Aim your Sheewee, put on your stylish piss hat, grab a Pringles tube and avoid phlegm when DTD, but make full use of your DP's awesome penis! It's Just Shagging part 26

[ZylaB]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

The link to Part 25 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2106014-Dont-risk-sending-piss-by-post-Get-your-BFP-the-JS-way-Slip-on-your-disco-pants-pet-the-full-moon-unicorn-and-get-jizzy-in-all-the-right-places-just-not-the-carpet-Its-Just-Shaggin-Part-25?msgid=48206192" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2100803-Just-Shagging-Grads-Thread-9-Roll-Up-Roll-Up-all-you-graduated-Viroids?msgid=48205977" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Ha ha ha!! Best message ever to read first thing in morning kato. I love it!

I don't think they do bum hole too. But some people get bum hole bleached...

Awww congrats ducky, lovely news xx

depends how thorough they are kato I had one woman once go fairly far back (and did a generally much better job) and someone who didn't go very far back at all (and did a crap job). hurts like hell when u first have it done but if you go regularly you grow a tolerance for it. I haven't been for ages though cos she was doing a terrible job of it. haven't found somewhere new to try yet.

The waxer lady did ask me if I wanted my bum "doing", I said no thank you very much. I do not have a hairy bum!!

Congratulations duck!

I also smelt awful smells at the beginning of pregnancy, in fact it was smells that set off my awful morning sickness with DD

Congratulations Duck !

All this talk of hairy bumholes may be the trigger my morning sickness has been waiting for....

A quick disclaimer! I do not have a hairy bumhole... asking for a friend, ya? A gorgeous friend...

congratulations duck what lovely news!

Bikini waxing hurt more than child birth I'm defo sticking with shaving although I am going to try hair removal cream this week.

Anyone tried it? Will my fanjo catch fire and fall off?

Clearly hexed myself, ERTD turned up late last night. 36 days! The cheek of it.

I have hollywoods sometimes and there's a super awkward bit when the lady asks you to get on all fours and waxes betwixt your bum cheeks (Apparently I'm not that hairy, but have enough to wax). That part actually hurt a lot less than some of the regular bikini area. The worst part (presuming you can leave your dignity at the door - at the place I go to, it's the same lady that does my facials as well.. - and, yes she washes her hands first....) - is a) growing it long enough to wax (Itchy muff!) and then when they wax the erm, crease on your top part of your foof. Ouch.

Awww tee That's been a long cycle, what a bitch, hope you're okay?

I'm OK Thanks Kato - binned off stupid meal replacement shake this morning and ate doughnuts as felt a bit meh. Yeah, it seems that all the years on bc have given me lazy eggs! the last three have been like it. I hope it evens out, as much as OH likes 'bonus no AF week' I don't really like the extra wait. It's weird, I don't have anywhere near as much pain as I used to, but such horrid PMS & tiredness, I actually feel ashamed at the way I behaved the last couple of days :( the move prob hasn't helped. The bikini wax chat, has, however really cheered me up, so thank you girls xx

Boo tee boo! Stupid witch!

I hate long cycles, mine was 37 last month.

Omg the idea of getting on all fours to have my bum hole waxed makes my eyes water - I was affronted enough when leg waxer said 'right, let's do your toes now'. I have hairy toes!?!

When did you stop BC tee? and what was it you were taking? The 2ww is torture enough for me, let alone a whole bonus week... have another doughnut, meal replacement drinks are shit! x

I am hating this malarky, seriously. DS was a happy accident, and I remember my friends who had been actively TTC telling me how lucky I was, but it's only now that its sinking in!

ow ow ow! ooh lord no, leave the lady garden alone! Congrats Duck. Exciting news!

My nail girl takes a nail file to my toe hairs while she;s doing my pedi...

Honestly lala it wasn't that bad! I think that whole area is a little less sensitive because it gets wiped a lot, ha! It was one quick hot wax and it was all over. Squeaky Clean!

I'm an ex Cerazette Kato - stopped it in Feb, didn't have AF until May. (that wait was hideous!) I'd only been taking it about 9 months too, was on Yasmin for about 10 years prior to GP announcing he didn't prescribe it to the over 30s.
My Bonus week is after I've finished AF, I have like two weeks before I OV (Bought contraband as had no idea what was going on and was scared I wasn't even Ov'ing) and then pretty much bang on 15 days after that till AF. The only Upside is that AF itself is pretty light.
Tried very hard to not obsess so much month just gone, as month before I was really disappointed, but hey-ho!

Just actually chuckled on reading. My office now think I'm a nutter, especially as I have to check mn surreptitiously on my phone as rw don't know I'm ttc.

Huge congratulations ducks! Honestly tone of the best day of my life. Good luck explaining you want small and quiet to parents/in laws!!

Feeling pretty nauseous today. Am turning into crazywoman as actually happy about feeling sick

DP prefers me to let the 'fro grow. I'd only have a Hollywood if I wanted him to leave me alone. I do run the razor over my toes when I shave my legs though.

Sorry Tee that's so crap hope the move went ok though and you're settling in? I've temporarily made the third bedroom in my place a walk in wardrobe - I like it! DS may have to share his room after all

Ah thanks ghetti - we get the keys on Friday, it's all the bitty stuff I'm trying to sort at the moment (Bills, phone, broadband as we both WFH sometimes). And then just the zillion boxes to lug around in the heat. We're going into a 3 bed house from a 1 bed flat which has raised eyebrows among a few of our friends as we've not shared we're ttc. Honestly any more 'oooh, so much space for just two of you!' comments & I'm not inviting any of them to housewarming. Huff.

I've had a wax a few times. The lady that does mine just tells me to lay on my stomach and keep my ass cheeks apart with my hands when she waxed there. There aren't that many hairs there, but I want them gone as the front is completely free of hair as well!

congratulations on BFP purple and congratulations on setting a date duck!

Does anyone feel terribly sick round their estimated ovulation date? I feel seconds away from being sick and have for most of the day, and today should be my day, last month I felt similar and convinced myself I was pregnant and had morning sickness not a hypochondriac at all

Coming to the party late, sorry - congrats purple. That's lovely news and the rant that follows is in no way aimed at you, or anyone else here for that matter.

I'm feeling a bit sad today. This thread notwithstanding (of course) there seem to be pregnant people around every corner. Had a quiet weep in the doctor's because there was a midwife clinic on at the same time, and saw all the folk with their Bounty packs, I kept thinking, "that would have been me if the MC hadn't happened." Told DH when I got in and he looked at me blankly - the MC was a complete non-event for him. I'm too scared to head over to the TTC after MC thread but I don't want to bring this one down either.

Nothing doing this month (not that I am surprised), body is just cranking up for AF. I'm sewing like a crazy person which means I don't want to think about anything. Sigh.

before, I'm sorry about your MC. I hope it is your turn soon. Is there someone close to you you can talk to about it? Men can sometimes be useless when it comes to feelings, so maybe your mum or a friend?

Hugs and before, it's shite and completely unfair. Don't leave, you are always welcome to rant here and we will support you whatever you need.

Aww Before I had a total meltdown last week after a bfn
Told DH that it's just too hard and that I'm not sure TTC is worth it
And that pregnant women and babies everywhere were seeking me out to torturre me.
So I completely get it and really hope my luck rubs off on you all
Lots of love xx