Anyone got pregnant with no.1 very quickly bit struggling with no.2?

[tattyteddy]

Hello,

Was just wondering whether anybody has had a similar experience?

When trying for first child got pregnant the first month, however that ended in MC. Luckily I got pregnant again with DD after first month of trying again.

DD is now three, we would have started TTC sooner but I went back I Uni and I'm due to finish in November.

We have been trying for 5 months and no luck, worried that I've left it too late as I'm now 37.

5 friends pregnant, that must be tough, Mister!
I'm already quite pissed off at the first one from our antenantal group, who got pregnant by accident, wasn't even sure she wanted more kids. Not fair.

And then I kick myself, thinking about what one of my best friends went through - years of trying, infertility treatments, several MC's and MMC's, one at 16 weeks - and no kids. She's now 44 and has given up - at least we all have a child.

Yes you're right HazleNutt, I have to keep reminding myself not to become too self-obsessed while ttc and suppress that first feeling of jealousy at every new pregnancy announcement (4 from my antenatal group are now having / had their second!). I often have moments of feeling horrendously guilty for complaining when I am lucky enough to have had an easy, straightforward pregnancy first time around and have my wonderful DS to show for it.

Also I have not mentioned our ttc problems to anyone irl and when it does happen for us others might feel the same about me, not realising the problems we have had - it could be the same for some of my friends too and they just haven't said anything (though some are very open about having got pregnant first time which does make it harder to suppress my feelings!)

I'll google it Metal

Loves I don't trust the cheap strip pg tests either as the opk one's didn't work for me. I was 6 weeks pg before I found out with DD & that was using a Clear Blue test.

Welcome Mister I never wanted such a big age gap but looking at at least 5 years now everyone pg at around same time as me have already gone on to have a second some have had a third. Now on the one's that were 2 years after I had DD who are pg with their second. Finding it so tough all these second pregnancy announcements, its hard not to feel a bit of jealousy.

Well wanted to try and DTD every other night from cycle day 10 and not use the OPK's - doctor suggested giving them a miss to take the pressure off and just 'enjoy each other'! She has got a point but its been that long since we've DTD because we wanted. Anyway of course we didn't DTD last night because he was too tired and I'm not holding much hope out for tonight either as it's Saturday night and he'll do his usual 'fall asleep on the sofa' but when I mention booking a holiday abroad somewhere for next summer I get 'what if we have a baby by then or if you're pregnant and can't fly' Well fat chance if you're always too tired to DTD! Finding it very frustrating at the moment. The last couple of days I've been feeling really positive about things as well. OH doesn't realise how pressured I'm feeling when it's so hard to get him to DTD, then I get told it's all I ever go on about, oh and I get shouted at if I mention to him how long we've been trying for!

Sorry to go on I just had to get that off my chest.

Oh Bobsy it's so hard isn't it. Could you not just initiate there and then on the sofa? Surely it will stop him falling asleep! Maybe if you try to not talk about it or plan it with him for a week or two, and just try and spontaneously dtd with him he will feel more up for it? Surely no man can resist you just whipping his pants off! I know it's so hard to actually do that when you have been trying for this long, and when you have a DD as well, but maybe it will help take the pressure off a bit like the Dr said? and of course you can talk and plan and rant to us on here!!
I seem to love tormenting myself with finding out about peoples pregnancies and babies, one lady is coming back to work from ML, another has just gone on ML, and I keep watching that stupid Don't drop the baby programme where they try to teach 18 year old kids to be good fathers......
farfalle what a bloody nuisance, hope you get some logical answers soon!
furtive also think that list idea is a great idea!
metal that is really interesting what she said about being dehydrated and low prog? maybe she does know what she is talking about! I'm becoming more and more keen to try it myself, but it's unlikely I'll find a fertility one around here
Little this is the first scan I have had, went to see the GP back in february and have only had day21bloods done and DHs SA so far! The Dr casually mentioned a while back that she could book me in for an ultrasound whilst I wait for my 8month waiting list gynae app....oh, yeh, what a good idea thanks!!!! Anyway, first it was just a regular ultrasound scan like you have in week 12 and 20 of pg. Took about ten minutes. Then she did the dildo cam one, she slid a wedge pillow under my bum, and well...you can guess! It wasn't too uncomfortable at all, and took again maybe ten to fifteen minutes. She wiggled it around a bit trying to get a good view of both ovaries, and took some screen shots. I didn't get to see the screen as she was doing all this, I have heard that you can ask to see what she is doing, but tbh I don't think I would have been able to make out what I was seeing anyway! There was no dye used, but she did say it would pick up any PCOS symptoms, issues with ovaries or the womb, such as scarring or tilts. I don't think it can see anything to do with fallopian tubes though. The results will be at the Drs next week so will let you know what comes of it, if anything.
Anyway, my stats
Ginger age 28, DD 3 next month, trying for 17 cycles over 14 months, all tests so far come back as normal.

Sounds a good idea Gingerbread but tbh I'm losing all confidence now as it's only me that initiates DTD he never does & even when I start to initiate it, it takes ages for him to 'get in the mood' If I ever get pregnant that will be the end of DTD! Oh he could definitely resist, I'm sure he doesn't fancy me any more but hey just one of those things. I keep telling myself I'll try not to mention it but then feel like I have to warn him. It's so hard when it's me that's making all the effort.

I torment myself as well, a friend pg with second put scan pic on FB so what did I do but read all the comments!

Eight months for a gynae appointment? It sounds like they were thorough with your scan though, hope all comes back okay for you. I feel like my docs don't want to help me at all, I had an ultra sound earlier this year couldn't find anything wrong, blood tests were all clear and basically nothing more they can do/will do.

bobsy I'm sorry your DH is being such and arse again! Even if well intentioned, men just don't have a clue! I told my DH today that maybe I didn't ovulate on Thursday like I thought as I was having really bad cramps and backache today, and he said " could it be your period?" -erm, no, there's 2 weeks between ov and AF!

I was so sure I ov'd on Thursday, had a strong positive opk on Wed and then a temp rise on Friday, but today my temp was below the cover line again and I had those awful cramps, so now I'm thinking what if I only ov'd today? We won't get to dtd tonight as DH's parents are staying with us and he's watching MoTD with his dad, and all I can think is this is going to be another month wasted! Sorry I'm rambling on a bit, just really frustrated with my body this cycle...

You're right though hazle, we should probably try and be more grateful for what we've already got. It's hard though when you want something so much and have no control over whether it's going to happen or not...

X-post bobsy - have you thought about going private/could you afford a private fertility consultation? I think initial consultations are between £150-200, and if you take all your previous test results with you they might be able to tell you what else you could try?

Metal Oh dear men eh!! period two days after ovulation! OH was starting a bit of an argument before so there's an excuse not to DTD. It's too early anyway but I'm trying to get us back in DTD to learn how to enjoy it properly again without the pressure and was hoping if we DTD every other night this week till the end of next weekend we'd have hit my fertile time but without the pressure of knowing the 'exact time' if that makes sense.

That sounds strange that your temp dropped right back down. For my last cycle I got +OPK on the Wednesday but it was the Friday before my temp went up so my fertility app thinks I ov'd on the Friday. I don't think I'm doing a good job with the temping, I wake up early to go to the toilet but get out of bed half asleep and forget to take my temperature then it's only a couple of hours before I get up after that and they say at least 3 hours asleep before taking temperature. Oh what a shame but you could still be in with a chance, your fertile for a few days before ov anyway. It's hard when you feel like another month is wasted, but fx it won't be.

It's worth thinking about private fertility consultation but I think I need to get more cooperation out of OH, last month I was lucky we had a good month of DTD (good for us anyway) but previous months have been once or twice at most at fertile time. When I went to see the doctor back in August who referred me for the blood tests she said we should be DTD more often.

He's sat downstairs watching the tv (or probably fallen asleep by now) oh well bed to myself I guess.

I'm here for a little rant..

All this 'enjoy each other' like the doc said & forgetting the OPK just isn't going to work I'm not wasting time & energy (emotional energy too) on trying to get him to DTD before my fertile window. Thought it would help us relax just DTD every other night mid-cycle and learn to properly enjoy again without the pressure, but I was wrong. I got really upset with him last night, it's not great that he prefers the tv to me.

Why can't I just bring myself to give up like I said I would. I'm feeling such a mix of emotions. DD will be at least 5 now so too big a gap to have much in common. It was always so important to me that DD didnt grow up an only child & when I had her I took it forgranted we'd have another when we were ready never imagined how hard this would be. It's so difficult to get OH to DTD then after all the difficulty it doesn't get my pg anyway.
Then there's my jealousy of other mums who've got pg so easily with second & some even third.

Anyway I hope everyone has had a nice weekend?

Not really such a great weekend, AF arriving (spotting) here. And I can't really kid myself with implantation spotting, all tests are as negative as they could possibly be. Another month wasted.

And I agree, the doctors who recommend that we don't figure out when the fertile time is and just have sex at random are totally deluded. We're not 17 any more - first, not so fertile and second, probably not shagging like rabbits every evening. Or maybe that's just me.

Sorry about AF arrival HazleNutt. Every month when I spot I think/hope it's implantation.

Exactly, we are definitely not at it like rabbits far from it.

Better luck next month.

Oh Bobsy please don't stress too much about the age gap. I think I mentioned way up thread, there's 6 years between me and my brother and we were very close as children and teenagers. I think there's less sibling jealousy/rivalry with a big gap and the older one tends to be very protective.

Sorry your DH is being uncooperative Bobsy. This ttc lark is difficult enough without him making it harder by not wanting to DTD. And not fair for you to always have to be the one doing the persuading.

I thought I would share a few things from my list of positives about a larger age gap as it's a big part of my ttc stress that I'm trying to let go of! Sorry if they're not all relevant:

-It allows you to give more individual attention to both DC1 while they're little and also the new baby when it arrives.
-After a few years the baby stage will be new and exciting again so can hopefully enjoy the experience more, rather than feeling like you've only just done it all.
-Less likely to have to afford 2 lots of childcare simultaneously.
-If starting school falls during mat leave you can be there for all school runs
-For those of us looking at a 3+ age gap there are things like avoiding the need for a double buggy, second cot, 2 in nappies etc.

Also definitely agree with Emperor also that getting on later in life is much more personality than age gap. They are only children for such a relatively short time and what's 5+ years between adults?

Of course I tell myself all these things then still get upset seeing mums with bumps and babies everywhere!

Sorry about AF HazleNutt. Good luck for next month.

Ooh and while I'm here, I was wondering if any of you might know - are there are actual NHS guidelines about what they are supposed to offer to investigate fertility issues with conceiving number 2? Mentioned to my GP that we had been TTC and nothing happening yet. She was lovely and said she would do bloods to check if ovulating as my cycles are irregular, and also SA for DH. But then she went on to say that if those things were fine we would need to TTC for 2 years before anything could be done.

I was a bit surprised as hoped they would do referral or something after 1yr. I'm aware that IVF is often not available to people with a child already but wasn't sure if that extends to other investigations/treatments or whether the 2yr thing applies to everyone.

Hopefully it's unnecessary and ridiculous for me to be worrying about this stuff yet as not even TTC for 6 months but I guess I'd just like to know what the options are as age gap aside, part of me just worries about what if it doesn't happen full stop.

That's good to here something positive about a larger age gap Emperor.

Thanks furtivefeline each month is a bit harder & having to think about how I'm going to get him to DTD next cycle. I should be ov around next weekend & I'm already getting him to DTD.

Good list. Also DC#1 could even help out with baby & won't feel as jealous or left out because they can get involved. If I had a baby now I can imagine DD would be quite helpful I could ask her to pass me stuff if changing nappy or nip upstairs for something I needed. Just little things but she'd enjoy being helpful.

*dreading getting him to DTD I mean.

I've drawn a blank with my doctors now furtivefeline. I've tried for 21 cycles now, I've had a scan and everything fine blood tests were also fine, she's never suggested OH have SA (not that he would anyway!). Not prepared to do anything else as its down to my age. Maybe different areas work differently but my doctor might as well have said 'what do you expect at your age'

I like the list and just to add I have two older brothers they are 5 and 7 years older then me and we are very close :)

Morning ladies, hope everyone is feeling ok today. Sorry AF got you over the weekend Hazle. I had quite a nice weekend, DH's parents were down to visit so we all went out for a lovely lunch yesterday and I treated myself to a glass of champagne! Got to make the most of these things... DH and I then went out to the cinema last night to see Gone Girl, so all in all some good times.

bobsy I really want to grab your DH and give him a good shake! Where does he think babies come from?!

I also used to worry about the growing age gap (we're looking at least at 5 years now), but at this point I'd just be happy to get pregnant at all.

After my temp dip on Saturday it shot back up yesterday and has stayed up, so I either ov'd on Saturday not Thursday (though going by my cm that seems unlikely), or I had a fallback rise, which apparently is quite a common pattern. Fx it was the latter. Anyway, will ring my GP surgery this afternoon to see if my blood results from Friday are back and then see what the next step is.

I think waiting times/tests available vary so much furtive depending on age, area, individual GPs etc. despite there being national guidelines (but that's all they are really, just guidelines). Hopefully it won't come to that if you've only been ttc for a few months.

AF is being an especially annoying bitch this month, some spotting yesterday and today nothing. But it's still over, the pregnancy tests are as negative as they can be. Not even the "ooohh if I really squint and look at a right angle, I can almost see a shadow!" kind of line.

Thanks cake. It's good to hear when larger age gaps work out well. My Dsis and I are only 2.6 yr apart and also get on really well so I kind of assumed that was down to the age gap. Equally though I know other people that don't get on at all well with siblings and are really close in age.

Sorry you're not getting much help from your GP bobsy. It's good that your tests are all normal but I suppose it would almost be reassuring if they could find something that could be fixed. Good luck getting OH to DTD this weekend. Will you try ?

Hope you manage to get your blood results metal. Temp staying up sounds like a good sign. You are right it doesn't make sense for me to start worrying about getting tests etc at this point and I know I'm not in the same boat as you ladies that have been trying for 1 or even 2yrs plus. I think that maybe just having a plan for "what if it doesn't happen" helps me remain a bit more calm for the time being.

Sorry AF is messing you around Hazle. I hate the limbo of no proper AF and BFN.

Glad you had a good weekend Metalhead and thanks I want to shake him too, its so difficult that we've been TTC for so long and he is adding to the pressure I feel, I'm actually feeling unwell I've got a niggling headache above one eye and I feel absolutely shattered I'm sure it's down to stress.

Good that your temp went back up and good luck with the blood tests results, let us know how you get on.

HazleNutt I had similar a couple of cycles ago, really annoying.

Yes it would be furtivefeline but they're just not prepared to test me for anything else its down to my age because quality and quantity of eggs are not that good anymore. I'm thinking of doing us a nice meal with a few drinks this weekend to hopefully get him in the mood. I was really set for us just DTD every other night this week until after the weekend without using the OPK but definitely going to use it.

Bobsy - have they actually done any tests to show that your eggs are low in quality and quantity? Or are they just fobbing you off with that because you're 38. Because the two don't necessarily go together at your age - you should be years off anything menopausal (hopefully). It's also very surprising they haven't asked DH for a sperm sample (although I can see it'd be a tricky one to come by). National guidelines state clearly that both partners need to be investigated. As I said before, I got pregnant three times before having DS three years ago, each on the second month of trying. And yet when they tested DH's little swimmers this time they found they weren't quite as good as they should be, which might be a big part of our problem now. And yet those same little guys seemed so effective back in 2010. You seem to be having a double whammy of rubbish dh and rubbish GP, so it's no wonder you're feeling stressed. I do second whoever suggested not going to bed and leaving him on the sofa to fall asleep - if you're going to have to be initiating, then why not do that in the lounge at 8pm rather than hoping he's not too tired by the time he comes to bed?! Catch him off guard with nothing but some saucy underwear on and tell him you're sick of dtd to get pregnant, let's just have some fun. If he turns that down then you really do have a problem....

I agree, 38 is really not that old that this could be the only possible cause. Can you change doctors maybe? My GP, when I mentioned that I'm worried about my age, said not to be ridiculous, I'm not even 40 yet!