Aim your Sheewee, put on your stylish piss hat, grab a Pringles tube and avoid phlegm when DTD, but make full use of your DP's awesome penis! It's Just Shagging part 26

[ZylaB]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

The link to Part 25 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2106014-Dont-risk-sending-piss-by-post-Get-your-BFP-the-JS-way-Slip-on-your-disco-pants-pet-the-full-moon-unicorn-and-get-jizzy-in-all-the-right-places-just-not-the-carpet-Its-Just-Shaggin-Part-25?msgid=48206192" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2100803-Just-Shagging-Grads-Thread-9-Roll-Up-Roll-Up-all-you-graduated-Viroids?msgid=48205977" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

PS snakes are nice, don't actually wee on them. Unless the snake is actually a penis. Or don't - that's a bit odd.

Somewhere in the south of England - not going to say where for fear of outing...

I do vote that the next title has something about pissing on snakes in it!

With disclaimer though - as otherwise someone might actually do it!

Morning viroids, I'm out - ertd is here

Feeling hopeless, we did everything at the right time. Perhaps it's never happening for us.

oh lala, I'm so sorry. Have a big bit of cake today and then tonight. It will happen for all of us sweetie, it's crappy and unfair that some of us just have to wait a bit longer for it to happen, but you will get your bfp!

TMI alert: I just got some pant snot! At long last, it's finally come back!! Thanks to all the tips a few weeks ago - I tried a combination of evening primrose oil, grapefruit juice and lots of water. I'm not sure what finally worked in the end, but something did. So that will be my pre-ov concoction for the foreseeable future. Thank you viroids!

Lala

repeat after me "af you evil bitch witch, you have a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle and an arse like the back of a bin wagon"

xxx

Poobumwillypants Lala but this cycle you have learned that you ice late so you can time things to perfection from now on?

I get behind with the thread and then have to giggle and snort my way through all the posts on the train, now I look like a crazy person.

Sorry for AF Lala. I felt the same after 8 months of trying for DS but we got there. Maybe try something new next cycle? I would swear that the session of acupuncture I had around ov time in the month I got pg worked for me, but it's not everyone's cuppa. Feel better soon, lovely.

Alfresco sex... Years ago. In a wood, on a golf course...those were the days (everything gets all fuzzy round the edges and turns to sepia for the Before flashback)

Back to reality. I have remembered why I HATE contraband. Four days in (sorry viroids) with not even a sniff of a smiley but I have to see it through now. At least I sold on the (second-hand-but-unused-by-me) deluxe version and I only have a one-month digi. Which will not be replenished with new sticks once the remaining 6 are gone. Gah!

Ah duck you have such beautiful turn of phrase. You should definitely write poetry

Thanks viroids. I'll bounce back - just going to let myself have 30 minutes if moping first. Yet another friend announced pregnancy last night on Facebook, complete with the obligatory scan picture.

My cycles are long too so i get less chances. Grr.

Yay for pants snot Mini

I've just read my last post back - maybe not so helpful Lala, sorry. What I really meant to say was something along the lines of what Ayles said - much better than me banging on about acupuncture! Crappy witch indeed.

Sorry La Chin up girl. Wine and stinky cheese and pate and hugs. It WILL happen xx

Great news on the pant snot moo!

Sorry the contraband is frustrating you before

But yes, moping is Def allowed. Necessary in fact to retain PMA the rest of the cycle

la sorry about the witch. As we say in these rough country parts "do you want me to smash her face in for you?" actually its more like "do you want me to kick her cunt in for you?" but that's rude!

Im so up for some alfresco shagging now.

Sorry Lala, definitely have a mope. And vodka.

Oh La that bitch just has no fucking manners has she. Have some pate on toast for breakfast, it's how we're rolling this morning. Though at least you now know you iced late - Mr La needs to keep his stamina for longer each month...hopefully it will be your turn next.

We are packing up our lives today - DH has been working overseas for six months - on Thursday the cat, DD and I are joining him out in Belgium for a year or two. Exciting times for the Chats...

Morning viroids!

Gaggia/ tabby forbidden corner was very much like gaggia explained, I do think DD (3) was a bit small for it though- kept asking to go home and was scared in the underground/ castle/ dark bits. Me and DP had fun though

I feel sick this morning. AF not due for nearly a fortnight so I'm hoping its not a stomach bug starting

Wow Chat what an adventure, happy packing!

Thanks lauren DD is the same age so we might wait til shes older. I hope you don't have a bug.

wow chat how exciting! Hope the move goes well today

Finally moved into new house yesterday and erm 'tested' the new bed. It doesn't squeak. (At LAST!). We've moved from quite a busy main road in the 'burbs to a tiny cul de sac in a village. The street lights are all turned off at 11.30pm and we were WHISPERING in our own house, it's sooo quiet.... And then we JS'd and realised we'd left the windows open and that the whole road probably heard our wild monkey noises. whoops.

OH was leaping around beforehand saying 'Let's make babies!!' didn't have the heart to tell him I don't ice for another week. chat good luck with your move too! I also had pate on toast for brekkie.

Afternoon viroids. I had to make notes before typing my post today!

Bugger about the witch lala, fx for a shorter cycle next time.
Good luck with move Chat, you'll be able to get your cape on more if you're in the same country (when you're ready to)
I went to forbidden corner and loved it, I'd say over 5s if they are a bit sensitive. Some of it is a bit scary for little ones.
Hurray for house move and non-squeaky bed teejay
I'm quite vocal and keep forgetting the bedroom window is open!

In the purple house life has pretty much got back to normal. I planted a hibiscus (purple of course) in the front garden as a little memory thing and I've got my disco pants and cape out this weekend. I have no idea about cycles now so I'm just getting on with life and JSing.

before don't be daft I completely appreciated your advice! Will look into acupuncture.

chat HOW exciting! Hope it goes well!

gaggia love a bit of pure dead brilliant plain speaking witch threatening chat. I've told her to 'get ta f*!'

Forbidden corner sounds terrifying!

We keep propping window open and I'm terrified our neighbours can hear my vibrator (ttc aid in the La house!).

purple hugs x

I thought witch was here but it's not coming on normally. It may still come on over rest of day but at moment it's just pink when I wipe (sorry if tmi). It's very odd. I was spotting yesterday.

Normally she comes with a big fanfare!

Hope the move goes well, what an adventure chat

purple I'm glad all is well and you are sporting your spangly cape again, go on lass!

la if I may....vibrator? TTC aid? Details please! Mine is only used for solo DP free nights.

So that we both get to have fun