Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

La can I join the achy/stabby boob club :( I always sleep on my front and last night they hurt too much! But AF shouldn't be due for another week at least! :( apart from that I've had 0 symptoms so deffo don't think this is our month.

I don't drink luckily. If I'm at work I will drink at lunch and/or in the evening but when I'm at home or with friends I never really drink, maybe a cider in the summer and that's about it.

Doing my second fast day today. This time it's more water me thinks!

Happy Monday viroids :)

Ok ladies, I've just tested and it's a BFN. Of course it is. I don't know why I even had my hopes up

oh indigo im sorry to hear that!!! i really thought that this month was your month!! mind you, if the witch hasn't arrived yet you know you're not out! especially if it's usually sunday like clockwork!!!

jellylots and lots of water this time!!! good luck!!!

aina welcome! and commander i wasn't around last time you were here but welcome back!

just got to work and it's waaayyyyyyyyyyyyy to early yet! if i was going to start trying to cut back on my caffeine intake but already slipped up at the petrol station walking out with a grande starbucks latte!!!! ooooppppsss!!!!

Indigo No witch yet though?

indigo :( not out til the evil red witch zooms in gx x

I feel cramps. Think af on way

No witch and no excess cm that I usually get before witch. But why oh why would a FRER be wrong on like, CD29 with FMU when my cycles are only 28 days?? You'd think there's no way a FRER could be wrong at that surely? I'm gutted

Wind in your boobs La?? Lol.

Boo indigo it's not over til it's over though!

I generally tried to avoid booze in the Twot - except for the month I got my bfp when I fell off the wagon magnificently.... I don't think the bean is affected by alcohol in the early days, until the placenta takes over - not til 9/10 weeks if I remember correctly x

Aww Indigo hugs to you. Why don't you stock up on some IC's? Then you can psis to your hearts content and not feel wasteful!

Indigo I didn't get a BFP until CD31 (26 day cycle so 5 days late) and then it was a squinter (admittedly not a FRER) so you're in until the bitch sings!

My dates strongly suggest that conception happened a few days before Glastonbury so I certainly didn't have a teetotal TWOT

Aw indigo, it's maddening isn't it? ICs all the way.

I POAS on Saturday, very quick glance, negative as expected (AF was due Thurs but thought I had iced late), shoved in top drawer (out of DD's sight as she knows what the bastard sticks are for so I smuggle them into the bin when she's at school!). Happened across the stick last night while rummaging in the drawer, and realised it was a faint positive. Obviously almost two days later, so confirmed nothing but the line was pink and I haven't had a line come up later on any other old ones from that batch.

Pissed on my very last Farage this morning and it shows the most pathetic shadow of a line. And now I'm spotting weird blood. Four days late it'd be a stronger line, wouldn't it, if anything was sticking?

Cock.

jelly have some ICs on the way (30 in fact), along with some OPKs but not arrived yet!

Well pis that gives me some hope - wow! But like you say not a FRER so chances are I'm goosed.

gliding and rpopz yep it's frustrating but still no witch, if I'm not upduffed I really hope she comes soon and let's me move on!

Well I've just booked myself a reflexology treatment. Nt just to help TTC but to try and help my stress levels a bit. This time of the month I really struggle with nervous stressy anticipation of waiting for the witch to show. And just generally, aside from TTC I could do with relaxing a bit too. It's a week today so will let you know how it goes!

Gliding that sounds promising but also worrying. Why don't you go get a FRER and see if you get a line with that? Spotting can be normal for some people IIRC

Gingers crossed for you hun

Thanks jelly. Bit skint at the mo but will wheedle DH to buy me one if things aren't clearer in a couple of days. TBH the bleeding is picking up a bit now so I'm going to work on the assumption that Schrodinger's embryo has left the building if it was ever there - just easier that way. And if I'm wrong it will be an amazing surprise.

That sounds like a good plan gliding. I'm keeping my GX for a surprise though. You can always retest in a few days like you say.

gliding definitely get a frer, could be ib

indigo definitely not out yet! X

Gliding gingers crossed for you - sounds stressful love x

Indigo not out, try and give it a couple of days now if you can x

Just seen GP: day 21 bloods booked, they don't do day 3 here which is weird. Dildo scan booked (poss lap and dye after depending on findings), DH Sperm analysis booked. GP is fully expecting to cancel all referrals as she has history with patients getting upduffed as soon as they are booked in!! Cant get my head around no day 3 test??? She said most likely, given my history, they will prescribe clomid. Also, got to do Chlamydia screen.

that sounds positive tink i didn't know what day 3 and 21 tests were so have just googled, seems strange that they don't do it but other areas do. the nhs is weird!

ok, just help me get my head clear. this is the 1st month that i have checked my cm. according to my app i was due to ice yesterday, but i have ewcm today. does that mean i am icing today or that i already have!?

we dtd thursday and saturday so hopefully in good time, but if it's today i might jump dh tonight too just for good measure

Tink - I can vouch for that...I got my BFP the week after my day 21 bloods and just after I got my letter confirming 25th November for clinic appt. Mr B very relieved that he now doesn't have to jizz in a cup! Note to self - must cancel clinic appt.

Keep shagging kh get your cape on!!!
Jump him at every available opportunity:
if you have ewcm, if you have a +ve opk, if your temps move at all, if there is a y in the weekday!!

Ha bother Mr. Tink has already asked if he can "see my boobs" when he has to perform. In front of the GP!! She was howling laughing - I must tell her next time to stop encouraging him!!

hahaha tink be careful DH will be sending you thank you cards and flowers if i let on what you said! he will think it's his birthday too!!

cape action for when he gets home now on the schedule! lol! must make sure he's fed 1st though, apparently when he turned me down at the start of last week it was because he was hungry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can laugh about it now but was at the time - how rude!

Afternoon

Tink that has made my dull Monday!!

Been away this weekend for a lovely time with friends - has helped the TWOT along but am now back to a slightly agitated state. Not helped that a 2nd colleague ( we are only a small company) has announced her pregnancy.... another downer was I foolishly POAS this morning (only 10DPO but isn't that what ICs are for?!?!) for a depressing BFN yes mountain I only hooya'd you mere days ago for this!! AF looms on Thursday, have sore breasticles but had that visit before last so no hope to cling to!

Catch up time...

Honey sorry the cow has camped out, however that Crimbo dec is stunning

Indigo still girl! GX that bitch holds off for you

Gliding far too excited for you, but you must be a wreck!!

La also read that you had windy boobs?! Mountain how are you coping fellow POAS amigo?

KH get your disco pants on

Howdy to Commander & Aina

My wet dream is a Kitchenaid. I'm a rubbish feminist also!

tink I didn't have day 3 bloods either. they did an amh test with my day 21 which indicates ovarian reserve. I think that's all day 3 is for but not sure. think amh is relatively new. clinic were happy to have amh.

kh icing usually day of or day after pos opks (usually day after for me) but I find ewcm for a day or two after. I guess its what's still there from pre ov. definitely get one in the bag tonight though to be safe!

gliding fx its ib.

noniks l hooya for you. its too early love!

indigo fx for a shy bean

have finally done something worthy of being called revision today!

well done lil i know how hard it can be some days to actually feel like you've done any!

I've given in and ordered some OPK's so at least if i have ov'd this month i'll know better next month. Still fully intend on jumping DH later though, cape AND disco pants i think!!

you've all really made me want to take kniting and/or crochet back up, i used to spend hours doing both as my Nan taught me but i haven't for a very lonnnnnngggg time, i don't think i can even remember how to cast on! could be a new hobby though

its like riding a bike kh.and YouTube videos help! I use thumb method to cast on. so much neater than the way my nan taught me god bless her.