The Elderberry Pavlovas are tooling up and making plans to bust out of this joint! Evacuation by helicopter by end of September, no berry left behind!

[barkingtreefrog]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

Thank you for he support as always.

Alas, today is not a better day; just found out that I need 4 fillings so been in the dentists in floods of tears.... So, I've been to see my boss and after a lecture from them that this is all me, there is no problem with my workload and I'll never be satisfied and I should stop running away (helpful not) I have decided to give a 2 finger salute and have gone off sick! Perhaps they'll realise how much I do or even more scarily perhaps the world won't stop turning

Kitten glad DH can take the time off to come with you. Hope all goes well.

Barking holy moley! I don't think that I could cycle that much! Proverbial hat off to you.....

Having a wobble..... 9+1 today but having cramps and lower backache and coloured discharge. Afraid it is the start of something bad or I have an infection. Thankfully they could fit me in with the practice nurse at 2.30 so we'll see what she says.

Sorry to whinge..... It just feels like this is so precarious and could be taken away so easily :(

HB just at your boss, sounds worse than mine! Definitely the right thing to go off sick, hope you feel better for it. Your boss can go swivel very mature put down.
I got a telephone appointment with the GP this morning who was incredibly sympathetic and signed me off immediately, telling me to take some time to recover and relax and only do nice things. She asked about my next steps and I explained our concerns after two mc's and few chances left and she said if autoimmune factors were an issue they'd just prescribe low dose aspirin so I could ask the consultant about doing that anyway.

rp sending berry power, let us know how it goes at your appointment.

Cramps going home sick but now have over an hours commute. Hope you are ok rp

Thanks. She just took a swab - or rather, got me to do it in case she injured the foetus! - and said I'd know by next week. If it is an infection they can give me ABs though.

Home and curled up on sofa and cramps have subsided. I am now 5dp3dt, any other IVF berries suffer similar cramping?

I had some pain at 3dp5dt if that helps. I took that to be implantation pain.

Just seen a lovely GP, signed off for 2 weeks. To be fair I was sobbing in the consultation room - so many bumps and babes in the waiting room in clinics that were all running late! The doc asked similar questions to yours Barking and said that he was sorry, especially around the no NHS funding so that was nice. Just need to figure out how to get my head straight, answers on the back of a postcard......

Lumen should have said that I mean that in a positive way.

Thanks hb, glad your doc appt was ok

lumen I agree with HB, cramps could mean something is happening .

rp hang on in there, no bleeding is a good sign, cramps are normal .
I was talking to a friend today who isn't trying to TTC yet, but given all the babies in our social group now, then couples like me & DH and others she knows who are struggling, she thinks maybe they should start trying. She couldn't believe how early the latest bump told her she was pg, and not in a confidential it's really early and could go wrong but wanted you to know way, just really positive and brimming with happiness smugness from day one. So, instadiffs after wedding last year and sails through a worry free pg Bitch We all know it's not that easy. Not long in normal people terms until your 12 week scan now though rp, that'll be a huge step.

HB how long have you been signed off for? Find some fun stuff to do. I walked the dog with a friend today, then went food shopping to try some new recipes. Meeting up with my mum tomorrow, whose support so far through this has been a total of three text messages .

Who else is using the Honestly Healthy cookbook? I'm still struggling to find/justify buying ingredients! Couldn't find any soya bean paste, and refused to pay £6 for one jar of coconut oil as it was just one ingredient and we're having a cheap month before holidays.... There were some other ingredients that I did find but didn't want to buy, eg for the sake of a couple of leaves in the curry I was going to be paying £3+ which I thought was silly.

I've been signed off for 2 weeks Barking but not sure what I'm going to do. DH is away this week so I need to stay home to look after the dog but may try and get away next week. I don't really have any close family and the only friends who are off at the moment are those on maternity leave. I guess the big thing is to figure out how to get reconciled with things and then move on ready for the next cycle.

I had a look at the HH website and it all seemed really complicated and I'm a keen cook. If you after things like curry leaves, coconut oil etc. I'd head to the local Chinese / Indian etc. corner shops. I have always had really good deals from there with things like curry leaves, spices (by the bucket load) and oils for really reasonable prices.

HB I'm off work! Bring the dog and come and hang out with me! . Long dog walks are great .

Big berry love to everyone having a bad day or a wobble today.

rp don't worry my dear easy to say not easy to do and hopefully your gp can provide some reassurance.

lumen really hoping this is a postive sign! You put your feet up and get dh to look after you.

hb I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so low, but it is totally understandable and not at all unusual after what you have been through. Take the time you need to regroup. Have you thought about trying any sort of therapy? I have been reading about hypnotherapy as way to overcome all of the negative emotions that can come from ttc stress. Might be worth considering. This fertility business puts a strain on mind and body. I've also been listening to various fertility and mindfulness meditations which I have found helpful.

barking I have tended to stick to the recipes without too many fancy ingredients needed. I have just made the jewelled quinoa to go with baked salmon and salad (t'was good!) but left out the cashews as I didn't have any. Other staples for me are the granola, layered vegetable bake, chickpea and sweet potato stew and the butternut squash risotto. I haven't attempted any of the treats, but I do want to make the peanut butter cups and the sweet potato brownies! I have got coconut oil in the cupboard as I have another cookbook that uses it, and I bought some agave syrup but that is it on the weird ingredient front.

So, thinking about a holiday over Christmas. Slightly nervous about booking something and then not being able go because I am pg feels slightly foolish for worrying about something that doesn't appear to be happening. What would others do?

Evening all!

lumen fx the cramps are a good sign, I hope they've eased up this evening?
rp I'm sure it's just your uterus stretching to accommodate the growing dino. Are you still getting them?
hb sorry you're having such a rotten week, but glad you have a good GP and now a bit of r&r time. Screw your ingrate of an employer.
barking I thought coconut oil was a beauty thing! Didn't realise you could cook with it!

So FC appt went ok. To cut a long story short, she still classes us as unexplained, despite au naturel BFP last year. I asked her whether she thought the HyCoSy 3 cycles before had anything to do with it but she just sort of shrugged and said that's where the folklore comes from but it was also just as likely to be a total coincidence.
She's agreed to get my TSH re-done and will call me back if she's concerned but her stance is that the NICE guidelines on it are only relevant really if you have OV problems, which I don't.
So, basically we're on the path to IVF now, referral end of December if we don't manage a FUFC. We get 2 cycles, and can do one privately between now and then if we want.
This is where I'd appreciate other Berry opinions.

We've sort of made our minds up what we're going to do but I'd be interested to see what the rest of you think! Would you go for a private cycle in the 6 month (+8 week waiting list, so more like 8 month) gap?
We can afford 2 private cycles (max) and have a big ol fancy pants holiday to Mauritius lined up in September so wouldn't be able to start till after that.
I'd welcome your thoughts!

X post tiger! Book the holiday! That was our exact dilemma with Mauritius but we decided it was high time we stop putting our lives on hold for the big 'what if'

rain I think we will!

If it were me, and I had been trying already for 2.5 years, and I could easily afford it, I would probably go for a private cycle to start in September as soon as I was back from my fancy-pants holiday...especially if it doesn't remove your NHS entitlement.

bushy You're spot on with how easily men seem to forget what's going on! Whereas we have daily reminders of it all. DH forgot about my US yesterday because "we'd just got back off hols and he was busy with work" whereas that didn't apply to me obvs Good job one of us can remember to go to all the appointments and stick progesterone somewhere it doesn't belong every 8 hours or we'd never have a chance.

gillster Thanks for cracking out the pom poms. I will gladly return the favour in August (hopefully with a contagious developing baby bump!) Remind me again, are you doing a medcated or natural cycle.

barking That's such lovely feedback you've got from the governors, yu should be really proud of what you've achieved. Hope you get to go to the picnic and say bye to the kids. Glad you got a sympathetic GP to sign you off - take the time to do whatever makes you feel better.

Re early announcements - I think a lot of these people just live on a different planet in blissful ignorance of how easily things go wrong. I will never forget when my 4 year old nephew called me to announce "Mummy has a baby in her tummy". I said how excited I was and asked when was the baby coming, to which he replied "in 8 months". I still can't believe they thought it was OK to tell him at that stage. It obviously never occurred to them they might have to tell him that there wouldn't be a baby after all.

nolly Perfect holiday timing!

hb So sorry you're going through this, take it easy while you're off. Sounds like you and barking have the worst bosses ever!

rp Hopefully it's "just" an infection. Will cross my fingers until you hear back next week, such a long time to wait!

lumen I would interpret the cramping as good implantation news, but still hope it's not too painful.

tiger Get that hooiday booked or I will go for you! My philosophy is not to out your life on hold for something us berries have so little control over.

rain Glad your appt went ok and they're looking into your TSH again. Tough call re what to do. I would be tempted to go private if you can afford it rather than losing those 6 months. Bearing in mind you may need 2-3 cycles until you get a result I think it's worth it. Whilst we should be grateful that there is IVF available on the NHS I do think that private care is generally better. Intrigued to know what you've decided now as it's a tough call either way!

AFM I'm much better after the megawobble yesterday, thanks again for all the lovely berry support. DH is also being lovely, obvs feeling guilty for forgetting about my appt yesterday - he called to check everything went ok handing in the consent forms!!??

So the clinic seems to have only defrosted the 4 ICSIs and not the other 2 IVF embies. 3 have survived, fingers crossed they divide tomorrow. Back at the FC in the morning for my 8th dildocam this cycle!

Just popping in quickly as wifi is shit on hols, but wanted to say HB massive hugs your way. Could you take a little cheapy hol to get some sun and r&r? It has really helped me with my frame of mind which was awful before I left. So sorry you have a shit boss, I did before my current position and know what it's like when they don't give a shit. I also agree with Tiger could you try hypnosis and/or affirmations visualisation stuff? It doesn't have to be as wacky as it can sound also to quote Feather your time will definitely come. You have been such an amazing friend to others and have done such lovely things for them. Karma is definitely heading your way and I really really hope it's ASAP.

Barking you sound like you and your dh have a really strong relationship there. He's right too, you can be very hard on yourself and there's no need, you are doing great especially given what you've been through.

Rain yep I'd go for the extra private cycle if I could afford it.

Tiger yep book! We are doing a Christmas hol this year (it's also my birthday!) but booking nearer the time cause of money. I think go for it though cause at this point we could still go away if we are diffed by then!

RP hope the cramps have subsided and it was all nothing.

Hugs to all of you lovely berries tonight!

Hey rain I can't remember how old you are as that would be a factor in whether I'd decide to go for it. I was 35 when we had ours and good so far. It's a lot of money to spend on something our nurse said very often does not work first time. Would you be happy losing that much money? I think I'd use up my Nhs then do private. Fab that you're going to Mauritius- lush!! We went there for honeymoon- happy days!! Whereabouts are you going?

tiger do it! do it!do it!! You will not regret it. I had the same dilemma last year, wanted a futtc hol but was scared to book in case got pg and wouldn't be able to fly etc. In the End we booked it 5 months in advance and wasn't pg so got to have an amazing time drinking cocktails and doing zip wires!!

nolly there's a song in that (sometimes it's hard to be a woman!)

barking I'm in awe of your bike ride, your dh is right, you're being way too hard on yourself.

hb sorry you're having a hard time but time off May be good. I agree it might be good for your work to deal without you and know what they're missing.

Chloe, it will be a medicated FET. I expect to start down-regging at the start of August. Would expect AF to be about 11th August then get the embies put in a couple of weeks after that. Good news on the defrosting. The pom poms have been dusted off and I'm limbering up for the cell division routine. I wouldn't be surprised if they call you in for a day 3 transfer given the number. It's a big risk to take them to day 5 when they could potentially do better in you on day 3. Go embies go!

The pom poms also apply to you Lumen. Have added a little implantation pirouette to my routine . Hopefully you're well on your way with the cramping today. Maybe they're both snuggling in, hence the extra crampiness?

Glad you're taking some time off work HB. Get some nice relaxing things planned.

Book the holiday Tiger, either way the outcome will be good. We put our lives on hold enough as it is with all this TTC malarkey!

If you can afford it Rain, I'd be tempted to get a private IVF cycle in straight after your hols, that way you should be nice and relaxed to start with.

Hope all gets sorted with you RP.

tiger the bean burgers are my favourite, with the cajun sweet potato wedges. Had the daal tonight. Liked the fritters with the feta salad as well. I was going to make the chocolate brownies until I added up the cost of the ingredients!! The mung bean curry is next on my list, but without a few key ingredients so might be interesting! I'll have a look in one of the Indian supermarkets to see if they do coconut oil any cheaper, thanks for the tip HB.

Oh, and regarding the holiday tiger is it something you won't be able to do if pg? Ie skiing or something? You'd still be able to fly at 5 months, which is the most you'd be if you're not pg now. Just book it!

rain tricky one. Am I right in thinking you're only just 33? I think given your young age I'd go for the NHS ones then spend the money going private after that if you needed to. Given the private care is supposed to be better, I'd rather have the private cycle after you've learnt everything you can from the first two nhs cycles.
So go on then, what have you decided?

Sorry to leave you in suspenders, I fell asleep in front of the football!
Thanks for your perspectives, they exactly mirror the discussion we had! At the moment our thinking is that as I am indeed only just 33 to do as Barking said and use the nhs cycles first - hopefully they work anyway but if not we should go into private knowing a lot more. Also as we'd only get one cycle in before nhs I'd be reluctant to potentially switch clinics after only 1 go (although the nhs one has above national average success rates). The way we see it is if the nhs cycles don't work we can then use our hard earned savings with the best clinic for whatever issues those cycles are able to identify.
Of course, I'll probably change my mind in two minutes....
We might go to an opening evening at the Nhs clinic anyway, just to see what it all looks like.

Is it normal to be bricking it that this is the direction we're headed now???

Haha! Do I win a prize? Totally normal to be bricking it .

That sounds very sensible to me rain particularly as you get two cycles on the nhs. It's only one round here . I'm only 33 for three more weeks it's also perfectly normal to be bricking it! Exciting to have a plan though...

Yeah the holiday is just straight forward break away, no skiing or anything too controversial (although I have instadiffer friends who have gone skiing in early pregnancy!!) I think we will go unless by some miracle I am pg this cycle. Ff really can't decide on my ov date so who knows what's going on - it's back to cd 16 today. Frankly it is telling me nothing!!

in suspenders rain? kinky stuff. Glad your FC app went well.

Sorry you're havng a rubbish time HB. hopefully a few days off in the sun will help the state of mind…

I vote book it tiger!

thanks for sending feather will let you know when it arrives x