Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

[missalexandra]

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

Thinking of you critter x

Hope your recovering well missa x

Sorry it's a bfn madem, hope it's just too early I got my BFP at 16 dpo (I think) and it was very very faint. I tested everyday from about 2 dpo! x

Waves to everyone x

Thank you Ducky

Sorry the test has made you miserable madem although ducky could be right in thinking it may be too early.

critter how did your appointment go today?

Missa i hope you and baby are both recovering well.

Waves to all xx

madem I'm so sorry. It might be too early still. It is so hard TTC after a loss. It's hard TTC at the best of times, let alone with the weight of grief on your shoulders.

Thank you for asking after me. I got my blood test for the hcg pregnancy hormone results back just now after going in this morning, and the number is going up as it should. Now I just need to hold tight for a couple of weeks until I can have an early scan to check for a heartbeat. Hoping so much that this one will stay.

How is everyone else doing? Kayleigh, earth, betty, owl, blue, missa, littletulip and all you other strong and beautiful ladies? Am thinking of you all.

ducky are you managing the anxiety ok? lake is work still alright, or are you struggling?

Hello ladies,

MissA hope you and your lovely baby are having lots of cuddles and kisses.

Critter, glad your blood results have come back as they should. I am so happy for you. Hope and pray that it all works out and you have a little brother or sister for James.

Madem I'm sorry the test wasn't what you were hoping for! It is so hard ttc. I stopped taking a test after the disappointing negatives, i always spot about 2 days before AF anyway so that pretty much puts a downer on it!

Well I attended my first ivf appointment lay Tuesday... Except I was feeling quite unwell that day.! Well you can see where this is going can't you? Woke up last weds morning retching and still refused to take a test even though DH was begging me to. Not sure if I was in denial, regardless I took a test on Thursday after work and I got a very strong positive.

It has actually floored me. As soon as I saw that second line I sat there and went through 'A's memory box, I clutched his baby grow which still smells like him and weeped. For the past 14 months all I've wanted is to be pregnant again and now I am I can't cope with it.

I am completely expecting to bleed anytime soon or for something to go wrong. The consultant I have been seeing asked me to get in touch as soon as I became pregnant but I haven't even done that. What I have done however is been to see the bereavement nurse at the hospital who has told me that she would sort everything, she was amazingly supportive. Next step is a scan is just over 2 weeks, I'm petrified already.

Just shows how brave you ladies that have rainbow babies or are pregnant are. How strong you are to get this far! I haven't even cancelled my next ivf appointment which is for bloods as I'm sure I'm going to have to attend.

Yikes that was long.

That's great news critter!

Have they booked you for a scan?

I'm still struggling, i just feel it's not real if that makes sense or that even though I hear the heartbeat/see a scan there must be something wrong.
I also have no pattern to the movements apart from some days he's busy some days he's quiet so I never know when to worry.

Am trying my best to think positive! 4 weeks to go!

X

X post little!

Congratulations!!! That's lovely news. Tht is completely the same reaction I had too when I got my BFP! big hugs! X

Tulip that is amazing news! I totally understand the not feeling like you can cope feeling, I felt the same and also cried and cried. I didn't book appointments with GP or call my consultant until I absolutely had to (and then you couldn't keep me away for the rest of the pg).
Today you are pregnant with a little brother or sister for A. Deep breathes, just take it an hour at a time and bury your head in the sand if it helps for now.

Critter, I'm so pleased that your hcg is doubling. Everything crossed still that this little one gets to go home with you.

Ducky-how are you feeling? Less than a month to go now.

MissA-hope you and the little man get to go home soon.

Waves to everyone else x

tulip what lovely lovely news. I know it is bloody terrifying being pregnant again when you know what can go wrong and that your previous loss doesn't give you 'immunity' to another loss. But as earth says, today you are pregnant. And we will be here to hand hold.

I would tell your consultant, when you are ready to, of course. I told my consultant who delivered James the day before I miscarried in July, and I am still glad I told him I was pregnant, even though I lost the baby, because he called me and chatted to me after my miscarriage and was really nice, and it helped me that he understood and cared about me and James still. You will need support to get you through this anxious period until your first scan.

ducky you are on the home stretch and it's bound to be bloody terrifying but in a month, your little one will be safely in your arms.

critter great news, hope you have an easy time with the morning sickness.

tulip congratulations. Your emotions will be all over the place. As others have said, today you are pg, take it a day at a time.

ducky you are doing so well, you are so strong.

I'm thinking of all three of you and your rainbows today.

Waves to missa bet you haven't put him down yet!

Sorry it's a bfn madem, it could be too early to test really.

Waves tokayleigh hope you are OK, and have sorted things out with dh.

Afm, we are plodding along, baby owl is doing fine.

Excellent news critter :)

Wow tulip, so pleased for you. It's hard tho isn't it, that longing to be pg is suddenly replaced by a whole load of other emotions. Try not to think too far ahead, just deal with today. That's all you have to do right now. Hope you're coping with the sickness ok x

ducky keep going, you're doing so well. Just get checked whenever you need to, i went loads in the last few weeks, whatever you need to get through each day.

Sorry it wasn't a bfp madem :(

missa hope things are going well for you &your little boy -cant wait to hear from you!

Waves to betty, kayleigh, owl, earth, ruby - how are you doing?, anyone I've missed x

Oh wow tulip - congratulations and huge hugs. One day at a time... (Remind me of this when it's my turn!)

ducky you're doing so well. I had to giggle when you said you tested from 2dpo. That sounds like me!

Critter such excellent news. Sounds like your psychic SIL was right! I wish I could look into the future and just know for certain that it'll be ok. I find the waiting and the uncertainty harrowing. I take such comfort in knowing that most of us have gone on to become pregnant and some even have their rainbows...

AFM- still have tonnes of symptoms and a high temperature so all isn't lost. I didn't test today though. I'd rather wait it out. I'm struggling at work and had a major wobble on walking through the door. Pressure makes me go totally bonkers and o can't focus, only stall, panic and cry. I barely slept last night as I was too anxious about working today ... (Which might explain all of my symptoms, including the high temp, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much). I have a helpful and understanding boss, but she already has to cope with 3 people off long term at the moment... I feel guilty.

Whoo, that's waffly!!

Thanks guys it's amazing how much support you have all been.

critter i'm glad everything is going well with you.

tulip congratulations! Your emotions are bound to be all over the place. I'm glad your hospitals bereavement nurse has been a great support to you also, as others have said, it's a day at a time.

ducky sorry you've still got the anxiety to contend with, you're doing so well with it all.

madem i'll keep my fingers crossed that your symptoms indicate a BFP. Sorry to hear you've had a bad time at work, i hope it improves soon, but it's good that you have an understanding boss.

Love to all xx

Hi everyone, MissA has asked me to let you know that her little guy has an infection and will likely be in hospital for a week. It's not life threatening, but very scary none the less as he is hooked up to a drip. MissA is of course at his side and won't make it on to the thread to update us all for a bit as no wifi at the hospital.
Sending her and the little man so much love and hoping he makes a speedy recovery xxx

Oh my gosh! Sending lots of love to him and hope he has a speedy recovery x

Oh the poor little man wishing him a speedy recovery, and lots of love to him and his parents xx

Oh poor missA and poor little baby awful for them to be in hospital when they are so little. Hopefully he'll be right as rain soon.

We had our BFN last week, ended up crying on DH for hours on Sunday night for no reason. I had worked Tuesday and Thursday then had a friends wedding all day Saturday, my grandma had a stroke Saturday night and then it was my dads 60th Sunday! I think going back to work has somehow signified to my family that I'm OK now, my DM is the only person who ever mentions E apart from my DH. I feel like people are forgetting about her or want to pretend that she never existed. I sometimes feel that I spend so much time pretending to be OK that I forget how recently it all happened. Felt better after my counselling session on Monday and then worked my first 12.5hr day yesterday which was fine. I like being back at work helps me to fill my time!!

Poor little chap and poor missalex, what a horrible worry and I so hope he gets better soon. Thinking of your family.

lake this type of grief is not linear and you will continue to have ups and awful downs. If you haven't been through the loss of a child, I don't think it's easy to understand that it isn't something you ever 'get over'. We will be here to talk and to remember you and your DH will always be E's mummy and daddy. I am glad your mum is supporting you.

Lake, sorry about your grandma is she doig ok? I agree that going back to work made everyone around me think I was ok, I still have melt downs now and feel that people look at me like I'm crazy because they expect me to 'be over it' the truth is I don't think you ever get over this happening. Mil is the worst and says the most hurtful comments, I remember a couple of days after the funeral we had to visit fil in the hospice and she turned up, fil mentioned dd and mil promptly said loudly 'oh don't bring that up, she's over that now' I was so shocked I couldn't speak and left without saying anything to anyone. I'm glad the sessions are helping you x

Lake, I totally agree with Critter, it isn linear and it is very very hard when people expect you to be ok. I'm glad your mum talks about E, it's so important. We are always here if you want to talk about her.

Ducky-what a bitch. No other words-shocking.

lake you are doing so incredibly well though, don't shy away from that. You're at work, you did 12.5 hours. You get up. You're alive. You're here. It's all but linear, I agree. I too had several meltdowns these last few days and a bfn. I'm sending huge hugs and comfort.

MissA I hope your little boy is on the mend. Things just can't be straightforward, can they? Thank you for updating us, earth .

AFM, AF showed up tonight. I knew she would as my temp dipped this morning. I think I need to stop all the ttc malarkey, the testing and temping and opks and cbfm and all that jazz. It's making me obsessive and totally stressed out. I didn't want to stop at first in case it stopped me from catching the egg/knowing my fertile window etc, but clearly it's not really working anyway, so sod it all. I'm not sure an August birthday is a good idea anyway... (As if I actually cared!) This time last year, I was looking forward to stopping the pill in a few weeks and just assumed I'd be pg straight away. I even took it for 4 more days than normal to avoid getting pregnant that week. Oh the arrogance! (Or the innocence...) oh how I long for these days...

I hope all the rainbow mums and babies are well and am sending big hugs to the bumps and all you other wonderful ladies. Considering taking a break from MN too - I love this particular thread but I can't help joining the other, busier ones and lurking and obsessing and getting upset, so perhaps I should just go cold turkey? Thoughts?
Big love x