Aim your Sheewee, put on your stylish piss hat, grab a Pringles tube and avoid phlegm when DTD, but make full use of your DP's awesome penis! It's Just Shagging part 26

[ZylaB]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

The link to Part 25 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2106014-Dont-risk-sending-piss-by-post-Get-your-BFP-the-JS-way-Slip-on-your-disco-pants-pet-the-full-moon-unicorn-and-get-jizzy-in-all-the-right-places-just-not-the-carpet-Its-Just-Shaggin-Part-25?msgid=48206192" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2100803-Just-Shagging-Grads-Thread-9-Roll-Up-Roll-Up-all-you-graduated-Viroids?msgid=48205977" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Mr Fatty's gonna get some action tonight

Vacuum fanjo worked for me

Mr Fatty is hopefully recovered from the al fresco sex.

Yeah well I'm not feeling very sexy at the moment pis. I'd quite frankly rather have soup. You're a bunch of horny buggers. lurks behind door waiting for explanation of we vibe

I have NEVER wondered about the circumstances of my conception!

We're off to Brussels, fatty. Would your DH know what a hooya was if it came up and slapped him?

We Vibe's website is still up and running...

sorry fattyâ?¦got a bit carried away. here have a

also intruiged by wevibe heads to Google

gaggia , yeah! you wear one bit inside and the other bit sits over the nice tingly place of your foof, and then awesome penis goes in while it's in (it's comfortable!) and then it merrily buzzes away while you JS. It's also waterproof and rechargeable. And has like a million different speeds and pulses, but I find all the intermittent buzzing a bit off putting......
Miles better than willy rings, which tbh make me laugh and OH insists are like napkin holders.

Dyson fanny me...

Get out your Buck Rogers sex kit, fire up you we-vibe and tell the wanker badger to go fuck herself - I think the new Fred title just wrote itself...

fatty hooya for you!

chat it must've been weird sitting in empty house. Hope you make lots of happy memories in new house.

lady it's moving bit fast today - think we are all a bit overexcited! Don't worry just dip in and out.

lil my lp is normally 10-15 days. Is 10 bad then? I take pg conception tablets with vits.

Witch has gone again after a day of pink spotting. I'm not daring to hope it's a good sign! I have some ics and one frer. I might wait another few days.

lil what was the brown thing you gave fatty? Was it a biscuit?

Chat, Brussels is wonderful!

Lala, yes, it was a biscuit lil gave me.

I have told DH that I needed kisses in the hooya due to a slap I earned by thinking of names. The look on his face was a bit like this > . But he cottoned on that it means action for him, so I think we might shag again tonight.

Morning viroids. I am in limbo. Had 1 day spotting then yesterday I though witch came coz there was more pink ( enough to show on tissue not enough to show on pants - sorry if tmi) but it never actually came properly and it seems to have gone away again. Sore boobs, slight barely there cramps and only tiny bit spotting this morning. I normally get af in massive amounts on 2nd day with guy wrenching cramps.

I'm confused.

Is it possible it was just a lighter af? I don't know whether to discount this month and start again. Test bfn.

It was 11dpo today and Google says frer would normally pick up a positive by now. Any sage advice from my wise forum buddies? I'm trying not to get hopes up.

*gut wrenching

La STOP!! Wait!! Test in a couple of days... I'm very excited keeping my fingers crossed this is your month.

I only tested coz af due 'officially' today and so I thought well I'll have a go. I didn't even bother to wait for result I'm so used to them being negative - I wandered off to feed cat and came back a bit later

la 11dpo is too early! don't forgot those who were late and still got bfns only to get bfps later....wil maybe?

and let's say implantation happened at 10dpo (it can range from about 7-11) then you wouldn't have enough hcg on your system to test until at least 13dpo even with a frer. so wait until 14dpo. preferably 16dpo when you are late.

and your lp shouldn't range that much. its supposed to be same each month give or take a day Max. and 10is borderline from my readings. 15would be fine.

la on what basis are you due today? a 15day lp would mean your not due for 4days I.e. on 16dpo.

I think my lp has varied in my records because there was a month when it decided I'd iced but it was actually a bit later. So 15 seems to be average

Cool so I shouldn't reset cbfm just now. I had thought perhaps it's a light period - having only ever had the type where you wonder how you can possibly bleed so much I wasn't sure.

I was going on cycle length rather than lp. Not a lot of experience with lp

I feel like a tit now

Of course it's too early. I just hate this twot thing

Oh La what a pain Crossing everything xx

chat when will you reach Brussels? My friend lives there and loves it

La I don't know if this is useful or not but here goes...

According to my expected ov date I got a BFN at 15dpo and the very faintest line of a BFP on 19dpo. That was confirmed with the digi at 20dpo.

If I go by seeing EWCM (and I have my doubts about what that was as I'd not had anything like it before) then those dates only fall back by three days I.e. BFN at 12dpo, faintest BFP at 16dpo confirmed at 17dpo.

You're not a tit.

P.s. I was a day late with my first bfn and 5 days late with my super faint line.

Ooh, we'll be there Thursday afternoon. I've found a little MN community out there, but always like hearing about other expats . Our house is weird and empty - as soon as the cat has been picked up I'm running away. On that note, where is the cat - she's a nervous soul and doesn't like the removal guys. However, it's raining and she does not like to go out in the rain.

I try not to test until a few days late...I don't like being wrong about stuff.