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Conception

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Original poster

GETTING PREGNANT AND WHAT I NEED TO KNOW

204 replies

Jael123 · 12/06/2014 13:08

I'm 18, just recently turned 18. I'm trying for a baby with my boyfriend, we have been planning this all for the last 6 months, this really is what we want, we have a good income (we don't currently have any benefits and we plan to not rely on them)I came off my mini pill 1 week ago, I'm having heavy bleeding now, I presume this is my period.what do I need to know, what's important. I've googled and googled but I want really advice. How long do you think it will take for me to fall pregnant etc?

Anything would help, thankyou!

OP posts:
ManchesterAunt · 13/06/2014 15:36

Your criteria for being a good Mum seems mainly based on being better than the "worst" patemts, as if that makes your situation ideal. I'm sorry but that's not how it works.

You're not listening to those of us with children who are greatful for the opportunities we have had in our 20s, or those who wish they had the chances you do.

You can be a great Mum at 18. Imagine how great you will be at 28 - with your own home, security, a thriving business.

You are at risk of limiting your life

SquattingNeville · 13/06/2014 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myusernameis · 13/06/2014 15:42

I don't really understand why you've started these threads though. If you just wanted advice on how to get pregnant then why bring your age into it... twice? Why not just read some of the other threads on trying to conceive? Look things up online? Speak to a doctor? Sorry if I'm wrong but it seems like you're just trying to provoke a reaction.

Singsongmama · 13/06/2014 15:47

Seriously Jael, get a grip of yourself, you haven't had a baby so you don't know what you are talking about. How dare you claim to know better than other mums who are sharing their thoughts? (....advice that you asked for!).

If you are so arrogant at 18 years old as to think you know best about everything then go ahead and get on with it but I'd definitely NC before you come bleating onto MN asking for advice/support if it goes tits-up.

A lot of folk on this thread have given you practical, thoughtful advice and you've done nothing but reply in a self absorbed, righteous and petulant manner which is why IMO some people have started to be bitchy....you reap what you sow.

I would also love to see where you are getting your information about young parents being better than older parents....what a crock of shit. By older....do you mean not a teenager?? Also what a hypocrite you are, from the very start of this thread you have wanted to be considered as an individual regardless of your age and but now you are claiming that actually age is important...indecisive much?!?

drivenfromdistraction · 13/06/2014 15:52

I don't want to be rude, OP, really (tho' I'm another one who was twice your age before having my first DC). But can I ask what your income is, and your DP's? And what your careers are? I just wonder how 'good' an income can be at your ages. I am not sure if you really know the cost of living independently. £8k in savings doesn't go very far in setting up an entire family life.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 13/06/2014 15:55

I think the OP and her partner are on a joint income of about 55k if my calculations are correct.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/06/2014 15:59

myusernameis I suspect the multiple threads and defensiveness is because OP wants this so badly, anyone who gets in her way is called rude or condescending. Afaik they are just being realistic and brutally honest.

SquattingNeville · 13/06/2014 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hanflan · 13/06/2014 16:01

It sounds like you've already made your mind up so I won't try to change your mind. Just two main bits of advice:
1.) Conception vitamins! Folic acid at the very least.
2.) Move in with the bf BEFORE getting pregnant. You will not want to deal with that once you are!

xBlueberry88x · 13/06/2014 16:04

well they are earning more than most people I know and probably put some of the people on here to shame as well.

Singsongmama · 13/06/2014 16:05

Thanks for the sums Neville!

Thanks for the update OP, you seem a lot more reasonable when you actually answer the questions that are being put to you.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 13/06/2014 16:12

As a teen mum myself the advice I would give is to save like mad, you are on pretty good money and it would lovely if you could buy a 2 bedroom home.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 13/06/2014 16:13

I meant I was a teen mum, I'm 45 now!

Funnyfoot · 13/06/2014 16:18

The OP also has this thread going and is updating on there

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/06/2014 16:21

I would be interested to see this study Jael says 'proves' young parents are superior to,older ones in all ways.

I have no doubt that, in some ways, it is better to have your babies younger - more energy to cope with the tiredness of pregnancy and the hard, hard work of early parenthood, for example. But there are other areas in which an older person, with more experience and/or a better education will be a better parent than a younger person.

Jael - what, if any, of the advice from this thread are you going to consider?

  • moving in with your partner and settling into living together as a couple before trying for a baby.
  • looking at your employers' maternity leave policies.
  • pre-natal vitamins and folic acid for several months before trying to conceive.
  • costing the equipment you will need, and the costs of nursery care if you are going to go back to work after maternity leave.
Funnyfoot · 13/06/2014 16:23

Neville how do you know what the OP's earnings are if you don't mind me asking?

SquattingNeville · 13/06/2014 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Funnyfoot · 13/06/2014 16:44

Never thought that I thought she had PMed you as I missed that post Grin

deepbluetr · 13/06/2014 17:23

"Also I did not complete my ALevels I got half marks from that"-

so much for "good qualifications". Hmm

Singlesuzie · 13/06/2014 17:58

well they are earning more than most people I know and probably put some of the people on here to shame as well.

Pur people on here to shame how exactly? Confused

PomeralLights · 13/06/2014 17:59

Sorry to keep harping on the marriage point but I don't understand why you think your choice is baby or marriage. What's wrong with moving in together for 6 months, then planning a wedding say for 9 months time. You could set aside the savings you have now as being for the wedding and save for the baby in the year and a bit you will be waiting to get married. If you have savings now you are capable of saving more in the future, right?

Once you have a baby you are very unlikely to have the money magically appear for a wedding. Is having a baby right now as opposed to, say, 2 years time so important to you that you are prepared to never get married, or put it off for ten, twenty years time? I know waiting for something you want is horrible, but you are young enough that you don't have to worry about your fertility going downhill for another 15, 20 years. There is really is enough time to save for and do both - marriage and babies - you don't have to choose.

Original poster
Jael123 · 13/06/2014 18:05

My ALevels weren't good I admit, I'm not great with exams, hence why I went on and did my diploma, which finished in may, no exams, I got full marks or every project due to extra work etc. Also,
Some answers;

Jael - what, if any, of the advice from this thread are you going to consider?

  • moving in with your partner and settling into living together as a couple before trying for a baby. as I have said I have taken this onboard and I've been looking for places in my lunch hour, and I've rung 'your move' and they're going to take me out on Sunday with the boyfriend to look at some places in Plymouth and then the following Sunday around Exeter. Hopefully things will go on from there.

- looking at your employers' maternity leave policies. I've spoken to my boss and she said I am entitled to maternity leave but we haven't currently had an in depth conversation that's probably something I would have to sit with her in lunch etc to speak about as I assume it might be along conversation with me asking plenty of questions.

  • pre-natal vitamins and folic acid for several months before trying to conceive. I have been taking folic acid for over a year due to personal reasons, I actually have recently been to boots, and chemists recently to look at the kind of pregnancy vitamins they sell and prices and what's best etc.
  • costing the equipment you will need, and the costs of nursery care if you are going to go back to work after maternity leave. Luckily my family are very hands on with my and my boyfriend so I have a supportive family that are there if child care falls through (yes I have spoken to them about it and they are more than happy) plus I would much rather my child be in the hands of my family. I have looked at costs, a close friend of mine who was in my recent course had a year old child. Again equipment, my savings will be going towards that, I have been looking at a lot of products and I think it would be a case of buying things bit by bit each week/month across the 9 months.
OP posts:
SpandexBallet · 13/06/2014 18:14

So back to the whole giving you advice here is what I would personally advise

Stay with your respective parents for one more year. Don't have a baby yet but instead spend the next 12 months saving up the money that you don't have to spend on bills/rent etc to get yourself a deposit for a house.

That year you will learn to budget and learn how to enjoy your time more as a couple and both grow up a bit.

After that yes go for it but with your salaries after 12 months of living at home with no baby you should be able to save a fortune!! Then you can provide your baby with much more and be wiser and more experienced as well

WipsGlitter · 13/06/2014 18:14

It just seems really young. There's so many more opportunities and experiences out there that would be harder if you had a baby. You mentioned going to Paris to Uni. How would that work if your had a baby.

Who will look after the baby when you go back to work - can you afford childcare?

Being a parent is great it opens lots of doors but it closes others.

You've been very forceful about why you want to do this, what are your reasons for not waiting?

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 13/06/2014 18:19

I'd wait and save up for a deposit to buy a place. Then you could be 20 or 21with your own home and baby as opposed to 19, renting with a baby. Saving and paying rent is so hard. It's a no brainer for me.