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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Aim your Sheewee, put on your stylish piss hat, grab a Pringles tube and avoid phlegm when DTD, but make full use of your DP's awesome penis! It's Just Shagging part 26

999 replies

ZylaB · 10/07/2014 20:03

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

The link to Part 25 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2106014-Dont-risk-sending-piss-by-post-Get-your-BFP-the-JS-way-Slip-on-your-disco-pants-pet-the-full-moon-unicorn-and-get-jizzy-in-all-the-right-places-just-not-the-carpet-Its-Just-Shaggin-Part-25?msgid=48206192" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2100803-Just-Shagging-Grads-Thread-9-Roll-Up-Roll-Up-all-you-graduated-Viroids?msgid=48205977" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
wilmabedrock · 06/08/2014 08:49

Is the cat going with you chat or being rehomed?

Lala I agree with Lil that LP shouldn't vary that much and I think ideally should be at least 12 days. All this spotting is weird but we know the witch is good at messing with our heads. Sit tight and see what happens. You're not a tit.

callipygian00 · 06/08/2014 12:06

Just caught up with all this! I want a WeVibe!

Chat - good luck with the move, sounds exciting!

Ladyboluna · 06/08/2014 12:37

I'm a bit scared by the sound of the wevibe. Part of it stays inside while you dtd?! That sounds like a trip to a&e! I can imagine saying to the doctor "but the mners told me to do it."

I like my rechargeable. Yes it plugs into the mains. And yes I have to be careful when I do so.

wilmabedrock · 06/08/2014 15:01

I know someone who went to A&E because they got a vibrator stuck up their bum Grin .

Lala5 · 06/08/2014 15:19

'Vibrator stuck up bum' is definitely not something I'd like on my hospital records.

lildottie · 06/08/2014 16:28

la you are not a tit. but sounds like your not due yet. fx its ib for you and not the flange wanker messing you around.

vibrator stuck up the ass?!? Shock. why oh why oh why? no don't answer that. maybe they were trying to make ass babies!

gaggiagirl · 06/08/2014 16:37

A friend of mine is a gynae surgeon. He has removed a wine bottle from a fanjo before. It created a vacuum he had to drill a hole in the bottom of it to release the seal.

I think if that happened to me I would let the shame kill me before attending hospital.

teejayem · 06/08/2014 17:06

Mum used to be an A&E nurse in central London some years ago, apparently the amount of people that slip over and fall bum first onto shampoo bottle is alarming. She said they are 'hungry little orifices'

Seriously though. never lost my we-vibe, and I put it on charge last night with a view to buzz through JSing tonight.

wilmabedrock · 06/08/2014 17:09

Haha brilliant! I've heard of candles and all sorts. Love the bottle creating a vaccuum. Mortifying.

Lala5 · 06/08/2014 17:10

Oh my god shampoo and wine made me wince!!

Just counted back and presuming I always ice same day roughly as this month lp is 12 days. That sounds much more sensible!

I think she's just being a dick to me this month. I hate her with passion!

Ladyboluna · 06/08/2014 17:47

This may be TMI... but how do you tell the difference between pant snot and DP's fallen soldiers? Because I my cbfm doesn't think I've ovulated yet but there it is.

RPopz · 06/08/2014 17:55

Ass babies!! Grin Mr P always wants to make those.... Hmm

wilmabedrock · 06/08/2014 18:03

For the most fertile CM, you're looking for clear, very stretchy mucus so it should look quite different to manly 'deposits'. But I wouldn't trust anything that came out in a short time window after cape action. I really need to grow up and be able to say 'sperm' and 'sex'.

callipygian00 · 06/08/2014 18:18

Really had to try hard not to LOL at the vacuum/shampoo thing as well as 'manly deposits'! Sitting right beside my mum and that would have been difficult to explain! Probably not as awkward as when she and my Gran walked into my room when I was moving out of my student flat and saw my carrot lookalikey vibrator sitting proudly atop my mantlepiece though... Blush

Lala5 · 06/08/2014 19:50

Oh god yes Mr La constantly likes to try and chance his luck but doesn't get very far!

Pant snot is stretchy and egg white like, soldiers are gloopy and runnier. Generally though have a ferret and you'll come up with the answer Grin

Lala5 · 06/08/2014 20:07

I have the largest glass of wine I could pour in my hand right now. Evil bitch witch arrived with a big frigging fanfare. So rude!

Bloody determined not to let her win - next month is my month!! 3:-o coobag...

wilmabedrock · 06/08/2014 20:09

Aw sorry Lala. Wine

RPopz · 06/08/2014 20:11

Crap. Sorry La. Onwards and upwards!! Wine Wine Wine Thanks Thanks Thanks

Lala5 · 06/08/2014 20:28

Honestly it's fine - I knew it was too much to be ib today and it went from pink to red. Wine for next 5 days then cape's going back on!

TabbyTurmoil · 06/08/2014 20:39

Oh rubbish la I was getting all excited reading through the thread, the witch is a saggy teated flange wanker.

I need a massive hooya, it's cd 33 so I'm not really late yet (had a 33 day cycle a few months ago) but I'm totally obsessed! Had some very light brown spotting last weds and occasional period like cramps ever since. Following the early pregnancy cm straw poll (thanks viroids) I have concluded there are no grounds for hope on that front despite constant gusset gazing

Basically - somebody slap me.

Lala5 · 06/08/2014 20:42

Er...tabby brown is good!
Fx!

TabbyTurmoil · 06/08/2014 20:42

Oh, and had a good chortle at all yesterday's smutty chat and a quick look on lovehoney

chat good luck with your move tomorrow, wishing you much happiness in your new home!

TabbyTurmoil · 06/08/2014 20:46

la it was barely there I had to really squint at the loo roll but I was on the prowl for the witch as having cramps.

I'm not late yet - need to forget about it until the weekend yeah right

Lala5 · 06/08/2014 20:52

Keeping everything crossed for you! Grin

TabbyTurmoil · 06/08/2014 21:01

Noooo you were meant to slap me Wink