Break the bed, marvel at the ghost sperm, ignore the fuss about avatar pandas and whatever you do - don't eat the jizz! It's Just Shagging Part 28

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

The link to Part 27 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2157458-Get-your-cape-on-get-your-cape-on-Dont-come-knockin-if-the-tents-a-rockin-but-pee-on-a-snake-instead-Its-just-shagging-part-27" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2160935-Just-Shagging-Thread-11-for-Graduated-Viroids?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

ARSE! Not area. Obviously.

LOL gaggia

I told him! He actually went all open mouthed and then jumped up and downs, waving the digi, and then a flurry of 'are you sure?!'
Really conscious it's early days and don't want to get ahead of myself, but if it's any help to anyone, I had LONG irregular cycles and not really 'proper' ewcm before this. I did, however, make sure I 'achieved' after Mr tee had finished. And then didn't move! I think we basically did the bad thing 4 times a week this month. And I drank wine, and was pretty badly behaved. :-/

tink I would take the epo all cycle not just over ovulation, plus drink lots if water. Have you asked gp for scan and bloods to check you're ovulating ok and no cysts? Don't worry about hogging, we all need a good vent. We are very happy to listen!

honey get well soon! you sound poorly love :(

gaggia you sexpot. That's an entirely different form of talking dirty! Between you pooing yourself and Mr Gaggia gobbing in your mouth the two of you are giving posh n becks a run for their money.

Bless you tee, that's so sweet! Congrats again. Don't worry about the drinking everyone drinks before they realise. I was on the cocktails night before bfp.

Been told to stay off work rest of week. Finished Downton and X factor. Got strictly left then it's jezza kyle

Aw Tee that's so sweet . Mr Pygian needed a digi too, to see it in words and convince him I wasn't making it all up bless him.

I have been experiencing an inexcusable amount of wind (sorry, TMI). Don't mind a bit of farting in front of DH but seriously, this is not attractive. Perhaps it has something to do with eating everything within a 10 mile radius.

I had major wind in first couple of weeks!!!! I kept saying Me La should tie string to me in case I float off

It's absolutely boggin La, it's usually me casting the disgusted looks at DH but my, how the tables have turned...

Thanks La. My temp rose to 37.9 last night but apart from a headache, i mostly feel ok this morning. Time will tell!

tee that's lovely! I'm so happy for you!

Calli i had major wind too. Mr Honey can't abide farting but there was no way i was going to the bathroom every time!

Calli - boggin - love it

honey glad you feel better

My work think I should stay off rest of week but I'm going mad in house on my own. Problem is I don't know if 'it' has started properly yet. Don't want to get caught out at work

I'd want to stay at home La but then I am a lazy beggar. Any projects you could be getting on with? Photo albums, decorating, box sets? Just something to keep you busy x

La, why don't you think about the next thread title? We're getting close!

It traditionally goes to someone who's had bfp on Fred. I did last one and it's been a sad Fred for me :(

gaggia, kato, before, tee any takers!

Sorry to anyone I've forgotten...

Tee - shagging stats purrrleeease!

La I'm with you, I would go mental sitting at home. Would you have a RL friend who would be able to do a spa day with your or something like that? Or perhaps just take yourself off for a pedi and a new hairstyle? Pamper pamper pamper right now. too for sure!

Tee great visuals of Mr Tee jumping up and down with a digi in his hand! Fabulous moment, I'm so happy for you both!

I think u should do the fred la, in the earlier days the Fred starter was meant to get good luck and get their bfp in the Fred they started.

as for work def stay at home.

In that case lil I nominate you! I don't have much humour in my brain today and you'd do it justice. Can I request mention of jizz in the eye please :)

You can bring us both some luck x

la I second that - you're due some good luck unless of course you don't feel like it x
I've had scans and ovaries are basically covered in cysts ( they were 10 years ago ) not had them looked at for a while. They just keep prescribing metformin which upsets my stomach, not conducive to dtd!!
tee I'm so happy for you - 4 times a week might kill Mr tink though!
gaggia honey hope you're on the mend.
calli I didn't fart in front of dh for years, the first few times I did he high fived me, now I think he yearns for the old days

Sorry, crossed post! Ignore me lil la !!!

la could you go in for a half day or something? I had a few days off but was going stir crazy, getting back to work was a relief for me. Totally depends on how you're feeling but I had a massage booked for a couple of days after, thought I'd have to cancel it as didn't want anyone near me but on the morning I felt a little better so went for it, it made me feel so much better x

La go visit Denbies Vineyard in Dorking, Surrey. Worth the drive. Go up Box Hill and pretend to be in Jane Austen's Emma, then go for lunch, and vineyard tour and shit loads of wine. (Did my hen party there.... Brilliant!)

Thanks Tink! Feeling much better but still not 100%.

DH will not fart in front of me. He gets embarrassed if i hear him through the bathroom door. My bro is the same. He shouts "poo particles!" and leaves the room.

Wow massive cross posting, everyone on their lunch break?!

I so wish DH wouldn't fart in front of me, I'm sure he's burnt the surface of my skin before. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to complain about it tho!

oh my god - poo particles just made me snort with laughter! That's amazing!

Mr La does this thing where he farts into the sofa or car seat and thinks that means its not going to smell as 'the chair will absorb it'. He then gets up and it wafts everywhere. When I got pregnant I was letting it all hang out wind-wise, all over Barcelona and all over the place at home. I was so bloated I just didn't care. Now I might have to rein it in a little, otherwise not much chance of a second bfp!

How's your arse today gaggia? Still raining poo?

We are such ladies on this fred.

I'd love to do spas, vineyards and the like but I a) have very few friends here to go with, as all my mates are in Scotland/London and b) have no money :(

We are going back home to Scotland next week to sort out our house, as we've sold it. I've booked to get my hair cut and coloured at my usual place in Edinburgh (they think it's hilarious that I travel from the south each time to get my hair done) and I'm hoping that will make me feel less grey and sad.

I think I'm going to go to work tomorrow. Today I've cleaned the house and done all the washing. I've sorted the mortgage redemption out and our tenants moving out, ready for the sale.

I'm going to do some work now...

Gaaaah! It was you I forgot, calli doh! So sorry :(

I just had look back at this fred and there was a lot of Ian McShane chat. Perhaps he should appear in title?