get a low temp because dh stole all the quilt

hmmm Zita says only temp for 2 or three months in this book..... oops!

Pfft. What does she know?? She's a bit 'wooo' sometimes. I did read her fertility book and it got weird.

tell me that after I spent £6.99 on it tonight why don't ya! lol. so fat its OK. but it needs to hurry up and get onto the ivf bit. not sure why she's bothering to go on about the basics in an ivf book.