Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Current JSers stats (sorry to those I've missed, this was just whoever was about end of last Fred) - add yours to start of Fred if you're not here:

Name: Chat
Age 33
TTC #2 Jan 2014. MC March 14 and Aug 14.
DD age 3-going on 23
One cat, two fish and a snail.
Currently incubating a blueberry. Aw.

Name: La, leela, lala
Age: 34
Ttc since: July 2013, mc sept 2014
DCs: 0 just furry ones (famous cat and the cross eyed one)

Name: Tink
Age: 33
Ttc since: 5+ years
Dc's: none but one lovely spaniel and 2 kittens.

Name: Jellypi3
Age: 24
TTC: since August 2014
DC's: none, just the furry (and scaly) variety!

Name: Noniks
Age: 31
TTC: July 2014
DCs: none, 2 scrummy spaniels (who are newly bathed & especially scrummy)

Name: kh or butt (hehe) or anything you like really :-D
Age: 34
TTC: August 2014
DCs: 2 DSD's plus DH lol!

Name: gaggia
Age: 32
TTC: July 2014 MC October 2014
DC: DD 3yo (ginger.....dont cross her!)

Name: Indigo
Age: 29
TTC: July 2014
DCs: None

name: lil
age: 29
ttc: since Nov 12

dcs: none

Name: Honey
Age: 28
TTC: Since Aug 14, MC Sept 14
DC: 2 feline fur babies

Name: batfish
Age: 33
TTC: Since Oct 14 (but didn't really try so properly from Nov 14)
DC: None

Still waiting for AF to arrive and announce the first day of my proper TTC cycle! Thought she had arrived today but it was just the tiniest bit of blood ever and then nothing But hopefully means she is thinking about it and will appear properly in the next day or 2! Only on day 32 of first post pill cycle though so I guess I should be more patient......

Place marking.

Thanks la great title.

Place marking.

Haha the banjo string made it in!! Does Mr Purple know he's famous??

woohoo. thread full. how quickly can we fill no 31!

Oh, all full! Thanks for sorting us out la.

Which Christmas film did you go for? Loads on! Exciting, love Christmas!

Yay, new thread! Thanks La! Just spent ages reading the thread about Facebook selling pages. Very entertaining.

Name: MaGratgarlik1983
Age: 31
Trying since July 2014
DC: one furbaby

Bought a Panettone with chocolate in it today for Christmas - don't usually get excited yet but saw it and it lasts until May so it's gone in a high cupboard for a few weeks!

honey is AF definitely with you? Last I remb it was unusually light?

Ooh I don't like panattone. It's the weird texture I think.

marking my place! off to a local bonfire with friends but actually managed to persuade dh to let his dd's come this year so could be fireworks of the family variety if they argue with each other (bonfire night is His christmas!) x

ooohhh great Fred title by the way! x

Ooh it's my favourite! But I don't like Christmas pudding so go figure!

I'm loving the food porn! dulcet did you get my milkybar buttons?

I'm having home made (even the base!) pizza with onion, mushroom, sweet corn yum! Just are while tub of those little olive pot things from tesco filled with sun blush tomatoes. Feel bit sick but it was totally worth it.

I was struggling to fit the 13 month pregnancy in the title kato sorry :( I thought the bun in the oven gag deserved a mention - was that yours bother?

lil not gonna lie you just made my stars modules at uni sounds interesting. I am also good at making tea and I am a dab hand at making neat piles of paper, if that's any use?

Going to Halloween party tonight. After working at bar last night dressed up the last thing I feel like doing is piling all that elaborate makeup back on. Boooo!

bat gx this is a lucky Fred for you, you sound a bit down. Perhaps we can cheer you up?

Ate whole not are while . Fucking phone you are NOT the boss of me!

Stats modules not stars

I don't like Christmas pud phone changed that to 'pis' now it's just having a giraffe! either, what's panettone?

Woo new Fred! We talk too much!

DP is trying to persuade me to get pizza but I've been so good the past few days with the diet!

It's the Italian version sort of thing - a festive cake. Very nice - and this one has layer of chocolate in it as well!

Indigo she's totally here, the bitch. But she has been much less painful than she was pre mc. so now it's just emotional anguish, not physical

I made a Christmas decoration today. Found a picture (happened to be a vinyl decal from amazon), bit of rearranging, print, trace, cut with scalpel on some lovely card. I am going to mount it in front of the score to "Away In a Manger". Ta da, nativity!

JS 31 already!

Picture.

I used to hate Christmas pud but now i love it. Still hate fruit cake though.