The Elderberry Pavlovas are tooling up and making plans to bust out of this joint! Evacuation by helicopter by end of September, no berry left behind!

[barkingtreefrog]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

Hi! Just checking in to say I haven't dropped off the edge of the world or anything like that. Still not ready for IVF round 2 so just hanging about and trying not to think too much about TTC.

Would be interested to hear any more about Berries who have had experiences of elevated TSH results. Mine have always been between 3.6 and 4.6 but no medical professional has yet raised this as a concern. I really must go and moan and point out the CKS information.

Hey ladies. Checking in again after a week away. Have read through all the missed posts but am struggling to remember who said what so sorry for being so impersonal!

boodle I would definitely press them about your TSH levels, they seem a little on the high side. Mine were similar to yours. After I was put on Thyoxine, I felt so much better, it really was life changing. If you haven't already, read up on the symptoms of hypothyroidism. I was surprised at how many of them I had when I knew what to look for.

Am back at the dr tomorrow morning to see if I can start the meds for my FET.

nolly I really do appreciate your support thanks

Can I just tune into tigers endo chat. I also get really excruciating periods - last month I was bed bound for a day. Anyway my GP prescribed me mefenamic acid. It just lightens my period. Although depending how heavy it is it can stop it completely. I do find it helpful as it's the only thing that touches the pain. Ibuprofen is like taking smarties compared to this stuff.

Anyway hth xx

I'm sorry but I need to let off some steam. Have been so relaxed recently but this has flipped me to the dark side. [Sad] So, I was at a wedding 5 weeks ago with lots of close friends who were all getting stuck in to the booze. Confided in one good friend about just how down I've been about not getting pg, and despite some crap advice to 'make the most of it', I appreciated her support and we decided we would do a girls weekend away to Ibiza, which we've been trying to plan. Anyway just got a text - guess what - she's pg and so plans are off. She was doing shots 5 weeks ago ffs!!!!! She had mentioned they were trying for number two but only half heartedly so wasn't expecting it to happen any time soon. Must have been an instadiff. Grrrrrr. I want to stamp my feet and shout ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR! I have a group of friends who all have charmed privileged lives and it really is hard to swallow at times like this.

Why does this sort of thing come out when I'm feeling happy and totally catch me off guard?!

Ahh, tiger it bloody sucks. Let it get to you for a bit - I sure did - but then there comes a time when I had to let it go. There is nothing worse than a bloody smug instadiffer. Grrr. Is there anyone else you would want to do the trip with? I think you should go and take another buddy! As for your really painful periods, maybe look into Inositol. I did loads of research on it before I bought some for my pcos and it's meant to help painful periods too.

hi boodle!

Chloe, thanks for the reply. I have quite a few symptoms of hypothyroidism but whenever they test my blood I just get told they're normal. I know I need to push harder. Will go to see GP again in the summer hols.

Hi all!

Boodle nice to see you, re TSH, mine was similar to yours (need to double check it) but I think I will go back to drs. I have a lot of symptoms that match hypothyroidism too. I was checking the sense about science Q&A just in case they had responded to my TSH question but they haven't yet. You would think they would try and sort that before offering expensive treatments eh.

Tiger I'm so sorry about your mate. Like feather says give yourself some wallow time as it is totally unfair. Def find someone else to go to Ibiza with.

Funky how are you doing lovely? Thinking of you.

Barking how was the bike ride? The teddy you knitted is gorgeous.

Nolly boo to stupid and painful AF. Have they mentioned adenomyosis? It's one cause of very painful and heavy periods which I get and I only found out after a dildocam, they weren't even going to tell me.

chloe good luck for your appointment tomorrow morning!

Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend.

boodle did you see the guidelines posted by wildflower a couple of pages back? Although I couldn't see the exact reference apparently the recommendation is below 2.0 for those ttc. Could take a copy to your GP? The inconsistency around treatment of thyroid concerns is very frustrating.

Thanks feather had a good sob. It's rare for me to get really upset but I was caught out by this news. I as ever will pick myself up and move on.

Tiger that's rubbish! hope that you are feeling better after the sob.

Barking how did the bike ride go?

Chloe will keep everything crossed for your appointment tomorrow.

Radical gardening day today for me; I feel so much better for ripping things out of the ground!

Irrelevant drama queen moment alert: Aaaaaaargh, there are cockchafers everywhere! I am in hiding. One just dropped down the chimney and made a beeline for me. I hate the buggers, they make me feel all itchy. Those fuzzy little weird antennae things, and their creepy buzzy wings. Go awaaaaaaaay!

chloe welcome home! hope you get the go ahead tomorrow. Let us know how it goes.

tiger that really is a kick in the guts. If I had any holiday left I'd come with you!

boodle good to hear from you! I can only imagine how daunting the prospect of putting yourself through it all again must be. Definitely a good idea to do some pushing on that TSH level first.

barking hope you enjoyed your bike ride. Your amazing knitting prompted me to start trying to learn again - I bought a cheapo big ball of fluffy wool and am going to try making a scarf and hat. I figure if I start now I might have something to show for it by December....

kuma and funky I hope you're both alright this weekend and taking it easy.

Sorry for lack of thoroughness - that bloody beetle is trying to get back in so I need to go and hide somewhere else.

rain cockchafer???? What the hell is it?!? Too scared to google as it sounds well kinky!

HB, beaky & rain bike ride was bloody hard work and I sobbed a lot of the way round . DH kept offering to get the car and pick me up but I told him I'd failed at enough recently and I was finishing it if it killed me. Then sobbed to the end. Not my finest hour.

boodle Have you tried seeing a different GP?

tiger that stinks, not surprised how you reacted. Berry weekend in Ibiza?

rain I'd recommend the knitty gritty book, that's how I learnt. However, any pattern from ravelry plus knittinghelp.com would be fine as well (and better patterns to choose from).

Thanks barking - I've been told to look at Ravelry by someone else too. Must be good! Sorry you had a hard time today - I think there's a sort of need to physically push/punish yourself after a MC. I spent a solid day hefting logs about after mine, sobbing most of the time. It was sort of therapeutic at the time, but I was glad of a big cuddle from MrP when he got home and just letting go of it all for a bit and letting myself be 'weak' (IYSWIM). I hope you've got some box sets and other distractions planned this week, just come on here and rant when you need to. We're all here for you to lean on.

feather AKA Maybug. Maybug sounds too cutesy tho, and they are NOT cutesy. They are evil devil cockchafers.

Barking, first of all, well done on getting through the bike ride, sounds like an ordeal. Second, berry weekend in Ibiza sounds amazing. Oh, and the teddy looks great.

Boodle, good to see you back. I can imagine how hard the prospect of another IVF round must be, I haven't fully come to terms with having to go through it at all.

Tiger, I'm sorry this announcement hit you hard and to be honest, your friend didn't really do herself any favours by just dropping a text with those news. It's totally understandable that you feel upset so don't be hard on yourself for that.

Chloe, good luck tomorrow.

Crazycat, welcome. I agree with the others, see your GP.

Nolly, sorry AF turned up. Hope you have a nice glass of wine tonight.

Can I pick your brains on the thyroid issue, can a hypoactive thyroid also have negative effect on sperm? And if so, can this also be 'easily' remedied by medication? Could this mean, I can escape IVF? DP is currently thinking he's got thyroid issues - self-diagnosed so far as he's been recognising some symptoms. I hope he can get it tested quickly as this is really taking us to the brink. We've agreed to do some relationship counselling as things have got very tricky over the last months, to the point that IvF and ttc is currently no longer the priority. So, I've also been less conscientious at keeping up with the news here. Oh well, knew that my unsolicited/ irrational happiness of the last couple of weeks couldn't possibly be a sign that things were turning for the better... just the onset of madness, really.

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Cockchafer-lol!! I know them better as May bugs and yes, beware google!!
Grrr tiger to your friend! you think you have an ally and then they do a Britney- oops I did it again. I'm with everyone else with getting another buddy to Ibiza it up with you, sounds fab. If it makes u feel any better, I too would have periods of being quite level and happy then boom! Pg announcement derails it all. Rant away, think we can all relate to it.

Sorry to hear things are a bit unhappy rosie. Sometimes ttc needs to take a back seat, after all babies come from 2 people and they need to be strong. I'm sure if you take some time to strengthen then other things will make more sense. Good luck with it all .

barking bike ride sounds harsh, hope you have a calmer week.

Feel like shit at mo, loads of mouth ulcers under my tongue and really sore throat! not much hope of me saving voice at school tomorrow either. Boo.

tiger how annoying about your friend's diffedness - and I agree she's done herself no favours by texting what she must realise is sensitive news.

barking the bike ride sounds cathartic and your DH sounds like a star. Look after each other.

Rain no idea what these strange insects are and I refuse to google them if they are only going to look scary. Good luck with that!

Rosie wise words from bushy about babies coming from two people and the staff at the FC. From what I understand sperm quality can be affected by underactive thyroid. The thyroid gland can affect most of the body and its functions. The endocrine system was described to me as a series of chemical switches which turn on and off various functions in the body - so it would make sense that sperm could be affected. That may or may not solve your problem Rosie but it is surely worth getting it checked out.

bushy hope your voice holds up at school today.

Thanks for all the berry support. I have pulled myself together now. OH was being lovely, he's learnt that telling me to cheer up won't work! Poor love dreamt that I was pg last night, I forget sometimes that he really wants this too.

crazycat I was offered that I think but I was reluctant to take anything that modified my periods whilst ttc. They did say it was perfectly safe but I chose not to take it.

nolly hope you're feeling better.

chloe hope you had a lovely holiday and all goes well af your appointment.

beaky hope you're having / have had a lovely holiday! When are you back?

bushy ulcers sound like you are rundown. Make sure you take it easy if you can.

barking yeah we should all go to Ibiza! I'm unlikely to go now anyway as it took people so long to agree a date that the flights are now astronomical. Hope you're feeling better today, you did well to go on your bike ride. Step by step you will get through this.

rosie focusing on the two of you sounds like a really good plan. This ttc takes a toll on everything. I went through a horrible period of doubting everything about my life

rain hope you managed to avoid the bugs! Do you have your questions sorted for your appointment tomorrow?

lumen have been thinking of you and willing those embies on!

merk ff has changed it's mind again! Had a slight temp dip today and that has moved ov forward to cd14. Haven't experienced it changing its mind this many times before.

Sorry for typos etc, mammoth phone post whilst at work!

rosie so sorry to hear it's not easy between you and DP. Hope the counselling helps. Ttc puts so much strain on a relationship, it's difficult to make sure it makes you stronger rather than pulls you apart.
My DH has been wonderful, but I do worry. He lost patience with me yesterday on the bike ride when I was struggling and had an it's not fair, 6 weeks ago this would have been easy temper tantrum at the top of a (tiny) hill and he just said oh come on as if I was being ridiculous. I wanted to scream at him, how would he like it if he sacrificed his fitness for nothing, and now wasn't fit enough to ride with his friends unless they gave up their day and babysat him on a ride that was far too easy and a waste of time for them but a massive challenge for him?
I didn't say it, because he gave up a weekend of biking with his friends at a stag do to follow his weeping wife round a boring ride at a snail's pace. But I do feel like I need to speak to him tonight. He made a comment about work, saying I basically had a three week holiday now (my head emailed and told me to get signed off until summer so she could keep some stability at school - that's a whole other story) and I felt like shouting at him it's not a holiday, if I felt ok I'd be in work, I'd rather be in work and feel ok!.

Anyway, another petty rant from me, but it's little things like this I need to force myself to bring up and have a conversation about when I'm feeling less emotional, whilst also telling him he's been wonderful, as otherwise one more comment could make me react out of proportion as I'm not being open enough about how I am feeling. It's so hard, the balance between knowing he's hurting too, but doesn't talk to me about it, and needing to tell him where I am without leaning on him too much.

barking I think you need to open up to him and him to you. Sounds like you're both holding back from eachother so neither of you feel like you're 'leaning on the other too much." Ttc and losing a pregnancy are the hardest things ever, and really, at the end of the day, it's only the two of you that really know what you're going through as a couple, so perhaps it's time to have a really frank and open chat about how you're both feeling. It may take a few tries, but hopefully he'll let his guard down. When I had my ect last year, my oh tried to be the super-strong one who didn't let it upset him. It was only late one night when I heard him crying in the living room that it hit me that it had affected effected??) him deeply and had been trying to be strong for the both of us. Like your dh, he'd been a little snappy with me over small things too. Walls build up on both sides. It's really important for both of you to keep knocking them down.

rosie hope the counselling helps. It's a really good thing that you're both up for it and that you're going to spend some time regrouping. We were going to have some but decided to plan out wedding instead - it was really important to take the focus off ttc for a bit.

tiger glad you're feeling better. Boo to insensitive mates.

nolly sorry af turned up.

Sorry for another non-thorough post. On my phone and can only scroll back so far before I lose the will to live.

Oh, and a gentle mantra reminder: "MY TIME WILL COME."

Also, made these raspberry and frangipan tarts to welcome oh home from Glastonbury. May have to eat them all if he's much longer

Feather they look amazing.

I may need a wang please berries, I have got home this evening to find my shower running and I can't switch it off, the plumber is not answering his phone and DH is in MK on business. I have now spent the last 3 hours on the phone to my mobile phone provider complaining about lack of phone signal and it is all just too much.

I have ranted at some poor lady on the phone, at my poor DH and am now sat on my bed in tears. Think it's time I faced facts and stopped making like an ostrich..... wang me now

hb you don't need a wang - just sounds like a shit day. Can you switch the water off at the mains and call another plumber? Not sure where you live but if it's in the London or Sussex area, I know a good one I can send you details for. Otherwise, there's a plumbing helpline and they can talk you through what needs to be done over the phone - google it. Have used them in the past. Also, tears are good sometimes. Better out than in.

Not sure if you're reading this funky but I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your news. Please don't write off the IVF just yet, give yourself some time and then maybe reconsider. Like barking said, the IVF might be able to shed more light into what's going on.

barking Well done on your bike ride and don't be to hard on yourself! Each day I am more than shocked about what a coldhearted witch your head is. You've been so brave through all of this and I really commend the commitment you've shown tying ends up for the sake of the schoolkids while you're having such an awful time yourself. You'll be a great loss to the school I'm sure.

tiger Sorry re the instadiffer, it was totally out of order for her to tell you by text after you'd confided in her.

rosie Yes thyroid can be an issue for men as well so it's definitely worth getting it checked out. DH was told by the FC that he should get it looked at as his levels were a bit borderline. But then it turned out it was just a one-off as all his previous tests had been fine. Sorry you're both having a tough time at the moment. I can really relate to it, as TTC is hard even for the strongest couples.

feather So sweet of you to bake a welcome home gift. I would love one of those - since emigrating I really miss bakewell tarts (sorry, yours look much more sophisticated than bakewells!)

lumen I missed all yours news las week, but am really glad all went well. Have you got an OTD yet?

First things first - those tarts look amazing feather. Quick, eat them now before your OH gets back and then don't say anything.

HB Have a good sob and then maybe go and make yourself a nice soothing herbal tea to sip. Feather will send over the last remaining frangipani tart for you. It sounds like you've had an evening from hell. I think you need tea and sympathy rather than a wang.

barking what you have been through is a huge strain on both of you. The suggestion to try for a frank and open chat is a good one. It's not always easy to talk about these things, but then it's not at all easy to be going through them in the first place. Going through all the crap together rather than alone is the only thing that can possibly make it slightly more bearable.

Sorry for the double posting but this is going to be long... Anyway I need a bit of berry support as I feel like I'm falling apart...

Had my US today and all went well. CD24 and the dr had previously said that nothing would likely have happened by now in the cycle due to my PCOS and the fact I don't ovulate. Turns out I have a big fat follie growing which may well pop soon. Not sure if this is down to the IVF or the acu and weird Chinese herbs.

Have to go back for another US on Wed, eggs are due to be defrosted tomorrow and then transfer on Saturday.

Got back home, told DH the news and then had a huge argument which has left me crying locked in the bedroom. We were on holiday last week with the PIL (long story, not my choice). I wasn't in the best of moods due to stress with TTC and work, plus the fact that the PIL can drive me crazy. MIL has been on the phone asking if everything is OK (they don't know about the IVF largely due to unconstructive and ignorant comments from their side). I tried to explain to DH that I just find it hard being away with his parents as they are so bossy and domineering (I phrased it more tactfully than that). He denied it and said it's all my problem. I got upset and said I don't know why we're even thinking about having children.

Am such a mess now. Have to take the stupid consent form to the dr by 9am tomorrow if we want to go ahead with the FET. But at the moment I can't help thinking we shouldn't be bringing a kid into the world on the back of such a stupid argument. Even though we love each other so much I just feel so alone going through all this and that he just doesn't get how hard it is. Sorry for the self pitiful post.